


Let the Rain Come Down

by KellanCougar



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Discrimination, Homelessness, Homophobia, Hope, M/M, Past episode of gang rape, Prostitution, Saving the one you love, love that can move mountains
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-05 23:18:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 112,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4198818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellanCougar/pseuds/KellanCougar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rejected by the world around them, they lead lonely, isolated lives, focusing solely on basic survival. All it takes is one single act of kindness to open the door to their new tomorrow... together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/150951816@N03/35887049876/in/dateposted-public/"></a><img/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of a picture prompt competition for the Slash Writers’ Workshop.  
> Rated M for physical abuse and slash content.  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.

**Jasper’s POV**

Standing on my regular spot, I waited for the anticipated afternoon rush.

Things were a little slow, and I paced back and forth to burn off excess nervous energy. Even after all this time, I still waited with trepidation for what might drive around the corner looking for me.  

Gazing down the street, my eyes caught a tall boy in an oversized and shabby coat, rummaging in a trash can for a discarded carton that still held a few fries. Watching him, and the way he wolfed down the stale, cold fries, I could sense the desperation rolling off of him like a choking, oily cloud. Against my better judgement I tried to attract his attention, but the lad was easily spooked and ran off.

I didn’t have too much time to think about the boy as a customer pulled up shortly afterward; for the next half hour I was too busy servicing the man in his car.

Back at my spot, my mind reflected on the dishevelled lad I had seen earlier. I wondered if he was okay, and if he had somewhere safe to sleep that night. I didn’t kid myself – I knew the probability was low. Calling it a day, I made sure my money was safe in my pocket. I was fortunate that I had reasonably good looks and a lithe body that attracted regular, well paying customers. I kept myself clean in every way, using the clinic for check-ups and condoms. My place was a small room with the luxury of lights, a small heater and running cold water. I knew my life couldn’t go on forever like this, but I was caught in a loop, unable to find the escape window. Every day I would go to my spot, display my body to the passersby who used this street for no other purpose, and I did whatever they asked of me for a set fee.

I was living hand to mouth and I knew it. The money I earned each day went towards the weekly rent. With what little I could scrape together after that, I would go to the market daily and buy the reduced food about to be discarded. I ate reasonably well, depending on my day’s takings.

That night, as I lay in bed wrapped in blankets, I thought about the boy and hoped he was safe.

~o.O.o~

 

The next day I saw him again. He was closer this time and I saw the gaunt cheekbones, the haunted look in his eyes. It was the face of someone who had given up all hope of ever understanding why society had abandoned him.

I called out again, raising my hand tentatively in greeting. He looked at me and then all around to be sure. I beckoned him over and watched as he approached warily, apprehensive of the stranger calling to him. I understood that innate suspicion – life on the streets did nothing for a person’s trust. When he was within earshot, I called out to him.

“Are you hungry? If you meet me here in an hour, it’s when I go to the market. We can get some food.”

He looked nervous, but the promise of food appeared to switch on a light in his eyes that he couldn’t disguise. The boy’s voice was rough, as if he hadn’t used it in a while.

“You’re not some weirdo, are you?” His eyes were constantly on the move, darting along the sidewalk to see if anyone else was around.

I held up my hands in a peace gesture.

“I’m no weirdo, just concerned. I’ve seen you around and wanted to help. It’s no bother if you aren’t interested. Just asking, that’s all.”

I watched him hesitate, seeing the internal war going on between his hunger and sense of self preservation.

“What would I have to do in exchange? I couldn’t do what you do.”

I shook my head.

“I do what I have to do to survive. I have a room near here, it pays for that. What about you? Where do you stay?”

He shrugged narrow shoulders swamped by a too-big coat.

“I was sleeping in an alley, not too far from here. Not many people use it so it’s okay; I mostly got left alone.”

“Mostly?”

His eyes widened at a memory he clearly didn’t wish to relive.

“It was only once, and they didn’t come back.”

“What? Who?”

But he wouldn’t be drawn any further. The jittery, flighty stance he had adopted worried me. It started to rain, the sky darkening ominously. I reached behind a low wall and retrieved my coat, shrugging it on gratefully. It was getting too cold to be out here in just a thin shirt, but I got better customers if my body was displayed. Customers didn’t care if I was shivering, as long as I looked enthusiastic. I had learned early on that my comfort and warmth didn’t attract trade.

“I won’t get any more business in this rain. Come on, let’s go get warm. Then we can go to the market. You have to time it right to get the max amount of food for your dollar.”

I looked at him closely.

“When did you last eat? More than a few fries, I mean.” He swallowed.

“A few days ago; someone threw away nearly a whole burger in the trash. I fished it out.”

I felt for him. I’d been there and I knew his stomach was gnawing at him; he was most likely dizzy and dehydrated too. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a battered apple and some water in a plastic bottle. Holding them out to him with a nod, he approached me like a skittish horse, fearful of trickery. When he saw I wasn’t going anywhere, he took them and ate the apple in five bites, chasing it down with the water.

“Better?”

He nodded.

“Come on. We can get you a drink then we can eat.”

I fastened my coat against the fat raindrops and headed back to the small room I called home.

When I looked back, he was following me.

~o.O.o~

He took in the room, my bed, chair and tiny bath where I washed my clothes as well as myself. It was clean and tidy, not a difficult feat as I had no real belongings as such other than a few clothes and a couple of pans and plates. The room had a single hotplate that served both as cooker and somewhere to boil water for washing and bathing.

“Sit yourself down.” I indicated the bed and the small chair in the corner. “It’s not much, but its home.” I noticed his hands were clenching, probably from the cold. “There is a small electric fire, but it’s expensive to use; I mostly just wrap up in layers and blankets when it’s cold. I need all my spare money to eat. Heating is a luxury.”

He nodded mutely. I fetched him some water and he drank it straight down. I wondered if he’d been drinking river water as it would have most likely made him sick. I’d drunk out of hosepipes and supped rainwater out of trash can lids in my time – whatever it took. Sitting down across from him, I could see he was a major flight risk and kept my distance.

“I’m Jasper, by the way. Although to my customers I’m just Blondie. What’s your name?”

I saw his jaw tighten and his hand clench on the mug he still held, his nails whitening.

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay. I could give you a new name if you’d like. Hmmm, you look like a Red to me, especially with that hair.”

His voice was nervous, but firm in his conviction.

“Edward. My name is Edward.”

“Pleased to meet you, Edward; are you warm enough? I have blankets and fresh clothes if you need them. We’re about the same size, I think.”

He shook his head firmly, and I didn’t press the issue. I would have to hope that he would ask if he needed anything. Now that my business was over for the day, I shrugged off my coat and added a thick sweater before replacing the jacket. Now I could be warm, my body hidden away from greedy eyes. Not sure what else to do with the fidgety boy in front of me, I made a decision. I reached under the mattress and retrieved the few dollars I had stashed there, adding them to the day’s takings.

“We should go and get some food. I’ve borrowed a little extra from the rent money, but I’ve got a couple more days before it’s due so that’s okay. You hungry?”

Knowing the answer, I headed for the door, a twitchy Edward following me. I took the familiar route to the market on my daily pilgrimage to find cheap food to fill my aching belly. I mostly ate just once a day as takings weren’t enough for me to be frivolous with money. The apple I had given Edward had been a snack I’d planned to eat on the way to help curb my appetite when choosing my meal. The hungrier I was, the more I wanted to buy, not ideal when the few dollars in my pocket had to last. If the bad weather set in, I might not eat for a couple of days or more, surviving only on tap water.

I had a system. A couple of the sellers saved me bruised fruit to buy for a few cents and so I always went there first – that way I at least had something fresh. My cooking facilities weren’t great and so I could only make soups and stews in a pan, heat up tinned food, or fry stuff. No way could I make a balanced meal easily on my hot plate. I checked in with Tony first and collected some more damaged apples along with some wilted leafy vegetables and carrots, all on their last legs. I was hopeful that I might find some cheap meat, maybe a little chicken, but no luck. Then I spotted a small bag of off-cuts on the butcher counter, barely enough for a cat much less two grown guys, but I grabbed it as if it were gold. It would do for tonight. Edward watched me curiously, keeping his distance, but not too far away. The last item on my shopping list for tonight was bread, and I found a bashed up loaf that looked like it had been stepped on. Most might refuse it, but it was in a sealed bag and so I wasn’t about to complain. Holding my haul, I turned to Edward.

“Looks like we’ll eat well tonight. Come on – let’s go back and get cooking.”

The smallest smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. I realised in that moment that, given the chance, he’d have probably eaten most of it raw where he stood. He barely spoke on the way back, but his step was a little lighter as if the promise of food was all that propelled him forward.

Opening the door, he followed me in and I elbowed the door shut behind us, dumping the bags on the floor. Taking my only sharp knife, I prepared the vegetables while the water boiled. I had planned to make a stew, but Edward looked close to fainting if he didn’t eat soon. I opted instead to boil the vegetables and pan fry the meat; it would be a little tough, but would be ready much quicker. I wondered what he would do once he had eaten... it was a little like inviting in a stray cat. If you did, it tended to bolt straight after eating, but turn up again at mealtimes every day after that. He looked like he needed a good bath, and I decided to ask if he wanted to stay the night so I could wash his clothes for him. They would dry over the heater.

The food smelled good and I swore I could see Edward salivating at the aroma. I wondered why I felt so protective over him. He would probably eat my food and go, leaving nothing but an empty plate and a warm spot on the chair. I smiled. That cat analogy was starting to look very true.

Serving the food haphazardly onto my chipped plates, I knew I’d never be a cordon bleu chef but it was good and nutritious. I thought for a moment that he might eat with his hands, but I handed him the fork and he took it, poised to dig in before looking at me with wide eyes.

“Thank you, Jasper. No one’s been this kind to me in forever.”

I felt small. It was just a plate of past its best vegetables and meat scraps, but he was eating it like it came from a five star restaurant. He actually moaned as he ate, and when our eyes met he looked embarrassed.

“I’m sorry; it’s just that hot food tastes so good after dumpster fare.”

I took that as a compliment. It wasn’t my finest work but it was okay, and my stomach felt far better filled. Taking his empty plate, I offered him an apple and the rinsed knife to cut away any bruised parts. He shook his head, and I raised my eyebrows.

“I won’t eat all your food. You’ve been generous enough.”

He was so polite; I was amazed that street life hadn’t pounded that out of him. Putting some more water on to boil, I asked him the bigger question.

“Edward, if I boil some more water, would you like a bath? I can put the heater on for a bit so it’s not too cold to get undressed.” 

He looked nervous, embarrassed and mortified all at once. I backtracked hastily.

“It’s okay if not. I just thought it would be nicer than the river, if that’s where you’ve been washing.”

He reddened, and I realised I’d guessed right.

“There’s nowhere to go, and I can’t wash properly as people would see. I go for a swim and that has to do.”

The memory of doing the exact same thing made me remember how cold that water was. He must have been chilled to the bone.

“So, if I boil the water, do you want one? It takes a while to boil enough and it won’t be that deep, but it’ll do the job and won’t give you hypothermia.”

He nodded once and I set to washing out the large pan from supper to reuse.

I had rigged up a makeshift curtain for bathing, and when there was enough warm water in the bath I slid the curtain around and motioned to Edward to go behind it, pointing to the razor, toothpaste, bar of soap and cheap, unbranded shampoo. He looked at me then, his eyes so pathetically grateful that I felt unaccustomed tears prickle, quickly moving away to give him some privacy. I heard clothes being unfastened, the thump of his coat and boots, the jangle of a belt buckle followed by the soft splash as he sat down and started to wash.

When he spoke, he surprised me.

“How did you end up here, Jasper? Working the streets I mean? I’m sorry if I’m being rude, you don’t have to explain.”

He seemed braver when out of sight, obviously used to hiding from the world. I felt my heart go out to him.

“When my family threw me out at 17, I had nothing. I slept rough like you, eating trash and bathing in the river. Then one day as I was wandering aimlessly, just looking for something worth eating, this guy pulled up next to me and basically straight out offered me ten bucks if I blew him. I don’t know how he knew because I still looked reasonably tidy, wore decent shoes, and had some semblance of a hairstyle.”

I ran my hands through my hair ruefully. It was getting long again – I’d have to cut it. I carried on.

“Maybe he could spot desperation, maybe he just liked young guys and thought he’d chance his arm. Either way, I was starving and did as he asked. I was terrified he’d kill me, or at least drive off without paying, but as he handed me the cash he asked if he could use me again. I remember those words: ‘use me’. I said yeah, I’m always around here, and he nodded and drove off. It was then I decided I would use _them_ instead, and make what I could out of the situation. It’s been two and a half years now.”

Edward was quiet for a while; just when I was worried he’d fallen asleep, he finally spoke, the words uttered so quietly, yet powerful enough to shatter my heart.

“The guys in the alley used me too. All of them, one at a time to begin with, but two together at the end.” I heard him breathe in sharply as if the words cut his lungs. “It hurt so bad, and I was in pain for days. I-I had to stuff my underwear with paper to stop the blood soaking into my jeans.”

My throat ached as I tried to imagine this sweet, innocent boy dealing with such trauma all alone.

“They _gang raped_ you? Oh my god, Edward, did anyone see? Did anyone come to help?”

His laugh was sharp as broken glass and tore at my soul.

“No-one cares when you’re down and out, do they? Probably thought I deserved it. I went to the free clinic, nearly ran away too, but the doc there fixed me up and I stayed there for a couple of days. They didn’t say anything, but I know they thought I was a hustler who just went with the wrong john. No one called the police, and I had no proof. Who was going to believe me? That’s when I stopped sleeping in the alley.”

“When was this?” My voice came from far away.

“Few weeks ago; I lost track. I’m all healed up now at least.” He went quiet again. “So would I be any good? Doing what you do, I mean? I could learn, and it would get me some money so I could repay you for your kindness.”

I dry heaved involuntarily. Edward on the streets as a hustler? I’d die before I let that happen to him too. We didn’t both need to live this life.

“No, Edward, no; I don’t need to be repaid and certainly not in a way that could cause you serious emotional damage. Just... don’t even think of it. Promise me.”

He went silent, and so I carried on.

“What happened to bring you here? Why aren’t you at home studying to be something important?”

I heard him stand up and step out of the tub, scrubbing himself down with the rough towel. He reappeared, holding his clothes against him for protection, the towel around his waist, his hair damp and crazy looking. His eyes were downcast, his posture hunched and awkward.

“Long story. Short version: years of foster care. At 18, I left my last home and the system. I just dropped out of the world around me. “He shrugged self-consciously. “And here I am.”

I gathered some fresh clothes for him and handed him a warm blanket.

“Put these on. Will you stay here tonight? I’d be happy to rinse those through for you if you’ll let me. They’ll be dry for the morning.”

“Uhmm...” I heard his hesitation, the click of his throat, not wanting any kind of charity but being in no position to refuse. Laundromats cost money he didn’t have, plus he had no change of clothes to wear. My voice bordered on cajoling.

“It’s okay, Edward. I’ve been where you are. I want to do this for you.”

He nodded in silence and retreated behind the curtain to dress. I put more water on to boil. When he reappeared he looked completely different wearing my blue sweater, faded jeans and thick socks. He also looked much warmer. His hands raked through his hair repeatedly to tame it before wrapping the multi coloured blanket around his shoulders, enveloping his thin frame in the thick wool. I nodded to the bed.

“If you lie down for a while you’ll conserve the heat from the bath. Plus you’ll be comfortable; the bed’s not too bad.” I smiled.

“What about you?”

“It’s early and I’ve got laundry to do. But, if it’s okay with you, I’ll share the bed. There’s enough room and, to be honest, there’s nowhere else to sleep except the floor, and it’s too cold for that.”

I watched his reaction. He seemed a little worried. Sitting down on the mattress, he raised his eyes to me.

“Jasper, I have nightmares. I might kick or punch you in my sleep. I-I... don’t want to do that.” His voice was a scratchy whisper.

I sat down on the mattress next to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder; for a second he cowered away from me. I removed my hand.

“Wrap yourself up in your blanket, and get under the covers to keep warm. I’ll take my chances. Relax, try to sleep, okay? You’re safe here. I swear to you.”

He nodded and did as I asked, scooting over to the far side of the bed, assuming a tight, foetal position.

_Edward, I won’t hurt you._

Leaving him to rest, I started the laundry, the scent of detergent rinsing away the smell of the streets from his clothing. I had to boil more water to get his jeans anywhere near clean and, once done, I hung everything up over the heater to dry. It was still early but the sun had set, and the rain looked like it was here to stay. I sighed. Takings were going to be down tomorrow if this continued and, with the possibility of having two mouths to feed for a while, I could use the cash. Laundry finished, I stayed close to the heater for an hour or more, a blanket around my shoulders, listening to Edward’s breathing.

What alerted me first were the whimpers; quiet snuffles and noises came from his sleeping form that made me move closer to check he was alright. I knew better than to wake someone from a nightmare as the shock could make them react as if the event were real. My chances of making money would be low to zero if I had a black eye, but at the same time I didn’t want him to feel so alone and scared. Then the noises turned to words, pleading sobs for mercy, and my mind was made up.

Flipping off the heater, I walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, wanting to alert him to my presence. When I saw the tears running down his face, I reached over and stroked his hair, trying to calm him in a non-threatening way. His legs started to thrash and I carried on stroking, feeling the fight gradually leave him as he succumbed to the rhythmic soothing movements. When he stopped fighting the assailants in his head, I lifted the covers and slid under, fully clothed. My fingers continued to play with his hair as his body stilled and relaxed in slumber. I shushed him like a child, running my fingers up and down the back of his neck until his breathing deepened and evened out.

I didn’t sleep for the longest time.

~o.O.o~

I woke early, the sky barely lightened through the heavy rain drumming on the windows. I pulled the blankets tighter around me, glancing over at Edward who had turned over in his sleep. He was hunched into a ball under the covers like a child trying to hide from the monsters under the bed. His features were partially covered by the blanket, but I could see the crease in his forehead and guessed he wasn’t sleeping easy, even without the nightmares.

As he rose from deep sleep, he started to mumble again, the words quickly becoming frantic:

“No, no, no... Please stop... please don’t... No... _No!_ ”

His hand lashed out to defend himself and caught my chest, knocking the wind out of me. The impact woke Edward with a cry, and he bolted upright in terror, thinking his attackers were in the room.

“Edward! _Edward!_ It’s okay! You’re safe! You’re with Jasper – remember?”

His eyes were wild, and I was willing to bet his heart was hammering fit to burst as the fight or flight impulse burned through his system. His eyes finally focused on me and he visibly relaxed a little, trying to speak.

“Jasper? I-I’m so sorry, I tried to warn you. I can’t help it, the dreams just keep coming ba-“

His words were cut off by an ugly sob as tears escaped and spilled down his cheeks. Against my better judgement, I reached for him. He didn’t fight me, and I folded him into my arms, rocking him gently as I would a small child. After a few moments his arms found their way around my waist and held me close. As his cries gradually subsided he stayed wrapped around me, and together we fell asleep, each finding comfort and protection in the unfamiliar intimacy.

~o.O.o~

 

When we woke a couple of hours later, my head was on the pillow with Edward’s face pressed into my chest, my fingers in his hair. I felt him stir, breathe in sharply, and lift his head to look at me.  My voice was sleep roughened.

“Morning. Did you sleep? I hope I don’t snore; no one’s been around in years to tell me if I do.”

I was surprised to see a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth.

“Not that I noticed, no. I’m so sorry about last night.”

I was afraid he would shut down again, just when we were getting somewhere.

“Edward, have you had those nightmares ever since the attack?”

His face crumpled, and I knew I had poked at an open wound. Sitting up, I saw him withdraw into himself again for self-preservation. My hand stroked his back and just for a second he flinched. Undeterred, I sat up and pulled him gently to me, rubbing his back in circular motions. After a few moments he leant against me and I whispered into his hair.

“Have you been back to the alley where it happened? Faced it again? I don’t know if it’ll help, but it might give you some closure to what happened.” He stiffened in my arms. “Edward, I’ll go with you if you want to do that. It’s not healthy to relive it every night.”

He looked toward the small, dingy window.

“It’s still raining. How will you work today? You’ll be soaked through in seconds.”

I sighed.

“I can’t work in this weather, and believe me, I’ve tried. I was afraid it wouldn’t pass overnight. It’s a good thing we have some bread and fruit left to eat today; we won’t be able to go to the market til I can get some more money together.”

His voice was small and guilty.

“I’m sorry I ate so much. It would have lasted you another day if I weren’t here.”

I squeezed my arms around him.

“I invited you, remember? Don’t be saying stuff like that - we have food for today. If I can work later maybe, then we can get something extra for supper tonight. Sometimes I get lucky and find some dented cans of soup or beans; otherwise it’s just vegetables and a bit of meat like last night. I’m not a great cook, I just make do.”

“What do you do when you can’t work?” He twisted his head around to look at me.

“I have a couple of books I like to read; I just stay in bed in the warm and wait for the weather to change. My life is on hold if I can’t work; plus there’s always the worry of not making rent. I’d try elsewhere, but I have regulars now; I’m safe with them and they’re respectful in their own way, and they always pay of course. Any extra money I make comes from passing trade.”

He looked genuinely worried, his voice holding an edge of panic.

“But isn’t that dangerous? They could do anything to you...”

I could see where his thoughts were going, and I tried to calm him.

“I can take care of myself, Edward. I’ve learned how to deal with the bad ones. I’d rather get away with no money but my face intact. I’d be worthless if I got bashed up.”

“You could never be worthless, Jasper. You have a wonderful soul, so caring and compassionate.” I smiled humourlessly.

“Customers don’t pay for my soul, Edward; they just want my body for a short time to fulfil their urges. I do what they want and hopefully leave with my money.”

He fell silent for a minute or two, just staring at the blanket over our legs as if in a trance.

“Edward... hey, where’d you go?” I stroked his back to bring him back into the room.

He squeezed his eyes tight shut before looking at me again.

“Could I stay here til it stops raining? I’m so tired of always wearing damp jeans and a wet coat. I so rarely get a chance to get dry and warm.” He looked at me, but before I could answer, he continued as if I had.

“Of course, if my clothes are dry then I should really get going anyway. I need to find a dry place to sleep tonight, and if I wait then all the best places will be taken.”

He made to get out of bed but I refused to let him go. He looked confused, and I shook my head.

“I don’t know what you heard there, but I didn’t actually answer. You’ll stay here today; no way am I letting you go out there to get soaked again. In fact, unless the rain stops, I don’t see any point in moving from this bed, do you? It’s warm here, and we have some food to eat. In fact, I’ll make us both a drink and bring it back to bed.”

I tilted my head, daring him to defy me. When he saw I was serious, he asked where the bathroom was and disappeared to answer the call of nature. In less than two minutes he was back, shivering from the cold hallway outside my room. Climbing back into bed, he huddled under the covers and watched me make two cups of weak, black coffee that I carried back to bed.

Edward dozed without incident for the next couple of hours, staying snuggled up to me the whole time as I were his lifeline. I felt incredibly protective of this boy who had appeared in my life so suddenly. I knew that, if I allowed myself, I could easily develop real feelings for him. I also knew that that wasn’t an option. I’d known I was gay from an early age; it made the things I did for my customers that little bit easier, although not remotely enjoyable. I had no idea about Edward and his orientation, but I did know that, after his horrifying ordeal, he might never be able to be physically intimate with anyone.

I had had one relationship before I fell into this life; one brief summer romance with my friend Peter. But his family had moved away and I was alone after that. I told myself that love was for idiots, it made you vulnerable and weak and I couldn’t afford to be either if I wanted to survive. Meeting Edward made me see that I wanted to wrap my arms around him and push the world away so it couldn’t hurt him anymore. It was an unfamiliar, but not entirely unwelcome, feeling. I allowed myself to nuzzle his hair as I held him, one brief moment of ‘what if’ before pulling away and resuming my stroking of his hair.

~o.O.o~

Weak sunshine shone through my window, heralding the end of the rain. It would be cold and damp out, but I might be able to make enough to cover the few bucks I had borrowed for the rent and buy us something for supper. My stomach was starting to complain, and I suspected Edward would be hungry too when he woke. I debated on whether to eat the fruit or the bread; the bread would be dry without some kind of filling. My mind mentally wandered down the corridor marked ‘dairy’ before once again rejecting the idea. I had no facilities here for fresh produce; of course, it was so damn cold at the moment that milk or cheese would probably be okay for a couple of days. I remembered trying to store some outside the window once, but someone stole it. I didn’t make that mistake again.

Looking at my watch, I saw that I still had a couple of working hours if I went out to my spot. I wished I didn’t have to wake him; he looked so peaceful after his rough night, his face smooth and relaxed at last, the weight on his thin shoulders lifted for a brief while.

“Edward?” I spoke quietly into his hair, the backs of my fingers stroking his cheek. “I have to go. The rain stopped.”

He stirred and rubbed his eyes.

“Should I go?”

“No, you can stay here. I’ll be a couple of hours, tops. I’m hoping there’s time for me to make enough to cover the borrowed rent. I’ll be back soon, okay? If you get hungry, help yourself to an apple. There’s a little coffee left too.”

He nodded apprehensively. It hit me that he didn’t want to be left alone.

“If I make some cash, we’ll go to the market and get you some food to put a little flesh on these bones. Don’t worry; I’ll be back before you know it.”

As I went to climb out of bed, he looked up at me.

“Thank you, Jasper.” Those words were so sincere that, without thinking, I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead before heading off to the bathroom and then out to the street.

Time for Blondie to get to work.

Luck was on my side. A regular was looking for me, and I delivered his regular blowjob with more feigned enthusiasm than I usually managed. He was a decent guy and paid me my ten bucks with no hesitation. The next guy to appear was an unknown, and as always I exercised caution as I approached him, ready to run if I needed to. He argued over the price, and wanted to go without a condom which I staunchly refused. The clinic provided me with plenty and I always used them. Getting sick would hardly help my cause. In the end I had to accept less than my usual fee and get butt fucked none too gently in return. Keeping my face neutral as I pulled up my jeans, I took his measly payment, thinking of Edward and putting some food in our stomachs tonight. After the guy drove off, I allowed myself to wince in discomfort as I tried to sit down on the wall. I hoped the next guy was gentler or I wasn’t going to be much use out here for a day or so.

This was no life. I was cold, sore, and hungry.

An hour later, after two more blowjobs and one quick hand job that procured me a whole 5 bucks, I had 60 bucks in my hand and called it a day. It was enough, and I was keen to get back to Edward to check he was okay.

Opening the door, I saw him jump to his feet, wearing his now dry clothes.

“Ready to go?” I showed him the money before I stashed the rent portion back under the mattress.

He nodded, his eyes lighting up until he saw my discomfort. His face fell immediately.

“You got hurt? Just to get more food for us? Jasper, you should have let me come with you – I might have been able to help somehow.”

I shook my head vehemently.

“I do what I have to out of necessity. I don’t want you ending up like me; it isn’t living, it’s surviving, nothing more.”

At that moment, I felt the hopelessness of my existence more acutely than I had in a long time. Edward deserved more than ending up a two-bit hustler like me, giving it up to strangers for a few bucks. My mistakes didn’t have to be his too. He stepped forward and hugged me awkwardly, his arms around my neck, and I leaned into him for a moment, relishing true affection that made no demands. Pulling back, he looked me in the eye.

“I thought about what you said, and I want to go back... to th-the alley... and see if it helps. It might make it worse, but I want to try.”

His eyes displayed his naked fear as bright as day, and I wondered if he wanted some support. I didn’t want to force myself on him if he wanted to be alone, but I worried about him having a panicked episode all alone in that place. Before I could say anything however, he answered my question.

“Come with me? Please? I don’t know if I can do it alone.” His voice was dry and cracked, and I ached for him.

“Let’s go then.” I held out my hand and he took it shyly.

Together we made our way across town to the scene of his own personal hell. I knew the alley he had spoken of; as we approached, I felt him slow as if his feet grew heavier with each step closer.

“We don’t have to do this,” I murmured.

He stopped as we turned a corner, the alley ahead. His breathing was coming in short gasps, a panic attack bubbling just beneath the surface. I squeezed his hand and we stepped forward into the gloom, the only light coming from a streetlight at the far end casting a sickly yellow glow into the darkness. Edward was shaking now, his hand clammy. I refused to let go, and he edged us towards the spot where it happened. He suddenly turned away, his jaw clenched, scrunching his eyes shut and shaking his head to try and dispel the voices, sounds and smells of that night; he was reliving it yet again, but this time he was wide awake.

“They can’t hurt you anymore, Edward. I won’t let them.”

He was trembling, and on turning him to face me I saw he was crying, his eyes wide in terror as the memory washed over him. I hugged him tight, whispering in his ear.

“Tell me. Let the poison out once and for all and you’ll be free.”

Holding his shuddering form against me, I listened as he lost himself to fear, his voice like that of a child.

“They surrounded me. One punched me in the face to keep me quiet, he said. I was pulled to my feet and pinned to that wall....” His tears soaked my neck but I ignored them, stroking his hair soothingly as he spoke in hitching sobs.

 “They pulled off my belt and jeans, and bent me over. I fought back but I couldn’t stop them so I screamed for help, but no one came. They just laughed at me.  And then... and then...”

He collapsed to the cold concrete, hugging his knees and sobbing uncontrollably. I dropped to the ground and gathered him to me, letting him weep as he expurgated the whole horrific experience from his soul. It was getting cold; I remembered sleeping here and how bitterly cold it got when the north wind howled down the length of the alley. It was dry, that was all you could say about this place. Edward’s face was in my neck as I rocked him, his cries lessening, emotionally spent.

“Let’s go, hmm? Let’s leave this place – it’s in the past now. You never have to come back here.”

He spoke into my neck.

“It’s hard to find dry places though. If the weather’s bad enough, I’ll end up here again eventually.” His voice was desolate. My mind was already decided.

“No, you won’t. You’re stuck with me now, if you want to be, that is.”

He looked up at me then, his face swollen and reddened with tears, wide eyes reflected in the deathly pallid light from the street beyond.

“I can stay with you? But we won’t have enough money and I won’t keep eating your food. It isn’t right - I need to work too.”

He was right, we would struggle, but we’d get by somehow. We had to. No way was I leaving him alone again.

“Is that a yes?”

He nodded awkwardly, his voice muffled.

“I had a job once. But when I became homeless they wouldn’t keep me on. Maybe I can find something at the market? I could ask. At least if they ask, I have an address now.”

I kissed his hair and smiled.

“I think that’s a great idea.”

Then he took my breath away, touching his soft lips to mine in a sweet, innocent kiss; the scene of his greatest terror cleansed by a moment of pure joy.

~o.O.o~

The atmosphere was light as we made our way to the market to buy supper. Tony commented on how happy we looked as I paid for my limp vegetables and overripe peaches. Edward decided there was no time like the present, and went to ask the traders if they knew of any work. With his hair washed and his clothes cleaned, he looked like any other hopeful young man looking for work, and I prayed he wasn’t about to be disillusioned. I carried on, buying some chicken and a small wedge of cheese to go with the bread.

When I was done, Edward was back at my side, a happy grin on his face.

“I got something! It’s only an hour a night, sweeping up after closing, but it’s a start! At least now I can give you a few dollars for food.”

His face glowed, and my heart swelled. Throwing an arm around him, I pulled him in tight for a moment, whispering in his ear:

“So proud of you.”

His face lit up, and I marvelled at how much my life had changed in a single day.

After supper I boiled water until the bath was half full. Shucking off my clothes, I climbed in, hissing softly as my sore backside came into contact with the warm water.

“Jasper?  Are you okay?” He sounded worried and I called to him through the curtain.

“Rough day, that’s all. I sure hope tomorrow’s a little easier or I won’t be able to sit comfortably for a few days.”

“Can I come in?” I smiled at his tentative request.

“Sure.”  I had long ago stopped being self-conscious about my body. I had to share it often enough.

He shuffled around the curtain, and I looked up.

“Want to join me? It’s warm in here.”

He looked distressed, and I was hit with the abrupt realisation that no one had ever seen him naked, aside from his attackers.

“Forget I said that. I don’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable with me.”

Breathing in sharply, he met my gaze with a blush.

“I feel safe with you, Jasper. Could you...?”

I looked away as he peeled off his jeans, hearing both the denim and his sweater hit the floor. He hesitated before sliding off his underwear and stepping into the water with me. The bath was tiny, and in order to fit we had to be virtually wrapped around each other. It was heaven to me. I cupped my hands and ran warm water over his shoulders and back, before soaping my hands and washing him everywhere I could reach. He giggled as I washed under his arms and behind his ears like a mother would. Leaning forward, he kissed me again, making my heart pound, before wetting my hair and reaching for the shampoo. My eyes slipped closed when he began to massage my scalp, little moans of pleasure slipping from me as his fingers weaved a magic spell.

Reaching under the tub, I felt for the cup I used to rinse off the soap, handing it to him.

“Lean back...”

Warm water cascaded over my head and down my back, cup after cup until I was relaxed to the point of sleepiness, all soap residues gone. Gently squeezing out the water from my locks, his thumbs massaged my temples and I groaned helplessly, my body loose and languid under his loving attentions.

His voice was soft and sincere.

“We’re going to be okay, Jasper, I can feel it. Together we can take on the world. I don’t want you getting hurt anymore by assholes who think that, just because they pay you, they can treat you however they want. You deserve so much more. This is only the beginning for us.”

My arms tightened around him in gratitude. And here I was thinking _I_ had rescued _him_.

For the first time in my life I felt a real sense of hope.

Maybe, just maybe, we _could_ carve out a better life.

Together.

~o.O.o~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was, I admit, an unexpected sequel to the original one shot, but when Edward starting panicking in my head, I had to stop and listen to him. There will be more to follow. At this point I don’t know how many chapters, but I decided to split what I had already and get the first part posted for you all.  
> Beta’d by mxpi1970  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.

**Chapter 2**

**Edward’s POV**

“Jasper? Jasper, no; you’re not well.”

I reached for his hand, trying stop him from pulling on his thin work shirt. He shrugged my hand away to fasten his jeans.

“I have to, Edward. The rent is due and we’re short.” He sounded winded, his actions costing him effort. “Do you have work today?”

 “Sure, later, only my regular hour though I think. No one needs me today so I’m just sweeping up tonight.”

The occasional extra income from me helping out other market vendors meant we could buy a tiny bit more food, but then we risked not making rent. We walked a knife edge between having a roof over our heads and keeping ourselves fed, but it relied on us both earning. With Jasper sick I wanted to do more, to keep him in bed in the warm to recover from what sounded like the start of the flu.

He finished dressing, and I saw that he was shivering. The room was cold like always, but it was frosty outdoors and I hated him standing out there with a temperature and only a shirt so thin you could count his ribs through it, offering no warmth or protection from the weather.

I tried again.

“I know we’re short this week – I’ll come up with something. I’ll ask around; we still have two days. Please – stay inside today.”

I had no idea how I was going to raise the money, but seeing him going out there to do whatever the men wanted of him made me hate them and the way they abused him for a few measly bucks. If I could find a way, any way of getting him off the streets then I would do it. I watched him pull on his old jacket, watched him snuggle into it enjoying it for a few brief moments before he had to stash it behind the wall. As he always did, he turned to hug me before he went out to the road. His hands were like ice and I pulled him in tight to me, trying to share my body heat with him. I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in for that last moment before I had to let him go. There was just time for one sweet kiss to warm his cold lips before he turned and headed for the door.

Blondie was on the clock. 

~o.O.o~

Washing was a fast, efficient business. The bathroom housed a toilet and a single sink with cold running water; it was an icebox in the winter. The landlord didn’t bother to heat it and we never asked him to – the likely outcome would be an increase in rent which would see us living on the street. We paid him, we kept quiet about the state of the place, and everything rolled on day after day.  I wondered how long it would take him to increase it anyway because there were two of us living there now; I had no idea how we could cope. I worried more and more about Jasper. He’d told me in bed a few nights back that he had had offers of more money to go without a condom and he had refused, but what if that meant the difference between a home and the alley?

The thought of going back there was bad enough.

The thought of losing Jasper was terrifying.

~o.O.o~

Determined to prove I could do more, I walked to the market and headed up past Mike’s hotdog and burger trailer. Mike was setting up, the familiar smell of sizzling beef filling the immediate vicinity. He saw me and nodded in greeting.

“Hey, Edward! Jess has a pre-natal check-up today.”

He looked both nervous and excited. I grinned.

“Not long now!”

His eyebrows rose so high they all but disappeared into his hair and he began chopping onions with considerable zeal. The father-to-be was getting anxious now the day was drawing close.

“Don’t remind me! There’s still so much to do before the baby comes.”

“Let me know how it goes!”

He carried on with his prep, and I waved before heading off to see Tyler on the fruit and vegetable stand. He also owned the whole foods stand next door, run by his wife, Lauren. Jasper and I ate well – at least our food was fresh – but I knew that we didn’t eat enough. I needed to know what food to buy to help him get well and to build his immune system. I had no real idea of nutrition. After all, living out of trash cans didn’t give you the most rounded diet. I knew Jas gave me more food – he wanted to make me strong and well, but at what cost? He worked and needed his strength too.  I hated what he did – I knew he did too – but as a source of income for rent he couldn’t afford to stop. That didn’t stop me worrying though. I worried that he might get sick and not be able to recover. Who knew what lay ahead for us, either of us? The risks for Jas were greater, and I wanted him free of that life. Free from the abuse he tolerated at the hands of paying strangers in order for us to survive. More than anything I wanted to make money. I wanted to support us, to free us from this life that held us in its iron manacles.

My only steady income was my nightly sweep up gig after closing, but I had gotten to know the other stallholders and they trusted me. After I’d been there a few weeks, I had been called over by Paul, one of the flower vendors, and been asked if I would cover him for a few minutes while he went off to take a phone call. I was waiting to start cleaning up and so it was no problem for me to stand cover for him, but the fact that he trusted me made me feel 10 feet tall. I even made a sale before he returned: nothing major, just a bunch of sunflowers, but Paul was pleased. After that, I would spend most of the day in the market, helping anyone who needed it. A couple of dollars extra from helping out made a world of difference to our budget. When I started covering for an hour at a time, the money went towards any rent shortage we encountered in bad weather, and paid for extra non-perishable food. Each evening Jas would come find me, and together we would buy our meal for that night. We still bought the cheapest we could, there was no money to waste and no food could be thrown away. We ate everything we had.

I grew uneasy that evening when the market was set to close and he didn’t appear. With no phone or means to contact him, I made stops at each stall to gather essentials for supper, finding vegetables, scrawny chicken legs, and a tiny piece of leftover cheese, more wax than cheese to be honest, and for that reason it cost very little. I planned to make chicken and vegetable broth for our main meal and so I had spent almost all of that day’s wages, managing to afford a small pot of honey and a jar of the cheapest coffee known to man.

Carrying my bag, I headed home, sure that I would pass Jasper on the way. He must have had a busy day – he would never be late or not show. The first raindrops fell and my step quickened. I hoped Jas was in the dry – that shirt would be saturated in seconds. With his chest he didn’t need that. Breaking into a run, I held the bag handles together to keep our food dry. It was darker than usual, the sky foreboding. Pulling my coat in tight around me against the biting wind, common sense reminded me that Jas never stayed out when the weather was bad, _unless he’s in a warm, dry car,_ my subconscious reminded me. I always tried to forget the things he had to do for us that he did without complaint every single day. I did my best not to comment on the bruises, the scuffs on his hands from holding on to a wall, the other marks that were only visible to someone who saw him naked. Fingertip bruises on his hips and neck were bookmarks in a story I didn’t ever want to read. He had told me once that he knew his place was to be merely a receptacle - a mouth or an ass. No john he ever met ever asked to suck him, nor be fucked by him. His needs were ignored. Sometimes his throat would be sore, inflamed by a rough client who thought it okay to misuse my beautiful boy. _My_ boy _._ Because he _was_ mine and I didn’t want anyone’s hands on him.

I liked to bathe him at night, soothing caresses to wash off the sullying touch and smell of others, to relax him and ease him into a restful sleep alongside me. At night, when we cuddled close together, I was able to hold him and show him best I could the love I felt for him every minute of every day.

More than anything, I loved it when we kissed – that was when the world fell away, leaving us in a safe, loving cocoon. Love was new to me; I’d never received it before Jasper, nor had I ever given it or wanted to. It was an amazing feeling. I wanted to show him how I felt, to show him the tender touch he was denied day after day, year after year. I just wished I wasn’t so scared. I wanted to make him happy, but each time I considered it, the nightmares would return; Jasper would hold me tight, rocking me like a child until I quieted. It had been over two months since we met and I wondered if he longed for more, if he hoped our relationship would ever progress to a more mature level.

He deserved more than an emotionally damaged boy from the street.

I reached home without meeting Jas, and fear was starting to set in. Closing the outside door behind me, I went to unlock the door to our room and found it open. With a caution bred from experience, I snuck inside, prepared for... what? Who would ever rob us? We had nothing. Placing the food on the counter, I looked over at the bed and saw a shape under the blankets. From where I stood I could see he was huddled up, his breathing sounding far harsher than it had when I had left him that morning. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I rubbed his shoulder to let him know I was home. He was shivering and felt feverish even through the blankets. It looked as if I had been right – he had the flu. This meant two things. Firstly – he couldn’t work, and secondly, I could contract it too. I wanted to stay home and nurse him through it, but I knew I had to work tomorrow.

This was bad.

Trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel, I remembered I had bought the ingredients to make chicken broth that would, I hoped, help him recover a little quicker. I had also spent precious funds on the honey to make him a soothing drink for his throat when he came home sore. I set to work, boiling water and preparing the ingredients as I had seen Jasper do every day. I had asked Eric, the meat vendor, how to make it, and he had told me about bouillon and pointed me to another stand. I guess anyone else would have been embarrassed to ask for just one cube, but Jas and I were past that. After her initial surprise, Angela had pressed one into my hand with a smile, along with an individually wrapped pat of butter left over from her lunch, and told me to get on home. I promised to cover her stand whenever she needed it, and she brushed off my thanks.

I boiled the water first and made weak coffee for me and honey in hot water for Jasper. Leaving them to cool a little, I then cooked the chicken and set it aside, washing out the pan before starting off the vegetables in the butter. I added the flour and chicken stock, stirring and then leaving it to simmer as I had been told. Carrying the hot honey drink to the bed, I set it down and felt his forehead.

He was clammy.

“Jasper?  Wake up, Jas. I need you to drink this.”

He woke with a groan, gasping in pain when he tried to sit up. I reached over and tugged my pillow out from under the blankets, setting it behind his shoulders.

“Thanks.”

“What happened since this morning? Is it the flu? You’re running a fever.”

He shook his head, the movement seeming to tire him.

“My chest really hurts, like someone is stabbing me. It hurts to breathe. I just need some sleep – so tired. Just can’t get comfortable.”

Worry unfurled its wings in my own chest. I felt a cold, gripping fear that something was very wrong. I held out the drink and he took it, my hand supporting the cup while he drank.

“You’re cooking?” His wan face looked surprised.

“Yeah; I got some helpful tips from a couple of people at the market. We’re having chicken broth – I want to help you get strong again.”

“How did you afford it on a couple of dollars?” He looked worried, and I was quick to allay his fears.

“It’s okay – I didn’t touch the rent money. I got an hour’s work covering Lauren over lunch today. I got us a few extras like the honey and some coffee. It’s mostly dust, but it’s better than just drinking hot water.”

“Was there anything left?”

I felt cold then.

“No, I used it on tonight’s meal with some cheese for breakfast. What’s wrong?”

His face screwed up in anguish, and to my horror, I thought he was going to cry.

“I didn’t earn anything today. We won’t make rent.” Ice slithered down my spine. “As soon as I leaned over, I couldn’t breathe. The guy didn’t want anything to do with a sick hustler and he threw me out of the car.”

He sounded humiliated. I tried to make him feel better.

“It’s not your fault! You can’t help getting sick, especially being out there every day in the cold. I’ll find a way to get the money. I don’t want you worrying about this.” I tucked the blankets up around his shoulders and fetched his scarf from the chair, winding it loosely around his neck and shoulders. “Are you hungry?”

He nodded. I went back to the saucepan and added the cooked chicken, stirring it to heat it through. It smelled pretty good. Ladling it out into two bowls, I grabbed the spoons and carried the bowls to the bed, setting them on the chair. Folding our thin towels, I made us potholders so we could both eat in comfort. The soup tasted good and I was glad it was too hot to gulp down; I had to take my time to eat it. Jasper struggled to eat his, but persevered. I could see that every mouthful was painful and not because of a sore throat. His breathing appeared laboured, and he was having difficulty swallowing. I kept watch to make sure he ate as much as he could, needing the essential nourishment to get well.

When we had both finished, I washed the pan and bowls before settling in for the night and climbing into bed with my boy. He seemed to breathe easier when propped up, so I made sure his chest was well covered with a thick sweater before I laid down, my head on one of the towels we had used as a potholder.

I didn’t sleep much that night.

~o.O.o~

I dozed off at some point and woke up feeling alone. I realised it was because I usually slept tight against Jasper, but with him sick I had had to give him space. Turning over, I looked up to see how he was and found him slumped to the side, apparently asleep. It was still early, the light not yet filtering through the trees. Double checking to make sure Jas was okay, I dressed in my jeans and sweater, shrugging on my too-big coat and fastening it up to the collar. It was time to go get some essentials.

I stepped out into the frigid early morning air. The run-down part of the city where we lived was quiet for now, the sound of traffic and the trains no more than a dull rattle in the distance. I walked with purpose, no time to lose. This operation could only be carried out in near darkness – I had no desire to be arrested for trying to survive. Approaching the shopping center, I looked around, checking for staff or passersby. The coast clear, I darted across the parking lot to where the clothing donation bins were situated off to the side. A few months back, I had discovered that one of these bins had a broken latch, and with a little effort could be opened and the contents accessed. My coat had been a lucky find and had most likely saved my life. Now I needed its help again. I knew what I was doing was theft in its basic definition, but it was hard to differentiate when the clothes were being collected for thrift stores to help the poor and needy – and what were Jasper and I if not poor and needy? We had no money to buy from the thrift stores; to me this was just cutting out the middle man.

Locating the bin, I tugged open the door a fraction and peered inside into the gloom. It looked to be about a third full and I hoped that there would be something useful for us. My hands felt around for anything thick and woolly, and after a few moments I pulled loose a towel that looked fine – there were no holes and, most importantly, no strange odours. I folded it and tucked it into my coat. The next thing I found was a sweater, but a glance showed me it was a child’s. Ferreting deeper, I struck gold – what felt like a hand-knitted blanket large enough to cover the bed. I added this to my coat, now bulked out to capacity, before one last feel around in the dark bin. My fingers found more knitted goods and with a pull, I found what appeared to be a very festive men’s sweater. Pushing the door closed, I snagged some brightly coloured socks that fell out onto the asphalt and added them to my pockets. Mission accomplished, I checked around before heading home at a brisk pace.

~o.O.o~

Jas was still asleep when I crept in and locked the door. Slipping off my clothes, I climbed back into bed, checking he was breathing okay before lying back down to spend another couple of hours worrying about our money situation.

Acquiring clothes from donation bins by nefarious means was one thing, to me that was an act of desperation that could be mitigated, but stealing from actual people was something I could never do. We needed rent money and it was down to me to find a way.  To begin with, I had four dollars saved up for a special Christmas surprise for Jasper. It wasn’t enough yet – I needed at least $11 – but now it had to be added to the pot. Checking the money under the mattress, I found that with my four dollars added in we were still $20 short, with only today left to make it up.

My regular hour would help, but I would need more work throughout the day and I pondered ways of increasing my income that would benefit both us and the vendors.

Jasper woke early, a cough racking his body. He whined with pain, clutching his chest, his eyes wide with agony. I fetched him a drink to calm the dryness of his throat and offered him a little bread and cheese for breakfast. He refused, his chest hurting too much to eat. I made sure he was able to get to the bathroom, and got him tucked back in under the covers with a drink before I headed off to the market to try and achieve the impossible.

I hated being away from Jasper when he needed me, and he was in my mind every moment. Forcing myself to focus, I asked the vendors first up if they needed any help that day. No one had anything definite and so I moved to plan B. I offered to fetch and carry for the customers, helping them load their bags and then carrying them to their cars. All this extra exertion on an empty stomach wasn’t the best, but I was hoping that perhaps one kind soul would tip me a few cents. They didn’t, although I noticed that they bought a little more from each stand when they didn’t have to carry it themselves.

My next plan was to offer to demonstrate how the Christmas wreaths would look when decorated with flowers and berries. Paul looked at me with some amusement when I suggested to him that I work for free to try and drum up some extra interest in his displays, but he didn’t say no. So, for the next hour I added seasonal blooms to a couple of his plain displays and sold both for a good mark up on his regular prices. Paul laughed and said he was impressed with my ingenuity, handing me a couple of dollars as a thank you.

I wished I could help out on the food trailers, but it wasn’t allowed. I knew I would most likely pick up a few coins of loose change when sweeping up, but we needed more than a few cents. I walked towards the exit to stretch my legs and to sit for a moment on the benches outside. A woman sat there with her dog, looking at her watch. I pointed to the bench, silently asking if it was okay for me to sit, and she smiled. Her dog, a large crossbreed, came over to say hello, sniffing me over and wagging its tail in welcome. With another questioning look, I asked if it was okay to respond. This time she laughed.

“Rosie loves people. She can take all the attention you want to give.”

As if hearing her mistress, Rosie rolled her head against my leg, her tongue lolling out, and placed a paw on my arm.  I made a huge fuss of the gorgeous creature, loving the trust she had in me to not hurt her. Her owner sighed.

“I need to go get some groceries, but having Rosie makes it difficult. I need both hands free and it’s crowded in there. She’s no trouble, good as gold, but my usual sitter is sick and so … here we are.” She shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what to do. I thought fast.

“Can I help? I’d be happy to help you shop and carry your bags for you. I work part time at the market and I like to keep busy.”

She looked at me in surprise, not expecting the offer.

“If you would do that for me, then I have a better idea. Would you sit with Rosie so I can dash in and get my groceries? She clearly likes you and she is very placid – she won’t try and run off.” She bit her lip, hope flaring in her eyes.

“Sure! We’ll be good, won’t we, girl?” I rubbed the soft ears in my hand and Rosie let out a groan of pleasure, falling back against my leg. The woman looked relieved.

“Thank you so much for this. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Rosie! Stay. Be a good girl.”

The tail thump-thumping against my leg seemed to answer in the affirmative.

The woman was good to her word, and less than 20 minutes later she reappeared with two bags brimming with vegetables, fish and meat. Rosie greeted her in true canine style, jumping and circling as if she had been gone for at least a week. Laughing, she set the bags down and fussed her happy dog.

“What is your name?”

“Edward, ma’am.”

She held out hand and I shook it.

“I’m Esme. Well, Edward, thank you - you were a life saver today. I hope you’re here again if I need someone to babysit my soppy girl here.” Without preamble, she reached into her purse and pressed a bill into my hand. I tried to refuse – it had been a pleasure, and I had done so little - but she insisted. Her regular dog service evidently charged a great deal and she wanted to pay. Stunned, I looked at the ten dollar bill in my hand and thanked her many times. I patted Rosie farewell and watched them walk away. Although she couldn’t have known, that day Esme saved Jasper and me.

After my hour’s shift was done, I made to leave when I heard my name. It was Tony. He had saved us some fruit and vegetables and wondered why I hadn’t been to see him. I swallowed hard and headed over to him, knowing I had to explain why I couldn’t buy our food today. He looked at me, his face showing unexpected concern when he saw I carried no bags. Taking a deep breath, I looked him in the eye.

“I’m so sorry, Tony. Jasper’s sick and so we only have the money I make here. Rent comes first.” I shrugged, hoping he understood.

His face dropped, a frown creasing his brow.

“I knew things were tight – why else would you only ever buy the leftover spoils. But to not eat? He’ll get much sicker with no food at all.”

I started to shake. I knew we needed food if Jas was to get better and I was willing to go without to get him well, but our landlord didn’t care about us being hungry when rent day came around. We needed a roof over our heads more.

“We can’t be evicted. There’s nowhere for us to go, but without enough money…” Everything felt futile.

“But there are places that can help, Edward. Haven’t you heard of food pantries and soup kitchens? There’s one not too far from here. You’ll need to check, but I think it opens Tuesday mornings. You can both eat there.”

Hope blossomed, a small, bright spot in a dark sea of fear.

“They’ll give us food?”

He nodded, his lined face filled with concern.

“You need to eat too, in order to work.” He was as if he had read my mind. Moving with quick, deft motion, he bagged some fruit and vegetables and handed them to me. “Take them and we’ll say no more about it. Go home and eat before you drop. I’ve watched you work today, running back and forth; I bet not one of those ungrateful people paid you, did they?”

I shook my head.

“I thought as much. Take what they can get and never so much as say thank you.” Letting out a piercing whistle, he attracted Mike’s attention. A couple of quick gestures and a pointed finger at me constituted a conversation I didn’t catch. “Go see Mike on your way out; he’ll see you right. See you tomorrow.”

I nodded my thanks for the food, a smile of gratitude curling my lips despite my fears. Clutching the bag, I did as instructed and walked to Mike’s trailer.

“Hey. Gimme a minute and I’ll have them ready for you.”

“What?” I was confused.

Moments later two wrapped burgers and fries appeared in front of me. He grinned at my shock. “They’re on Tony.” He winked. “He has to make a living like the rest of us, but he worries about you and how little you two eat. It’s not hard to see how fiercely independent you both are…”

My throat clicked and I fought tears. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I took the hot food and opened one package, taking a hearty bite of the fragrant contents. My eyes closed at the sensation. I turned to leave and caught Tony’s eye. I raised my hand, holding my food, and he gave a curt nod in acknowledgement. I headed home as fast as I could, knowing how fast the food would cool.

~o.O.o~

 

“Jas?”

I set down the bag and went straight to his side. He opened his eyes, coughing when he tried to sit up. I helped him, propping him with the pillows.

“What happened? How did it go?”

There was no expectation in his voice, hopelessness already taking hold. I took his hands.

“I got the money, Jas. We can make rent. I got some food too. Can you try and eat a little? You need your strength to fight this flu.”

He coughed again and I hurried to fetch him more cold water while I set some to boil for a hot drink. He sipped and handed me back the cup.

“Tell me what happened.” He sounded winded and gruff.

“First up, eat a little of this before it goes cold. I’ve eaten most of mine.” I unwrapped the burger and fries and laid them on a towel on his lap.

He looked confused, but picked at the beef patty and onions, eating them with his fingers. I watched him, making sure he ate as much as he could manage while it was fresh. Looking at him, I could see the questions.

“Okay. I made a little extra working for Paul, and I tried to make some tips, but that didn’t work out. Anyhow, this nice lady was outside with her dog and she needed someone to sit with her so I did, and she paid me ten bucks.”

“Ten bucks? You’re kidding me.” He ate another piece of patty. “But how… the food…? We can’t afford burgers, and you didn’t find them hot in the trash.”

I shook my head and explained about Tony. Jas looked embarrassed and ashamed.

“I’ve never accepted hand outs, never. I work for my money.”

“He knows that – it’s why he never offered to help before. But Jas, we’re _desperate_ now. Without his kindness we would have no food tonight, and we both need to eat. Me, so I can work tomorrow, and you to get better. Please tell me you see that?”

He picked at his food some more, eating a few fries, but leaving the burger bun untouched.

“He told me something else too. There are places we can go once a week to eat, for free. No one ever told me that before. Did you know?”

He looked at me with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“Free? How?”

“There are places that help people who have no money. I’m going to find out more and then we are going to go and have a proper meal there every week until we make enough money to be able to support ourselves without help. That means one morning a week we can go and get enough food to fill our stomachs and maybe even squirrel a little bit back for the next day. It will make our rations stretch farther.”  My face fell for a moment. “I really think you need to see a doctor.”

Jasper winced, both in pain from his ribs and the ever-present worry of imminent eviction.

“We can’t afford doctors.” His dry cough caused him to grab at his chest, buckling in pain. His face was grey.

“Everyone at the market knows I’m up for any extra jobs. Plus I found us a few things.”

Recalling my early morning raid, I left him to slowly eat his burger, and went to make coffee and to fetch our new supplies. Coming back to the bed, I felt an anxious pang of worry that Jasper might be mad at what I had done, but I couldn’t hide it from him.

His eyes were cautious. “Found?”

My face fell.

“Don’t be angry. I went back to where I found my coat. I wanted to see what they had that would help us. I was careful, I swear.”

I watched him try and push himself up.

“Tell me.”

In a halting voice I told him about the broken donation bin, laying the blanket, sweater, towel and socks on the bed.

“We need these things, Jas. We _are_ the people these are collected for.”

He looked defeated and coughed again, his face white.

“You’re sure you weren’t seen?”

“I was careful, and if I hadn’t done it the first time I would’ve died without my coat. Please don’t be mad, Jas.”

He looked horrified, and I misinterpreted it as anger until he reached out for me and tried to hug me, an ugly sob escaping his chest.

“I could never be mad at you. You’re so resourceful – I feel ashamed I haven’t looked after you better. I wanted to keep us safe, and I’ve failed.”

I kissed his temple, holding him in a gentle hug. 

“No! No you haven’t. We look after each other – that’s the way it is. Getting sick can’t be helped. I’ll do everything I can to make next week’s rent so you can stop worrying.”

His fingers plucked at the blanket.

“This is good. It’s thick.”

“It’ll also make a good pillow to prop you up.”

“Yeah, it’ll help. Are those socks?”

I could have laughed at his sudden enthusiasm. We had three pairs of socks between us.

“Yeah, a couple of pairs – unworn by the look of them. Guess someone didn’t like the colour.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Like it matters!  These will keep our feet dry - no holes!”

“So you’re not mad?”

His hand took mine.

“No. I think you’re a genius. Better not go again though – don’t risk it.”

He was right, I knew it, but I also knew that unless they fixed that bin, I would try again when the need arose.

I fussed with the blanket and made sure he was wrapped up out of the draught.

He handed me the rest of his fries and the untouched burger bun.

“Eat the fries, but keep the bun for breakfast tomorrow.”

I nodded. I had eaten mine, the excitement of food had made me forget to save something for the next day, but not Jasper. He was always thinking, always planning for later. His good heart made me feel small. I ate the fries while they were still lukewarm and cleaned up for bed. Our vegetables and fruit would keep for one more day. Carrying our drinks, I climbed into bed. Before I settled down for the night I pulled on an extra pair of socks. The weather was turning bitter at night and I longed for the day when I could snuggle up to Jasper again.

~.o.O.o~


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of research for this part of the storyline and I have had to take some liberties with the community kitchen section. Apologies if I am completely wrong, but it fitted what I needed for this chapter.
> 
> Beta by mxpi1970.
> 
> All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.

**Chapter 3**

**Edward’s POV**  

Morning dawned cold and damp. Running back from the bathroom, I all but leapt back into the warm bed, helping Jasper back under the covers.

“There has to be a way to make money – something we’re missing.”

My brain was scrolling through potential ideas, disregarding them for varied reasons. We had no internet – not even a phone line – which ruled out many options. Then I had one idea.

“What about soda cans and bottles? They pay for those, don’t they?”

Jasper looked doubtful.

“No idea if there’s even a collection facility near here. Plus – how are we going to get them there if we find one?”

My spirits sank. He was right.

Breakfast was an apple and half of the burger bun. Jasper was pale and shivery, his chest sounding horrendous. I tried to sound calm, but the first tendrils of panic were invading my brain.

_He needs a doctor and we have no money._

Wrapping up in extra layers, I made him a drink to have during the day and set off. My first stop was to find the soup kitchen place that Tony had told me about. Food was crucial and any money that could be saved could be used to buy medicine for Jasper’s cough. If it was all I could do, I would do that. Heading across town, I looked around for any other opportunities for work. At least I looked clean and smart, as long as they didn’t look at my boots that were decidedly worse for wear. I was going to need new ones before the snow came if I didn’t want cold, wet feet every day.

After a 20 minute walk, I found the place Tony had mentioned. There was a sign on the community notice board that told me this was the right place. It was held every week and the next one was in two days’ time.

No matter what, I was coming to that.

On the sidewalk a woman approached, stopping to watch me read the notice.

“Do you need any help? I’m a volunteer here.”

I jumped and began to back away, but stopped myself. Then she surprised me.

“Edward?”

I started, then realisation dawned.

“Uhhm, yes. Hi again.” I pointed to the sign. “The soup kitchen? Do-do you have to be able to come to get food or could someone else collect it?”

Esme looked baffled.

“I’m sorry. I-I…” I swallowed hard. “My friend is sick and we make almost no money at the moment. I have work for one hour a day and can’t feed us both. He needs food to get well. If I came, could I take him food or does he have to be well enough to come?”

She smiled then.

“Do you want a cup of coffee? I’m just going in and it’s warmer in there. You can tell me about your situation.”

I froze. Jas wouldn’t want me talking to strangers about us, but on the other hand we needed help, and fast, if we were going to make it through the winter. Decision made, I nodded. Esme smiled again, her eyes kind. I liked her.

The coffee was strong and sweet and I drank two cups. I told her enough about us, but kept details out of it. She had no business knowing we were together, or what Jas did for a living. I had a feeling we might be turned away if they knew that.

She looked concerned.

“You’re both living on what? Five dollars a day? So what are you eating now – the dollar menu at McDonalds?”

I shook my head. “Jas won’t eat that. He eats properly. We buy bruised fruit and vegetables, sometimes a little meat or cheese. Not often, though - it’s expensive.”

Her eyebrows were in her hair.

“He cooks rather than eating convenience food? I’m impressed. And he’s right – there’s no nutritional value in junk food. He sounds smart.”

My lips twitched, my face brightening.

“He is, and he takes care of us. I do my bit where I can. It’s hard, though. We want to keep a roof over our heads, but with him sick we are struggling just to make rent.”

Her fingers splayed out around her mug.

“Well that explains you running yourself ragged at the market. What does Jasper do when he’s not sick?”

I coloured, heat rushing to my face.

“He does what he has to. I don’t like it, I worry about him, but he is honest and earns his money the only way he can.”

She looked at me long and hard, and I saw her face change. She had worked it out. Then her hand reached out and covered mine.

“I won’t ask for details, but promise me he’s safe and gets tested?”

I wanted to cry then. Someone cared about him enough to check on his wellbeing. This was new. His customers didn’t give a damn so long as he put out. I felt Jasper’s shame for him, my head lowered.

“He is.”

“And you?”

Startled, my head shot up.

“I don’t do that. He wouldn’t let me.”

The relief on her face was instant.

“Good, but I meant that the two of you are safe together? I can see how much you love him.”

“I do. I love him so much. He looks after me, but now it’s my turn to repay him.”

Unspeaking, her worried eyes asked the question again, waiting for my answer.

“We are together, but we haven’t done… that. I have some demons of my own. I’m trying to beat them. He loves me anyway. I don’t know why.”

“Edward,” she sighed. “Why ever do you question it? You have such a good heart. My Rosie is a good judge of character, you know. “

“She’s beautiful. I had a dog once, a long time ago, at one of my foster homes. I missed him a lot when I had to leave. He was my friend. I wanted one of my own, but living on the street meant I couldn’t feed…”

I stopped dead, having already revealed too much. She was kind, but she didn’t need all the details of my life. Only Jasper knew all of me.

“You know, I thought about you when Rosie went to her sitter. Would you like to do something like that as a job? I know Tanya, the owner, and I could put in a good word for you. She might like to meet you.”

Dumbfounded, I stared at her.

“You’d do that?  For me?”

“You have a way with dogs, calm and gentle. She’d be a fool not to at least meet you. I make no promises though – she might not be interested.”

“That would be amazing – just the chance!” My soul sank a little then, returning to earth. “Anything to help Jas get well. I need to get him to a doctor, but money is non-existent.” My shoulders dropped. “Why is it so expensive to be sick?”

She pulled out a pen from her purse and an old envelope. Scribbling down an address, she handed it to me.

“Speak to these people. It’s a drop-in clinic and they see people down on their luck with no money.”

She didn’t say ‘homeless’ or ‘desperate’ and I silently thanked her. Taking it, I read it, mentally calculating the cost of the bus, and winced. Straightening up, I decided I’d do whatever it took – Jasper was seeing the doctor.

“Now, is there a number I can reach you on?” Her face was expectant, her eyebrows lifted.

“No, we don’t have one, but you can find me at the market every day. Just ask for me – the vendors all know me.”

She nodded, satisfied.

“Okay. I’ll come find you and let you know what she says.” Draining the last of her cooling coffee, she sat up straight.  “Well, the food here is usually soup or hot stew with a bread roll and some kind of sweet – cake or a cookie. Sometimes we do a full roast dinner. It’s whatever we can make with the donations.”

I felt bad then. Everything was donated, like the clothes I had stolen. I kept quiet about that.

“If you come with a container, I’ll make sure you get some food wrapped up for Jasper. You can eat yours here if you like, unless you would like yours wrapped too so you can eat together?”

She tilted her head, already guessing my answer.

“I’d rather eat with Jasper if that’s okay.”

“That’s no problem. Now, did you know about the food pantry over at the community kitchen?”

I blinked, not following.

“They can give you food parcels – enough ingredients to make a few basic meals, plus some toiletries. You’d definitely qualify for those. Lots of people use them to make ends meet. There’s no shame in it. I can give you directions if you’d like.”

My grateful smile was her answer.

Esme was an angel, heaven sent.

~o.O.o~

Heading off to the market, I thought about what Esme had said. She had also given me details of the other kitchen that I could go to so Jas and I could get two meals a week while we struggled to make rent. That meant a couple of days my sweeping-up dollars could go towards the bus fare to the clinic she had mentioned. I just needed to earn it first, assuming I got enough extra hours to pay for the rent. It felt hopeless, but I chastised myself. I could do this and who knew? Maybe our luck would change.

On the way home that afternoon I was carrying eight dollars and a plastic tub, complete with lid and plastic carrying handle, that had once contained coleslaw, thanks to Mike. Another dollar saved towards my goal.

Jasper’s cough greeted me when I opened the door. Rushing to his side, I fetched him more drink and made him comfortable as best I could before starting supper from the previous night’s food. I had bought two potatoes and some bread to pad it out a little, but when I opened the bag I also found a chunk of cheese and two decent sized chicken legs, along with another bouillon cube. Fighting back grateful tears, I set about making more broth. Once our bellies were full, I told Jas about my meeting with Esme, expecting him to be upset that I had spoken to her about us. He let me finish, right down to showing him the tub I had gotten to carry our hot food home in. I was about to tell him about my plan for the clinic, when he hugged me as tight as his breathing would allow. Holding him close, I knew I would make sure everything would be okay, no matter what it took.

I loved him. I would not let him down.

~o.O.o~

Lunchtime on a Tuesday usually found me running around for customers in the hope of earning a tip.

Today I walked with a mix of trepidation and hope towards the soup kitchen, carrying my plastic tub. I wanted to carry our food home and keep it as warm as possible. I t struck me that most folk, even those with a low income, probably had a microwave oven in their homes. To be able to warm food up would be wonderful, but at this time we had no chance of such an item; it was my job to get this food home as quickly as possible while it was still warm. My stomach growled. I was used to that – being surrounded by food trucks and trailers meant I smelled food all day and my body screamed for more than it got. It was amazing how you just adapted to being hungry all the time – it was the status quo. Today though, today I relished the thought that I would get to eat something substantial, enough to help me work with more vigour and energy. I knew I flagged through lack of food; one lone apple and a bottle of constantly refilled water did not hold hunger at bay, nor did it give me the strength and vitality I needed to look healthy. Appearances were important because if I looked too pale there was the ever-present danger that people might think I was on drugs. I needed to look bright and enthusiastic, not desperate for a fix.

My courage started to fail when I approached the building. Several other people were making their way inside, some really struggling. Seeing one old man trip, I rushed forward and caught his arm. He staggered before righting himself.

“Thanks, son.” I held his arm and we went inside.

The smell of cooking hit me and, on cue, my stomach made its demands. I didn’t need to look to know that I was smelling a roast, my brain almost dizzy with need. Supporting the man, he led me to the line where we collected trays and waited to be served. Looking around me, I searched the room for a familiar face and then there she was – an apron tied around her waist and a net over her dark hair. She must have sensed me because she looked up and straight at me, a smile spreading across her face. When it was my turn she dished up two servings of meat, potatoes and vegetables before covering them with foil to keep in the heat. Placing them carefully in the tub, a fresh plate upside down over the lower one for protection, I sealed the lid before taking the paper sack she handed me containing two slices of cake. This went into my pocket.

Leaning over to me, she whispered:

“Did you go see about the community kitchen?” I shook my head – I planned to do that the following day. “Make sure you do. You can choose the items that are of the most use – things you can make a meal out of at home with the facilities you have.”

I nodded and smiled, feeling a childish, yet happy blush taint my skin.

“Thank you, Esme. You’ve been wonderful.”

“Hush now.” She turned her head away, but not before I saw her eyes glisten.

~o.O.o~

Hurrying home, I smiled the whole way. Jasper looked up when I came in, smelling the food that I carried. His voice was croaky, but eager.

“What did we get?”

I set down the tub and unpacked the food, feeling the heat trapped beneath the foil. Carrying the full plate over to the bed, I made Jasper a potholder from a towel and helped him sit and eat. I could see he was struggling, but he persisted. Mumbling through a mouthful, he looked at me.

“Eat yours. It’s really good.”

He was right. The roast pork was something I hadn’t tasted in years and I savoured every bite. The mashed potatoes were fluffy and buttery and soaked up the meat sauce. I scraped my plate clean and groaned at the unfamiliar feeling of an overfull belly. I staggered to the kitchen to rinse my plate and to boil some water for coffee. Jasper was still eating, the soft potatoes and sauce easier to swallow. When he had finished as much as he could, I separated the leftover meat from the rest and recovered his plate.

“We got cake too.”

I fished the packet of cake out of my coat pocket and showed him.

“We did? I can’t remember the last time I had cake. It will keep for tomorrow – I can’t eat anymore tonight.”

“Me either. My stomach is so full.” I rubbed a gentle hand over my own.

Jasper smiled and lay down, but in that same instant cried out with pain. I felt so helpless seeing him suffer. Rolling himself over, he grunted, pulled the blanket and extra pillow out from behind him and lay back down. His face relaxed, his body finding a comfortable position. Climbing in behind him, I reached out and touched his arm.

“Are you okay, Jas?”

He mumbled in the affirmative.

During the night Jasper’s cough worsened, and I saw how he clutched his ribs to control the pain. Lying on his right side, the side he clutched when coughing I noticed, he seemed to settle, the position offering him some relief. When his left hand reached back for me, I scooted over to spoon him, my arm loose across the waist, happy to be next to him again.  

With his hand in mine, we both slept.

~o.O.o~

The community kitchen was a new experience.

It was busy and I hovered, unsure of the protocol. Watching the other customers, I saw them gathering items into a box. Speaking to a worker there, I learned that I could get enough to make a week’s worth of meals, plus some essential toiletries.

Taking a deep breath, I told her as simply as I could that we had no oven, only a hotplate, and were limited in what we could cook. She looked at me for a long moment before showing me some instant snacks of the just-add-water kind. I knew Jasper wouldn’t like that kind of food, but I kept quiet and nodded. She showed the canned goods – vegetables, meat and fish – and my face brightened. I couldn’t remember ever seeing a can opener so I asked if we could take cans with pull tops just in case. She was fine with that and so I took some canned potatoes, carrots, peas and beans, some beef, chicken and tuna, also some soup and dried pasta. She saw my indecision and pointed out the breakfast cereals, some of which could be eaten dry. Reaching for a box of Cheerios and sterilised milk, I went back and added two dehydrated noodle pots for days when we lacked funds – an easy if not really nutritious meal was better than a gnawing stomach. In a tentative gesture, I pointed at a jar of coffee, and she nodded, adding it to my box. Next came the toiletries and I made a beeline for the toothbrushes and toothpaste, excited to be getting new brushes. Some deodorant, soap, detergent, and packets of toilet tissue filled the box and my face must have registered my happiness, yet the woman looked surprised. She pointed out that I had food for about three days only and didn’t I think I should get some more? I opened my mouth to say that this would last us for ages and then shut it again. I reached for a large loaf of sliced bread and additional cans of meat, stew, soup and potatoes, a large jar of peanut butter, and packets of raisins, unable to believe that we could have all this food.

On leaving, the woman mentioned something else.

“You really should go to Goodwill when you can. You could pick up a cheap basic microwave and a toaster. It would give you more options for hot food.”

I didn’t mention that we lacked the basics, not even owning a kettle or a frying pan. There was no denying her idea was a good one though. I filed it away for later thought.

~o.O.o~

Carrying my box home tired me more than I cared to admit. The extra hours work on less food was taking its toll. At least the food I carried would nourish us both. Juggling my cargo, I opened the door, eager to show Jasper. He was asleep, his breathing noisy. I set the box down. Walking to the bed, I sat on the edge and smoothed his hair back. It needed washing. He stirred, his face pale and clammy.

“Hi. What time is it?”

“After twelve. I’m here for a while yet. I really should change this bed. How about we wash your hair too?”

He smiled, a rueful expression.

“I know I stink. Okay – we’ll need the fire on for a bit to dry the sheet though. There’s one other in the drawer.” He pointed and I went to check it out. It was older and worn, but intact.

“Perfect. Let’s do this. I’ll boil the water and we’ll get you cleaned up and back into a fresh bed.”

“Thank you, love.”

With the water hot, I helped him up, wrapping him in a blanket. I changed the sheet and pillow cover, balling up the dirty ones for washing. Next I settled him into the bath, tilting his head to shampoo and rinse his blond hair before sponging him down with warm water and soap, supporting him with my arm to prevent further pain to his chest. He sighed, enjoying the sensation of the warm water. I held the hot cloth to his neck to ease the ache and then saw with mounting worry that he was losing weight, his lack of appetite working against him. With the food I had gotten today, I just needed to make rent and then any leftover money would be used to get Jasper to the doctor.

I hoped that I could make the money fast. Time was ticking.

~o.O.o~

Once I had Jasper settled into the clean bed, I made him a hot honey drink before setting off for the market. It was slim pickings, but I managed to score a few extra dollars fetching and carrying. I told Tony about my success with the food and he nodded, looking relieved. After sweeping up, I headed straight home to be with Jasper, my takings for the day safe and untouched in my pocket.

It was bitterly cold outside and I headed to bed as soon as we had eaten that night. Jasper slept, me spooning him whilst he held my hand. I lay awake, sharing my heat with him and wishing my love alone had the power to heal him. My mind wandered during the hours I lay awake, conjuring ideas and rejecting them, always coming back to the same conclusions: I needed a better job to get Jasper off the streets for good. Standing outside wearing almost nothing in this cold was completely wrong, and with his now weakened chest, he would likely get sick again easily. I got to be fully clothed at work and I wanted the same for my boy – he deserved the same basic rights. I wanted him safe in every way, both from danger and disease.

My thoughts raced unabated, thinking of things that had no place showing their faces in the light of day. It forced me to admit that should he and I ever become intimate I would struggle to share him. I would want him all to myself – his mind, body and beautiful soul. I already hated the men that used him now; if we became more, I would not be able to deal with them anymore. Jealousy was such an ugly emotion, but it forced me to accept the truth, stark as it was: if we were ever to move forward, Jasper needed to be free of this lifestyle.

It also meant that, if he were to quit the sex worker market, I would have no further reason to hide behind for not making him mine fully and completely. Jasper chased away the nightmares, woke me and held me when they were bad. It was up to me to mentally move forward and face my demons. Jasper loved me, he would never force himself on me nor ignore me if I were to ask him to stop. I knew this. I had no experiences other than bad ones to compare it to, yet something told me that love was good – love was worth it.

Love was trust, and I trusted Jasper with my life. So, how could making love to him be anything other than right?

As I lay there in the dark, another thought hit me hard, one I had never asked him.

_When was the last time that Jasper had given himself freely to someone he loved? Had he ever been in love before, had he made love with someone special to him before he started down this road, forever sullying any loving connotations that sex might have held for him?_

Tears pooled in my eyes and I snuggled closer to him, trying to chase away the one overwhelming thought that beat on the door to be let in.

_What if Jasper had never been truly loved before either?_

~o.O.o~

At least the morning dawned dry when we woke and I checked out the window. I made us coffee and fresh bread with peanut butter. Jasper wanted to know what I had gotten the day before, and was stunned when I showed him the box, unable to believe it. I watched him eat, each bite slow and painful to him, to ensure he had some nutrition before I told him about the woman at the kitchen and her comment about Goodwill.

“I think it’s a good idea, Jas. Once we have you better, I’m going to save up for a kettle and a toaster. They should be easy to pick up for a few dollars, then we can make a hot breakfast each day. Maybe an extra pan too. How good would that be?” I hoped my enthusiasm was infectious because I could not give up. To my immense relief he nodded, a flare of hope behind his eyes.

“You’re so smart, Edward. Brave too. Nothing stops you, or gets you down. I love that.”

I felt myself flush.

“I’d do anything it takes. I’m learning that we deserve more – we deserve that others have and take for granted. We’re hard-working and honest. It shouldn’t hold us back.”

He sipped his coffee and looked up at me again.

“I know. It was so hopeless when it was just me. I see that now. Getting stuck in a rut, in a cycle of events, meant I couldn’t see the way out. But you can…”

He coughed, his face contorting with pain. When he could breathe again he smiled at me, that beautiful smile that lit up my day.

“You’d best be going. The sooner you’re gone, the sooner I get you back with me.”

I pulled on my sweater and coat, plus my boots over two pairs of holey socks.

“I know. Now the food is sorted for a few days I need to concentrate on rent. Wish me luck?”

I leaned in to kiss him and the yearned-for contact made my soul fly. His hand caressed my face.

“You don’t need it – it seems to find you. Long may it last.”

I smoothed back his hair and kissed him again.

“I’ll be back soon. Rest. Read a little if you’re not tired.”

I placed his book by the bed where he could reach along with another cup of coffee, and set off into the cold morning, my breath pluming before me.

The market was already busy, the dry weather bringing in the customers. For once I had more than an apple in my pocket. Today I had a sandwich and some raisins to keep me going, and the thought lifted my spirits. Today I would make some money and then I could concentrate on getting Jas to the doctor.

It was later, while I sat outside in the sun finishing off my sandwich, that I heard my name. I turned to look and was met with a jovial crash of happy dog, mouth open and laughing. Without thinking, my hands found Rosie’s ears, rubbing the heels of my hands into her neck, loving how her head fell to one side with a groan, her bodyweight collapsing against my leg, tail thumping hard. Esme stood nearby, her face creased in a smile from ear to ear, watching her ecstatic dog get reacquainted with her new friend. Looking up with a grin, I called out.

“Did you need me to watch her for you?” I turned back to Rosie. “Do you wanna play, girl? Wanna play?” Her ears pricked, despite still leaning against my leg.

“Would you? That would be great. I came prepared today in case I found you.” She handed me a tennis ball and a thrower. “She’s been walked and has done her business, but she’ll always play. Full of beans, aren’t you, Rosie?”

I grinned, happy to spend some time with the beautiful dog.

“No problem. We’ll go play some ball. Call us when you’re done. See you in a bit.”

We walked away from the cars and people, and over to the patch of scrubby grass nearby that was used as a popular lunchtime spot in the summertime, but as nothing more than an unofficial exercise park in the cold weather. Rosie stayed close to my leg, watching the ball I held in my hand with great excitement. Once we had space, I unclipped her leash and threw the ball across the grass, watching her bound after it, her coat glossy in the weak winter sun. Again and again she ran after the fuzzy yellow ball, loping across the grass, her tail waving, returning to me with the ball held aloft in her jaws. I laughed, picking up the now very wet ball, listening to Rosie pant with exertion and eagerness, her tongue lolling.

“Want more, do ya, girl? Go _fetch_ it then!”

The yellow dot soared overhead followed by the thud of paws over the cold ground. She leaped to catch it yet again, and was on her way back when I heard Esme call.

“Edward?”

Calling Rosie to me, I attached her leash and let her carry her ball while we made our way back to where Esme waited, bags by her feet. She wasn’t alone; she stood talking to a tall, beautiful blonde woman who she appeared to know well, judging by their easy smiles and animated gesturing.

Seeing us approach, she called out.

“Edward! Come meet Tanya.”

With Rosie at my side, I stepped around the milling people and walked over to them.

“I hope she was good while I was gone.” Her hand found Rosie’s head, smiling at her dog’s waving tail and happy demeanour.

“Of course she was. She’s a sweetheart. She really loves that ball.” The wet and slimy item in question was still held firm between Rosie’s jaws.

Esme laughed.

“She’d play all day and still come back for more!” Turning to Tanya, she introduced me. “This is Edward, who I mentioned to you. He certainly has a way with dogs – Rosie’s smitten.”

Tanya smiled and held out her hand. I shook it without hesitation.

“Pleasure to meet you, Edward. Do you have much experience with dogs?”

“Not a great deal, no, but I love being around them. I had a dog growing up and I’d love one now if I could. One day.” My smile was apologetic; I knew I didn’t have the experience to work for her, but I blessed Esme for speaking to her anyway. She was a woman of her word.

Rosie whined for attention and my hand drifted down to rub her ears. Her groan of appreciation wasn’t lost on Tanya.

“How would you be cleaning up after them? It’s not all fun and glamour being a dog walker.”

I grinned. “I could cope with that.”

“And how about different temperaments? Some small dogs are rather spoiled and snappy, and some of the bigger dogs are hard to control, having not been properly trained when they were young. They can be difficult for an inexperienced handler.”

I thought for a moment.

“I can respect their boundaries. If they don’t like too much attention then it’s a case of working with them, rather than against them. Thy have to learn to trust me too. I have no fear of dogs, and once they associate me with walks and play I would hope they would be happy to come with me.”

I dropped my head a fraction, not wanting to appear over confident. I also didn’t really want to see disinterest in her gaze. However, when I felt able to bring my eyes back up, I saw smiles.

“Good answers. I’d like to give you a trial and see how you do. Esme speaks highly of you and I trust her judgement. If it works then I’ll call you on the days I need you. How does that sound?”

My heart sank.

“That sounds amazing, but I –“

Esme cut me off mid-sentence.

“I’ve sorted you out with an old phone of mine, Edward. You just need to keep it charged and you can get incoming calls. It’s a pay as you go cell phone so you’ll need credit if you want to call out.”

My mouth must have hung open because I couldn’t speak. When I found my voice I stuttered out my response.

“Thank you! Thank you! Ah… can you give the number to Tanya for me? I…”

She giggled then, a lovely sound, and handed me a bag containing a phone, charger and a piece of paper.

“The number’s in there, and yes, I have. Good luck, Edward, and I’ll see you soon, I hope.”

Only she and I knew that she meant at the soup kitchen, and I nodded, grateful.

“Definitely. Thank you, both of you.” I handed Rosie’s leash back to Esme. She picked up her bags and the three of them turned to leave.

“I’ll be in touch, Edward.” Tanya nodded in farewell.

Esme smiled back at me over her shoulder.

Truly an angel.

I couldn’t wait to tell Jasper.

~o.O.o~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As before, I have researched extensively for this chapter. Any factual errors are mine to best serve the story in my head. Apologies.  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> Thanks as always to mxpi1970 for the beta.

**Chapter 4**

**Edward’s POV**

Elated, I left the market straight after clean-up and made my way home, feeling hope fill me - a trapped bird stretching its wings in preparation for flight. To add to my good mood we would have hot food from the soup kitchen the next day, giving me even more reason to smile despite the bitter cold. Clutching my bag from Esme, I opened the door and looked over to our bed for Jasper. With some concern I saw it empty, my eyes scouring the small room and finding no trace.

“Jas?”

Trying not to overreact, I put down the bag and hurried out to the small, shared bathroom, the only other place he could be. Pushing the door ajar, I saw him then, shivering on the cold floor in that icebox of a room, clutching at his side, his face a ghastly shade of pale. The relief when he saw me was immense, his eyes hollow, his breathing shallow. I wanted to ask what had happened: how long had he been here? But now was not the time. Crouching down, I gathered him to me, my arms supporting his weight and lifting him, gently as I could, to his feet. Despite my care he still screamed, tears pooling and breath hitching, irregular and raspy, and I hated myself for adding to his pain.

I made a decision then and there.

Holding his trembling body to mine, I walked him back to our room and sat us both down on the bed before wrapping the knitted blanket around him, rubbing his shoulders to warm him up.

“Let’s get you dressed. I’m taking you to a doctor.” I smoothed back his dishevelled hair, my thumbs wishing they could wipe away the purple smears under his eyes that marred his beautiful face.

I expected an argument and was ready for it. I wasn’t at all prepared instead for the tears that scalded his pale cheeks, his head down, defeated and exhausted. I held him, pressing kisses to his hair, cheeks and forehead, murmuring words of reassurance and comfort while rocking him in a gentle motion, my hands stroking his back whilst his tears flowed unchecked down my neck.

I held him until he was cried out, his sobs fading to soft snuffles against my chest.

“Come on, love; let’s get you ready.”

My whispered words helped galvanise him into wakefulness, arms tightening around me for a breath before releasing. I could see from his lowered head that he felt ashamed and embarrassed for letting go. No way was I allowing that, not after all the times he had comforted me during my nightmares, holding me close and whispering to me that it was all going to be okay. I straightened his hair, my finger resting under his chin to raise his tearstained face to mine, and kissed him feather-light until I felt him respond to me, pressing back with gentle kisses that warmed my soul. Once I had him calm and breathing steadier, I left the bed to fetch a cool washcloth to sponge his reddened eyes and cheeks, following each touch of the cloth with a kiss until his helpless smile spread across his face.

Once I was satisfied he looked a little less red and puffy, I helped him out of the clothes he’d been wearing to sleep in, giving him a sponge bath to freshen him up before gathering some clean clothes and helping him dress, pulling on his boots for him.

He stood, slow and careful, and zipped up his jeans.

“Where are we going? The clinic I use won’t help us. It’s a sexual health clinic.”

I realised then just how much faith he was placing in me to have the answers.

“It’s okay. Esme gave me the address of one. Not the one I used when I was… “My voice tailed off and I shook myself. “After the attack, I mean.” I met his gaze. “Anyway, it’s quite far from here, but there’s a bus that goes almost all the way. I have the fare – I’ll take the rest of our money for meds. I don’t know if we have to pay, I didn’t before. They treated me like dirt, but they fixed me for free. We don’t tell these new people what you do – they don’t need to know. We’ll say you work at the market with me.”

I couldn’t see them look at Jas with the same contempt the others had shown me, assuming I was worthless, cheap trash deserving of what I got in that alley. “They’re open late so we’ll get in. Might be a wait to be seen though, but if Esme says they’ll help, they’ll help. I trust her.”

Jasper nodded, looking wan. I stroked his cheek.

“Are you hungry? Before we go you should eat something. You need energy, love.”

He shook his head before looking at me.

“I could use a drink – I wasn’t able to reach.”

I mentally berated myself.

“Of course.” I leapt up and filled a glass with water, placing it in his hands, He downed it in seconds and handed it back.

“More?”

An apologetic nod.

I felt my stomach drop.

“How long were you in there, Jas?”

I refilled the glass and handed it to him. He answered between thirsty gulps.

“I don’t know. A while though. The sun moved around from the window.”

_That means at least a couple of hours, probably more than that. He was so cold. Hell. I should never have left him when he’s so sick._

I knew that regret was pointless, that I couldn’t have stayed, not with responsibilities, but the _guilt –_ it ate at me, a rat gnawing at my insides.

“I should have stayed with you.”

He shook his head.

“You couldn’t have known. I had a coughing fit, doubled over, and I grabbed at the basin, but I missed. I tried to get up but I couldn’t reach the handle. My chest really hurt when I tried…”

When he had had enough water, I helped him to his feet and retrieved our money, trying to appear in control, trying as hard as I could not to show how scared I was. I doubted he was fooled for a minute, but he allowed me the illusion of bravery and l loved him for it. I pocketed my phone and the number as an afterthought.

We walked at Jasper’s pace towards the bus stop a couple of streets over. However, we hadn’t gotten far when a car slid to a stop beside us, the window already down. The driver was middle-aged and paunchy, his face far too interested in what we were doing.

“Blondie? Been looking for you. Are you free later? I could sure use a little…”

I glared, turning to shield Jasper with my body, but instead of just taking the hint, the guy stayed there, ignoring me, his eyes fixed on Jasper’s white face.

“Are you sick? You better not be sick because I paid good money and I don’t want to catch anything. You swore you were tested and…”

I felt anger like I’d never known bubble up inside me. Of course this parasite only cared about himself. Reining in my vitriol, I held Jasper to me and turned to face the driver, almost spitting the words in his face.

“He is _not_ sick. Some _asshole_ decided to beat him up to get out of paying. I need to get him to the emergency room as I think he might have broken ribs.”

The lie came easily, Jasper’s white, pained face lending believable credibility to the story. The bastard looked relieved – _relieved –_ and drove away without another word.

I felt Jas’ breath in my ear.

“I’m impressed.”

I shook my head, still shaking with fury.

“I hope he isn’t one of your best tippers because I never want to see that asshole again.”

His warm hand squeezed mine and pained, wheezy laughter surprised me.

“He’s a ten buck blow job: no respect, no manners, no tip. Like most of ‘em to be fair. It’s no loss. At least he knows I’ll be indisposed for a while now.”

My teeth ground together, my words escaping through clenched jaws.

“You’re worth so much more.”

He sighed, falling silent. All I heard was his breath rattling through his chest, the crackling of his lungs loud in my ear.

We both knew I was right, but knowing it didn’t change the harsh reality of our situation.

~o.O.o~

We sat and waited for the bus to come, glad we had wrapped up warm. I made sure that Jas’ scarf covered his nose and mouth to keep the cold air from his poor lungs. The wind burrowed beneath our layers, icy fingers finding every hole and loose thread in our clothes. Huddling together, I pulled out the envelope from Esme with the address for the clinic written on the reverse, keeping it in my hand to tell the driver. The address was unfamiliar and getting lost was not an option with Jasper as sick as he was. Hearing a rumbling engine in the distance, I saw the downtown bus approaching and stood to flag it down. Helping Jas to his feet, we stepped forward and waited for the hiss of the opening door. No one disembarked and so we boarded, me showing the driver the address of where we wanted to go. He looked at me, then Jasper, and nodded. I paid our fares without flinching before guiding Jas to an empty seat. I sat, a bag of nerves, watching the streets pass by, taking us to the outskirts of town, far beyond our usual haunts. On the way I saw the Goodwill store and mentally noted its location for another day. Out of sight of other passengers, I took Jasper’s gloved hand in my own.

_Not long now._

Our destination was a short walk from where the bus dropped us, the driver giving me quiet directions when we made to leave. I was grateful for his help and hoped he knew it, knew that that his one small act of consideration had made a difference in our day. We stopped more than once on the way, Jas’ breathing hurting him too much to keep going for long, coughing in the cold air only exacerbating his pain. I supported him, pressing kisses to his hair and temple, waiting until he nodded that we could continue.

The clinic was a in a rundown building off of a main street, the lights shining out of grimy, frosted windows. The sign told us we were in the right place and I led us both inside, into the typically depressing interior in all its orange plastic-seated splendour, the floor scuffed and of uncertain colour or vintage. Old notices and health posters adorned the walls, their sticky tape peeled off in places to leave them sagging. Jasper collapsed into a chair, and I approached the woman behind the admit desk. She looked at me through thick glasses, her hair pulled back from her face.

I swallowed, feeling my bravery waver.

“My friend is sick. Can we see someone please?”

With a smooth movement, she produced a form and a pen, sliding them across the desk toward me.

“Fill this out.”

I nodded, intimidated, and returned to Jasper. It took us some time to answer as many questions as we could, leaving any we couldn’t. I hovered over the in-case-of-emergency box until Jasper quietly spoke.

“That’s you.”

I stilled, before writing my details in the box. Fishing around in my pocket, I found the paper and wrote in my new cell phone number. Jasper’s eyes widened.

“What’s that?”

“I’ll explain later. It’s not important right now. _You_ are.”

The question of employment was a shameful one for Jasper and I wanted to put down my job, but Jasper refused. He wouldn’t lie about what he had to do. He reasoned that the sex clinic knew what he did and so there was no point in pretending here. Before I could argue, he insisted I wrote ‘sex worker’ in the box, a resigned look on his face.

“It shouldn’t matter – who are they to judge? Not everyone gets to have their dream job.”

Insurance was a big no. Also no Medicaid. I was terrified about how we were going to pay for this. I just had to have faith. Trembling, I walked back to the desk and handed over the form and pen. The woman took it and, without a word, walked through a door to the side, closing it behind her. Looking around, there was only one other person in the waiting room and he appeared to be asleep. I hoped that meant we would be seen soon.

We waited in the cold, plastic chairs, huddled together, Jasper’s cough forcing him to lean against me to not fall over whilst he doubled up in pain.

The door opened, a different woman appearing, clad in a white coat, a form in her hand.

“Jasper Whitlock?”

I helped him to his feet to follow her. He stopped when I tried to let go of his hand. Looking at the doctor, he spoke with all the confidence and dignity he could muster.

“Can my partner come too?”

I started, but Jasper’s hand held mine tight. The doctor seemed unperturbed by the request.

“Of course. Follow me please.”

The examination room was bright and sterile looking. We sat down in the chairs across from the doctor’s own, and waited while she flicked through our form. My thumb rubbed over Jas’ knuckles.

“So what seems to be the problem, Mr Whitlock?”

She can’t have failed to note Jasper’s colour, or lack thereof. I looked at him, waiting for him to explain. Hesitant, he told her about his pain, showed her where it was, explained how he could only sleep on the one side, how his neck ached, how the cough almost rendered him faint with the pain. All the time he held fast to my hand.

When he fell quiet, I explained how we knew where to come.

Her eyes smiled along with her lips.

“Esme Platt?” She’s sent a few folk our way. She knows we will help those in genuine need.”

I relaxed a fraction. If this woman knew Esme, she must be trustworthy.

She asked Jas to raise his shirt and listened to his chest. I didn’t like her frown, or Jas’ quiet scream when she palpated around his ribs with gentle hands and asked him to take as deep a breath as he could. Sitting back, she indicated he could lower his shirt.

“You have decreased breath sounds on the right side. It sounds to me like a case of pleurisy – with a possible effusion. Without an x-ray I can’t be 100% sure. The good news is that you don’t have a collapsed lung which was my initial concern.”

I felt shaky. I had had no idea he was so sick. I felt so small for trying to treat him at home with hot honey drinks, thinking he just had the flu.

_You knew it wasn’t the flu. You wouldn’t have lain awake worrying for hours if it was that simple._

I shook my head a fraction. The doctor was talking again.

“It sounds like there is a small amount of fluid on your lung – I’d like to treat this with antibiotics and anti inflammatories. It should clear up, but if you aren’t feeling any better at the end of the course, or if you start to feel worse, come straight back. Okay?”

If it were possible, Jasper had gotten paler. The doctor headed for the side room marked ‘dispensary’ and I took the opportunity to press a reassuring kiss to his temple.

“You’re going to be fine now, love.”

He looked worried, and I wasn’t surprised. It brought home to me how different this could have been if he had been living alone still. I put the thought out of my head. He had me and I had him, and that was how it would be from now on. He leaned into me, his voice uneven and rough.

“Thanks to you. If you hadn’t made me come…”

“Shhhh.”

The doctor returned, clutching a paper bag.

“There’s enough here for two weeks. Make sure you finish the course, even if you feel better before then. Come back if you don’t, like I said. Rest, fluids, and more rest. No working, no unnecessary trips – stay in the warm. Understand?” We both nodded. “This is what happens when a chest infection goes untreated.”

She looked at Jas, her face stern, and he wilted beneath her gaze. I spoke up.

“Sorry, doctor. We had no idea what was wrong or where to go to find out until Esme told me about this place.”

She tightened her lips.

“Make sure to thank her – she’s done your partner a great service sending you both here. This would have gotten a lot worse without treatment. Now those meds might well cause insomnia - it’s a known side effect. If so, try to rest anyway. You need it. And be sure to eat well. As it starts to improve, try taking deeper breaths. It will hurt, but you need to make sure the lower portion of the lung is inflated. “

She handed over the meds and I took them, my worried eyes huge in my face. She read me easily.

“There’s no charge here.”

A wave of relief washed over me and my knees almost buckled. I tucked the bag into my coat and fastened it up tight. I struggled to find the right words to express the extent of my gratitude. Jasper however, did not. He was gracious.

“Thank you, doctor, for the treatment and for not judging us. It means a lot.”

She smiled, and I struggled to hold in the tears that threatened to overspill. I nodded and forced out a thank you over the lump in my throat. She showed us out and I thought I caught her watching us walking down the path, Jas leaning on me, my arm wrapped around his waist.

~o.O.o~

It had grown colder and I wondered if it would snow soon. The thought had me huddling closer to Jasper while we waited for the next bus. The ride home saw Jas’ head on my shoulder, the rumbly sway of the warm bus lulling him into a light slumber. Soon we were at our stop, and I woke him with a gentle shake.

“C’mon, love. Time to go.” Bleary-eyed, he stood and let me support him down the steps.

The frigid air helped reawaken Jasper, and we were soon home. After getting him comfortable, wrapped up, and into bed, I opened the bag of meds and read the instructions on the packets.

“You take these three times a day, love – with food. I’ll make you something to eat for lunch before I leave each day, okay? Even if it’s just a slice of bread and honey.”

He nodded in understanding, and I set to preparing a quick meal from our canned goods. Soon we were feasting on stew with potatoes and vegetables. Scraping my plate clean, I remembered.

“It’s the soup kitchen tomorrow. Wonder what they’ll be cooking?”

His crooked smile flashed in my direction while he speared a piece of potato with his fork.

“No idea, but it always tastes better when you don’t have to cook it yourself. Is it wrong to hope for more cake?”

I felt my grin touch my ears at his enthusiasm.

After cleaning up, I made sure he took his tablet with plenty of water. He smiled at me and my heart swelled to bursting with love for him, forcibly replacing the fear I had harboured for so long. Leaning in, I pressed my lips to his and felt his immediate response, his warm breath fanning my cheek, his lips moulding to mine for just a second or two. Just like always, the outside world fell away leaving just Jas and me, floating high above the clouds, drunk on each other.

We broke apart, Jas breathless but smiling, his forehead resting against mine.

“I’ll never get tired of that.”

I smiled at his words, bashful, overcome by my feelings for him.

“Me either.” My thumb touched his lower lip before I replaced it with my lips, taking one more slow drink from them. With a sigh, I sat back.

“I should get ready for bed.”

He nodded.

“You have work tomorrow.”  He bit his lip. I could read him easily.

“Don’t think about money. We’ve almost got the rent covered. I might also have found a possible solution to help with that.”

He looked surprised, but hopeful.

“Is it to do with the phone?”

In all the worry I had forgotten to tell him about Esme and Tanya. I nodded and filled him in on my day, on my upcoming job trial and my tentative hopes for work. The smile that lit his face sent warmth coiling through my veins. He pulled me into an awkward hug, his chest so painful, yet not enough to stop him. His lips were against my ear, whispering over and over again.

“So proud of you, so, so proud…”

I choked on my words, so scared I was getting both our hopes up to fail.

“It’s not definite, love. It might not work out.”

“It will work, I know it. I have faith in you.” His hand cupped my face, gazing deep into my eyes. “I think you’re amazing and only good things should ever happen to you.”

Lost in his gaze, I whispered the only words that made sense to me.

“You’re the best thing.”

He swallowed hard, biting the inside of his lip and nodding, his eyes abruptly shiny.

“Same.”

We kissed again, our cheeks wet, hands cradling each other’s faces.

~o.O.o~

I kissed him good morning, and got myself washed and dressed for the day ahead.

Then it was Jasper’s turn. I helped him to the bathroom before returning to make us both cups of coffee and a peanut butter sandwich. No matter how little we usually ate, Jasper now needed food to take his meds and I would make sure he got it. The coffee was far superior to our usual dust, and we both savoured the taste.

Leaving Jas was a wrench that morning, every part of me wanting to stay by his side. On a positive note, I would be back with lunch that we would eat together before my stint at the market later. I hoped that his appetite would improve - he needed to regain the weight he had dropped. It hadn’t gone unnoticed to me that his jeans last night had been looser, dropping lower on his hips. He had slept quite a bit from what I could remember, the clue being that I had slept too. It was too soon to be the meds, and I wondered whether the short trip out in the cold had simply tired him out enough to get some proper rest for once.

I had slept holding him safe in my arms.

Tearing myself away, I looped my scarf round my neck and fished my gloves out of my pocket. The November winds bit straight into my skin when I stepped outside, looking for purchase in my bones. It would soon be Christmas – our first Christmas – and I still wanted to do something special for Jasper, something for _us._ I still had my idea, I just needed funds to pay for the bus trip. What I had planned was too far to walk in the cold at night.

Smiling to myself, the empty tub in my hand, I felt upbeat. Jasper would get well now, we could soon have more money coming in, and we had each other.

No matter which way you cut it, life was on the up now and we deserved it.

We were good people.

~o.O.o~

The soup kitchen was as busy as before, and I joined the queue. When I was within sight of the table, I looked for Esme and frowned when I couldn’t see her anywhere. Then she appeared, a scarf around her hair and a beaming smile for the endless stream of hungry folk, and I breathed again. The food smelled amazing, rich and warm, and I could see the volunteers ladling out what looked to be mince or stew. My stomach rumbled in encouraging tones. Once I reached the guy serving, I held out my tub and the plates in my hand from before. The guy smiled and nodded, serving out two portions of what turned out to be beef chili and boiled rice. He packed them into the tub and covered them before sending me down to Esme, who was handing out desserts.

Seeing me, she stepped aside and let another volunteer into her station.

“Edward! How are you? How’s Jasper doing?”

I smiled, unable to not do so in her comforting presence.

“We went to the clinic last night. He has pleurisy. The doctor gave us meds for him. I can’t thank you enough. She said she knew you and that we were lucky to have you looking out for us. I couldn’t agree more quite honestly. She was lovely and didn’t treat us like…” I paused. “Like… you know.”

She nodded, her head tilted to one side.

“She’s a good doctor, and I’m so glad Jasper is finally getting treatment. He’s going to be off his feet for a while by the sounds of things. What is he going to do with himself while you’re working? He must get lonely.”

I sighed.

“I know. I need to get him something new to read. He has two books and he’s read them so many times. The doctor said he might have trouble sleeping with these pills, and he’s going to get so bored on his own.”

“Oh! Well, I have an easy suggestion then. Do you see the woman over there with all the boxes? That’s Lillian. She collects ex-library books from around the county and distributes them to the homeless. She makes her way around different soup kitchens and hostels, collecting books people have left and dropping off fresh ones. She’s a one-woman mobile lending library.” Esme chuckled. “She’s popular, as you can see.”

My head spun in the direction of her nod, and I saw a group of people crouched around boxes on the far side of the room. Esme reached out her hands.

“Leave your food with me and go choose something before all the good ones are gone.”

Mouth open in surprise, I handed over my tub of food and headed over to the throng to see what was on offer. If it meant keeping Jasper sane and entertained, I’d take anything available. Closer inspection revealed boxes of biographies, fiction and magazines, disappearing in handfuls to the grateful masses. Not willing to waste any time, I bent down and skimmed through some titles before I found some fantasy authors, similar to the books Jasper had at home. Looking up, I saw Lillian smiling at me in encouragement and I held up my finds. She reached to her side and fished out a paper sack, handing it over for me to fill, encouraging to me to take whatever I wanted. Stunned, I dropped five paperbacks into the bag, nodded my thanks with a dazed smile, and went back to Esme to collect our meal.

“Found something good?”

I nodded, my happiness evident on my face.

“People are so amazing. To do this for others is so generous – so thoughtful. I never _knew_ …”

She shrugged, her head tilted.

“That’s just it. People don’t know that help is out there. It’s just knowing who or where to ask.”

Without thinking about it, or questioning it, I walked around the table and pulled her into a hug, somehow knowing she would not protest. Her arms tightened around me in an answering hug before she rubbed my back. Straightening up, she smiled, her affection evident.

“Okay. So I’ve got your dessert – it’s chocolate cake today – and also some sandwiches as we got a lot of donations this week. Would you and Jasper prefer cheese or ham?”

_More food?_

“Cheese would be wonderful, thank you.”

I took the packet she handed me and placed it, with the slices of cake, on top of the books. She lifted my tub and I took it, making sure I was able to carry everything safely.

“See you next week, Edward. Take care of each other and send my love to Jasper.”

“Thank you, Esme. I will. Give Rosie a hug for me.”

The words didn’t seem enough.

Beaming like a child at Christmas, I headed for home, and Jasper.

~o.O.o~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> Next chapter will be posted in time for Christmas – the boys will be celebrating too

**Chapter 5**

**Edward’s POV**

I hastened home, tightening my arms to keep the food close to me for warmth, the bag of books hanging from my wrist. I hurried as fast as I dared – it wasn’t yet icy underfoot, but it wouldn’t be long – and the cold air would cool our food far quicker. The idea of a small microwave oven danced in my mind’s eye, some way to reheat food, especially now it was bitter outside. Home was so cold that we were going to have to use the heater regularly and I guessed how much that would cost, but at the very least we needed clean, dry clothes and bedding. Jasper had mentioned that the windows iced up on the inside when it got really cold, and I was glad that we had each other for warmth. His chest didn’t need cold and damp. Not when it was now starting to heal.

I sighed.

At least we lived inside, out of the elements. I could cope with the cold if I had food and shelter. I considered another trip to the clothing bin to see if I could find us some warm clothing and more towels; the more towels we had, the longer we had to get the used ones dry. I knew Jas wouldn’t like me doing it, but it was worth checking it out again.

Almost home, I kept an eye out for any strange cars after our altercation from the previous night. I had no intention of engaging if anyone stopped, but my temper knew no bounds when it came to defending my boy. Scouring the street, I saw nothing suspicious, the odd car that did pass me was moving at a reasonable speed for the street.

Allowing my mind to wander was never a good move. I tried to understand how Jasper felt every day, standing outside waiting to be propositioned by some stranger who cruised by. I shuddered at the thought of someone’s hands pawing at me, undressing me, touching me in places they had no right to. Did he feel his body was worthless now? Nothing but a commodity to be sold no matter how low the price offered?

I had seen his body when we bathed together and when I had had to sponge-bathe him. He was beautiful, lean and firm, someone to be adored… worshipped. I ached to hold him naked in my arms, just hold him skin to skin, and know how his body fit against mine with nothing between us. My head was full of him, dreams of us together, carefree and in love, making love with abandon. My heart wanted that with him, wanted all of him, but my head blocked it, backed away from it, the fear an ever-present brick wall before me, separating me from the one thing I wanted so much. When Jasper was well again, I planned to discuss it with him. It was a subject we had never broached, but from the way he held me, the way he kissed me, his hands stroking my back in time with his own breathing, the way he played with my hair when he thought I was sleeping, I figured we both wanted the same thing.

I just needed to find the words when the time felt right.

My hand reached out to open the door, my happy smile refusing to budge.

“Jas? I hope you’re hungry!”

He looked up the moment I spoke, his beautiful smile blooming, so happy to see me. My heart ached with love for him. His face was curious when he saw I carried a bag as well as our food.

I grinned, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll tell you in a minute. First up, let’s eat. It’s chili and rice today.” I unpacked the plates, the smell drawing hungry protests from my empty belly. I glanced back over my shoulder, my smile widening. “And yes – there’s cake.”

His crooked grin was all the thanks I needed.

We ate, and I struggled not to inhale it. When I had scraped my plate clean, I remembered.

“We have cheese sandwiches too – we can save those for supper. Esme said they had a lot of donations this week so we got extra.”

His eyebrows raised, much like mine had. Swallowing his mouthful of chili and rice, he wiped his mouth with his knuckle.

“Really? That’s brilliant. I was going to say we needed bread when you go to the market. Cheese is great – I love cheese.”

“I know you do.” I chewed and swallowed, a happy smile touching my cheeks. “I’ll get us more bread later – I’m liking having sandwiches to take with me for lunch. I’ve got more energy.”

His eyes crinkled.

“I don’t know how you kept going on water and apples all day. You make sure you take enough to keep your strength up. See if you can stretch to some more peanut butter when we run out. I like that for breakfast.”

“I’ll do what I can. There’s the other soup kitchen to check out too. I’ll go there later this week and check it out. They’re a church-run group, I think.”

“Okay, but they might not be so keen on helping us if they know about what I do.”

“Then I won’t tell them. I have to try, Jas. It’s temporary until we get on our feet. I’ve seen first-hand that these places are a permanent lifeline for some people.”

He nodded, reaching out to cover my hand with his.

“That won’t be us, love.” He squeezed my hand before letting go. “If you’re all done, can you pass me my pills and some water?”

I took my dirty plate to the sink, and filled a glass with fresh water, tipping out his pills into my hand. He finished his meal and laid the plate down on the bed, taking the glass and swallowing half the water and both the pills. Clearing away his plate too, I picked up the bag of books and took it over to him, hoping he would like the ones I had chosen. It was silly to be nervous, but I always wanted to make Jasper happy, to never let him down, even with something as simple as reading matter. Biting my bottom lip, I sat down, the paper sack in my lap.

“There was a woman at the kitchen today who distributes old library books and magazines to the homeless. She does it for free all around Chicago. Anyhow, I went to see her and …” I didn’t say anymore, handing him the bag. I wondered if this was what it felt like to give someone you loved a special birthday or Christmas gift.

I watched the excitement bloom in his eyes, the helpless smile that widened when he scrabbled in the bag and fished out the contents, heaping them onto the bed.

“Terry Pratchett! You star!” He grabbed the Discworld titles and read the blurb on the back of each. Next he found the bulky Robin Hobb trilogy I had found, plus the David Eddings and Terry Brooks novels. He looked so excited, like he didn’t know where to start. Then his attention snapped straight back to me, a little happy colour staining his pale cheeks, and his arms wound around my chest, pulling me close. His face was in my neck, his warm breath spilling across my throat.

“Thank you, love. Thank you. This is amazing. I can’t believe you even knew what genre to get!”

“I can’t have you getting bored, can I? I’m glad I did good.” My thumbs rubbed comforting circles against his shoulder muscles.

“You weren’t worried were you?” He pulled back to examine my face, looking for signs. My weak smile gave me away. “Edward, I’d have read a phone book for something to do, but you… you go and do this... for _me._ Have I told you I think you’re amazing?”

I felt my face heat at the compliment, tilting my face to meet his kiss. We both jumped when the loud electronic tune filled the silence. My eyes widened.

“It’s the phone!” I ran to grab it from my coat pocket, looking for the right button to press.

“Hello?”

“Edward? Hello, it’s Tanya. I could use you tomorrow for that trial we talked about. Can you be here at ten?”  She rattled off an address and I scribbled it down on the envelope still in my pocket.

“I’ll be there. Thank you for this opportunity, Tanya.”

“We’ll see how you do tomorrow. We’ll talk more when you get here. See you then.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

I fumbled with the unfamiliar phone, finding the end call button, before turning to Jasper who was watching me with excited eyes.

“I have my trial tomorrow with Tanya.” I was almost bouncing with excitement. “I hope I’m up to her standards, Jas. A regular job would make us enough money to pay rent without touching my market wages.” I shook my head. “I’m getting ahead of myself, but I’m really excited.”

The pride in Jasper’s eyes warmed me from my head to my toes.

~o.O.o~

My shift at the market was uneventful, but with the thought of work the following day, I couldn’t control the smile on my face. Perhaps it was that, or maybe it was the stirrings of the approaching festive season, but a few customers tipped me for carrying their bags to their cars, and I pocketed the coins with an even wider smile of thanks. I used the money to buy bread and our usual spoils from Tony, barely touching my earnings.

“You’re looking more cheerful tonight, kid. Good day?”

Taking my bag, I smiled and nodded.

“I had some good news. If it works out… well, let’s say it will make a big difference to Jasper and me. Especially with only one of us well enough to work at the moment.”

He looked at me for a long moment.

“Promise me you’re both eating enough? Don’t want you getting sick too.”

I felt my cheeks warm.

“We’re doing okay, Tony. Thanks to your advice.” Remembering, I felt my smile spread. “I even got some books for Jasper while I was at the kitchen. Now at least he has something to keep him occupied while I’m working.”

“Glad to hear it.” His voice was gruff. “Best you get on home to your boy. It’s so cold out - won’t be long ‘til the snow gets here.”

Didn’t I know it. I needed new boots before the bad weather hit. Something else to add to my mental list of things to not worry Jasper with.

Tony wasn’t wrong about the weather – it was bitter once the weak winter sun disappeared. I wrapped my scarf around my chin and neck, and headed toward home. Christmas lights were appearing in a few windows, families excited for the coming season. I smiled, feeling a lightness that was unfamiliar. Perhaps next year we could decorate our room – a little bit of sparkle could go a long way to lifting the spirit. My happy mood was tested when the wind almost buffeted me off my feet when I turned a corner, but I stayed upright and, head down, made my way home as swiftly as I could.

Jasper was snuggled up under the covers, lying on his side with a new book open by his head. He looked relaxed and miles away when I set the bag of food down on the counter. Walking to the bed, I leaned over and kissed him hello before setting some water on to boil for coffee. While I waited I checked our box of provisions and saw that, other than having eaten almost all of the peanut butter, we still had plenty of tinned goods and instant snacks to keep us going, plus the bread, vegetables and fruit I had brought home. Making the coffee, I found the cheese sandwiches in their bag from that morning and put them on a plate, carrying them to the bed.

“Time to eat, love. Can you sit up?”

He turned his book over and managed to get himself into an upright position, albeit with obvious pain. Once I had him settled, I fetched his pills. The sandwiches were good, the bread fresh and the cheese just warm enough to give it a little flavour. It would have been so easy to demolish mine in about three bites, but I made myself savour them. After all, we had already had a hot meal that day. I then shared out the cake we hadn’t eaten at lunch, giving us a delicious sweet treat to round off our small meal.

I watched Jas lick every last trace from his fingers and thumb, chasing every crumb from the plate.

“I could get used to cake. I didn’t know what I was missing. So, how was work?”

I fussed with his covers in the already chilly room, kissing his nose when he tried to protest, drawing a giggle instead.

“Something was in the air today I think. I got tips for the first time in forever, and they almost covered the cost of the bread and vegetables. A really good day.” I took a mouthful of coffee. “Decorations are going up for Christmas. A few houses are already lit up. Makes the walk home more fun.”

Jasper looked around the room. “I guess being alone I never really thought about Christmas. Well, other than the few extra customers I got who came looking for what they wanted while their wives went shopping.” He looked at me and I read his mind easily enough. I shrugged.

“Christmas was fun at the foster homes. We got a gift and a nice dinner. But, like you, once I was alone it scarcely seemed important.  I always did like the lights and the trees though. They made the world look so warm and hopeful, even though I was sleeping rough. I guess I was lucky – I hadn’t been on the streets long enough to have it knocked out of me.”

Jasper listened to me, the way he always did, making me feel that everything I had to say was important. I watched his face fall and wondered why when I was so happy just being here with him. His eyes fixed on the blanket, he sounded contrite.

“I wish I could give you a proper Christmas – the kind you deserve. We don’t even have a tinsel garland. Perhaps we can get something special to eat for Christmas dinner? Maybe If I’m working by then we could buy a cooked chicken from the market and a cake…”

I cupped his flushed cheek. “Hey. We have food and we won’t go hungry. You’ll get well and next year we’ll be in a different place. We’ll have money and we’ll make ourselves a proper Christmas. I say that for this year let’s just appreciate that we have a home and each other, and thanks to our friends, we have food in our stomachs. I reckon that’s worth celebrating; we’ve come a long way since last Christmas, yeah?”

His eyes were shiny and the corner of his mouth wobbled. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.  I didn’t mention it.

“How’s the pain, love? Are the pills working?”

His voice was rough.

“They’re starting to. A few more days and I should be feeling a lot better I reckon.”

I felt relief seep into my cold bones.

“That’s really good. Now – let’s get you to the bathroom before we turn in. It’s so cold tonight.”

Helping him shuffle his legs out, I made sure he was bundled up to go out into the sub-zero bathroom. He was soon back and it was my turn. I shrugged on my coat and made short work of my ablutions, glad we didn’t have to bathe in that room. My teeth were chattering when I ran back inside, locking our door and turning off the light. I pulled on a fresh pair of old but dry socks and the bright Christmas sweater before climbing into bed alongside Jasper. We had the knitted blanket on the bed on top of the others to add weight and warmth. Soon, snug and warm, we slept.

~o.O.o~

The next morning my insides bubbled with a mix of excitement and anxiety.

It was the day of my trial shift and I wanted to impress Tanya, and also make Esme proud. That in itself was so important to me. Esme had been such an angel to us, and I wanted to show her that we were worth the trouble.

Jasper watched me over breakfast and did his best to ground me. When I’d finished my sandwich and coffee and was ready to go, he kissed me, telling me to go and ‘show ‘em how it’s done’.

Smiling at his enthusiasm, I made sure he was set up for the morning before I left, a long walk ahead of me before I even started my new job. In my pocket I had two sandwiches and some raisins, neither of which, I hoped, would be of much interest to a dog. Pass or fail today, I would be doing this without bribes and incentives. It was early out, my breath pluming in front of my face, and I tugged my scarf up under my nose. Making my way down the block, I kept walking straight, ignoring the street that led to the familiar hustle of the market, heading out to the start of something new and exciting. I had no idea of time, not having a watch, but by the time I had walked over a mile and a half there were more people around, more cars passing me. Checking the directions Tanya had dictated, I turned right, walking for three blocks. The Chicago River was not too far ahead, the wind whipping off of the water, icy and cutting, and stealing the breath from my lungs.

Looking around I spotted the small building and its friendly sign: ‘ _Chicago Happy Tails’._ Eager to be out of the cold for a few moments, I pushed open the heavy door and stepped inside a brightly lit room. It looked a little like how I thought a vet’s office might look, with a reception desk and a strong smell of disinfectant. Somewhere in the building I heard barking and whining, and the skittering of claws on the shiny floor.

“Edward!” I turned to see Tanya’s smiling face appear from a door behind the desk. “Come on through. It’s good to see you. I hope you found us okay?”

I nodded with a smile, feeling a little shy all of a sudden.

“Right, well I expect you’d like to know what you’ll be doing for us today. So – we offer two types of service here at Happy Tails. We have a home visiting service where the walkers go to each house on their list and exercise each dog on its own for the requisite amount of time. Now, that works well if they’re all very local, but for obvious reasons it isn’t practical to ask people to walk dogs _and_ have to walk long distances between each job. So for those we use walkers with their own transport. What I would like your help with is with our boarding residents. We’ll try you with one today and see how you do. If it works well, then in the future we can send you out with two or three to maximise your time and energy. How does that sound?”

I blinked. “That sounds great, Tanya. I’m happy to get started.”

She rubbed her hands together. “Right then. Come and meet Alice, our main carer here at the centre. It’s playtime at the moment, so it can be a little manic.” She led the way through two doors, opening the third into a bright, airy room where three, no, four, no _five_ dogs of differing sizes were bounding around the room after balls and squeaky toys being thrown by a short, dark-haired girl who was beaming at them. The smallest dog was a dachshund, a sneaky player who could zip under the bigger dogs and steal the ball out from under them. The girl, Alice, was laughing at the antics, and I found myself joining in at the sheer audacity of the little dog.

“Alice? This is Edward! He’s going to be helping out with the exercising today to see if he fits the bill as our new casual walker. Can you show him the ropes and introduce him to Jupiter? Thank you.”

She turned to me. “I’ll leave you in Alice’s capable hands. Ask any questions you want to – we want you to feel comfortable. We’ll have a chat when you get back.” With a smile, she turned and disappeared back through to her office.

Alice stepped carefully through the melee of dogs and held out her hand.

“Hi Edward! Welcome to Happy Tails. As you can see, it’s entertaining! So – what experience do you have? Tanya said something about looking after a large dog belonging to a friend of hers?” I nodded.

“That’s right. Rosie is a cross – Labrador and something else, not sure what! She’s full of energy and so clever.”

Alice nodded. “That’s good, because Jupiter isn’t exactly small.” She waved her hand at the blur of playing dogs. “These guys are all small fireballs of energy and for the most part we can burn off some of that energy indoors between walks. Jupiter would trample poor little Fritzy over there.” She pointed to the dachshund. With a smile she beckoned me. “Come on, follow me.”

She led the way through to the back of the building, to where the residents spent their time. It was rather luxurious – they each had a pen long enough to allow them to stretch their legs, with comfy beds and toys, plenty of water and natural light. It was warm and I couldn’t help but compare it to mine and Jasper’s home.  I followed her to an enclosure towards the end of the room and saw a huge red setter watching, ears pricked, tail swishing.

Alice went over to the enclosure and started talking to the dog, who was by now vibrating with excitement, clearly knowing that a walk was imminent.

“Come and say hello, Edward. Let him hear your voice and get familiar with you. While you do that, I’ll fetch you some bags for your pocket, and show you how the leash works. He has a chest harness and an extender leash that his owner reckons she uses because he likes to run off.” She pulled a face. “I’ve walked him and he’s a sweetheart. Full of beans and loves to run; he just needs a firm hand and a definitive tone. When he knows who is in charge, he obeys with no problem. She should have trained him when he was a pup. Or maybe someone should have trained _her._ ” She turned to me. “Think you’ll be okay with him? Keep him on the leash and see now he is with you. I’ll fetch you a ball too. Jupe loves to play.”

I knelt down and was immediately licked by the happy dog, whining and scrabbling to get out of his pen. “Hiya, boy. Want to go play? We’ll go and burn off some of that energy, okay? You going to be a good boy for me?” The short bark and pant told me he was ready to get going.

Alice reappeared, laughing. “Coming, Jupe! Let’s get your harness on.” She unlocked the pen and we were ambushed, beaten across the face and arms by the whipping tail while he danced around, desperate for attention. She showed me how to get him into his chest harness and make sure he couldn’t slip it, before attaching the leash. I commented on how quickly she did it and she looked up.

“Jupe’s a frequent flyer here. He’s one of a few that we offer a doggy day care service for. His owner works long hours and he gets bored on his own which is bad news. He gets to come out during the day for playtime here, plus he gets socialised with other dogs. It’s good for him. In fact, he often has the run of the place here because he hates being left on his own for long. But, it means that he’s getting more attached to us than his owner. It’s a shame.”

Hot breath blasted in our faces, his tongue lolling from his wide open smile in response. “If you can give him at least half an hour, longer if possible, that would be great. Have you got your phone with you?” I patted my pocket. “Good. Any problems, call in. Otherwise, we’ll see you both when you’re done.”

So, all equipped and ready, I followed Alice out of the building, Jupiter at my heels. She pointed to a good route that led to a small area suitable for play, and I nodded understanding. Rubbing Jupiter’s silky ears, I spoke to him while we walked down the sidewalk. He had no fear, didn’t flinch at traffic or people, and stayed close to me. When the space opened out, I let him have a little more leash, expecting him to pull ahead, but he carried on, ears cocked, his gait jaunty and carefree, tail waving. It was liberating to be walking the streets with a purpose. I discovered that people actually saw me, rather than their eyes sliding past me. Faces smiled when they looked at Jupiter, one or two people nodded to me when they passed us and I smiled back.

When we reached the play area I threw the ball and gave Jupiter the full length of lead to chase after it. He loved it every bit as much as Rosie, and the time flew by. I checked the phone for the time to make sure we didn’t run late. When he was panting, his tongue hanging out at its full length, I decided to see how well he obeyed simple commands. Shortening his lead, I ran him through the basics using a firm tone and strong eye contact. I was impressed when he sat immediately, watching me, his tail wagging the entire time. Next I tried a lie down command and he dropped to the grass again without hesitation. Lastly I decided to try a harder one, asking him for a paw. His head tilted to one side, not understanding, and so I crouched down to fuss him before repeating the command with a light tap to his foreleg. He looked down and then at me, so I did it again, holding out my hand, palm up. Head still on one side, he lifted his leg and tapped my hand. I laughed in delight, telling him he was a good boy and he danced around my legs, panting, happy with the praise.

Together we walked back to Happy Tails, stopping to drop off Jupe’s deposit into a pet waste bin. We arrived back almost an hour after leaving, and were met by Alice who looked at my flushed cheeks and a happy Jupiter with satisfaction.

“So – how’d it go?”

She removed Jupe’s harness and he went straight to his water bowl, noisy slurps filling the room. I told her about the walk and play session, mentioning the commands I had tried out. Raising an eyebrow, she cracked open the lid on a plastic tub and reached inside. Offering her hand to me, she dropped two biscuits into my palm.

“Show me.”

Jupiter smelled the biscuits and left his water bowl to eye me with undisguised hope. I looked at him for a long moment. “Jupiter – _sit_.” His bottom hit the floor, tail swishing. His tongue swiped his teeth, anticipating the biscuit. “Jupiter – _down_.” His front legs slid forward until his belly was on the floor, his eyes on my hand. I gave him a moment before calling him and rewarding him with a biscuit. Two crunches and it was gone with a loud smack of his jaws. _Here goes nothing._ I knelt down in front of him. I held out my hand, palm up. “Jupiter – _paw_.”  He sniffed my hand before understanding, touching his paw to my palm. I had no doubt that in time he would give me a paw to shake. “Good boy!” I rubbed his ears and neck, offering him the remaining biscuit which he accepted in a gentle fashion, despatching it with a quick crunch.

“I’m impressed, Edward.” Alice fastened the lid back on the tub. “Did he pull on the leash? Try and get away from you?” I must have looked confused because she tilted her head just like Jupe. “Tanya was right. You do have the touch. Well, he seems a happy boy. Come on – let’s go and let Tanya know how you did.”

I looked back to Jupiter and she shook her head. “He can come too. He hasn’t been out of the pen much today. Come on, boy.” He bounced ahead of her, leading the way to Tanya’s office, tapping at her door when we arrived. I heard her laugh from inside the room.

“Come in, guys. Hello, Jupiter!” He was at her side in a moment, wriggling with happiness and demanding more attention. “So how did you do?”

Alice repeated what I had told her and I watched a slow smile spread across her face.

“Well, I think we can consider this trial a success, Edward. As I said before, once you’re ready, it’s common to walk two or three at once, especially with the smaller dogs. They have their own pecking order and it works well. With the bigger dogs it will depend on the temperament. Some don’t want to play, so it would be a walk and that’s it. Are you happy for me to call you when we need you?”

I felt my smile almost break my face.

“That would be amazing. We had so much fun today! Thank you so much. I look forward to hearing from you.” I went to leave and she called me back. When I turned I saw her offering me twenty dollars. My face must have said it all.

“You deserve payment for a successful trial. You did a double session with Jupiter which was very much appreciated. He needs lots of exercise.”

I reached forward, feeling like I was in a dream, and accepted the money, folding it and tucking it inside my coat.

“Thank you very much. I hope I’ll be hearing from you soon.”

With my smile showing no sign of slipping, I said goodbye to them both and to Jupiter and set off for the market to see if they needed me before that evening’s shift.

By the time I arrived it was lunchtime, and my stomach was demanding food. I sat on the bench and ate my sandwiches, not feeling the cold as acutely with the blood pumping through me from that morning’s exercise. It was a wonderful surprise when I saw Esme and Rosie walking towards me, not in any hurry.

“Hi, Esme! I didn’t expect to see you!” I moved up on the seat to allow her some space.

She sat, Rosie between her knees while I ate. Once I finished, she let her rush over for attention and there was much sniffing of me before I got my usual exuberant hug.

“I smell of another dog. I’ve been unfaithful to you, Rosie!” I rubbed her ears and cheeks, loving the way she let me do whatever I wanted. Esme laughed at my comment.

“So, you started work then? Tell me all about it.”

We sat and I told her all about Jupiter and what Alice had said about him. She nodded and smiled, seemingly unsurprised.

“I had faith in you, Edward. Hopefully you’ll get plenty of calls. It’s easier money than running yourself ragged here, that’s for sure.” I couldn’t deny that she was right there. A thought occurred to me.

“Esme, forgive me if I’m out of line, but do you have a husband and a family? Someone to be proud of all the good you do?”

She looked down and I felt guilty. Clearly I had overstepped the mark. Then she looked at me, her eyes bleak when I was used to seeing them shine, full of compassion. I felt my face heat up and tried to backtrack.

“I’m sorry, I should never have asked…”

She touched my hand.

“It’s okay, Edward. I don’t mind.”

She took a deep breath and shifted on the bench, seeming nervous, her hands twisting in her lap.

“I did have a husband. We were married for a year when I fell pregnant. I was so happy.” Her face twisted into a weak smile before her eyes fluttered shut. “I had a son. He was… stillborn.” Her voice was no more than a whisper and my hand reached for hers to offer comfort. “He would have been 19 now.” She was silent for a long moment. “My husband, he couldn’t take it. I needed him and he… left. We were divorced not long afterwards.”

_He abandoned her? When she was grieving? What a prince._

“Esme, I’m so sorry. I never meant to bring up such hurtful memories. Forgive me.”

I leaned in and pulled her into a gentle hug. Her head fell onto my shoulder, her body slumping against me, trusting me to hold her. We sat together in the cold air, me trying to offer her all the possible support I could.

She squeezed my hand, her smile resigned.

“It was a long time ago. Life moves on and you have to move with it.”

“You never met anybody new? That’s such a long time to be alone.”

She sat up, her hand still in mine. I was happy to see that her eyes were dry, just full of painful recollection.

“I’ve got Rosie, and a circle of wonderful friends. That’s more than so many people get in this life.”

I looked at her, making sure she understood.

“You have me as a friend too. You’ve done so much already for Jasper and me, so much we can never repay.”

She nodded, a small smile curving her lips.

“Oh, Edward. Don’t you understand? I don’t need repayment. I just want to see you on your feet and leading a full life. You _and_ Jasper. Do I get to meet this man of yours some day?”

I grinned.

“When he’s feeling up to it, we’ll both come and eat at the soup kitchen. I can’t wait to introduce you; he’s heard all about you, believe me.”

She reached for Rosie, stroking the soft head that rested on her knees, big eyes watching her sad mistress.

“Did he like the books you took home? I bet he was surprised.”

I felt my face brighten.

“Oh yes! He couldn’t believe it! I don’t think they’ll last him too long. I’ll have to hope Lillian comes again before Christmas - I could sneak in a few more as a present. He wouldn’t expect it. Maybe get some paper to wrap them.”

“You know, Edward, the soup kitchen serves lunch on Christmas Day if you and Jasper would like to come? It’s always a very well attended event. We sing some carols and there’s a little gift for everyone, something useful – socks, gloves, something like that. It would be lovely to have you there.” Her hopeful expression spoke volumes about her own loneliness.

“That’s amazing – I can’t imagine anyone ever says no to that. We’ll be there. We were only talking about that last night, about trying to buy a cooked chicken and take it home because we don’t have any way of cooking one…” I tailed off with a small laugh. She knew this, and I wasn’t out for sympathy. We were going places, Jasper and me – things were changing and we just needed to be patient for a bit longer.

“That’s wonderful. Come be in the warm with friends and good food for a bit. It’s good for the soul. So, what are you asking Santa for this year?”

I looked at her with a quizzical expression and she laughed. Rosie’s tail thumped at the sound. My thumb rubbed the weather-beaten wood of the bench and I looked at the ground when I answered, suddenly bashful.

“Santa? Well, I think he delivered well enough on last year’s wish. I have a home and someone special, plus a new job. What more could I want? I won’t bother him this year. He’s a busy guy you know.” I half-laughed at my own joke, looking up at her kind face. “You know, I spotted a Goodwill store while we were on the bus to the clinic. When Jasper’s well and I’ve earned a bit more money, he and I should go there and see what we can get. Maybe a kettle or a toaster. I know I need more boots before the snow comes.” I looked down at my boots, heavily worn when I had found them, that were now on the verge of giving up the ghost. “This new job means so much and it’s going to make such a difference. I really can’t thank you enough for helping us.”

She leaned over, her face wreathed in smiles, and kissed my forehead before standing up.

“I better be going and finish this girl’s walk.” Her hand patted Rosie, who was nudging my knee. “I’ll see you soon, Edward. Look after that boy of yours.”

I beamed. “I promise. I’ll see you soon, Esme. You too, Rosie!” With one last rub of her ears, I patted her and sent her off with her mistress, watching them walk away before I headed inside to see what work I could drum up to add to the day’s profits.

~o.O.o~

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I may have underestimated how much story there was between the end of the last chapter and Christmas. As a result, rather than post one enormous chapter, I am breaking it up into two. The second one will be posted on Christmas Eve as soon as it’s ready.   
> The church group mentioned in this chapter is based on a rather well known organisation that, in Britain at least, will not help people who do not conform to their views on family and relationships. I speak as someone who has witnessed their discrimination first hand. However, please do not assume that I am tarring all other religious organisations with the same brush. This is fiction after all.   
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> See you tomorrow! (Never thought I’d be typing THAT).

**Chapter 6**

**Edward’s POV**

Jasper was so happy when I told him about my day, and about Jupiter.  When I tried to explain about how people had looked at me differently, he had pulled me into a hug and just held me, understanding how monumental it was for people like us to be treated like normal citizens just going about their day. If only we could make people see that just because we occupied the lowest rung on the ladder of society, it didn’t mean we didn’t crave acknowledgment. The best Christmas gift they could give us was to see us and not look the other way.

The news about Christmas dinner had made Jasper as excited as it had me. He would be coming with me and we would spend the holiday together, in a warm place with food and company and holiday spirit. Truly what the season was all about.

December had arrived, Christmas lights were everywhere and the daylight seemed to be fading by the time I ate my lunch. On average, I was getting two shifts a week at Happy Tails, mostly with Jupiter which suited me just fine. He and I had bonded, and he was an obedient and exceptionally intelligent dog to have as a companion. One day I hoped to own one just like him.

That week was a flurry of activity for me. With Christmas approaching, the market was busier than ever and I earned extra cash just by being a spare pair of hands. I stayed near my friends’ stands and they made sure my services were offered at every opportunity to carry bags and goods. I had no time to be bored and was tired and hungry by the time I headed home each night, my pockets heavier with coins than usual. Squirrelling away every cent I could meant the rent was covered and we could supplement our meagre food rations with extras such as the biggest jar of Jas’ beloved peanut butter that I could afford. When our rations ran low, I planned to visit the community kitchen again to get us through the holiday season. The market would be closed for a few days and with no work, I needed to make sure we had enough food at home.

Jasper was feeling much stronger and was getting out of bed to walk around and get a little exercise. Our room was so cold that the only way he could keep warm the rest of the time was to stay in bed despite wanting to do more. Much as I didn’t want him going outside in the cold when the doctor had said he shouldn’t, he insisted on a few minutes outside each day to get some fresh air, making sure he was well wrapped up while I fussed like a clucky mother hen. I saw his grin and knew he secretly loved the attention, not arguing when I bundled him back inside. I didn’t want him overdoing it now.

One afternoon I made my way to the second soup kitchen across town to see if we could get some additional help. When I arrived, the people in charge spotted me as someone they hadn’t seen before and asked me where I was staying. I said I had lived rough and now slept in an unheated room with my friend who was sick and couldn’t work. I explained that I had a part time job – after all, there was every chance someone could have seen me at the market on any given day and I wasn’t about to pretend. I said that we had no money left for food once we had paid for our room and I hoped that we could have a little food to fill our stomachs in this bitter weather.

I was told that we needed to attend to get food, and so I asked if I could take some food home, but they said no, that wasn’t the arrangement here. My face fell. I didn’t want to eat without Jasper, it wasn’t right to fill my belly and have his empty. I thought about accepting their offer and hopefully pocketing any bread or cake that came from my meal to take home, but then something happened that stunned me. A man came up behind the woman I was speaking to and muttered something in her ear, staring at me the whole time. Her face changed then, and I saw that the offer was no longer on the table. The man spoke.

“I’ve seen you before, with a curly haired boy. You were on a bus. I clearly saw you kiss him and hold his hand. We are a church group as I’m sure you know, and that sort of lifestyle is simply unacceptable. We won’t support it or you. Please leave.”

And there we were thinking it would be Jasper’s job they objected to. Instead it was Jasper and me that horrified them.

I turned and left with my head down, walking home feeling sickened and a little shaky. All we had asked for was to be treated like humans, but discrimination came in many forms and I knew that nothing would change their blinkered view of the world. We had somewhere we were welcome and could get a meal, and we would be fine. I tried to cheer myself up, but the day hadn’t done with me yet.

When I arrived home to tell Jasper the news, the room was empty as was the bathroom. I kept on my coat and headed back out, expecting to see Jasper somewhere outside getting a little air, but there was no sign. I walked a little farther down the road to where I had first met Jasper and that’s when I saw him, mercifully wearing his, albeit unbuttoned, too-thin jacket, getting out of a station wagon. When it had pulled away out of sight, I watched him sag against the wall and ran to him, fear burning my chest.

“Jasper!”

He saw me and his face fell. I saw then a real sense of self-loathing, something I had never seen in his eyes before. Jasper was a proud man, refusing to be apologetic for the things he did, but now I saw it, clear as day. I reached him and pulled him into my arms for support, his breathing laboured without a warm scarf across his pallid face.

“Love, what were you thinking? Come on, let’s get you home.”

He clung to me and I walked him inside, flicking on the heater to take the edge off the chill, and sat him down in the chair in front of it to soak up as much warmth as he could. At least constant activity kept me feeling warm, but to go from being in bed for weeks to standing outside not wearing nearly enough clothes was insanity. I fetched the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around him, hugging him to me until the heater was hot. I put some water on to boil, and crouched in front of him.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet, his head down. “I just wanted to help with the money.” His chilled hand touched my face, his words a crackling whisper. “You work so hard all day, sometimes for nothing, and I knew that I could really help if I got back to work. But I swear I never wanted you to see me with a client, ever. It makes what I do too real. I can forget when it’s just me, but then I saw your face…” His wan face and noisy breathing told me the rest. I gripped his hands.

“It was too soon, Jas. Don’t frighten me like that. You’re not better yet, and you can’t risk getting sicker. I can’t bear the thought of that. I need you. Everything I do is for us, to make our lives better.” I shrugged, feeling helpless. “So I work long hours for not very much, but it won’t _always_ be like this. I’m just getting started and I couldn’t have done it without you, so I need you to promise me, right now, that you will get better properly before you even think about going back out there again.”

My voice wobbled. What I wanted to say was that he was not to do that anymore, and that I would find a way of supporting us if need be so that no one could ever use him again, but I knew that wasn’t my choice to make. It was Jasper’s way of life and had been for some time now. He maintained he had control, that he made the decisions about what happened to his body, and I knew he was right. What I had been through coloured the way I saw his work, and it meant I struggled to come to terms with it, knowing that he derived no pleasure from the acts he performed; in that way at least our experiences paralleled. I also understood that it was up to him to choose when and if he wanted to stop.

I realised that whereas he had worked every day since we had met and I had had no choice but to accept it, now that he had been away from the streets for several weeks I loathed the thought of him going back out there. For me, his work had been fading into the distance, something to be consigned to the past where it belonged.

Reality was a harsh and cruel mistress.

To hold myself together and stop thinking about it, I looked at his hands, turning them over, inspecting them for grazes. He knew what I was doing.

“It’s okay, he fucked me in the back of his car. At least it was warm in there. Better than the alternative.”

“Did he hurt you?” My eyes were squeezed shut when I uttered the words, my fingers still holding his.

“It was okay, love. I had some lube and he used it. He didn’t have much time and wasn’t in the mood to be patient, let’s just say. Could have been worse. I’ve _had_ much worse.”

I nodded, unable to speak for a moment. Pushing myself up through the balls of my feet, I leaned in and kissed his chilled lips, lingering to warm them, knowing that no one got to touch them but me.

“I’ll go boil more water and we’ll get you into a warm bath, okay?”

He nodded, letting go of my hands and reaching into his jacket.

“For better or worse, we have another sixty dollars for rent.” He handed me the money and I took it, adding it to the notes under the mattress. “Are we okay for this week?”

I nodded, showing him the money we had. His eyes widened. We had enough for the following week as well. My extra time at the market had paid off with the busy shoppers taking full advantage of having a pack mule to fetch and carry. The best part was that the spirit of the season that opened their pocket books as well as their hearts, and I was getting tipped in dollars rather than cents. Plus two shifts a week from Tanya had boosted funds when every cent was precious. With Christmas coming up, there would be days where I wouldn’t be earning and rent still needed to be paid.

“You earned all that? I had no idea.” He shook his head. “Did you at least get something to eat this morning at the other place? I was hoping they might have given you a sandwich or something if they wouldn’t let you take food away.”

I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to ever give him bad news. My back to him, I busied myself with the hot water, pouring it into the bath and boiling more, the steam filling the air around us and misting up the window. The wall beneath it was streaked with what looked like years’ worth of water marks.

“Edward? What is it?”

I turned, fingers raking my hair, and dragged my eyes up to meet his.

“They threw me out.”

“ _What?_ Why?” I watched tiny dots of angry pink rise in his cheeks. “They wouldn’t let you eat because of me? Because of what I do? Is that it?” His indignation cut off into a rasping cough. I swallowed hard and shook my head, filling a glass of water and passing it to him. He sipped at it, trying to ease his throat. I hoped we had some honey left.

“No, that’s not it. I told them the barest minimum and they asked a lot of questions, unlike the other place. But then some guy came up and said he saw us on the bus when I took you to see the doctor. He said our _lifestyle_ wasn’t something they were prepared to accept and he told me to leave. I’m so sorry, Jasper. I tried.” I cleared my throat. “I really thought…” I felt my eyebrows knit together, the humiliation of the event taking more of a toll than I had envisaged. “Anyway, we’re okay, we don’t need their ‘acceptance’. We have food, and we’re always welcome at the kitchen where Esme volunteers.”

The water began to burble and I poured some into mugs, adding coffee to mine. Scrabbling around on our one shelf I found the honey jar and added a teaspoon of the remaining contents to Jasper’s mug. The rest of the water went into the bath and I refilled the pan and set it down to boil again, the simple action helping to channel my anger and hurt.

I wasn’t angry with Jasper. He had done what he thought was best, thinking he felt well enough. Getting into an argument would serve no purpose because he already felt ill, having realised his own mistake. If it meant a couple of extra days in bed then so be it – lesson learned. Right now all I cared about was warming him up and washing him clean as a newborn again before we went to bed. With no way of cooking a meal while I was boiling water for the bath, I used some of the water to prepare two of the instant noodle snack pots from our dwindling supplies, stirring them until they were ready to eat.

He slurped his noodles and sipped his hot honey, warming up in front of the heater while I filled the bath with enough water to do the job. When it was ready, and we had eaten our meagre supper, I helped him undress and get into the water, seeing his discomfort when he sat down before the warm water soothed his body. I rolled up my sleeves and soaked a washcloth, squeezing water over his shoulders and back, running the cloth across his smooth skin. The soap slithered between my hands, finally forming a thin lather. I ran my slippery hands around his shoulders and neck, using my fingers across his tight muscles and trying to loosen them a little. I was a clumsy novice, but Jasper’s eyes were closed, his head drooping forward with each rhythmic stroke of my thumbs. I worked my way down his back with gentle motions before reaching around and soaping his chest and abdomen, his head now resting back on my shoulder. The only sounds in the room were the crackling of the soap suds, the gentle splash of the cloth into the water and the pitter-pat of droplets dripping back into the tub. It was peaceful and I relished moments like this. I rinsed off the soap from his body with my hands, wetting the cloth to wash his face, holding the warm cloth to his cheeks and forehead until the blood warmed beneath my fingers and his skin regained a little of its healthy pink hue.

I kissed his temple before whispering into his ear:

“I’m going to wash your hair.”

The soft hum of agreement made me smile. He loved it when I washed his hair, and I knew it. His head tilted back into my hand, I wetted his curls with cupfuls of water before clicking open the shampoo bottle and squeezing a small amount onto his crown. The action of massaging it into his hair felt comforting, my thumbs rubbed circles into his scalp, my nails scratching ever so slightly, and Jasper’s body went limp, little moans caught in his throat on each breath out. I supported his head while I rinsed the suds from his curls, making sure to get him squeaky clean, squeezing the water from his locks. I reached for a tiny hand towel and dabbed his face and neck dry, rough drying his hair.

His sleepy eyes cracked open, and I leaned in and kissed him then, feeling his lips capture mine. I caught my breath when the kiss broke and I held up a larger towel for him to wrap himself in and get himself dry and dressed for bed. I hung up the wet towel over the curtain rail to hopefully dry in the still warm air of the room, and flipped off the heater before getting Jasper into bed to conserve the heat from the bath.

A last minute change of heart had me climbing into the lukewarm water for a quick scrub down and hair wash before joining him in bed, our hair still a little damp, pillows covered with our one other, very threadbare, towel. He looked at me for a long moment, yellow light filtering in from the street through the window above our bed, casting a pale glow into the room. His words were unexpected yet staggering.

“You let me see you tonight. When you bathed. That’s the first time you haven’t closed the curtain. I’m sorry that I looked, but have you any idea just how beautiful you are?”

My mouth opened and closed, my brow furrowed and my brain scrabbled in its cage trying to formulate a response. He watched me, saw my confusion, and touched his thumb to my cheek in reassurance.

“It’s okay, Edward. If you don’t want me to look, I won’t. I get it, I do.”

I shook my head and, with a dry mouth, I asked the question I had wanted to ask for so long, my eyes pinched shut with embarrassment while I stumbled over the words.

“Have-have you ever had any… experience… _sex_ … with someone you cared about? Someone important? I just… I just want to know if it feels different. If it’s…good?”

He pushed himself over onto his side and winced a little, looking down at me. I was so insecure and scared that he would wonder why I asked him such a thing. Instead he kissed me, soft and slow, no agenda, and I melted into it, wanting nothing more than to kiss him forever. I felt almost dizzy when he pulled away, his tongue giving a gentle flick to mine that made me jolt in surprise, my eyes wide.

“You tell me - was that good?” His whispered question danced across my skin, his eyes, dark in the dim light, adding to the intimacy of the moment. I nodded, still a little dazed from the kiss. His thumb traced my cheekbone and my head leaned into the caress. “Kissing’s one element of sex, an important one for me at least, and there are many others to explore. In a loving, intimate relationship, you do what you _and_ your partner enjoy, what feels good. If your partner cares for you, _loves_ you, they should always want to make you feel good. No one should ever be forced into doing anything that feels wrong, hurts them or makes them afraid. That’s not love.” He paused before continuing, his eyes downcast. I was mesmerised by the sweep of his eyelashes against his cheeks. “I was in a relationship once and, for the short time we were together, we cared for each other a great deal. It was good - nothing at all like the soulless things I have to do now to make money. What I do is a transaction; while I’m with them I completely switch off. It’s like I go numb inside.”

His low, husky voice bared the rawness of his soul, holding me in thrall. His gaze dropped to my lips for a moment before sliding back up to look at me, something akin to wonder in his eyes. I nuzzled my face into the warm hand now cupping my cheek. “Edward, until I met you, I didn’t know just how much I had missed being kissed. It’s something I’d never do with a client, not that they ask. Kissing is special and it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world when you kiss me back. I always want you to feel safe and cared for with me, because… I’m completely in love with you.”

His words swirled and spun like snowflakes in my head, my mind useless as an old flickering television set with a broken antenna.

I couldn’t breathe. _He loves me. He really loves me._ I had known it, but the words… the words were something neither of us had yet articulated.

Jasper was watching me for my reaction, his face so open that I felt pain lance my heart from the strength of his feelings. Something inside me slotted into place.

_“Jasper…”_ My breathing erratic, unable to look anywhere but at him, I felt my eyes sting. He saw my struggle and didn’t pull away. A scalding tear ran down into my ear before I found the words to make sense of my feelings. “I love you too, so much, and one day, when I’m ready… I want to show you... properly.”

He nodded, mute, perhaps understanding that I had no idea when that day might be, but that letting him seeing me naked that night had moved us a step closer.

“Love, nothing happens until you want it to. I promise I will never rush you or touch you anywhere that makes you uncomfortable, and you can ask me anything you want in the meantime if it sets your mind at ease. I know there are things you may never want to do, and I understand that. You’re such a huge part of me now and all I want to do is make you happy.” His nose nudged mine before he dipped his head to kiss me again.

My hand slid around to the back of his head, playing with his curls, feeling his warm lips move with mine, nudging my mouth open enough to allow his tongue to stroke my own, gentle flicks that made my heart race and my blood pound in my ears. My skin tingled, goosebumps flaring that for once had nothing to do with the temperature of the room. My body felt itchy and hot on the inside, Jasper’s talented kiss awakening something I hadn’t even known lay dormant. I was too innocent then to recognise it as sexual desire, having only ever associated sex with fear and pain. All I knew was that I wanted to be touching Jasper, holding him, kissing him, whenever I could.

We lay kissing for the longest time, unable to get enough, Jasper refusing to rest until he was exhausted, his chest noisy, lips swollen by the countless kisses we had shared. It was with great reluctance that I persuaded him to turn over and get comfortable, my body settling in behind him, never wanting to be far away, a moth to his bright flame.

~o.O.o~

I woke the next morning to find Jasper tired, weak and in pain from being outside in the icy cold the day before with his poor chest all but exposed to the elements. He had little appetite, although I persuaded him to eat a little cereal and milk which was easier for him to swallow. I had no shifts booked with Tanya, and so I stayed home until it was time to go to the market, keeping him warm and hydrated, but mostly to keep him company. The meds were making it a little harder for him to sleep more than a few hours at night, and so whereas he used to nap when he first became ill, now he was awake and struggling. The books were a great help, but company was better.

I made up stories to keep him entertained, stories of us and how our lives would be one day when we were rich and living in an amazing apartment with every luxury a person could want. I told fanciful tales of faraway lands we would visit and, together in our bed, we made plans to travel the world. With my fingers running repeatedly through his hair, he fell into a light sleep, lulled by the hypnotic motion, and I held him to me, lying awake and listening to him breathe.

I decided that if he wasn’t getting better again in the next couple of days, I would call the doctor for more meds. The clinic number was on the label, and I could go there after I had walked Jupiter unless they wanted to see Jasper, in which case I’d get him there somehow.

The rest of the day was uneventful, and when the rain started to fall we were grateful to be inside and together. I got wet through getting to the market, and having to spend my shift in a constant draught wearing wet clothes was a recipe for disaster. I just had to hope that my immune system was strong enough to cope. That evening I made my way home, wet and miserable, looking forward to the following day and our hot meal from the soup kitchen.

I stripped off my wet coat and jeans, arranging them over the back of the chair before switching on the heater. I wrapped myself up in a big sweater and Jasper’s second pair of jeans and made a start on supper. I made a simple meal of vegetables with a small tin of Spam between us, and in no time we were eating, listening to the relentless rain lash against the window. The phone rang and, startled, I almost spilled my overfull mug of coffee. When I answered, it wasn’t who I was expecting.

“Edward? Hello, it’s Esme. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

I smiled. “Hi. No, of course not. Is something wrong?” _Please don’t tell me Tanya is letting me go._

I heard her intake of breath and realised she sounded a little unsure of herself.

“Well, as you know its soup kitchen day tomorrow, and, well, the weather is going to stay like this for the next few days. You’re going to get soaked to the skin trying to get your food home. I don’t want to impose and of course you can say no, but I was wondering if you’d be willing to let me bring your food to you? At least that way it will still be hot for you both. I have my car and it would only take me a few minutes.”

Her words had tumbled out so fast that, when they stopped, the silence was tangible. I held the phone to my leg and spoke to Jasper, telling him the suggestion.

“It’s your choice, love, not just mine. Would you be okay with Esme coming here?”

He frowned, his eyes flicking around the room, and I understood his concern. It would mean showing someone how we lived, and showing was a lot different to telling. Our room was clean, but sparse, cold and hardly the most inviting environment for guests. Jasper was proud, not wanting pity or charity, and I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable in his own home. He had only come around to the idea of us asking for free meals out of necessity. He was gnawing the edge of his lip, an inner battle raging. Meeting my eyes, he acquiesced, nodding his agreement.

“Tell her thank you, we appreciate it. And I’d love to meet her.”

I felt my face light up then. No matter the circumstances, it would be good to have them meet and put faces to names. Each had heard so much about the other over the past weeks.

“Hi Esme? That’s so kind of you. If you’re sure, that would be wonderful. Jasper’s looking forward to meeting you.”

I heard her relieved sigh, a soft chuckle drifting down the line.

“Tell him ditto. So, if you tell me where you are, I’ll bring lunch to you.”

I rattled off our address, explaining which room we were in, and to ring if she had any problems. With that, we ended the call and Jasper and I looked at each other in silence. It was me that broke it in the end.

“I would have loved for you two to meet at the kitchen, neutral territory if you like, just in case you don’t take to her. Don’t worry - I’ll make sure we’re tidy and my clothes are put away at least. I want to make a good impression.”

Jasper’s apprehensive shrug had me on edge. I sat down, waiting for him to verbalise what was on his mind. He picked at the blanket before smoothing it out again, his brow furrowed, eyes so desolate that I wanted to call Esme back and say no, I’d come and fetch the food like always. I didn’t want to see that look in his eyes and know I had ever made him unhappy or ashamed.

“I’d never had a visitor before I brought you here. I was a bit embarrassed back then about showing this place to you. I guess people will always form opinions about us, judge us about how we live.”  His whispered confession hurt my heart. “I know we don’t have much, but it’s ours. It’s dry and safe. Most importantly, we have each other. Your Esme will see that, wont she? I think she will, at least from what you’ve told me about her and the things she’s helped us with.”

I nodded, a huge lump in my throat at his desperate tone. I did my best to reassure him.

“She will, she absolutely will. She knows all about us and she wants to help us get back onto our feet. She won’t judge. I think she might worry about us – I see her face sometimes when she thinks I’m not looking and she looks so sad. She just wants good things for us. She’s lovely and she cares. How many people can we say that about?”

He nodded, his lips white. I had had no idea how scared he was at the thought of someone seeing our life.

“Jas, I never told you this, but when you brought me here that day, I was scared. No one had ever been kind to me and I didn’t trust it. I didn’t know you, but you had someplace warm to go and I was so hungry that I was willing to risk it. I remember how my stomach had gnawed at me. If you hadn’t brought me here I don’t know what would’ve happened to me. I wasn’t doing so well on my own.”

The memory hurt. He looked at me then, distress etched on his face, his eyes huge in the gloomy darkness. I needed him to know this.

“You saved me. You gave me a home and a life, and _hope_. I’m not ashamed of how we live because we both know that the alternative is so much worse.”

He nodded. “I know. You’re right.” A wry chuckle brightened his face. “How did I manage before you came along? You make everything better.” A genuine smile lit his eyes and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a much needed kiss.

~o.O.o~

When I woke the next morning, I looked around the small room, taking it in, trying to see it as a stranger might. My clothes were drying still, my heavy coat still damp. There was nothing I could do about that. The floor was swept, the plates and mugs on their shelf. I looked at the water marks on the wall and knew that no amount of wiping was going to remove them. I drew the curtain around our bathing area, and set to making us coffee and breakfast. Rummaging through the bag from Tony, I pulled out a couple of bananas and sliced them on top of a cup of cereal and the last of the long-life milk. When the coffee was ready, I carried breakfast to bed and kissed Jasper awake, nudging his nose until he stirred.

His chest still sounded rough, but not as crackly as the day before, and I counted that as a blessing. He pushed himself up without pain and took his coffee, blowing on it, appearing deep in thought. He looked around the room in the dull morning light, coming to the same conclusion that I had.

“There’s really no way to pretty this place up, is there.” He sounded resigned to the fact. I took his coffee and set it down so he could eat.

“There’s not much we can do, no. I pulled the curtain around the bath, and I’ll wash up the breakfast things when we’re done, but that’s it.”

The warm air from the heater had long since dissipated, and there was a hint of vapour in the air when we spoke. It would be icy outside, the heavy rain likely to have frozen on the sidewalks overnight. It was hard to stay upright with empty hands, but I had to admit that balancing our lunch in my arms and negotiating slippery surfaces underfoot was not a thrilling idea. Hopefully, if he stayed inside until then, Jasper would be well enough to come with me next week and we could eat there.

We were both nervous, agitated, and unable to settle while we waited for Esme. In my heart I wasn’t worried about what she might think – she had a fair idea of how we lived already. It was reassuring Jasper that everything would be okay without having to say it. He was up and dressed, needing to make a good impression for his own sake. I understood that. I’d been there when I first went to the kitchen, and again at Happy Tails. This was the first time in a while that he had had someone to impress, and I could tell that it meant a great deal to him that this went well.

For the first time I could remember, I wished we had a radio in the room, something to cover up the anxious silence that enveloped us. It had never seemed so quiet. We both lay on the bed, Jasper trying to read. In the end he gave up, turning his book face down on his chest and reaching for my hand. I took it and rolled over, snuggling into him, the way we always had before he got sick. His fingers found my hair, carding through it in that way that made my whole body relax. I moaned, the sound muffled in his sweater, and felt him kiss my head. I wanted to arch against him like a cat, lost to pleasure. His fingers moved in a slow rhythm and my eyes drooped despite the sleep I’d had, my body curling up into a tight ball for warmth. I must have drifted into a light sleep because I woke to a gentle knocking at the door. Jasper stroked my cheek, and my eyes cracked open.

“Wake up, love. Esme’s here.”

“Oh! Okay.” I rubbed my eyes, and climbed off the bed, hearing Jasper’s feet hit the floor behind me. Crossing the few steps to the door, I unlocked it and pulled it open to reveal Esme, her hands full. Pushing the door wider, I took the plates from her and invited her in. I set them down by the hotplate and turned to make introductions. Esme closed the door and hovered, waiting. My smile came easily, just as it always did in her presence.

“Esme, this is my partner, Jasper. Jas, this is Esme, our guardian angel.”

Esme blushed to the roots of her hair.

“Oh hush, Edward.” She stepped into the room, and looked to Jasper, who still looked worried. “Jasper, it’s so very lovely to meet you. Edward talks about you all the time and, to be honest, I was a little nervous about meeting you.” Her smile did indeed look not unlike Jasper’s, anxious and trepidatious. She held out her hand and Jasper shook it, a genuine smile beginning to break across his face. His manners could always be relied upon.

“We have a lot to be grateful for, ma’am. I can’t thank you enough for sparing Edward from the rain today. He was soaked to the skin twice yesterday.” He looked ruefully at my coat, now hanging, still damp, on the back of the door.

“You boys should eat. It’s cheesy pasta bake with chopped frankfurters today. Cookies for dessert.”

The food smelled amazing and I forgot all about our surroundings. I beckoned Esme over to the chair, inviting her to sit. I unwrapped the piping hot food, and brought a plate to Jasper, folding a towel for a potholder so he didn’t burn his legs. I quickly ran some water into the pan and set it to boil for coffee before carrying my food over to sit with Jasper as we usually did. The pasta bake was something I’d never had before and it was delicious and filling. I could see that Jas was enjoying it, being a cheese lover, and for a few minutes we said nothing while we dug in. I kept an eye on the water, but noticed Esme doing the same and so I relaxed and ate. When I was halfway through, I set down my fork.

“This is so good. You won’t get into any trouble for bringing it to us, will you?” The last thing I wanted was for there to be any repercussions for her kindness.

She shook her head. “No, I told Matt that one of our regulars wasn’t able to come and it was imperative he got some food. He knows me well enough by now not to argue.” Her chuckle was a welcome sound.

“I don’t know why, but I expected Rosie to be with you. Thinking about it, of course she isn’t, with it being kitchen day. I guess I’m just used to seeing you both together.”

Her hands fluttered in the air. “If she knew where I was she would’ve wanted to come, no doubt about that. You’re her favourite playmate; she looks for you whenever we go past the market. I’ve started to notice that she takes me to where you eat your lunch in case you’re there. She’s too clever for her own good.”

I noticed that Jasper had stopped eating and was listening to us chat like the friends we were. Esme and I had only gotten to know each other in the first place because of the soup kitchen, and if Jasper had not have fallen ill, none of this would have happened. I realised that it must be strange for him to watch. I told him everything that happened each day when I came home, what Esme and I talked about and all the silly anecdotes I could to keep him up to date, but he must feel left out. I nudged his shoulder.

“Wait ‘til you meet her. You’ll love her. She’s a big cuddle bug.”

Esme watched us, a fond look on her face.

“Jasper – do you like dogs too?”

He set down his fork, swallowing his food before answering.

“Yes, ma’am, I do. I’d love to have a dog one day. I think Edward would too.” He nudged me back and I grinned.

“Yeah, I would. I adore Rosie, and Jupiter is so much fun. Plus it’s lovely to be outside and have people acknowledge me, like I’m someone. Having a dog seems to invite people in. It’s like you belong to a club or something.” I took a bite of my food and chewed slowly, making it last.

“I never thought about it like that.” Esme stood up and switched off the now bubbling water. “Rosie is my best friend and fabulous company. You can’t be lonely when you have a dog, and like you say, they make you socialise because they need to be walked. I wouldn’t be without her, that’s for sure.” She reached up and took down the mugs from the shelf. “I’m guessing you boys are having coffee?”

We both turned our heads at the same moment, surprised. It was Jas that spoke first.

“Uh… yes, ma’am, we are, but please - you needn’t do that.”

I swallowed my mouthful of pasta.

“It’s okay, Esme. I can make it. Would you like one?”

“That would be lovely, and I don’t mind making it at all.” She reached to the back of the small shelf and found a chipped cup, the partner to the one we used in the bath. Holding it up, she asked, “Is this okay?”

I nodded. “Of course. It’s the least we can do. We don’t have milk or sugar though, I’m afraid. We drink it black.”

“Sounds good to me.” She unscrewed the jar. “How much do you take? A spoonful?” Her hand hovered over the jar.

“Half a spoon each would be great, thanks.”

She made quick work of the drinks, bringing ours over to us and setting them down on the floor. It was a surreal image, seeing this lovely lady holding a chipped cup of coffee in our home, sitting on our only chair. She looked so out of place, yet seemed comfortable enough. She hadn’t made her excuses and left our cold little room at the earliest opportunity at least.

The only sounds for a few moments were the scraping of plates, not a scrap of food left. I gathered them and the cutlery, and took them to the sink to wash them using the rest of the hot water. Esme would take them back with her.

“Well that’s a nice sight – two empty plates!” She sipped her coffee with a grin. “Don’t forget your cookies. Made them myself so I know they’re good!”

“Do you make the cakes too?” Jasper’s curiosity came to the fore. “I hadn’t had cake before Edward started going to the kitchen. I’m definitely a fan.”

She laughed, Jasper’s question taking her by surprise.

“I do make some of them, yes. May I ask which ones you like the best? I do like positive feedback.” Her head was tilted on the side and she looked positively mischievous.

Jasper thought for a moment. “There was one that had cream and jelly in the middle… that one was _good._ ” I was trying to hold my laughter in check because Jasper had waxed lyrical about that cake. “The chocolate one with cream in was pretty good too, well they all are. I’m not fussy.”   

I rummaged in the bag for what turned out to be a chocolate chip cookie. I handed the other to Jasper who brightened at the sight. Over the top of my steaming mug, I sneaked a look at Esme to see her response.

“Well, Jasper, if the one you’re referring to was a sponge cake with cream and raspberry jelly in, then yes – I did make that one. And thankyou – it is lovely to have your food appreciated. I’ll have to make it more often.”

Jas’ face lit up and I knew that he was won over by her easy going nature. Esme sipped her coffee and I could tell see had something on her mind, her finger tapping the rim of the cup. I waited. She shuffled on her seat, seeming to pluck up the courage.

“I hope this isn’t too forward, but I really wanted to ask if you’d both come to my house for dinner with me and Rosie on Christmas Eve. It’s always just the two of us and it would be so lovely to have company for once. I know Rosie would love it too. It would give me an excuse to decorate for Christmas and cook a nice meal – I don’t tend to bother when it’s just me, what with helping out with cooking dinner at the shelter on Christmas Day. What do you say?”

She bit her lip, looking from me to Jasper, seeming anxious that her invitation would be declined. Having learned more about her past, I could see that this was a big deal for her. Her cheeks were a delicate pink, her eyebrows raised above wide eyes. Jasper cleared his throat and sipped his coffee.

“Is there anything we can bring? I wouldn’t want to come empty handed.”

Esme’s face glowed and I fought the urge to pull Jasper into a hug. “Honestly, no, there’s nothing I need apart from the two of you. I’ll provide the food if you provide the company and conversation. I dare say that you could walk Rosie for me while I’m preparing the food. That would be really helpful, and stop her trying to steal anything within reach!”

She chuckled which set me off too, imagining Rosie helping herself behind Esme’s back.

“Thank you, Esme. We’d love to spend the evening with you. It’s so kind of you to offer.”

Her head tilted when she smiled.

“Are you working Christmas Eve, Edward?”

I nodded.

“I have my shift at the market – according to the vendors, we’ll be closing a bit earlier that day so I should be home in good time for us to come to you.”

She set down her empty cup by the sink. “I was thinking that I could come and collect you both. That way you won’t have to make the long walk in the cold. Especially you, Jasper, while you’re healing. I can bring you home after, or… or if you’d like to you can stay over and go home after Christmas lunch at the kitchen. I have a spare room that hasn’t been used in forever. I warn you though – you’d have to let Rosie in to say goodnight or she’ll whine outside the door. She hates being locked out.” She smoothed down her hair, a sign of nervousness if I was reading her right. “Of course, if you decide you’d rather come home after dinner then I will of course respect your decision. Anyway, you let me know.” She checked her watch. “I’ve taken up enough of your time. I should get back.”

I jumped up and gave her a hug. “Thank you so much for coming, and bringing the food of course. It means a lot to us. I’ll see you at the market during the week, most likely. Give Rosie an ear rub for me.”

She hugged me back, how I imagined a mother would if I had had one. Her smile was so warm that you couldn’t fail to return it. She rubbed my shoulders before letting me go.

“Let me know what time I can come pick you up. It might well be snowing by then, so the lift is non-negotiable.” She gave us both a fake stern look, one eyebrow raised, before collecting the clean plates, her face breaking into a radiant smile. “Thank you for the coffee and the hospitality. So lovely to finally meet you, Jasper. Edward has told me so many lovely things about you that I can see are all true. Take care of each other and I’ll speak to you soon.”

With a small wave, she opened the door, a rush of cold air blasting into the room, dispelling the warmth that Esme’s company that provided. The door closed behind her with a rattle. Jasper spoke.

“Is she for real? I didn’t know there were people like her in the world.”

I pulled him close, wrapping an arm around him. It was so cold already and still early. I was impressed that Esme hadn’t commented on it or our room; she had managed to win Jasper’s friendship and respect, and I was thrilled.

“She’s special, that’s for certain. Thank you for accepting her invitation – think how wonderful it will be to have a home cooked meal with friends, and a warm room for a night. She doesn’t judge us, she just wants to offer a little support where she can. I think we’re going to have a wonderful Christmas.”

“I didn’t know what to expect to be honest, but everything you said about her was true. I don’t know how I feel about staying over with someone I hardly know, but I trust your judgement. After all, like you said, you trusted me when you didn’t know me, and this place isn’t exactly warm and inviting, especially for our first Christmas together.” His downcast expression twisted my insides. I hated him feeling that way, feeling beaten down by circumstance. “Just my luck that I couldn’t be a high class escort and get to sleep in fancy hotels all the time.” He looked at me then, his fingers tracing my jawline, his gaze holding me hostage. “Then again, if life had gone that way I wouldn’t have you in it, so that means I got the better deal after all.”

Hypnotised by the soft drawl of his voice, I leaned in and kissed him, thanking whatever lucky star had brought him to me. I would never stop sending thanks for him. The kiss lingered, my blood humming in my veins. Pulling away was sweet pain and I softened the ache by telling him my idea.

“Love, I had a small Christmas surprise planned for us, but when you got sick I ditched it. Now that you’re getting better, would you like to go for a little walk, take a look at all the Christmas lights, and maybe even stop off for a slice of pizza? I have enough money for us to catch a bus back home after we eat so you don’t overdo it. I had originally planned to take you to the tree lighting ceremony on the Mile, but we could still go for a walk at least, get us into the spirit.” I bit my lip, not sure if it was something he would be interested in.

“I’ve never done that.” He looked surprised, but keen, and a little kiss-drunk. “I’d love to. I get to see Christmas through your eyes.” His fingers interlaced with mine and I felt my soul sing. “If it’s not raining, let’s go the evening before Christmas Eve and make an occasion of it. No cooking for once either!” He grinned, pulling me in for another kiss that I returned with my whole heart.

~o.O.o~


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unashamedly schmaltzy and I make no apologies for it. If you can’t write fluff at Christmas, then when can you?  
> Merry Christmas from myself and the boys. Have a wonderful holiday and we’ll see you back here in the New Year for the next instalment.  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> ~o.O.o~

**Chapter 7**

**Edward’s POV**

Over the next couple of days I watched Jasper getting brighter in himself, but his chest was still not healed, and he at times struggled to breathe. With a handful of quarters in my pocket, I went to a payphone and rang the clinic to ask for their advice. The doctor I spoke to was the same lady as before, and I explained our situation to her. When she remembered who we were, she asked questions about what had happened to cause his chest to worsen. I told her the truth, that he had tried to return to work and made himself sick again. I heard her sigh.

“Didn’t I tell you both that he had to stay inside?”

“Yes, doctor, you did. He had almost finished the course and wanted to help with the money situation, thinking he was feeling better. If I had been home I would never have allowed him to leave the house. He knows he did a stupid thing. He _is_ feeling a little better, but his chest is still noisy. Should I bring him back in to see you? I don’t want him to get worse – he’s finally feeling like himself again. His appetite is improving too.”

“Is he inflating that lung properly? Taking deep breaths?”

“Yes, he is. After being outside without adequate clothing, his chest rattled for a day or so and his cough came back. It scared me. I’ve kept him warm and inside ever since.”

“Can you come to the clinic? I’m willing to give him another course of meds to make sure his lungs fully heal. Could you be here later today? I’ll have them ready for you to collect.”

I looked at my old watch. “I need to check what time the bus runs, but I can be there in the next hour if that’s okay?”

“Very well, Mr Masen. Please give your details to the receptionist and she will come and find me.”

“Thank you, doctor. You’ve set my mind at ease. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

The buses ran more often than I realised, and after telling the guys at the market that I was going out for a short while, I checked my pockets for change and made my way to the stop to wait.

The doctor was good to her word, handing me another two week course of pills with firm instructions. Worried, I asked about our little trip to see the lights, promising I would make sure he had layers of warm clothes on, plus a scarf over his nose and mouth. She said it was okay, provided he was bundled up, but not to overdo it. I left feeling lighter and more positive than I had in a while.

Jasper wasn’t pleased initially that I had gone behind his back, until I explained I had rung for advice on whether it was okay for us to go out on our Christmas date. He forgave me when I showed him the meds, explaining what the doctor had said about a second course often being necessary if the infection had gotten a good hold. I got him started on them straight away, not wanting to waste any time.

~o.O.o~

The days sped by, Christmas approaching at a gallop. My work at the market had picked up more and more, and I was busy most of the time now. It was mentioned that some customers had even remarked on how helpful I was, which made me blush a little. I hoped that after the holidays people’s goodwill would remain, and they would still remember to tip me a few cents.

When Christmas week rolled around, Tanya called me for more shifts, her regular walkers having gone home for the holidays leaving her short-handed. Now I was walking several of the smaller dogs too, four at a time, their excitement and energy meaning I spent most of my time untangling their leashes. After the first walk with them I worked out who liked to be next to who in their ‘pack order’, and arranged them accordingly. I had no problems after that. I had to walk slower to compensate for their little legs which gave me a bit of a rest too for which I was grateful. Jupiter’s owner wasn’t working and so he wasn’t there to greet me. I missed him a great deal, having grown so close to him over our time together, and found myself looking over to his enclosure while I was settling the little ones back in.

Alice heard me return and came to see how it had gone. I kept her updated with any issues or anecdotes from our walks while I checked water bowls and hung up leashes on their hooks. Each got a little treat once I was done, the air filled with the happy sounds of crunching and slurping.

“Missing Jupe, eh?” She had caught my side glance.

My embarrassed laugh said it all.

“I really am. He’s such a great dog. These guys are fun too, but it’s not the same.” I rubbed their ears, unlocking doors to put them back into their pens. “A little bit of me wonders if he misses us too.”

Alice crouched next to me, watching Fritzy circle on his bed before collapsing down with a happy groan. “Honestly, I think he does. He loves attention and when he’s with someone who keeps him in line, he seems so much happier. He enjoys knowing who is in charge. When he’s left to his own devices without a firm hand in control, he gets confused and then trashes things. It’s not ideal.” She patted my shoulder. “He’ll be back after Christmas, don’t you worry. He’ll probably want long walks to get him back into his routine too, so that’s something to look forward to for you. If business keeps up like it is, you may end up with more shifts. I hope so because they all really like you.” We both watched the tired little dogs splayed on their beds, hearing loud snores coming from Buster’s pen, the little pug already spark out.

“Alice, is this place closed for Christmas Day? It’s just that I have plans for that day and I can’t make it.” It sounded so strange to my own ears to say that I was unavailable for work.

Her laugh tinkled around me. “No, that’s one day we are closed. All these guys will be home for Christmas where they belong. We open up again on the 27th, so we might be needing you then if you’re free?”

I grinned and nodded. “Oh I’ll be free. Thanks Alice. I better see Tanya and then get to my next job.” Standing up, I hovered awkwardly.

“Merry Christmas, Alice. See you soon.” Without hesitation, she stood on her toes and pulled me into a hug that I returned more than happily.

“Merry Christmas, Edward. I’ll see you soon.”

My wages safely tucked into my pocket, I headed to the busy market.

~o.O.o~

With only a couple days to go until the big day, I headed off to the community kitchen for more essential supplies. This time I had a better idea of what to do, it was just a case of seeing what was on offer when I got there.

The shelves were well stocked with holiday staples, lots of ingredients to make Christmas dinner for those with families. I looked carefully, selecting items that were the most suitable to our situation. I also selected a large bag of basic rice and one of plain pasta to add variety to our meat dishes. One last look proved fruitful – two jars of a tomato based pasta sauce were added to my box along with some decent coffee. I added our basic toiletries and made my way to the counter where I unpacked the box into the plastic carrier bags I had brought with me, thus making it easier for me to carry this time around.

The walk home seemed longer than ever after an exhausting day, but I told myself that it would be worth it because I had earned enough money for us to buy some hot food on our walk that night. I would have time to rest up a little first, maybe have a slice of bread and peanut butter to boost my energy, and then I would be ready to go. I staggered in and set the bags down with a groan, bending and stretching my arms to get the blood flowing into my extremities. The room seemed warmer than usual, but I attributed that to the fact that it was absolutely freezing outside. It was then I noticed that the bath was half-full of steaming water.

“Welcome home, love. I thought you could use some pampering this time, so, if you’d like to climb in, I’ll take care of _you_ for a change.” Jasper stood, sleeves rolled up, ready to go, and my face must have been a picture because he just grinned and nodded at the inviting water.

I shed my coat and boots, unbuckling my jeans and stepping out of them, folding them over the back of the chair. He turned away, allowing me a moment of privacy to finish undressing and climb into the blissful heat. I lay back, resting my head against the porcelain, and allowed Jasper to pour water over my chest, my eyes closed at the sensation. He took his time much as I had done for him, running his soapy hands up and over my chest, paying attention to my aching arms, massaging the overworked muscles up and around my shoulders. I all but wilted into his healing hands, letting them ease away the day. His fingers ran up my neck, thumbs working into the muscles under the base of my skull until I could no longer contain the moan of pleasure that escaped my lips.

“Does that feel good, love?” His voice was soft and low in my ear, turning my body to melted butter in his talented hands. “I’d wash your hair, but we’re going out later and I don’t want you catching a chill.”

I tilted back my head. “Why don’t you come in here with me? While it’s still hot.”

He didn’t need asking twice. Sitting in the warm water, wrapped around each other like ivy on an old oak tree, it began to feel a lot like Christmas.

~o.O.o~

Later that evening, wrapped up in layers against the cold, we walked around the neighbourhood, gazing at trees both inside and out that twinkled in the darkness. Homes were decorated with all manner of lights and designs, the world a triumph of colour and joy. I pointed out my favourites to Jasper, the glittering icicles strung along walls, gardens full of brightly lit snowmen, reindeer on the roofs. I noticed that the more animated I became, the more Jas watched me rather than the decorations, his fond smile obvious even beneath a scarf. In the darkness, I reached for his hand, and we walked five blocks to the pizzeria that served slices late into the evening, smelling the glorious aroma before we turned the corner to the restaurant. Pushing open the door, we were assailed by a wave of welcome heat and delicious scents that made my stomach growl. Checking the price board, I saw that basic slices were $3.99 each.

“What would you like?” I looked at Jasper who was reading the choices with wide eyes. I had just brought him to cheese heaven and now he was expected to choose just one. I grinned, realising his dilemma and enjoying it just the tiniest bit. He looked at me just to be sure and I nodded.

“I’d love pepperoni and sausage.” His tongue peeked out between his lips at the mere thought.

“That sounds awesome. I think I’ll have that too.” Checking the money in my pocket, I read the board again. “So the good news is, we can either have an extra topping each, or buy a third slice to share.”

He answered without hesitation. “Let’s share.”

I nodded, sucking my lip. The server came to the counter and I placed our orders, noting that there was a charge to eat-in. He looked around the almost empty room.

“The place is quiet tonight, so if you guys want to sit in and eat, I won’t charge you. I won’t say anything if you don’t.”

I brightened. “Thank you! We’ll do that.” I pointed to a table. “We’ll be over there.”

The server smiled and nodded, and we made our way to a table by the heater, shrugging off our coats to enjoy the toasty warmth in the cosy booth. Our food arrived shortly afterward and we ate slowly, enjoying every last bite. I could tell that Jasper was holding in a groan of appreciation at each cheesy mouthful. When he finished his slice, I offered him the extra piece to take a bite before taking one myself, making sure we both had our share. I split the crust in half and we finished it, sitting back feeling warm and full. I’d never eaten at a restaurant before and it felt wonderful to do something that others took for granted. For that one night we were just two people grabbing a bite to eat before perhaps heading off to a Christmas party, or out for drinks on the town.

Shrugging our coats back on, we shouted our thanks to our server who was in the back, and heard him wish us a good night. With smiles a mile wide, we stepped out into the icy air to catch our bus home.

Jasper snuggled up to me, his lips at my ear.

“Best first date ever.”

~o.O.o~

Waking up on Christmas Eve, I felt inexplicable happiness settle over me like a zephyr wind over pure white sands. Jasper still slept and I gazed at him, at the way his long lashes fluttered when he was dreaming, his hair mussed from the pillow, his face smooth and worry-free. Unable to get out of bed without waking him, I contented myself to lay there, hearing his quieter, regular breathing, unable to stop myself from stroking his hair back from his face. He murmured in his sleep, responding to the caress, making the slow journey toward waking. When his eyes flickered open, I watched them crinkle into a sleepy smile and moved in to hug him good morning.

I wasn’t going to waste a moment of the day. With it being Christmas Eve, the market was packed, people panic buying groceries they could hardly carry, meaning the vendors pointed them my way. Some folk were stressed and thoughtless, barely grunting thanks, but some were grateful, pressing dollar bills into my hand when I had loaded their bags into cars for them. The atmosphere was one of joyful frenzy, the vendors cutting prices to move stock they didn’t want to store after the holidays.

I loved every minute of it. Christmas was all around me and I intended to enjoy every moment.

When the market was closing and I was finishing up, more than a few dropped coins pocketed from the dirt, I heard my name and turned to see Mike calling me. Setting my broom down, I headed back to his food truck, seeing a small group of vendors standing with him including my friends Tony, Sam, Eric and Lauren.

“What’s up, guys?” I pushed a hand through my hair, nervous. Mike spoke, a smile on his face.

“Hope you don’t mind, but we had a little whip round for you to say thanks for all your hard work. Merry Christmas, Edward.”

He held out an envelope and, with a shaky hand, I took it, looking at them all in some confusion. Sliding open the unsealed flap, I pulled out a greetings card that had a snowy Christmas scene on the front, Santa and his reindeer flying in the sky. Inside it had signatures from all the vendors that I had befriended, plus a small plastic card that, on closer inspection, turned out to be a Goodwill gift card for $50. I swallowed hard, not able to find the words to thank them all for such selfless generosity.

“I-I…” I stared at the figure on the card. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you, all of you, so much from me _and_ Jasper. This is unbelievable. You really didn’t have to do this.”

Tony spoke up, his gruff voice unusually quiet.

“We thought maybe you boys could use some warm clothes and some things for your house.” He shuffled his feet. “This way you get to buy what you need.”

I looked at him and nodded, an unspoken understanding between us. Mike was grinning.

I looked around at the familiar faces. “Thank you. You really have no idea how much we appreciate this. Merry Christmas to you too.”

The others dispersed, passing me with friendly claps to the shoulder. Mike hung back.

“Didn’t want to embarrass you in front of the others, but I can’t refreeze the leftover hot dog buns and they’ll be thrown out tonight. Are they of any use to you?”

My eyes widened.

“Sure! That would be awesome!” I followed him to the back of his truck and he handed me a pack of hot dog buns in a plastic bag. I took it, noting that the package was unopened. “Thanks, Mike. This is really decent of you.”

He waved away my thanks with a smile.

“You best get off home. See you after Christmas!” He waved and so did I, my smile a mile wide.

Stopping by Tony’s stand, I collected a healthy-sized bag of fruit and vegetables. According to Tony, they wouldn’t keep past Christmas and I was doing him a favour. On my last stop I procured a jar of honey for Jasper and, throwing caution to the wind after such a good week’s takings, I also bought a decent sized wedge of cheese along with a slice of cake for us to share – the good kind with cream and frosting. However, when Rachel handed it to me I noticed there were two good-sized pieces in the box. She told me that it was the last of it and I might as well take both for the same price.

I could hear the rain outside and knew I would be drenched by the time I got home. Setting down my bags, I pulled up my collar and almost squeaked with fright when someone came up behind me and pulled a hat onto my head, right down over my forehead and halfway down my ears. Looking round I saw Emily giggling, and I felt my head, realising it was her fluffy Santa hat that I now wore. I blushed, my cheeks almost the colour of the fabric. She handed me an old umbrella.

“You can borrow this – I keep it here for emergencies. Merry Christmas, Edward!” With a huge smile, she turned and carried on packing up her stock.

“Merry Christmas, Emily.”

I didn’t know if she heard me. I found the button and the umbrella flicked open. Picking up my bags, I made my way out into the wet, dark evening, heavy sleet stinging any exposed skin it could find, smiling despite the weather.

When I got home, hardly wet at all, Jasper and I discovered that all the food I carried was fresh, the pack of bread showing a use by date of a week in the future, the fruit and vegetables crisp and firm. My friends had made sure we had enough to eat for the holidays while the market was closed.

~o.O.o~

The sleet was skittering across the window, the wind whipping it around like rice thrown at a wedding. I heated some water and washed my hair, finishing up with a sponge bath to be fresh after my busy day. Jasper had already bathed while I was out, and I found him dressed in his favourite jeans and blue sweater, looking lovelier to me than any model in a store window.

My clothing options were limited, but Jasper had laid out my clean jeans and the festive sweater, reasoning that at least it was the time of year for it. So, scrubbed clean and dressed in our best, we waited like little boys told not to get dirty before dinner.

I told Jasper all about my day, and showed him the gift card from my friends at the market. He gaped.

“I can’t believe they did that!” He read the Christmas card before standing it on our shelf. “That’s my first ever Christmas card since living here. It almost looks out of place, doesn’t it?” The bright message sparkled from its spot, a tiny holiday beacon in the half-light. “We should make a list of what we need and go together after the holidays.” His eyes were fixed on the greetings card. I went to stand by him, my chin resting on his shoulder, arms around his thin waist.

“We will. They said they did it so we can buy warm clothes and whatever else we need. I’m thinking a kettle if they have one, and a frying pan, but mainly a thick coat for you. Yours isn’t enough in this weather.”

He looked down at my feet. “You need boots, too. We’ll worry about everything else once we have the essentials, plus we don’t know how much things cost. I haven’t been shopping in over two years.”

The only shopping I’d ever done was from the broken clothing bin.

“We’ll go and see what we can find. Maybe they will have lots of donations after Christmas when people get new items as gifts.”

The corner of his mouth curved up. “Let’s hope so, love.”

I had asked Esme to honk the horn if it was wet so that she didn’t need to come in and fetch us. Hearing the sound, we donned our coats and scarves, and headed out to her small silver sedan, greeting her with happy smiles.

She lived a good mile or so beyond the market, and I watched the unfamiliar neighbourhood pass by the window, more upmarket and well-kept than the area we lived in. Here whole housing blocks were decorated, signs in gardens announcing their house had won the ‘Best Holiday House’ award that year. Jasper nudged me.

“That would so be you, if we could decorate.”

I beamed. One day. One day we would live somewhere nicer, and I would make it beautiful for us.

Esme nosed the car into a driveway in front of a modest, but pretty white house in a cul-de-sac.

“Come on in, boys. I’m sure someone’s dying to see you.” She unclipped her seatbelt and opened the door, sleet blowing into the warm interior.

We did the same, climbing out into the wet, following Esme to the small front porch. From inside came loud barks and the sound of scrabbling claws on a wooden floor.

“Only me, Rosie!” The barking immediately turned to whining, a lashing tail visible the minute the door cracked open. Warmth and light escaped the room, welcoming us in. Esme nudged a dancing Rosie back so that we could both squeeze in and close the door. She turned the lock and make a fuss of her panting dog who was in ecstasy at having visitors to play with. I spoke to her and she whipped around to bump into my legs, circling with joy. I knelt and gave her a huge hug, hot breath blasting my face, whimpers of happiness filling my ears.

“Rosie? Say hi to Jasper!”

He bent down to her level and held out his hands. She all but bowled him over in her enthusiasm, her body wriggling with excitement. I laughed at the sight, Jasper giggling at her antics. She turned to me, then to Jasper, then back to me, not knowing where to go first. I heard Esme from the kitchen.

“Rosie! Go lie down and let the boys in for goodness sake!” Obediently, she scampered off, her claws tapping out a melody on the flooring.

We took off our boots, hung our damp coats on the hooks by the door and walked towards her voice and the smell of roasting meat that wafted from the hot kitchen. Esme was setting pans of vegetables on the hob to boil, checking the meat through the oven door. The small kitchen diner was painted a sunshine yellow; to me it reflected Esme’s warmth.

“I hope you like beef. I thought as we’re having turkey tomorrow, you might like something different.”

Jas and I hung back in the doorway, nodding and watching with envy. I was beginning to enjoy the cooking process, but I knew that Jasper would love a proper kitchen with a cooker and hob.

“Smells amazing.” It was hard not to be food oriented when the acquisition of one basic meal was your goal every single day. “Is there anything we can do?”

She turned, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “Nothing – everything is on schedule. Shall we go sit down?” She led us down the hallway to her cosy lounge room. The first thing I noticed was the tree in the corner, brightly lit and sparkling with tinsel garlands and glittery ornaments. Jasper watched me for a moment, taking my hand.

“I know you wish we had one. We will one day, I promise.”

I nodded, transfixed for a long moment. Tearing my eyes away, I sat down on the squashy chocolate-brown sofa, imagining how wonderful it would be to sleep on something so comfortable. Looking around, I took in the rich cream walls and drapes, the room tasteful with feminine touches in the deep velvety-red cushions and rug, the vase of flowers on the side table. The room was warm and I was too hot in my thick sweater; I shrugged my arms free, pulling it off over my head, leaving me in my worn tee shirt. I smoothed it down, making sure I was tidy. After a moment I noticed Jasper did the same. It felt good to not be confined beneath so many layers for once. Rosie snuck up to us again and this time a paw was placed on my knee in a blatant bid for attention. Unable to refuse her anything, I leaned over and hugged her, rubbing her sides and neck until she collapsed against me to allow me better access. Jasper chuckled.

“Should I be jealous?”

In response, Rosie’s tail thumped and she leaned towards his voice, unashamedly begging for more.

“Oh, Rosie!” Esme laughter drifted over to us from the door. “You won’t have a minute’s peace – she’s shameless! Feel free to put the TV on – the remote’s on the table.”

Jas and I looked at each other, and he reached for it, examining the buttons before clicking ‘on’. Adjusting the volume down so we could all still talk, we found a movie and settled in to watch, laughing when the ghost of Christmas present, dressed as a fairy, started kicking the heck out of Scrooge to teach him a lesson. Without thinking, I leaned back into Jasper, his arms finding their way around me. We were warm, comfortable and happy to be alive.

When Esme walked back in we didn’t move; knowing that she accepted us for who we were was the best gift of all. I could hear the affection in her voice when she spoke, perching on the edge of her chair to watch a bit of the movie with us.

“Dinner’s almost ready.”

I turned to face her. “Would you like me to set the table?”

“No need, sweetheart, all done. Come through in a couple of minutes and we’ll eat.”

My stomach reminded me it was hungry. I had temporarily forgotten, what with being so warm and relaxed. Evidently Jasper felt the same way. When Esme headed back to the kitchen, he leaned in and kissed me.

“I never knew I could be this hungry. Let’s go and see if there’s anything at all we can do to help.”

I nodded, and we trotted through to the kitchen. The radio was playing carols very quietly in the background. The table was laid with a festive embroidered cloth, a cracker sat by each plate, a candle within a decorative wreath of holly sprigs flickering in the centre of the table. Esme had put the vegetables out for us to help ourselves, and was lifting the meat from the oven. My mouth watered. She transferred it onto a serving dish and closed the oven door.

“Now – I’m not very good at carving so I was hoping one of you could give me a hand?”

Jasper stepped in straight away and began to carve the beef into even slices, looking at Esme to see when to stop.

“Have as much as you’d like. There’s no portion control here! How many slices would you like, Edward?”

I dithered, not wanting to appear greedy. At the soup kitchen, we got two or three small slices of meat when it was a roast. However, Esme took the meat fork and placed a pile of meat onto each of our plates.

“There’s more if you want it, so don’t be shy about asking, okay?”

Mine and Jas’ faces registered bewilderment before bobbing our heads in silent agreement.

“Help yourselves to potatoes and side dishes – the beef gravy’s coming.”

We sat down and took some from each bowl. The roasted potatoes looked amazing and I couldn’t wait to try them. When our plates were loaded, we added the gravy and all sat down together to eat. The beef was divine, the potatoes crispy, the mash buttery. My world was reduced to the plate of food before me and I ate slowly, savouring and experiencing the meal to its fullest. Jasper was doing the same – I could tell by the way his eyes closed when he discovered a new flavour. About a quarter of the way through, I set down my cutlery, took a sip from my glass of water, and had to say something.

“Esme, this is incredible.” Jasper nodded in agreement, his mouth full.

“I’m glad you like it. I have to admit, it’s lovely to have a proper meal at home and company to enjoy it with.”

“I wish we could return the favour. One day we will, I promise you.” I met Jas’ warm eyes and knew he agreed.

Esme cocked her head, set down her knife, and reached across to rub my wrist.

“I know you will. I have no doubt about that.”

I ducked my head, catching Jas’ eye. He too set down his knife and fork, and picked up his water glass in a toast.

“Esme, we haven’t known each other for very long, but I want to thank you for looking out for Edward when I couldn’t, and for extending the hand of friendship to us. I know Edward has thanked you, but it’s important to me to say it too. Bless you for your kindness. When we have a proper home of our own, you will be the first person invited over, I promise you.”

“Hear hear!” We all lifted our glasses and clinked, and I leaned across to peck a kiss to his cheek, turning him from brave to bashful in a heartbeat.

When we had done and all plates were empty, we pulled crackers and read bad jokes to each other, giggling. Paper hats sat on our heads, small prize gifts before each of us. I thought the little sewing kit from my cracker could come in quite useful. Esme fetched a large cake tin and set it on the table, throwing a cheeky smile at Jasper that confused him until she removed the lid. Inside sat his favourite cake and his face was alight with happiness for a moment until it dropped.

“Love? What is it?”

His voice was a whisper. “I’m really full. I don’t think I can eat any.” He sounded so distraught that I wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into me. Esme replaced the lid with a chuckle.

“Don’t worry, Jasper. I’m so happy you enjoyed your dinner – it’s a lovely compliment. Now, how about a coffee? I reckon after a movie or a board game you’ll have a bit of room for cake once your dinner’s gone down. In fact I know you will. I’ll cut us some later – we don’t want Rosie stealing it from the plates, and she would!”

Hearing her name, paws approached, stopping at the kitchen door.

“In a minute!” Esme called out to her and was answered with a wag.

I stood up. “Let me help you clean up. I can wash.” I looked around at the clean kitchen, confused, no signs of cooking evident.

“No need. Everything is in the dishwasher. I just need to switch it on once we’re done in here.”

“Oh… is there nothing I can do?” I felt bad for not pitching in in some way.

“You can make yourself comfortable and relax. That’s all you need to do tonight.”

I swallowed and nodded. “Okay – we can do that.”

She led the way from the kitchen and then paused, remembering something.

“You boys come with me and let me show you to your room.” She led the way to the end of the hallway, opening a door at the end. The small room was furnished in soft blue, a double bed covered with a duvet and a comforter in the centre. The room was toasty warm, a radiator on the wall beneath the window. “I hope you’ll be comfortable. And here…” she opened the next door along, “is the bathroom. I took the liberty of stocking it with a few things for you.” She pointed to a large washbag sat on the side. “You should have everything you need. The shower heats its own water, so there’s no danger of running out.” My eyes took in the shower cubicle, knowing I would have to try that out. To wash in a warm room was too great a temptation.

We both gaped like children before stuttering our thank you’s which she brushed off in that sweet way of hers.

Back in the lounge room the tree sparkled in the dimmed light, the room full of chatter and laughter. We sat on the floor around a scrabble board trying our hardest to outwit each other. Neither of us had played before, but we took to it like pros. Despite wanting to win, Jasper helped me when I got stuck, the two of our heads together, scheming. Rosie lay at my side, her head on my knees. The game was eventually won by Jasper who got lucky with a triple word score on his last play. Even he admitted it was a fluke, but took great delight in his win regardless. I was proud for him.

When we packed the game away, Esme suggested a movie. We had no idea what to choose so she put on a favourite of hers called Miracle on 34th Street and we settled in to watch. Halfway through, she disappeared into the kitchen and returned with coffee and big slices of Jasper’s favourite sponge cake. We discovered we were hungry enough now, and the cake disappeared quickly, both of us licking our fingers to not waste a scrap. Esme’s knowing smile could not be contained when she collected the plates. By the time the movie ended, Jasper and I were curled up together on the sofa, revelling in being warm and dry. There was a Christmas show on the TV with lots of singing, and I know I dozed off for a little while, my belly full and content. When I woke I could feel something warm draped over me, some kind of soft blanket, and gentle fingers in my hair. I heard talking, but kept my eyes closed, drifting, snuggled in Jasper’s arms.

“…he works so hard. Until you two met, he was working all day for us on nothing more than an apple and water. I still don’t know how he kept going, but he never complained. He just said he had to try harder. I’m so proud of him, of how much he’s achieved all on his own. I wouldn’t have made it without him. Did he tell you he rang the doctor and got me more meds? I was an idiot, but he made sure I would be okay, just like he always does.” I felt a kiss on my head. “He’s my Christmas miracle.”

To hear Jasper talking so openly was new. It meant he trusted Esme like I did, and felt able to tell her things about our life together that no one else knew. No matter what the future held for us, he had learned to accept friendship, and I knew how hard that was when your life was based on survival, when trust was impossible because on the street, no one’s motives were pure.

I stirred, and heard Jasper’s soft drawl.

“Hey. Look’s who’s back.” I opened my sleepy eyes and tilted my head. With a secret smile just for me, he pecked a kiss to my lips, making me blush. Esme didn’t seem at all perturbed, her expression so fond that I wished she too could have what we had.

~o.O.o~

 

Being so warm and snug meant it was hard to fend off the yawns that threatened to break our jaws. A little after ten we admitted defeat and said goodnight to Esme, each giving her a hug on our way to bed. In the bathroom I took a look in the bag Esme had left for us and found razors, deodorant, shower gel and shampoo, toothpaste and brushes. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, leaving the door ajar for Jas. When he was done, we closed the door to get undressed, realising that for once we didn’t need to wear layers, only our underwear. Before we climbed into bed we heard whining at the door and grinned, cracking it open to let Rosie in to say goodnight.

Slipping beneath a duvet was a new experience. I was used to feeling weight on me when I slept and I was glad to have the comforter. Soft, plump pillows cradled our heads, a clean laundry fragrance wafting around us. It was as it we were sleeping in a cloud. Another new experience for me was something I had dreamed of – the feel of Jasper’s warm, bare skin against mine, being enveloped in him when his arms pulled me close. The sensation was so intimate I couldn’t speak, wanting to drown in his eyes. My hands moved of their own accord, exploring the muscles of his back down to the swell of his ass, nudging his nose until I could capture his lips.

His hands mimicked mine, stroking my back, but avoiding going beyond it. My leg crooked around his, holding him close against me and I felt his body stir, my eyes widening in realisation. He felt me freeze and pulled away just enough to murmur against my lips.

“Love, its fine. You know I don’t expect anything from you, and especially not here, in someone else’s home. It’s just feeling you almost naked next to me is beyond anything I expected…it’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

The lump in my throat was making it impossible to speak. His lips slid to my jaw to nuzzle my neck and a wave of unexpected heat coursed through my body. I clung to him, my body responding to his, crying out for his touch. It was too much and we slowed it down, our lips lazily brushing over each other’s to calm our breathing, hands stilling, revelling in the heat of newly discovered intimacy. I slept that night with Jasper spooning me like he used to, holding me close and keeping me safe, whispering declarations of love in my ear.

When I woke I forgot where I was for a moment, looking over at Jasper who lay watching me, a lazy grin on his face.

“What time is it?”

“Early, around seven I think. I don’t think I’ve ever slept so well.”  I knew what he meant.

My face flushed at the memory of the previous night, not regretting a moment. “I wish it could be like that every night.” My eyes lowered. I like sleeping skin to skin, it feels…”

“Right?”

I let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Exactly that. I’ve thought about it for some time now. Never thought I’d get to do it… at least not until the summertime. I always sleep well in your arms - I slept better without clothes in the way too.”

“I’ve missed holding you.” His forefinger skated along my jawline before he dipped his head to kiss me good morning. I sank into it, having no control around my boy.

“We should get up, maybe have a shower. Hot water!” His face was excited at the prospect. I nodded then, knowing we should get up, but wanting to stay with Jasper in this warm cocoon for as long as I could.

“One more kiss first?” My voice was sleep-rough and Jasper seemed to melt, only able to nod. Scooting over, he gently pinned me to the mattress, capturing my lips and kissing me long and deep, his tongue touching mine and sending shudders all the way to my toes. We finally parted, intoxicated and panting, huge smiles on our faces.

“Happy Christmas, love.”

“Happy Christmas, love, always.”

Dragging ourselves out of bed, we took a shower, one at a time, using every product Esme had provided. The towels were dry and warmed, and I dressed while Jas finished up in the bathroom. Our hair still a bit damp, we made our way to the kitchen to make coffee. I heard clicking behind us and saw Rosie was up and ready for some attention and breakfast.

“You’ll have to wait, Rosie Rose – I don’t know where your mistress keeps your dinner.” She stayed close while we made three cups of coffee, taking ours through to the lounge room to enjoy.

Esme appeared a few minutes later, looking relaxed and lovely.

“You’re up! Merry Christmas, boys!”

We grinned and returned the sentiment.

“Coffee’s in the kitchen, Esme, and Rosie wants breakfast. If you feed her, we can take her out for you.”

I heard her filling Rosie’s bowl and refreshing her water. She returned holding her coffee, placing it on the table to rummage under her Christmas tree. We watched, not paying too much attention after the lovely evening and sleep we had had, and so it was a shock to see her pull out three parcels, a big grin on her face.

“I know you don’t want charity, but its Christmas and I decided I had the right to buy you a present if I wanted to. And, being Christmas, you can’t say no!”

She looked really pleased with her reasoning and I shook my head.

“You’re too much, you know that?”

She cocked her head and handed us each a similarly shaped package, bearing labels that simply said ‘with love from Esme’. Looking at each other, we set down our coffee and slowly tore the paper to reveal hot water bottles in soft, warm covers. Something so simple that other folk no doubt took for granted, but without any heat in our room it was so very hard to get and stay warm. These were perfect. It meant she hadn’t failed to notice the temperature when she came over, but was too polite to say anything.

“Are they okay?” She was biting her lip. “It’s going to get so cold and I want you both to keep warm. Which leads me to this one which should come in handy.” She pushed over a larger box that had both our names on with the same sentiment as before. I picked it up and placed it between myself and Jas to open together. When the first strip of paper tore away, I gasped, stopping. Jasper did the same when he realised what she had done. The box showed a picture of the item inside, but we still opened it carefully, thinking it too good to be true. When the lid opened to reveal the contents, I felt happy tears run down my face.

That dear sweet lady had bought us a kettle to go with the bottles. Unable to speak, I pulled her into a tight hug that she returned every bit as fiercely, releasing me only to hug Jasper too. Trying to stop the tears in her eyes from falling, she sniffed hard.

“It’ll be faster and cheaper than using your hotplate all the time too when you want drinks.” She dabbed her eyes and Jas and I hugged each other tight. “Plus it allows you to spend your money on those boots you need instead. Merry Christmas, sweethearts. So – what would you like for breakfast?”

Once we had eaten slices of hot buttered toast and finished our coffee, Esme stood, seeing Rosie come trotting into the room looking for us.

“Right, so I believe you mentioned giving this girl her morning constitutional? It’s not raining this morning either which is good. She’ll enjoy a good run. I’ll start getting ready for the soup kitchen. By the time you get back, we’ll be ready to make a move. The early shift will already be getting a start on the turkeys.”

She fetched Rosie’s leash and I clipped it on, watching her skip with excitement. Bags ready in my pocket, Jasper and I headed for the door to fetch our coats, scarves and gloves, before stepping out, hand in hand.

The cold hit us, a slap in the face after the warmth we had enjoyed. For a while we just walked, Rosie sniffing at everything in her path.

“So this is Christmas. I always wondered what all the fuss was about.” Jasper’s tone was light, almost disbelieving, and I squeezed his hand.

“I wish there was something we could do for her. I tried so hard to think of something all yesterday, but I don’t have anything to offer her.”

“There must be something, some way we can thank her for the amazing food and the even more amazing bed. That was the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had.” I knew what he meant. Feeling properly rested was a wonderful feeling not to be underestimated.

“We’ll stay warmer if we wear hats to bed. We should add those to our shopping list. I heard you lose a lot of heat through the head.”

He nodded, watching Rosie look up at me while we walked.

“This is nice, I can see why you enjoy doing it. She’s a lovely dog, aren’t you, girl?” Rosie’s ears pricked, knowing she was being talked about. “She certainly likes you. Dogs can sense when someone is kind.”

I nudged him with my shoulder and we walked on, hearing squeals from within the houses, Santa having delivered to them all.

~o.O.o~

When we arrived back at Esme’s, she was loading her car with boxes for the kitchen. I spotted the tin with the cake and smiled – Jasper would hopefully get a second slice with his lunch that day. Offering to help, she let me bring out the box of gifts for the attendees, and also packed away our gifts into a corner of the trunk in a separate bag for when we went home afterwards. I noticed there were other items in with our things, but I guessed they were for her friends at the kitchen, rather than for the attendees. When the car was all packed and Rosie was inside with a chew toy to keep her entertained, we were ready for the off.

The drive to the kitchen was short – the roads were all but devoid of traffic. The kitchen wasn’t open for another few hours and so I thought we might as well pitch in and help the other volunteers. There was a real tree in the corner, covered with lights, its fragrance filling the space. Esme sent me over with a box of decorations, while Jasper was introduced to the other cooks and set the task of peeling pounds of potatoes. He took to it with gusto, impressing the other workers. Christmas music was playing from an old boom box by the window, and I heard the scraping of chairs and tables being set up for the masses. They were expecting a big turn out today, and so there were far more places needed. The volunteers were all in good spirits, singing and humming along to the music, and I thought to myself that if I was going to bring Jasper here for his first meal, I couldn’t have chosen a better day.

When I had finished with the tree, I hung garlands along the serving line to add some additional festive cheer to the day. The room was starting to fill with the scent of roasting turkey. I helped peel and chop alongside Jasper, the two of us making a good team. The knives we were using were certainly a lot sharper than ours, I noted.

Time flew by. I helped lay the tables with festive paper cloths, sprigs of holly in jars dotted along the centres. Three boxes were stood at the end of the food line, marked ‘girl’, ‘boy’ and ‘child’. These were then filled with the gifts provided by the volunteers. Esme’s were brought in from the car and placed into the ‘boy’ box.

When everything was ready, and we had cleared away peelings and dirty utensils, the food line was set up ready for serving. I carried the plates over to the start of the line, Jasper carrying the trays to their spot just inside the door where customers first came in. The turkeys were out of the oven and covered, ready to carve, the side dishes laid out ready to serve. Then there was nothing more we could do.

When the doors opened, a queue had already formed. The volunteers served Jasper and I from behind the line, thanking us for our help, and we took our food and drink to the nearest table and sat down to enjoy our first ever Christmas lunch. With the carols playing in the background, the lights twinkling on the beautiful tree, and gifts being handed out to each customer, there was an air of jollity that I had not witnessed before at the kitchen. Those with so little came together in the spirit of Christmas, to eat, be with their fellow man, and be thankful for what the day brought.

When it was time for our gifts, I saw Esme pick two from her donations and place them on our trays with a knowing smile.

Opening them, we each found we had been given a warm beanie hat – exactly what we had wanted.

It was enough to make you believe in Santa.

~o.O.o~


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> Huge thanks to the helpful folk who posted Goodwill price lists online. It made this shopping trip a realistic and enjoyable experience.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

 

**Chapter 8**

**Edward’s POV**

Esme drove us home once the last person had been served their meal. The weather was cold and dry for the first time in days, the air holding a very real threat of snow.

Walking around her car, I saw that there were still bagged items in the trunk. I guessed she had more Christmas presents to deliver; she never mentioned family, but spoke of friends often. Esme said nothing, intent only on helping us inside out of the bitter cold and into our marginally less cold room. Our home seemed bleak and unwelcoming after our little holiday, the air stale and chilled, but we ignored it as an inevitable return to reality. Our kettle and hot water bottles were laid aside ready for use that very night.

I turned to see Esme holding another bag that I hadn’t noticed before. Setting it down, she reached in and pulled out a heavy and familiar tin, holding it out to us before placing it on the counter. I remembered that we had had hot apple pie for dessert and not cake.  

She placed her hand on the lid of the tin.

“I wanted you to have the rest of this. It was made for you and never intended for the kitchen. Plus…” she reached into the bag again, pulling out a foil wrapped package that she placed next to the tin. “This should keep you going for the next couple of days. Just add your vegetables. Oh, and you need one last thing…” She placed a packet on the countertop. “This is beef bouillon to make into some meat gravy: you just add hot water and stir to enjoy a quick roast dinner at home.”

Looking at her in disbelief, Jasper stepped forward and unfastened the foil packet to reveal the rest of the roast beef, sliced and ready to eat. He gaped at me before opening the tin to reveal the delicious sponge cake inside. I thought he was going to cry.

“Esme! This is all just… too much!”

“Is there any point in telling you you shouldn’t have?” I raised my eyebrows at her, shaking my head with an appreciative smile.

“None whatsoever!” She giggled, looking proud of herself. “Well, thank you for so much for spending Christmas with me. It’s been wonderful to have such lovely company. So, what are your plans after the holidays?”

I looked at Jas.

“We’re hoping to go to Goodwill with our voucher to see if we can get some new clothes. It’s pretty exciting - we get to go shopping together.” Just the thought had us wreathed in smiles.

She nodded in understanding.

“Well, I’m not working until the new year so if you need a lift to help you carry everything home you call me, okay? I’ll be happy to come – in fact I have a few things to donate myself so you’d be doing me a favour by giving me the push to go. I’ve been meaning to do it for a while.”

I looked to Jasper, who at that point would have gladly followed Esme anywhere she wanted to lead. My heart swelled with love for him.

“Well, if they’re open, maybe tomorrow? Or the day after. The sooner the better I think.”

She gave a firm nod.

“Tomorrow would be good for me and you might get lucky with the sales starting too.  I can come pick you up at nine? It gives you time to look around before it gets busy. The changing rooms are more likely to be free then too.”

“Okay – that sounds great. We’ll be ready. Thanks again, Esme.”

She pressed a kiss to my temple and, seeing his bashful smile, did the same to Jasper before letting herself out.

The first thing we did was unpack our kettle, fill it and plug it in. We both stood and watched it boil, marvelling at the speed. Jasper made us drinks before refilling it. We read the instructions on the bottles and filled them with hot, but not boiling, water, letting out the air before sealing them. The heat they gave out was a revelation and we found that they could be tucked into the back of our jeans beneath a sweater, or placed between our feet in bed to defrost frozen toes. Until the season turned they would be our constant companions every evening, refilled before bed each night to ensure maximum heat retention until we fell asleep.

Our supper that evening was fresh bread and cheese, firm, ripe apples and a slab of cake each. We knew the cake wouldn’t keep for very long and reasoned we might as well eat as much as we wanted and fully enjoy it.

After all, wasn’t a little indulgence what Christmas was all about?

~o.O.o~

The next morning I ensured that Jasper was well wrapped up for our outing. The gift card was tucked safe and secure into my coat’s inner pocket and I touched it often to make sure. I added a few extra dollars and some loose change to my pockets in case we needed to top it up a little.

“Are you ready?” Jasper looked at me and I could see his smile in the way his cheeks rounded beneath the scarf, his eyes bright with excitement and purpose. I nodded.

Right on time we heard Esme’s car and headed out for an adventure.

The short drive took us to the store we had seen on our bus journey. Esme drove past and a short ways down the street, pulling into a private parking area. We looked at her, our faces both asking the question.

She killed the engine, looking over at us.

“My friend lives in this building and she said I could use the space while she’s at work. Much better than the bus, don’t you agree?”

With enthusiastic nods, we climbed out of the warm car into the bracing December chill. I touched my pocket again for reassurance whilst I waited for her to open the trunk. Inside I saw two smallish boxes of clothing and shoes and I lifted one whilst Esme took the other, both of us brushing off Jasper’s protestations.  They were bulky, else I would have insisted on carrying both. No way was I having him hurt his chest again. With the trunk closed, we headed down the sidewalk to the huge building.

The inside was nothing like I expected. Rows upon rows of clothes racks and all manner of items. It was a mini mall of every shop we could want in one enormous space. We followed Esme to the drop off counter and prepared to wait in line, but she had other ideas.

“No, no; I’ll do this.” She set her box down on the floor and took mine from me, placing it on top. “You boys get shopping!”

Looking at each other with scarcely contained excitement, we headed towards the cornucopia of treasures that lay before us just waiting to be discovered. Turning back to smile at Esme, I noticed she was crouched next to a blond man, helping him to pick up some items that had spilled from the torn paper sack he held. He was clearly apologising to her, an embarrassed smile blooming on his face when their hands touched.

“Looks like Esme has made a friend.” I nudged Jasper. Even from where we stood I could see a flush to her cheek, her hand fluttering in unspoken gestures.

Jasper squinted for a moment. “I know him. He’s a doctor. Nice guy too. I see him when I go… _you know_.”

The insinuation wasn’t lost on me. He was Jasper’s doctor at the sexual health clinic. I watched them, trying to be covert, seeing the doctor smile at something Esme said, breaking into a laugh. It all looked very positive and I found myself hoping that this could be something.

~o.O.o~

“Jas! What size boot are you?” I held tight to my find until he answered.

He looked up, confused lines wrinkling his brow.

“Eight – eight and a half maybe. Not really sure. I just see what fits.”  He peered around the rail. “Why?”

“Because I found these. They’re almost new. You do realise your boots aren’t in much better shape than mine?”

He shrugged, a little defiant. “I love my boots. They’re me and they’re fine.”

“I know you love them, but please try these? They look the same and you can smell the leather. Think how warm your feet would be…?” I knew I was verging on wheedling, but he hadn’t even looked. He sighed and walked over to where I stood, clutching the boots to me for fear of losing them. The store was filling with people now and I was taking no chances.

He leaned in close to me, his voice low, frown lines evident behind the shaggy hair flopping over his brow.

“I can’t try boots on – I gave you the good socks this morning because we were looking for you, not me.”

 _Ah._ That explained the reticence. Holey socks weren’t a good look in public and I understood where he was coming from, but no way was I letting him leave without at least trying these on.

“If you pull off your boot and lean against me for balance, no one will be able to see your feet. One at a time.” I set the boots down in front of him and saw his eyes brighten.

“You found me new cowboy boots? Ohh - those are beautiful!” With no further argument, he picked up a boot and placed the sole against his own foot for comparison. Satisfied, he braced himself against me and toed off one boot, keeping an eye out for anyone who may have cared to examine his sorry socks. Slipping his foot into the boot, he pulled it up and stamped on the tile.

“Other one?” I moved it over and he gripped my shoulder while he shed the other boot, wriggling into the new one, repeating the stamping like a horse at the farriers.

I watched him walk in a circle and caught him admiring his feet. I grinned.

“How do they feel?” I so hoped they were the right size because he was going to hate putting them back.

“They’re great! I can wriggle my toes and the heels don’t slip. This must’ve been what mine were like when they were new!” He all but scampered back to me and gave me a brief squeeze. “Can we afford these?”

I nodded, my smile a mile wide. “They’re five bucks and they’re yours.”

With regret he toed them off, but took them to where Esme stood, her head tilted and a warm, satisfied look on her face, handing them to her for safekeeping while we carried on digging. Carrying on my search, I tried on any boots that looked to be the right fit, not having much luck until I stumbled across a pair of sturdy black leather boots, thick soled to survive the rain and snow, with a fleecy inner. My feet and ankles were cocooned in warmth the moment my heels slid into position. Plenty of room, not too tight, and comfortable to walk in. The price tag said ten dollars which settled it. Now I had the only thing I wanted for myself, I set off to find Jasper and see if he’d had any luck with finding a coat. I tracked him down and watched bemused for a moment while he flailed, trapped in a too-big coat, trying to escape the confines of voluminous fabric. Helping him out of it, I rehung the heavy coat while he carried on looking. Walking along the racks I spied a more suitable winter jacket, well-padded for the sub-zero temperatures of a Chicago winter. Checking the label, it looked to be a better fit for his frame and had no visible signs of wear and tear. I walked back to him and he looked up, a smile breaking across his face.

“Hey – that looks good! Let me try…” He shrugged off his denim jacket, handing it to me to hold before sliding into the insulated all-weathers jacket.

The sleeves were a good length, long enough to hit the base of his thumbs and keep out the biting wind, and it finished below his hips. He fastened the zips and snaps, pulling up the collar around his face and burying his hands in the deep pockets. All I could see were sparkling eyes above the flattering blue shade of the fabric and a huge grin that matched my own when I nodded approval. Seeing Jasper so happy was the most addictive drug I could ever want; I wanted to say yes to him for the rest of my life. With the jacket and my boots safely stowed away with Esme, we headed to the clothing rails to find shirts and jeans. This took longer than anticipated, neither of us knowing sizes. After heading to the changing rooms with several garments apiece, we emerged with a couple of pairs of jeans each that were the right size and length, and a small pile of short and long sleeved shirts between us in a mix of plain colours and designs. I was keeping a mental tally of what we were spending, overwhelmed by the amount we had already accumulated with money still to spare.

On the way back from the changing rooms I swerved into a less occupied aisle, navigating my way around the solid roadblocks of people, and spotted a jacket sticking out of an overstuffed rail. It seemed perfect for Jasper, made of soft, well-worn but clean, brown leather that would look so perfect with his new boots. I shrugged it on to check the size and found it to be a good fit, our sizes almost the same apart from our height. I knew that it was frivolous spending, but a look at the low price tag told me to just do it. He would love it and we could share it, each needing a lighter jacket for the more clement weather. Keeping quiet, I dropped off my clothes with Esme and followed Jasper to the homewares section where he was examining pans, nodding to himself in satisfaction. He held a sturdy frying pan, a small saucepan and a new vegetable knife. I checked the prices and added them to the running total in my head.

The next item on our list was a toaster. We had talked about it, both considering it a good use of our money. It would give us hot food for breakfast every day and make the stale bread we couldn’t afford to waste more palatable. I had no idea of the cost of electrical goods and so was stunned to see a brand new no-frills toaster priced at $2.99. Jasper shook his head in amazement and carried it under his arm while we headed back to Esme. Passing a display of mugs for only 50 cents each, I stopped and chose one with a golden Labrador that had the look of Rosie on it. Now Esme would have her own mug when she came to visit, rather than the small, chipped cup. Happy with my find, I caught up with Jasper.

“I’m going to run back and look for towels, okay? We need more to give us longer to get them dry.”

He turned to me, his voice low.

“Do we have enough money? This has to be getting expensive.”

I understood his worry, but I was keeping score.

“We’re good, don’t worry. I brought a few extra bucks in case we saw something too good to pass up.”

Looking relieved, he carried on walking while I headed back to the homewares section, locating the section I needed easily. I flipped through the pile on the rack, choosing soft, lightly used bath towels that would wrap around us for warmth. Trying to be surreptitious, I sniffed them, satisfied they were fresh and laundered. Thanks to the low prices, I was able to buy the two I had selected. They were the last item on my list and I was beyond happy with what we had accomplished with our money.

Meandering back through the rails, I passed a display stand of cheap plastic jewellery and watches. My eye caught a basic wristwatch with a black plastic strap. I turned it over, checking it was clean and functional, before fastening it onto my wrist to check for fit. The glass was unbroken, the soft tick audible when I held it to my ear. This seemed a non-essential item when I could borrow Jasper’s, but we had no clocks at home and he had no idea of the time when I was gone. The small price tag dangling from the strap said $1. One dollar. I stared at the tag, expecting the one to morph into a seven before my eyes, but no – one dollar. Patting my pocket, I felt the reassuring weight of loose change, and I slipped the watch from my wrist with a beaming smile. I knew Jasper wouldn’t begrudge me this one indulgence.

My arms full, I found Esme waiting with Jasper, our items packed into a shopping cart. Seeing our purchases all together like that made my stomach flip – it seemed crazy that it would all soon belong to us. I caught Jasper’s eye and realised in that instant that he felt the same as me – overwhelmed. We headed to the checkout desk, unpacking the cart for each item to be scanned. From the corner of my eye I noticed Jasper’s face register confusion when he saw the leather jacket, wondering if it was a mistake. I packed everything into the large bags provided, not commenting on it, packing the towels last to cover the contents. The total came to a little over the $50 on our gift card - $53.60 to be precise – and I gladly paid the extra from the loose change in my pocket, thrilled with the amount of goods we were taking home.

The simple act of shopping like regular people – it was an indescribable feeling.

I turned to leave and saw Jasper reading a flyer. His face was determined when he turned back to the cashier and pointed to it, his voice low. The woman smiled and beckoned him around the desk to speak to him. I watched, having no idea what was going on, but trusting Jasper. Whatever he was asking was important – I could feel it. After a couple of minutes, she indicated to him to wait and called over another employee to cover the desk before leading Jasper towards the back of the store. A tall, muscular guy was moving furniture, but stopped when she called to him. I watched him listen to her and look at Jasper with a smile, holding out his hand. They were talking now, the man nodding and gesticulating. I moved away from the desk, not wanting to block customers, and my eye caught the flyer that had attracted Jasper’s attention.

_Want to work for Goodwill?_

_Sales Associate Vacancy_

_15 hours per week_

_Apply online or ask in store for more information._

The flyer listed their website address and contact details and I looked over at Jasper, my mouth agape, pride bubbling up in my chest.

_My brave, clever boy._

This was a shot at a real job where his talents would be recognised and appreciated. I knew better than to get my hopes up, but hope welled in my heart.

It was but a few moments later when a grinning Jasper walked back to me, his face glowing.

“I just met the manager. I told him that I don’t have any references or experience because I used to live on the streets, but I want to better myself and make something of my life. I must have said something right because he asked me to come back tomorrow for a proper talk!”

He bit his lip, his eyes glistening, and I wanted to hug him hard, right there in the store. I managed to hold myself in check, squeezing his hand, my eyes wide with excitement. Esme waited by the doors and we made our way to join her, Jasper eager to tell her his news.

The frigid air was a shock after the heat from the store and the sheer numbers of shoppers. We apologised to Esme for keeping her waiting and she brushed our words away, saying she expected us to be distracted when it was our first taste of proper shopping. When we reached the car I packed our bags into the trunk before we climbed in, grateful to be out of the aching cold. Jasper explained what had happened while she was waiting for us. I could see the admiration in her expression whilst he spoke.

I debated asking her about the doctor, but I thought better of it. After all, he was Jasper’s doctor and she might feel uncomfortable if she knew. I hoped she had gotten his name and number though because their obvious chemistry was a good sign. I vowed to wait until she mentioned it before I asked any questions. She was about to start the car when she reached for her purse.

“I almost forgot with Jasper’s news, but I found these in a basket of odd bits of clothing. I thought they might be useful for you boys.”

She handed us a small packet containing five pairs of brand new socks. We shook our heads.

_How did she always know?_

Jasper was thrilled.

“Thank you! I didn’t see any while we were shopping and we do need them.” He turned to me. “These will be great for you when you’re out with the dogs. So warm!”

His beautiful face beamed at me and I couldn’t help but do the same in return.

I snuggled up to him in the back seat for the short trip home, my head whirling with the day’s events. It was only just lunchtime and already we had had the day to surpass all others, with the exception of Christmas Day itself.

When we arrived back home I invited Esme in, but she declined.

“I have some errands to run, but you boys get inside. I’ll see you both very soon.”

Climbing out of the car, I collected our bags from the trunk and we both waved goodbye to Esme before ducking inside out of the ferocious cold. The clouds were heavy and dark and I had a feeling I knew what was coming. Once inside, we switched on the heater to take off the chill and filled our new kettle for coffee. While it burbled, we tipped out our bags onto the bed to go through our haul. Jasper gathered up the pans and sharp knife, setting them aside on the counter out of harm’s way before joining me where I waited, a big smile on my face.

“So, I got you something today. I hope you like it.” My teeth worried my lower lip despite the smile that threatened to hurt if it got any wider.

He looked at me, his expression comical.

“What did you do? You better have gotten everything you needed before you spent money on me…”  I cut him off, unable to contain myself.

“I saw this and it had to be yours. It matches your boots and it’s just so… you!” I held up the jacket, the scent of the leather tickling my nose.

His mouth dropped open and for a moment he neither moved nor spoke until he reached for it, disbelieving, his fingers caressing the butter-soft leather.

“Edward - this is beautiful!” His face, so full of wonder and gratitude, made my throat tighten. He shrugged it on and it did indeed fit him very well, moulding to him like it had always been his. “I saw it when we packed and thought it was yours. Today wasn’t about me…”

“Yes it was.” My voice sounded strangled, my throat thick with emotion. “It was about both of us, and new clothes, and Christmas, and… and…” My words tailed off, my face crumpling. Jasper almost fell onto the bed in his haste to wrap his arms around me, pulling me in close. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks, my arms finding his waist and just holding on, drowning in my feelings for him in that moment.

“Love, what is it? What’s going on in that head of yours? Talk to me.” He rocked me back and forth, the motion soothing and comforting.

“I just… I just… wanted to make sure you know that you’re everything to me. Everything I think about. I always want to make you happy.” My words were snuffly, my face hot and embarrassed at my unexpected emotional outburst.

He pulled me tighter, his hand cradling my head. His words were soft in the quiet room.

“It’s been a crazy couple of days, hasn’t it? Our first date, Christmas at Esme’s and all the wonderful things that day brought with it, and now all these new things thanks to your work buddies. It’s overwhelming for me too.” His knuckles slid down my cheek, his thumb caressing my skin. “You’re incredible, you know that? Everything you have you share with me. You never have to prove yourself to me. We’re a team, and…” his lips pressed to my hair. “You make me so very happy every single day.”

We stayed locked together for a while longer, Jasper stroking my hair. The only sounds in the room were my muffled breathing and Jasper’s steady, reassuring heartbeat.

“So shall we have a look at our new clothes? I think we’ve doubled our wardrobes – I’ve never had so much choice! I feel like a runway model!”

I coughed with laughter at that and sat up. His palms cupped my face, thumbs wiping away tear tracks before he kissed me, soft and tender. A moment of gazing into his soft eyes grounded me and I blinked before rubbing the heels of my hands across my face. Refocusing on the job in hand, I picked up a pile of shirts and we compared what we had bought. More of my shirts had longer sleeves for spending time out with the dogs, whereas Jas had bought a mix of short and long sleeves that we could layer up. Our jeans were the right length, a good fit, and barely worn. They would last a couple of seasons at least. I hung Jasper’s new winter coat on the back of the door with my own, the denim and leather jackets over the back of the chair. It was Jasper who picked up my new watch and handed it to me to put on.

I stammered, feeling the need to explain.

“I-I felt bad borrowing yours all the time. Look at the price tag.” I held it out to him and his eyebrows shot up.

“A _dollar_? Wow – that was a find! See? You are so good at this, keeping a tally of what we were spending. I would have gotten lost somewhere and had to put something back. _That_ would’ve been embarrassing.” His wry grin made me chuckle. “I’m not used to having money to spend on anything after food and rent. Good job I have you.”

He was saying it to make me feel better, he had to be. He had always known how to maximise every cent he earned. My gorgeous boy was no slouch with money, but he had trusted me with today’s shopping and it made me feel proud to have done a good job. He was right – we _were_ a team and a damned good one too. I showed him the mug for Esme and he loved it, setting it carefully on the shelf. Our toaster was given pride of place next to the kettle, ready for breakfast. We began removing price labels from our new clothes and folding them to fit into our empty dresser drawers, the towels set aside ready for use. Our new boots were lined up by the bed ready for morning. I turned to see Jasper with a new boot and an old one in his hands, looking at the new one with undisguised joy.

“I can’t believe you found me new boots. I love them, I really do. They’re barely worn – look at the soles!” He held the boot aloft to show me the few scuffs from what couldn’t have been more than one or two wearing’s. “I didn’t see how rough mine were getting. They’re comfy though and don’t leak yet. Now I have smart ones too!”

My smile threatened to break my face.

“No sense waiting for them to leak before looking for new ones. The perfect replacements wouldn’t have been around then. Those were meant for you, no doubt about it.”

He set both back down on the floor and picked up my new ones for inspection.

“These are good – warm! No more cold, wet feet for you, love. Hopefully they’ll be more comfortable too. Those old ones don’t have any cushioning in and when you spend all day on your feet it’s no wonder you ache so much.”

I couldn’t argue with him there. I felt every bump and pebble even with two pairs of socks. I flopped down next to him, anxious to ask my question.

“So tell me about the job - what did the guy say?”

His face lit up with enthusiasm.

“He said it would be fetching and carrying, helping out with customers and tidying the shop floor. Nothing too heavy. I’ll be honest and tell him about the pleurisy – I hope the fact that I can’t lift doesn’t go against me, but it’s better than the alternative. I don’t want to push myself too soon. He just wants to have a proper talk tomorrow to see if I fit the bill. No doubt they’ll have lots of applicants, but if I make a good impression then he might keep me in mind when something else opens up. Oh, that reminds me…” He fished out some folded, printed sheets from his pocket. “This is about the company and the benefits that workers get. I told him we didn’t have any computer access.”

He unfolded the pages and we read them together, our eyebrows in our hair by the time we had read the first page. Words like ‘employee discount’ and ‘prescription drug coverage’ were like neon signs to people with no money like us. Add to that the paid holiday and sick leave, and we were looking at each other in shock. Neither one of us had had a legitimate job before, the sort with a contract of employment and regular wage. I was casual at both my jobs, and Jasper would be classed as self employed by anyone trying to be polite. This was a chance at a proper job – a major step up the ladder of respectability.

_And it would get him off the streets for good._

We both knew better than to get too excited, but his simple act of courage in just making the enquiry was everything. It showed his self-belief that he could do something else, and that he understood he was worth so much more. I knew I would be thinking of him the whole time I was working, hoping against hope that it went well. The organisation was all about helping people help themselves and that was exactly what we needed to move forward.

My thoughts were interrupted by the tinny tune of the phone. I dived for it.

“Hello?”

“Edward! It’s Tanya. We’re going to need you tomorrow. It’ll be all hands on deck with most of our regulars back and happy to see you!”

I beamed.

“No problem. Usual time?”

“Absolutely! I won’t be around so Alice will sort you out with your group when you arrive. Thanks, Edward. Speak to you soon!”

“Thanks, Tanya. Bye.”

I looked down at my new watch.

“Well, I’m not needed until my shift at the market tonight so how about we be decadent and make a hot lunch?”

Jasper stepped up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist.

“Loving that idea. So how about we have a roast? I happen to know we have some delicious beef and…” he rustled the plastic bag on the counter with an outstretched hand, “we have some lovely fresh veggies. So, my only question is, can I peel the potatoes and try out the new knife? Pretty please?”

Grinning, I leaned around and kissed him before stepping out of the cooking area, leaving the chef to weave his magic.

~o.O.o~

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so being in the UK I haven’t worked for Goodwill, and I don’t know anyone who has that could advise me beyond what I have read and researched on the internet. Therefore, please understand the questions used in Jasper’s interview are completely fictional in every way.  
> This is a split POV chapter which to me was more effective than cutting it in half and posting two separate short chapters.  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

**Chapter 9**

**Edward’s POV**

I stepped out into the dark December evening, tugging my beanie down snug over my ears. It took me a moment to focus on the blurred landscape around me, the world reduced to whirling white, the sound-deadening carpet crunching beneath my boots. One last adjustment to my collar and scarf and I headed for home, my gloved hands unencumbered and tucked into my pockets. For once we had enough food at home and so my small wage for the night would be reallocated.

With my warm breath pluming before me, the cold flakes landing on my nose and lips disappeared in moments. The usual hustle of people had lessened, the parking lot empty. The only evidence that remained was already vanishing beneath the relentless onslaught, the darkened tyre tracks covered with a modesty blanket of white.

If this kept up all night it would mean a much slower walk to Happy Tails in the morning and necessitate a much earlier start for both me _and_ Jasper, in order for him to catch his bus to Goodwill. My busy mind reminded me that my feet were warm, the path I trod cushioned and supported. I hadn’t realised how bad my old boots were until I replaced them. That was the difference in getting to choose your clothing rather than scavenging it. I wasn’t ungrateful – after all, I wouldn’t have managed without them all this time – but I felt blessed at that moment to be warm and dry all over. I hurried fast as I dared, the snow not yet compacted underfoot, but still able to cause injury to the careless. The walk seemed much longer, my vision restricted to only a few steps ahead. Looking up, the snow circled and danced in the glow of the streetlights and I looked back down, the hypnotic sensation making me dizzy. It seemed a long time before our street appeared, the usual landmarks stolen by the blizzard, leaving me disoriented in the dark despite my feet knowing the way.

I huddled on the step, shaking the snow from my coat and hat, stamping the wet from my boots before heading inside. Jasper looked up from where he sat on the bed, a blanket around his shoulders, doing his best to absorb and retain the warmth from the nearby heater. To me, his smile gave the best warmth of all.

“I guess we knew _that_ was coming. How bad is it out there?”

Removing our lighter jackets from the chair, I hung my wet coat over the back and positioned it close to the heat in the hopes it would be dry to wear in the morning. My boots were absolutely fine, but I wiped the wet from them anyway to prevent the insides becoming damp. I ran my hand through my hair.

“It’s coming down heavy now. It wasn’t snowing when I got there yet it’s already thick. The flakes are massive. Glad to be out of it.” With a grin, I climbed onto the bed, wriggling closer to Jasper when he held out the blanket to wrap around my shoulder, sharing the heat.

_Bliss._

“We might have to leave earlier tomorrow. Don’t want to be late.” I rummaged in my pocket for that night’s earnings. “Here, put this in your pocket for the bus. We didn’t need any food tonight so it can be put to better use.” For once he did what I suggested, tucking the note into the jeans he would be wearing.

“I should be nervous, shouldn’t I? Maybe it’s because I don’t expect anything. I mean, even if I were to get it I’d have to factor in the daily bus fare before I even start because it’s too far to walk, especially in this weather…”

“And with your chest, love.”

“Yeah, and with my stupid chest.” He nudged me with a smile. “But if I get lucky then at least we’d have some regular money. I’d probably have to work the streets for a bit until we were financially secure enough to be able to cover the basics without worry, but hopefully it wouldn’t be for long.”

I froze. “But we’d make it work somehow. Besides, you wouldn’t want any customers or staff at the new place finding out about your other work would you? It might not go down well.” I bit my lip.

His face fell and right then I hated myself for hurting him, for inadvertently making his life sound so dirty when he had done nothing to deserve it. His voice was flat.

“You’re right. It could backfire. Look - perhaps I shouldn’t go tomorrow. I can earn much more out there on a good day and come the summer time I work longer hours, more business later in the evenings when it’s warm…”

I felt my eyes widen. We hadn’t had a summer together yet and I had no idea how many more hours he would usually put in to make money, how many more customers he serviced on a daily basis to keep one step ahead. Did he really want to keep doing that?

_No. Just… no._

“Jas - no.” I shuffled around under the blanket to look at him dead on, seeing his confusion and hurt. I shook my head and swallowed, the sound loud in the silence. “No. I love you. I want what’s best for you. Not just for us, but for _you_.” I squeezed my eyes tight shut for a second to focus. When I opened them I had his full attention. “Yes, you can earn good money out there. But on a bad day you can earn nothing, or do your job and not be paid. Or be _hurt.”_ My voice cracked then, my greatest fear of losing Jasper ever present. “This,” I prodded at the Goodwill pages on his lap, “this is a real opportunity. One that you found for yourself, got excited about, and got yourself an interview for. Please don’t throw it away because our situation will change. I know change is scary and uncertain, but we’ve managed up to now. Plus you’re forgetting something.” I smiled and his eyes brightened a fraction. “They might offer more hours in the future, or the pay might increase. You might find a second job somewhere else to bolster the hours. It’s all good, love. You can do this. _We_ can do this. Please, please don’t talk about going back to the street because,” my voice was no more than a hoarse whisper, _“_ because _I can’t bear it.”_

Our arms found each other in a tight hug. My face was buried in his neck, his breath fanning across the exposed skin of my shoulder.

“Okay, love. Okay.”

We held each other for a long time, the unspoken deal breaker hovering over our heads no matter how much we ignored it:

_The street would always be waiting if all else failed._

~o.O.o~

I woke in the night, the air in the room desperately cold. Our bottles were giving off only the barest memory of warmth from their fleecy confines and so I climbed out of bed in socked feet, teeth chattering, and filled the kettle. I always slept through the night therefore it had to be worry that was keeping me up. Worry about the outcome of the interview later today. I had total faith in Jas – he could do anything he set his mind to - and so this should be a cinch. The problem was if he needed to do something like use a computer, or look at the internet. We had no idea how all that worked. Maybe they would have lots of other applicants to see and that could mean a delay, enough time for Jasper to lose belief in himself.

I switched off the steaming kettle  and refilled the bottles. Shaking my head, I realised that these thoughts were helping no one. I just needed a good night’s sleep. Creeping back to bed, I tucked my bottle into the back of my underwear to keep out the draught from the window, and wiggled Jasper’s back into place between his cold feet. He hummed in his sleep, the warmth seeping into his skin, and I snuggled back into place behind him, holding him close.

I slept until the first feeble fingers of morning light slid into the room. 

~o.O.o~

The room seemed too bright and for a moment I feared I was late. When I checked the time and looked out of the window I saw the world sleeping under a thick veil of white, everything bright and clean in the early hour.

I pressed a kiss to Jasper’s jaw, in the spot where it met his neck, and a quiet moan vibrated through his throat. I stroked his hair and he rolled over, still not quite awake, his arms finding me.

_Okay, so a couple more minutes wouldn’t hurt._

My lips brushed his, once, twice, until he responded, kissing me good morning and making my body tingle from head to toe. When his eyes fluttered open they gazed straight into mine, slow blinking a message of love. I smiled, unable to hold it in.

“Hey.”

I nuzzled his nose and stole another kiss.

“Hey yourself.”

Another kiss that stole my breath and set my heart hammering. I forced myself to focus.

“Are you ready for today? New clothes, new boots, big smile. Who could say no to you?”

He blushed, and my heart could barely take it.

“Kinda wish you were coming too. I’m gonna want to talk to you about it the minute it’s over, good or bad. If it weren’t for my chest I’d come and meet you at work.”

“I know. I wish I could too. But you’ll be home by the time my shift ends. If this weather continues it’ll be tough going for the little ones today, and they’ll be tired and wet through pretty quick.” My thumb traced his lower lip, momentarily distracted. “I had a thought. I want you to write down the number of the cell and keep it on you. If you feel at all unwell while you’re out, or at any time, I want you to call me. Promise? Don’t struggle on your own.”

I kissed him again and, when I pulled back, he nodded.

“I will. I’ll make sure I take some quarters in case.” He didn’t look like he was humouring me, and I relaxed, reassured. “I guess we better get up. I’ve got a potential employer to impress.”

His optimism was infectious and I grinned.

“Let’s get you ready. I’ll make a start on breakfast. You need your strength today.”

He swung his legs out of bed and wrapped a large towel around himself before scuttling out to the bathroom. I could see his breath when he opened the door; that room was going to be an icebox. I set to boiling the kettle for us to wash, stepping from foot to foot on the cold floor while I waited. Once the water was hot in the sink, I reboiled it for coffee, sliding bread into the toaster slots. Jasper reappeared in time to hear the toaster pop, his grin widening. I spread two slices with honey, stirred his coffee and handed both to him. My reward was a kiss on the cheek and I laughed, watching him sneak back to bed to eat. Who could blame him – the sheets were still warm. 

Once breakfast was all done we washed ourselves and dressed in our new clothes. I made sure Jasper was in plenty of thin layers to hold the warmth, and I grabbed one of my new long sleeved shirts to wear beneath my sweater. It was still early when I opened the front door and peered outside. Traffic was moving on the main streets, but the untouched sidewalks looked treacherous. Back inside, I reached for some loose change from our hiding place.

“I’m going to take the bus this morning too. Until the worst of the snow is cleared from the sidewalks, they’re going to be deep. I don’t fancy having to spend any longer than necessary in soaking wet jeans.”

Jasper was reading the pages from his pocket again, his lips moving in silent practice. I prayed it would work out today, that they would see the generous, kind and hard-working man that I saw every single day. Taking a breath, I kept my nerves for him under wraps.

“Let’s go.”

~o.O.o~

We waited for the bus in silence, Jasper lost in his thoughts. I held his hand and let his busy brain prepare for the challenge to come. Looking up, I leaned in.

“Jas? Bus is coming.” Before it could cross the intersection, I leaned in and brushed a kiss to his lips. “For luck.” I smiled and he squeezed my fingers.

The journey passed in silence, me reassuring him by holding his hand in mine until we reached my stop. It took all my self-control to not kiss him again before I stood to disembark, but with a squeeze of the hand and a lingering look I sent him the message that I had faith in him. He gave me a nervous smile and a nod, and with that I left my boy to travel onward. The moment my feet hit the wet sidewalk I turned to watch the bus pull away, a smile on my face just for him.

My chest felt tight, my worry a tight band around my lungs, and I sucked in air to steady myself before heading off to Happy Tails. Thanks to the slushy melted snow and traffic, my legs were wet and cold before I even started out with the dogs.

I tried to concentrate, and to the outside world I most likely acted exactly like I always did, but I struggled to keep my mind on anything but the dogs and their needs. My interpersonal skills were minimal, my mind unable to pay attention to extraneous information that day. Alice cocked her head when she spoke to me for what turned out to be the third time before I answered.

“Edward, are you okay? Is there a problem?”

She sounded concerned and I felt bad. My fingers were fastening leashes and harnesses with practiced ease, full concentration not required whilst still inside. I took a breath and sat back on my heels for a moment.

“Sorry, Alice. I don’t mean to be distracted, it’s just that Jasper has a job interview and…”

I saw her face change from worried to excited in a moment.

“He does? No wonder you’re all over the place! Is he nervous?”

I rubbed the back of my hand across my nose.

“Very, and so am I. It’s a big deal to us. It’s… a really big deal.”

I didn’t elaborate and to give her credit she didn’t push. All I saw was a moment of hesitation before she swooped down to hug me where I crouched on the floor. The gesture was not unwelcome. I rubbed her arm and she leant back in her crouch.

“Tell him I’m proud of him. It doesn’t matter that we haven’t met, I just want you both to know I support you. Both of you.”

Her eyes shone. I swallowed and nodded.

“Thanks, Alice. I will. Now I guess we better be going. It’s not going to be pretty when we get back – have towels on hand. I dread to think what Buster and Fritzy are going to be like out there.”

She raised a sardonic eyebrow.

“Oh you’ve yet to experience that joy. Buster will go mad because he just really loves the snow, but Fritzy, he… uhm…”

I met her gaze and read her mind.

“He’s going to want carrying, isn’t he?”

With her lips pressed together in controlled mirth, she could only nod, doing her best to look serious.

I turned to the dachshund who sat by my knee, attentive and ready to go.

“Fritz, it’s not a walk if you’re being carried. Think on, buddy.”

We headed to the door, all clicking claws and waving tails, and prepared to brave the great white world.

~o.O.o~

Alice was waiting when we returned, wet and shivering, her hands ready with warm towels. She took one look at me, holding a dry and rather smug Fritzy, and burst into gales of laughter.

“How long did he give it?” She began rubbing Buster down while he nosed around for treats.

I set the little dog down, stretching out my aching arm whilst he wandered off to his water bowl.

“Half a block.”

I glared at his retreating tail which just made Alice laugh harder. Her shoulders were still shaking while she worked on the other wriggling bodies, exclaiming when wet paws clambered up her shins.

I walked over to Jupiter who was ready and eager to be off, whining and barking.

“Don’t get any ideas, Jupe.” I fastened his leash. “You’re more likely to be carrying _me_.”

Opening the door, I heard Alice behind me.

“Now that would be a sight to see!”

The sidewalks were slippery and uneven, but Jupe took it in his stride. After a cursory sniff at the white stuff, he set off at his usual pace with me slithering around beside him, trying not to stumble and fall. While my body struggled for the second time that morning to stay upright, my mind went back to Jasper and how he was doing.

The day was going to drag until I got back home.

~o.O.o~

**Jasper’s POV**

I folded the sheets of paper and stowed them back into my pocket.  I pulled on my new winter coat and beanie, tapped my pocket for my bus fare, and together Edward and I stepped out into the blinding white morning. The last time we had both caught the bus together was a bad memory, but this time we sat side by side in the bitter air and waited in silence, his gloved hand in mine.

I was scared. I was so scared that they would see straight through me, see what I really was. Life as a hustler had eroded my self-respect, made me numb and impervious to change. It was Edward that saw beyond it all, beyond the day to day degradation that I had long since endured and learned to accept. My biggest fear, beyond every hustler’s huge fear of contracting HIV, was that I would get too old and no one would want my services any longer. Always younger boys coming on the scene. My fear had grabbed hold of me at the thought of that, of being rejected in the only job I had ever known, and it made me feel so lost.

Now I had to focus on the future, on making something more for myself, for Edward. He deserved to have a boyfriend with a respectable job to match his own. He worked so damn hard, never flagging, never complaining, and I wanted to be worthy of him. He astounded me every day with his love, his energy and his generosity of spirit.

I looked over at him and saw he was watching me, his face concerned.

“Jas? Bus is coming.” Before it could cross the intersection, he leaned in and brushed a kiss to my lips. “For luck.” He smiled and I squeezed his fingers before standing and holding out an arm to the driver.

The journey passed in a blur of thoughts, and before I knew it we were at Edward’s stop. He squeezed my hand goodbye before I watched him leave. My heart lurched when I saw him standing and smiling on the sidewalk, disappearing into the distance. For someone who’d lived alone for some time, the feeling of isolation that washed over me in that moment was crippling.

_You can do this._

I breathed deep as my healing chest would comfortably allow and focused on the task ahead.

Too soon, my stop approached and I stepped out into the churned up mess of snow and ice. It was a short walk to the Goodwill store and I took cautious steps, my eyes on my feet to not take a fall. I didn’t need any more injuries to deal with.

Standing in front of the store, I let out one slow breath and pushed open the door, feeling the warm air envelop me. The place was busy despite the weather, and I made my way through the busy racks to the checkout desk. The girl there showed me where to go and wait, and so I found myself sitting on an old wooden schoolroom chair, waiting for the boss to call me in.

He arrived a few minutes later, apologising for being late. He held out his hand and I shook it. He was taller than I remembered, and built like a line-backer. Short brown hair accented his tan. He was smiling.

“Emmett McCarty, I’m the manager here. Come on in, Jasper. You can hang your coat behind the door. Would you like a drink?”

He cleared a space on his cluttered desk, piling up folders and papers to the side. I nodded, feeling my tongue stick to the roof of my dry mouth.

“Yes, please, I would.”

“Coffee?” His eyebrows curved upward at the question.

That brought a welcome smile despite the nerves.

“Please – black, no sugar.”

“No worries – back in two shakes.”

He picked up his mug from the desk and disappeared into a tiny space off to the side of the office. I heard a kettle boil and the clinking of a spoon before he reappeared holding two steaming mugs, setting one down in front of me. I smiled my thanks and picked up the mug. It had a black logo on it for Hale Autos. No doubt bought from the donated stock.

“So… you’re interested in working for us, Jasper. Tell me a little more about yourself after our chat yesterday.”

I took a sip of my coffee.

“Okay, so I lived on the streets for several months after school ended. I got good grades though – I wasn’t a slacker. Things just went wrong after that and I struggled to find my feet, but I found a place to stay and since then I’ve had little jobs here and there, nothing official or permanent. Just casual work like fetching and carrying, helping out, you know?” The lie hurt, no matter how I tried to gloss over my real ‘career’. “I don’t want to carry on like that. I want to achieve something with my life now. I want something respectable.”

Emmett nodded, his dark eyes warm and genuine. I felt I could trust him; I’d had more than a little experience with making fast judgements about complete strangers and I was usually right.

“So what can you bring to a role at Goodwill? What are your talents?”

I took another swallow of coffee to gather myself.

“I’m reliable, I’m a hard worker, and I do what I’m told to do. I can think on my feet if there’s a problem and I’m good with people. But more than that, I want to be here. I want to work, sir.”

Emmett quirked an eyebrow.

“So if we needed you to cover an extra shift at short notice because someone went sick, you’d be able to do that? No regular commitments elsewhere?”

I tilted my head, not understanding what he was getting at.

“Sorry, I know it’s personal, but in order to support our employees we do need to know if they need regular times free to attend any groups, or make regular check-in appointments for example, or just need regular health checks with a physician due to health conditions. I’m not prying.”

_Oh. Does he think I’ve got an addiction?_

I knew I looked pale, but the thought that I might look like a junkie made my heart sink. This wasn’t going how I had hoped.

“I could take extra shifts, yes, sir. In the spirit of honesty, I have had pleurisy recently. I’m recovering well, but I have been told not to do anything too strenuous for a while so as to not aggravate my chest. If that’s a problem then I understand. Other than that, I’ve always been pretty healthy. Hungry a lot of the time, but healthy.”

Emmett stretched his arms out on the desk, elbows bent, hands loosely clasping his coffee mug.

“I’m glad to hear that. Believe me, we’re used to hearing stories like yours, Jasper, and we pride ourselves on helping those who’ve had a rough start and who want to better themselves. So tell me – what would you like to get out of working for us?”

I licked my lip, feeling tongue-tied. My accent thickened a touch when nerves kicked in, my words slower.

“Well, I’d like to feel part of something, to belong. I would get to do a job where I help people like myself, folks who don’t have a lot, and I would like that very much. After reading the literature you gave me, I realised that I’d also like to learn some more, especially things like computers. I don’t have any knowledge of those at all and it puts me at a disadvantage. I want to be someone and to make my partner proud. He works hard for very little and I need to do my share now that I’m recovering. Plus, a regular salary would help us save up towards finding a nicer place to live. That’s the truth of it. We live small lives with small dreams, but they’re ours.”

I felt hot and embarrassed, having said more than I intended. The truth had escaped when I allowed myself to think of Edward and what I wanted for the both of us. However, Emmett was nodding, seemingly happy with what I had said, and so I hoped I hadn’t blown my chances by unintentionally revealing my sexual orientation. From what had happened to Edward at that soup kitchen, I knew it was a huge risk.

“Okay, Jasper, so I have some forms for you to complete and a basic numeracy test to see how you do. Nothing too demanding, so don’t worry.”

He flipped open a folder and pulled out a few sheets of paper before opening a desk drawer and pulling out a clipboard, placing them before me along with a black pen.

“I’m going to go and see how the staff are doing. I’ll leave you in peace to fill these out for me. If you have any questions, skip on and we’ll go over them when I come back. Okay?”

I nodded, my lips pressed together in a bloodless line.

_I could do this._

“Great. I’ll leave you to it.” With a cheerful grin that lit up his face, he took his coffee and left the room, the door closing quietly.

I let out a long, slow breath and took the first of the forms, clipping it to the board. It wanted basic details like date of birth and address, plus contact details. Fishing the cell number out of my pocket, I sent a silent thank you to Edward for his foresight. It also wanted education information which I could complete honestly, which was more than could be said for my previous employment. I wrote in ‘casual work’ and left it there. The form said they were an Equal Opportunities Employer. I didn’t know how being a hustler fitted into that philosophy and I was too ashamed to ask for fear of their rejection and judgement. I couldn’t imagine it would sit well with most people. On the other hand, it meant I was starting out with a lie, a lie that could come back to haunt me at any moment.

The second form was asking similar questions to what Emmett had already asked me, and I thought carefully before I wrote my answers because these ones would be kept on file for others to potentially see.

Then I saw the questions about my history:

‘Have you ever been convicted of a felony or misdemeanour or agreed to a court settlement for a lesser crime after being charged with a felony? If yes, please explain and provide dates.’

‘Are you undergoing treatment for any type of substance abuse? If so, please give details of the treatment programme.’

‘Do you have any medical conditions that may impact your ability to carry out your duties with or without reasonable accommodation? If yes, please explain.’

I was grateful that I had nothing to declare, feeling relieved that I could check the ‘No’ boxes. During my time as a hustler I had never been arrested.

The math questions were reasonably easy. Having supported myself for so long, I could do basic calculations in my head without issue. The rest came back to me when I scribbled my workings on the back of the page, simple multiplication and percentage mostly. Emmett hadn’t returned by the time I was finished and so I read through all my work again, adding a sentence here and there to the interview sheet, hoping against hope that I was what they were looking for. I didn’t mention Edward or my relationship at all, but indicated that I needed a reliable job that could allow me to progress further and make something of myself, to improve my own way of life.

I drained the last of my coffee and set the mug down, taking the opportunity to have a glance around the small office. I saw a framed picture of Emmett with a blonde woman in overalls, both of them raising a thumbs up to the camera. They looked happy, and I smiled at the image. This Emmett McCarty seemed like a genuine guy and I looked forward to possibly working for him.

Just then, the door opened and Emmett poked his head in.

“How are you doing? All done?” Seeing my neat stack of papers, he grinned. “Good good! Now if you’d like to come with me, I’ll give you a tour of what we do here.”

I bobbed my head in agreement, and followed him back out into the store. He motioned to the rear doors.

“Bulky deliveries come through here, all your basic furniture items. Then, everything comes out to the back room here.” He pushed open the double doors to the rear of the store and I saw a large room full of stock and a small group of people going through bags of donations. “Here it’s sorted, quality checked and priced. Anything broken or unusable is sent to recycling wherever possible. We hate waste. As you can imagine, this is an important step and these guys are doing an excellent job.” He pointed to a large tray of coffees and pastries off to the side. “Bribery helps, I find.”

He winked at me, laughter coming from the workers.

Leading me out, he then showed me around the main store, pointing out how the coloured tag system worked, how stock was rotated, and how they kept the store tidy at all times, making sure that goods weren’t lying on the floor, blocking walkways and getting trodden on. He explained to me that this was a superstore whereas they had smaller stores in other towns. This one was a flagship store in Chicago and employed a lot of staff.

He pointed to the checkout desk and the girl expertly ringing up the items coming through.

“One thing we don’t allow is for employees to ring up their own purchases. Those must always be rung up by a colleague and the discount applied. What the others tend to do is take any items they want off sale and place them in the break room. Then at the end of your shift, any items you have can be rung through by the next member of staff before you leave.”

I nodded, liking the sound of that.

“To be honest, I was expecting you to say that the manager has to do all staff purchases.”

He grinned. “Each till operator has their own code so we know who rings each item through. That way we can track all the staff discount codes input.”

“Okay. I get that. I can’t deny that the thought of getting a discount is quite exciting. I got my new coat and boots here just yesterday and they’ve already made a huge difference in this weather.”

He looked down at my feet.

“Nice boots! We get some real nice items through here and it pays to keep your eyes peeled if there’s anything you need. Now, let’s go back to my office and check over those forms.”

I stiffened, nervous again, but bobbed my head and followed him back in.

He read through my responses, checking every box was answered. It wasn’t until he reached my employment details that he paused.

“Is there no other information we can fill in here? No one who could give a recommendation on your behalf?” He was smiling until he saw my face fall. “I understand if there’s not, it’s just that you haven’t been in jail or in any trouble, and so I would usually see something here.”

I felt myself on a great precipice, unsure whether to step back down or fling myself off the ledge.

_Truth or lie?_

My fingers made a fist under the table, gripping so tight they ached.

“I… I… supported myself as best I could when I lived alone. I made what little money I could honestly, but the truth is, I can’t provide you with references because I didn’t ask anyone’s names. The… _transactions_ … were anonymous.”

I felt myself collapse inward, my cheeks burning in my pale face. It was one thing to admit it to the doctor so she could help me, but to have to sit and tell a potential employer in so many words was the most humiliating and shaming experience of my life. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to feel Edward’s comforting arms around me. I lifted my head to face Emmett, trying to be strong.

“If this means you can’t employ me then I thank you for your time.” I made to leave, but Emmett spoke, his tone kind.

“I can’t imagine how you stayed so strong. This doesn’t affect your application, Jasper. Your record is clean and so there is no paper trail to show how you supported yourself. Therefore in my mind no-one needs to know. It’s just between you and me.”

I looked up in surprise, seeing no judgment on his face. I frowned, trying to understand.

“Are you saying that you will consider me for the job?” I needed to be sure in my own mind.

He slid the forms into his folder and closed it, his hand splayed atop it.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I have a few more applicants to see, but I have your number and once I’ve made a decision I’ll ring you.”

He stood up and offered his hand. In a daze, I shook it.

“Thank you, sir. You have no idea what that means.”

Walking round his desk to the door, he turned to me.

“I’ll speak to you soon, Jasper. Take it easy out there.”

I nodded, fastening my coat. When I left the store it didn’t seem so cold, or maybe I was just excited to see Edward to tell him all about it.

~o.O.o~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The sharp-eyed among you may have noticed one tiny thing that contradicts a mention made in the first chapter. At that time this was a one shot and so the mention was irrelevant. It was only later that I realised a substitution was needed for the continuation of the story. If you have no idea what I’m referring to then there’s no need to be concerned!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> ~o.O.o~

**Chapter 10**

**Edward’s POV**

I ached. The muscles in my legs and back had been pushed and pulled in all the wrong directions during my morning in the snow with the dogs, and all I really wanted was a hot bath with Jasper before I headed out again to the drier confines of the market. The reality was that I would make do with a hot water bottle to stave off the cold whilst I waited for Jasper to come home.

My mind was full of him. Of course that wasn’t unusual, but today had been the first time since we’d been together that he’d been into town alone and, although he hadn’t called, a huge part of me would not relax until I saw he was okay. I paced our room while I waited for the kettle, chewing the skin around my thumbnail. When the water was hot enough, I filled the bottle and tucked it into the back of my jeans. The heat radiated out across my tight muscles and I sighed, resuming my pacing.

I heard him before the door opened, and had to restrain myself from jumping into his arms the second he appeared. His cold-pinked face beamed, and I felt my body relax at last. Pulling off his coat, he hung it on the door before reaching for me, his head nestling into the crook of my neck, hands burrowing under my jumper to rest on the bottle. My arms snaked around his neck and held him close, my worries melting away like morning dew. After a minute or so he pulled back just enough to kiss me before walking me over to the bed to sit down.

I looked into his bright eyes, hope in my heart.

“So…?”

~o.O.o~

We sat sipping coffee, allowing ourselves to feel optimistic. Hearing all about the interview was exciting, Jasper’s enthusiasm clear by the animated way he talked about the boss and his attitude to his workforce.

“He just seems so supportive, you know? His staff seem happy which is testament to his leadership. There’s a picture of him and his girlfriend on his desk and it isn’t a stuffy, formal one. I mean, they’re filthy and look like they’ve gone three rounds with a Mack truck and lost, but they’re laughing. I don’t know – I guess I just find that reassuring. No false front.”

I nodded in understanding.

“You did so good. You’ve won just by being yourself. And to have the boss say you will be considered is amazing. You impressed him.” I nudged him with my shoulder.

He blushed, still smiling.

“I didn’t think I could do it – tell him, I mean. But he didn’t judge me.” He shook his head, still astounded that the truth could benefit us for once rather than kick us to the kerb. “I thought I’d have to lie, pretend to be someone I’m not, but…” he shrugged, shaking his head before taking a long pull of his coffee.

Taking a big mouthful from my own mug, my thoughts were all focused on one thing:

_He needs this._

 

**Jasper’s POV**

That night, after Edward got home from the market, we ate a hot meal and headed to bed earlier than usual after our tiring day. Stretching out aching legs was bliss and I heard Edward’s groan of relief.

Shifting over onto my side, I snuggled closer to Edward. My thumb grazed his cheek, and his head moved towards the slight touch.

“So, tomorrow’s my regular appointment at the sexual health clinic. I’m going to tell my doctor that I’m quitting as a sex worker.”

Despite us both knowing there was a chance of my having to go back to the street if I didn’t get the job, I watched relief spread across Edward’s face, the almost imperceptible relaxing of his jaw. To tell the clinic that I was giving up hustling was a major step forward in our life together. I was determined to give it up for good, not just for me, but for Edward. I couldn’t keep ignoring how scared he was at the mention of my going back out there.

“I know I’ve only worked a couple of times since my last visit, but I’m still going to ask him to test me for everything. I need to know that I won’t ever be risking your health in any way in the future. You’re too important to me.”

I saw his throat bob. He gazed at me, bit his lip, and nodded. I nudged his nose with my own before kissing his soft mouth, drinking him in, loving his enthusiasm. Kissing Edward was like nothing else. The heat between us was undeniable, the way he surrendered to sensation showed me how far he’d come from the frightened, traumatised boy he’d been when we met.

Or so I thought.

~o.O.o~

I woke in the night, my body curved around Edward, my arm resting on his hip in a lazy embrace. He was fidgeting in his sleep, the movement alerting me to a potential nightmare, the first in some time. A part of me had hoped they were on the wane, that his past would finally let him be. I was ready to soothe him, to chase away the fears as I had so many times before, but this time he wasn’t thrashing. Instead his body was tight and fearful in my arms, and I knew something was different.

I slid my arm around his stomach to hold him close, and he flinched. Something was wrong. It was then that I realised. 

“Jasper?” The childlike trembling of his voice tore at my heart. “It won’t go away.”

I nuzzled his hair, whispering words of comfort while I tried to figure out what to do for the best.

“It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m right here.”

Until now, I had never questioned if his body responded in the natural way to pleasurable stimulus. I had just assumed it did. Other than that one night after the bath, he had always kept himself covered, pulling away from me if my body stirred when we were close, and I had accepted that it brought back painful memories of his ordeal. Now… now things were dropping into place, and I was stunned at how deeply his fear had embedded itself into his psyche.

“Edward, sweetheart, is this the first time this has happened since the attack?”

He nodded, silent as a puppet in my arms. I pushed myself up a fraction, trying to look at his face.

“Look at me, love. Please? Just roll over and look at me.”

In the half-light from the window I watched him, his reluctant shuffle onto his right side to face me, knees bent up towards his stomach to hide himself. My fingertips caressed his face, turning it towards me, feeling the embarrassed heat coursing beneath his skin. Leaning in, I brushed a gentle kiss to his lips, feeling his gasp, his body still clenched tight and unyielding.

Looking into frightened eyes, I knew I had to break through this wall. I tried to soothe him, my hand stroking the nape of his neck.

“It’s okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. You know I’d never let anything bad happen to you. Try and relax a tiny bit and tell me what’s going on in your head so I can understand.”

He gulped, the sound painful, his fingers clutching at my shirt. His knees relaxed a fraction from their clamped position, but he made no other sound. Eyes wide with fear conveyed his absolute faith that I would somehow make everything better.

I took a breath. My voice was low, the whisper of children sharing secrets in the dark.

“Are you frightened that letting go might hurt?”

Silence, but then a small nod. His body was so tensed that I felt him shake. I held his terrified gaze.

“Tell me, love. Do you trust me not to lie to you or hurt you, ever?” My voice cracked with the effort of holding back the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. He needed me to be the strong one and I wouldn’t fail him.

He nodded again.

My heart was breaking, but I couldn’t allow it to show. In his mind, despite everything we had talked through, my beautiful boy was so broken that he associated all sexual activity with pain. I should have known by the way he cared for me after I had been with all those other men. He always checked me over for injuries, kissing my bruises, bathing away every trace of them until I was his Jasper again, clean and pure. I loved him all the more for that.

From our late night talks I knew that he had never experienced any kind of physical loving relationship, and had no form of reference other than the basic details I shared with him of my sordid life. Despite softening what I told him, holding back the more degrading elements of my encounters, I had contributed to this. Not willingly, not purposefully, but I had to take some of the blame for the way he now viewed physical intimacy.

I had hoped that after our talk he understood that physical pleasure was a beautiful and consensual gift in a relationship. Now I realised that, to Edward, such ideas were fantasy and fairytale with no place in his reality.

I kissed him again, pouring all my love and reassurance into it, knowing he would always respond. When his lips relaxed and parted, I ran my fingers through his hair, grazing his scalp. I felt his shiver of pleasure, secure in the knowledge that my hands were safely above his waist. It was enough for his legs to relax a fraction more, giving his tortured thigh muscles a break.

He moaned, soft and low.

“Jasper?”

“Yes, love?” Another soft kiss to sedate his panic-stricken, agitated mind. He gasped.

“Can you make it go away?”

I nodded.

“If you want me to. Only if you want me to.”

“Please? I-I trust you.”

I stroked his hair again, pressing a kiss to the sensitive spot beneath his ear, feeling him shiver. I whispered against his flushed skin.

“Tell me if you want to stop. You’re in complete control here.” With a soft kiss to his mouth, I felt his heart hammering against my chest. “Okay?”

A tiny nod of affirmation. I was about to move the warm covers, but something held me back. I swallowed hard, remembering.

“Sweetheart, can I look or would you rather I didn’t?”

His face crumpled into a mask of humiliation. He felt ashamed and dirty and wanted to hide himself from me. The realisation was a knife to my heart. I wanted him to know that he was beautiful, that he never needed to hide himself from my eyes because all I ever wanted to do was protect and love him.

The need for intimacy was paramount. I pushed myself upright, pulling off my shirt. In his hunched position, it was more of a challenge to free Edward from his own, the weight of his body trapping the fabric against the mattress. When he was shirtless too, I lay back down beneath the covers and held him to me, skin to skin, our faces close, breath mingling. My fingers stroked his back and shoulders, reassuring touches, until I allowed my hand to drift lower, to the top of his underwear, past his comfort cut-off point. I felt him tense, but I continued with the gentle, open-palmed stroking until I could coax him to relax and straighten his legs, opening up his body from its clenched crouch.

More than anything else I wanted to hold him, to show him he was loved, throughout this experience, to keep him present and focused. If he mentally detached himself in the way I always had when I worked to avoid the sickening feeling of being molested, then I feared I would never be able to reach him sexually. I couldn’t bear the thought of that.

Cradling him to me, I felt his heart pound in time with my own. My hand stroked his chest and side, into the dip of his waist and down to his hip. When he felt me touch his underwear again he went rigid in my arms until I kissed him, long and slow. The distraction seemed to be helping, and it was time to take the next step. My fingers slid beneath the padded elastic band on his hip and his body jumped, his anxiety peaking at the feel of my hand beneath the fabric. I splayed my fingers across the upper swell of his backside, my thumb grazing the crease of his groin. He was starting to shake with nerves, and I stilled for second, reassuring him with a silent eyebrow flash before easing the fabric down far enough to free his erection beneath the covers.

His brow creased, cheeks aflame, but I held his gaze, needing him to focus. With a deep breath, I ran the back of my forefinger in a light sweep along the length of him, seeing his eyes widen, his mouth dropping open in a helpless response.

My lips found his in a fleeting reunion, and I whispered what I needed to know before this continued any farther.

“Are you okay?”

His gentle moan and nod encouraged me onward.

Nuzzling my nose to his, I wrapped my hand around his straining shaft, letting my heat sink into his skin. He quivered and twitched in my gentle grasp, a drop of fluid collecting beneath my thumb before I had even begun to show him the true pleasure his body could bestow. Unable to see and fully appreciate the beauty of his body in all its tumescent splendour, I began to stroke him, firm and steady, discovering his body by touch, pulling muted whimpers from his throat, his teeth clamped around his bottom lip. I swept my thumb over the sensitive head that nudged the palm of my hand on each upstroke, smearing the precious fluid that collected there. The only other sounds in the room were soft, sticky and rhythmic. When Edward jerked beneath me I searched his face for signs of distress, seeing instead a mix of confusion and shame in the darkness of his wide pupils, the set of his tight jaw. When I circled my thumb across the underside of his proud head, his mouth dropped open, air hissing into his lungs.

I dropped tiny kisses to his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, hearing his breath catch with each fleeting touch.

At some point, when this was over, I needed to ask him if he had ever touched himself. It seemed unlikely to me that he hadn’t, but rather that recent events had blocked out those pleasurable memories, denying him something so fundamental.

Touching him this way, under the covers out of sight, felt illicit. The world paused, reduced to this heightened, pin-sharp moment in time. Unable to watch his body’s reactions, only his face and flushed upper chest visible to me, I kept him locked in my gaze. I witnessed pleasure dance across his face, at war with the shock and trepidation clouding his beautiful green eyes at the threat of his imminent climax.

It was no surprise that his tightly wound body was ready for release with minimal stimulation. I held him close while he gasped and keened his way toward orgasm, so afraid of how losing control would feel. My blood hot, I rode the storm clouds gathering in his wide eyes, the tempest raging within until he relinquished control at last, back arching, body jerking, shuddering with the force of his release.

I pressed my lips to his, so gentle now, seeing the wet tracks on his cheeks, tasting the salt on his lips. More tears welled, the unexpected pleasure forcibly expelling a fraction of the fear and pain that dwelled in the deep dark recesses of his nightmares. I hoped that he would one day be able to let go of the shame he felt in his naked body and the pleasure it could give him, and to see how truly beautiful he was, body and soul.

I held him while he wept, shock and relief melding into one. I felt my own scalding tears burn my cheeks.

My words were zephyr-soft across his skin.

“You’re so brave. You did so good. I love you so much.”

~o.O.o~

Waking with Edward in my arms, his head on my chest, I replayed the events of the night before in my head, the memory of which seemed unreal in the morning light.

To have broken through the wall of his mental prison was huge, and for him to have faced down such an enormous fear to make love with me blew my mind. It was something I had never expected to happen in reality, to see that level of trust and raw emotion directed at me. It was humbling.

I combed my fingers through his hair, feeling a wave of love so strong I would’ve taken on the world to protect him. All this time he had been caring for me, worrying about me, looking after me when it should’ve been the other way around. He deserved a better life and it was up to me now to make sure he got it.

I wanted that job. I wanted out of the sex market. I wanted a better life for us, one where we no longer occupied the lowest rung of the food chain. Just to have a little spare money to buy Edward a gift was beyond my reach right now and I knew he didn’t care about that, but, damn it, I _did_.

Things were going to change. Today was the start of better things.

~o.O.o~

Edward was quiet and shy when he woke, almost unable to meet my eyes. I kissed him good morning, before filling the kettle for a wash before breakfast. After the events of the previous night a bath together would’ve been wonderful, but he had work which was important.

Once we finished eating, we arranged for him to meet me at the clinic after he decided he was coming too for moral support. I was more than happy with that. I suspected he wanted to get another look at Esme’s doctor friend, to make sure he was good enough for her. The thought made me smile. Dr Cullen was a good doctor, understanding and non-judgemental. I couldn’t imagine him being anything other than a good man. I hoped I was right.

Kissing Edward goodbye, I saw him blush like he had the very first time. My chest tightened with love for him. It was a new day and he was a new person. Our relationship had changed – deepened - and it was an adjustment. I had no doubt that his mind would be working overtime that morning while he walked the dogs. I hoped playing with Jupiter would help him get everything into perspective.

Once he left, his cheeks already pink before the cold air had gotten a chance to bite, I boiled more water and washed my body and hair in the sink, wanting to be clean and tidy for my check-up with the doc. After the turn of events last night I had decided to ask for some additional supplies. I was still going to collect my usual condoms and lubricant because it made sense to have them on hand just in case the money situation got desperate. It was just that there were other items available that might, just might, be useful if mine and Edward’s sexual relationship were to progress any further.

Better to be prepared and not need them. But, they _could_ help Edward destroy his demons once and for all if he ever decided to face them head on.

~o.O.o~

It was a familiar walk to the sexual health clinic, but that morning I felt different about it. It was a walk into the unknown, a necessary and regular part of my life to be relegated to the past, or so I hoped. My scarf was tucked up around my nose, holding in the warmth from my breath to ease my healing lungs. The sidewalks were cleared on the main street and I took it easy, reaching the corner of the block and waiting for Edward. It was several minutes before I heard footsteps, the sound of boots on the concrete making me turn to see him approach. His shoulders were huddled in his too-big coat, and I made a mental note that if the job worked out, I would use my discount to buy him a warm, well-fitting coat of his own.

I held out my hand and he took it, walking into the building hand-in-hand.

I gave my name to the receptionist and waited to be called. Edward looked nervous, reading the health information displayed on the walls around us, the warnings regarding safe sex and virus transmission. His voice was quiet.

“I remember seeing posters like these while I was waiting to be treated. They scared the shit out of me. I thought I’d contracted every disease.”

My arm slid around his waist, my mouth at his ear.

“I know that feeling. I’m grateful every day that you’re okay.”

“Mr Whitlock?”

I looked up when the doctor called my name and jumped to my feet, Edward alongside me. I followed him into the consult rooms and he closed the door. I shrugged off my coat and hung it on the rack.

“Take a seat, Jasper. Now – any changes since I last saw you? Any problems?”

“No, no problems. I’m careful. I, well, I haven’t worked much as I’ve been ill with pleurisy.”

His kind eyes looked at me then, pen poised in mid-air.

“And how are you now? Still on medication?”

I nodded.

“Almost finished – the second round seems to have done the job. Just being cautious while I build my strength again. This is Edward, my partner.” I turned to smile at him, reaching for his hand. “He’s been nursing me, feeding me and making sure I don’t overdo it. I would have been in real trouble without him.”

Edward looked bashful, but held on to my hand.

“Well, it sounds like you were very lucky to have such an attentive partner, Jasper. I’m certainly glad to see you’re on the mend. So – we’ll run the usual check-up and blood work for you. If you’d like to step into the exam room and get undressed, we’ll get started.”

I looked at Edward. “I won’t be long.” Then I headed into the private room leaving him to wait.

After the usual thorough examination, I spoke up.

“I’m giving up sex work.”

He looked taken aback and it struck me that I had never had any real prospects before.

_What a hopeless case I must have seemed to him._

“That’s excellent news, Jasper. You have other plans?”

I nodded.

“I’ve had a job interview and I’m waiting to hear. If I get it then fantastic. If I don’t… well, I’m going to keep looking. Edward works two jobs and has been supporting me while I was sick. Unless we’re absolutely desperate, I won’t be returning to sex work. I want a fresh start.”

I held out my arm for him to attach a band, tapping my arm to raise the vein.

“I’m pleased to hear that and I wish you every success. I’m guessing you’ll still be wanting condoms – you and your partner are being safe?”

“Yes to the supplies – I need them in case the worst happens. I’d rather be prepared. And, well, my partner and I aren’t sexually active in that way. Something bad happened to him. But I would like some dental dams this time if that’s possible?”

Dr Cullen looked thoughtful.

“Yes, of course.”

I winced when the needle bit into my skin.

 

**Edward’s POV**

My knee bobbed while I waited for Jasper to finish with Dr Cullen. I could hear them talking, muffled words drifting through from the other room. My mind had been whirling all morning, trying to make sense of how I was feeling.

Relieved. Overwhelmed. Embarrassed. Emotional. Grateful.

Even more in love.

I jumped when I heard the door open and Jasper appeared, tucking in his shirt. For a moment I had a mental image of him doing that after being with a customer, and my heart clenched. Then he smiled at me and everything came back into focus. The doctor fetched a paper sack like the one Jasper had at home that I knew was full of his condoms. I watched him reach into a different drawer in the supplies cabinet and add some additional packets into the sack before folding it closed and handing it over. Jasper took it with a nod.

It was now or never.

“Uhh, Dr Cullen? Would you have a minute? I’d like to ask you something in private if I may.”

He looked surprised, but recovered well.

“Certainly. Would you like to come through?”

Jasper looked worried and confused. I mouthed ‘It’s okay’ and followed him into the other room.

The door closed and I took a deep breath. My mouth was dry and my throat clicked.

“I apologise for taking up your time, but I wanted to know if you could test me too? I was… I was… _raped…_ a few months back.” I struggled not to choke on the word. “The clinic tested for most things, but I never had a follow up because I was homeless. I just worry that I might make Jasper sick.”

Dr Cullen watched me intently for a moment before speaking.

“If it’s okay with you, I think a full exam might be a good idea too. Let’s make sure everything is as it should be.”

My hands trembled while I fumbled at my clothes, hearing him pull on latex gloves. It took every ounce of courage I could muster to remove my underwear and lay on the exam table with my knees up, letting someone look at my naked body in such a vulnerable position. He was gentle, inspecting me for any signs of disease, asking me questions.

“Does it hurt when you pass water? Any discharge? No sores or bumps? Any pain on opening your bowels?”

To each question the answer was no. Then the part I dreaded, feeling him part my cheeks to look at my bottom. Eyes closed, I flinched despite myself and he used very light touches to check in and around the area. I focused on my breathing when I felt his fingers holding me open.

“Were you in the same line of work as Jasper when this happened, Edward?”

I felt the blood drain from my face and shook my head, my lips pressed tight together.

“Are you sexually active now?”

“No, no I’m not.”

“Well, if you’re wanting to resume sexual activity I can reassure you that you’ve healed well. Some scarring from the amount of stitches needed, but nothing that will cause a problem if you’re careful and use lots of lubricant.”

I closed my eyes and breathed in sharply.

“No…no. I haven’t. We don’t. I mean, until the attack, I was a virgin.”

He nodded in understanding.

“That was a traumatic event for anyone to deal with. It can take time to get past something like that. And you should know that intercourse isn’t an essential part of sexual activity. Many patients I see enjoy very healthy and happy sex lives without it.”

I nodded, mute.

“Okay, Edward. You can get dressed and we’ll take some blood from you.”

I scrabbled for my clothes, desperate to be out of this room and back with Jasper.

While he tapped my arm, I asked him the question that had been at the forefront of my mind.

“Dr Cullen, what happens here is confidential, isn’t it?”

Concentrating on my vein, he answered without looking up.

“Yes, Edward. Nothing leaves here. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I have this friend. She’s an absolute angel to Jasper and me. Bottom line is, I don’t want her to know what happened to me. I couldn’t bear to see the look in her eyes. She doesn’t deserve to carry that around with her. It’s my burden.”

He looked puzzled. I took a breath and continued.

“She’s so kind. She took us to Goodwill the day after Christmas to get new clothes. I… I thought I recognised you from there. You were talking to her.”

His furrowed brow smoothed out and I felt the sting of the needle.

“Esme. So you’re that Edward. She’s very fond of you, you know. Both of you.” His voice softened. “She’s a special lady. It’s very considerate of you to not want to worry her unduly. Don’t worry, Edward. It would be unethical for anything discussed in here to be repeated. Okay?”

He held the cotton ball to my arm and smiled down at me, his eyebrows raised in reiteration. I nodded, holding his gaze.

“Please be good to her.”

He ducked his face, clearing away the needle and blood sample, but not before I saw his cheeks pinken.

Moments later, I was back in the outer room with Jasper looking at me with worried eyes.

Dr Cullen flashed a reassuring smile.

“Okay, so I have your telephone number on file now. If there are any problems with either set of tests I will be in touch. If you haven’t heard back from me after two weeks then everything is clear.”

Jasper stood, looking at me.

“You got tested?”

I nodded, chewing my lip.

“I don’t want to risk you getting sick because of me.”

He gazed at me, something akin to awe on his face.

Unable to speak, he simply nodded and took my hand.

~o.O.o~


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

**Chapter 11**

**Jasper’s POV**

New Year’s Eve.

A time for celebration and looking ahead to a better and brighter year.

Or, for some people, just another day to find food and keep warm.

I lay in bed thinking about how I would like to shape the future for Edward and me. My beautiful boy was still sleeping, his face snuggled against my chest. My thoughts circled.

_Let me get that job so I can make something of myself and make Edward proud._

_Let Edward heal and escape his nightmares._

_Let our tests be clear so we can leave our pasts behind for good._

I sighed, my breath pluming before me. I gazed around our gloomy, bitterly cold room, at the ice on the window and the water stains on the wall beneath it.

_Let us find a warm, welcoming place to call home._

My fingers toyed with the tufts of hair that escaped Edward’s beanie. It needed a cut, just like mine did, but I loved to play with the soft strands, taking comfort in the sensation.

_At least we have this room and this bed._

_At least we have each other._

There was always something to be thankful for.

~o.O.o~

Edward stirred a short time later, his breathing snuffly. It was inevitable he would catch a cold, out in all weathers every day. It wouldn’t be long before I succumbed to it too, no doubt.

“Hey.”

His sleepy smile greeted me and the room seemed brighter. I kissed him.

“Morning, love. You feeling okay? Your nose is cold.”

“If I were a dog that would be a good thing.” He rubbed his nose and was overtaken by an explosive sneeze, making us both jump. He looked abashed. “Sorry.”

“You better wrap up extra warm this morning. Right – you stay in here a bit longer and I’ll make breakfast.”

I swung my legs out of bed and braced myself to face the morning. I filled the kettle before running to the bathroom. The arctic blast when I opened the door stole all the feeling from my extremities. Teeth chattering, I hurried back, eager to wrap my hands around a hot mug of coffee. Edward was buried beneath the covers, but had shifted into my warm spot like a conniving cat that had spotted an opportunity. I smiled.

_My little stray._

I flattened a hot dog bun until it fit into the toaster slots. Making the coffee, my cheeks rejoiced at the feel of the steam rising from the mugs. The scent of burning toast filled the air where the edges of the bread had caught. Fishing it out, I dropped it onto a plate and smoothed over a little honey. Edward was awake now, sleepy eyes watching me from depths of the blankets.

“You stole my spot.” I couldn’t hide the affection in my voice.

His hand fought its way out, grasping for the mug of coffee I held.

“Seemed a shame to waste such lovely heat.” His other hand wiggled free and reached for his toast.

“It’s an even bigger shame we can’t both stay in there all day. This room’s so damned cold. At least with the two of us, we have double the body heat.” I reached for my coffee and took a reviving sip, remembering how cold that bed had been when I lived alone; the nights I had shivered so hard that the bed shook.

“You can stay, Jas. In fact, it might be a good idea that you do. There’s nothing to be gained by sitting around in the cold. I’ll stop by the soup kitchen today. I’m sure I read that it’s open tomorrow for a New Year’s Day lunch. That would mean two hot dinners again this week.”

I nodded, enthusiastic. “That would be amazing. Plus the heating’s on in there too. It’s no wonder you’re getting sick – we’re never really warm, are we?”

He shook his head, a little despondent.

“The heating’s on at Happy Tails of course, but I’m not inside for long. Just enough time to defrost a little and use a warm bathroom.” He smile was weak at best, but he still tried to remain upbeat. “And of course the market is open to the elements. I’m just glad it has a roof.” He crunched a mouthful of toast.

“I pass a laundromat on the way over to the kitchen. Have you ever used it? I was wondering how much it cost. It would be good to get our jeans and towels washed and dried so they didn’t hang around damp for days.”

He looked hopeful, and I couldn’t deny the idea had potential. We didn’t own much after all. Maybe one load would do _all_ our clothes.

“I’ve no idea.  In fact, I’ll go and find out today. I can use some exercise. I’ll go check the kitchen too, save you the extra walk.” I took a bite of toast. “I’ve never used a laundromat. It’ll probably get our clothes much cleaner than we can. Just imagine – everything we own washed and dried the same day. I don’t remember that ever happening here, not even in summer.”

He brightened.

“If it doesn’t cost too much then I’ll put some coins aside and we’ll go together. I’ll need to find a bag… oh! We still have that one from Goodwill. That was pretty big.”

He grinned, and I marvelled at his infectious positivity. Finishing his breakfast, he leaned in to kiss me again before clambering out of bed. When he returned from the icebox, we washed using the rest of the warm water from the kettle, shivering until we were once again swathed in layers of warm clothing.

“Take the phone with you, Jas. I had a thought about that as well. We should put a little money on it in case we ever need to call out.”

The idea was a good one. There was just one problem.

“Do you know how to put money on it?”

He shook his head. “We’ll have to ask Esme. I’m sure she’ll understand. It’s not like we’ve ever had a phone before to know how.”

I shrugged.

“That’s true. Okay, let’s make you some lunch and then head out. Looks like it snowed again overnight so give yourself plenty of time.”

He pulled me into a tight, warm hug. “I will. And we’ll celebrate New Year when I get home. Maybe they’ll be fireworks at midnight that we can watch!”

I grinned. “Maybe – assuming we stay awake long enough to see them!”

He looked sheepish. “I know. I’ll probably sleep through it all. Once I’m warm I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“I can’t blame you for that. Come on – let’s get this day done and enjoy a long lie-in together tomorrow. Bliss!”

His face glowed.

~o.O.o~

Watching him trudge through the new fallen snow to catch the bus, I sighed. I hated winter. It would be wonderful to be warm all the time, to not have to worry about wet clothes, weak chests and the ever-present threat of hypothermia when temperatures plummeted every January and February. Winter hadn’t really dug its claws in yet and already I was struggling, my gloved hands plunged deep into the depths of my coat pockets, scarf across my face. My illness had taken a greater toll than I cared to admit. Lost in my thoughts, I almost slipped over on the icy sidewalk.

_Pay attention, Jasper._

I saw there were lights on in the laundromat and decided to go over to the kitchen first and double back. Approaching the building, I saw the noticeboard outside and made my way across the street, stepping with care through the fresh snow that deceptively masked the treacherous frozen ruts beneath.

Snow had stuck to the window, obscuring the notices behind the glass. I reached out to brush it off.

“Jasper?”

I spun, seeing no one.

“Jasper!” The voice held a note of affection. Peering around the noticeboard, I saw Esme standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I smiled and she beckoned me over.

“Hey, Esme! I didn’t expect to see you. Isn’t this place closed today?”

She ushered me inside.

“We had no hot running water. A couple of us volunteered to come in and wait for the contractor. We need it fixed before tomorrow.”

I smiled. “That’s not good. That’s why I’m here. Edward thought there might be lunch again so I said I’d come check it out.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. You’ll both be very welcome. Now, as you’re here, I don’t suppose you could spare me a few minutes?”

I tugged off my gloves and hat. “Sure. What can I do?”

She pointed to a box of streamers. “I could use a hand hanging those up. Would you mind? Maria was here with me earlier and we only just finished clearing out the storeroom before she got called away. Hanging these shouldn’t take long with two of us.”

“No problem.” I tipped out the box contents onto the stacked tables. “How do you want them?”

Twenty minutes later, the Christmas streamers were packed away and bright, holographic Happy New Year banners hung in their place. Where the light reflected, rainbows and sparkles danced across the walls. Esme beamed.

“Now that’s a job well done! How about a cup of coffee to say thank you?”

I nodded with enthusiasm, following her when she walked across the room. “That’d be great. Say, can I ask you a question? Edward and I were talking this morning and neither of us knows how to put credit on the phone. We were hoping you could maybe tell us?”

She turned. “Oh, it’s quite simple. The way most people do it is via the internet.” A frown crossed her face then. “Forgive the intrusion, but do either of you have a bank account?”

I shook my head. We’d never had any money that wasn’t immediately needed.

“Right. Then what you need to do is go to Walmart or Circle K and buy a refill card. Then you call and have the credit applied. Hold on…” She flicked on the kettle before fumbling in her purse for her own phone. She flicked through screen after screen, her fingers tapping away, until she paused, rummaging in her purse again. She found a pen and tore a piece of paper from a small pad on the countertop, writing down some information.

“There you are – call that number once you have the card and they’ll talk you through it. The refill cards start at ten dollars and go up from there. The number may well be on the back of the card, but I’ve written it down for you just in case.”

I read the paper before folding it and stashing it in a zipped pocket.

“Thanks a lot. Hopefully, we won’t need to make many calls, but it’s just in case Edward needs to call work. Or maybe…” My hand scraped back my hair. “Well, better to have it and not need it, right?”

She nodded, pouring steaming water into two mugs.

“It’s very sensible.” Placing the mugs on the table, she looked at me with a grin. “Cookie?”

My face must’ve brightened because she laughed and reached for a tin from the counter.

“They’re just plain sugar cookies today – I ran out of chocolate chips.”

Taking a bite, I enjoyed the sweet confection, chasing it down with a sip of good strong coffee.

Tilting her head, she looked at me. “Are you both okay? No problems?”

I shook my head. “No, we’re great. Well, Edward has a cold, but that’s to be expected. I’m waiting to hear about the job at Goodwill. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, to be honest, but...” I steeled myself with a sip of scalding coffee. “I’ve given up my other work. I want to move forward.”

I peered at Esme from beneath my hair, wondering if she had connected the dots. I wasn’t entirely sure what she and Edward had discussed, although I knew he was fiercely protective of our personal lives.

She nodded. Was that relief on her face? I couldn’t be sure, but she seemed to relax. She pushed the cookies towards me in silent invitation.

“I’m very glad to hear that, Jasper. Very glad.”

~o.O.o~

I left the kitchen a short while later, feeling warmer and somehow lighter. I headed back the way I’d come, turning the corner to see the lights glowing in the laundromat. Despite it being morning, the snow laden sky was so dark it felt like dusk.

Pushing open the door, a wave of scented warmth enveloped me. The place looked antiquated, the fake-wood panelling scuffed and the floor showing bare patches from years of footfall. There was just one middle-aged woman at the far end of the row of machines, unpacking a load from a dryer with another load still on the go. I looked at the washer nearest me and saw all manner of buttons and numbers. Feeling nervous, I tried to catch her eye, pulling down my scarf from my face, staying well back in a non-threatening manner.

“Uhh, ma’am? Would it be okay to ask you a question?”

She looked up, eyes sharp, tone abrupt.

“What is it?”

“I’ve never used a laundromat before. How do I work the machine and what do I do with all the settings?” I pointed to the buttons.

She snapped a towel, folding in a practised manner.

“Depends on what you’re washing. Standard setting is marked – that’s the one most people use for basics that don’t need a boil or prewash. It’s a lower temperature, but does the job. Check your labels so you don’t shrink your clothes. Anything delicate, or if you’re not sure, use the lower temperature. It’s the button next to it on the left.”

I nodded. She continued, her words sharp as gunshot, with no noticeable inflection.

“For towels, I use a higher setting – gets ‘em really clean.”

I washed everything in hand-hot water. I doubted I’d ever gotten anything ‘really clean’. I bit my lip and nodded again. She carried on folding while she talked, not looking my way.

“Once you’re all set, lift the top flap and pour in your detergent. Don’t put in the softener until you hear the buzzer near the end. When you’re ready to go, put your money in the slot and it starts automatically. Dryers are easy – close the door and put the coins in. Just open the door to stop it.”

I looked at the nearest dryer. It said 25c above the coin slot. The washers were worn, the years of thumb marks having all but erased many of the labels. I squinted, trying to make out the price. She watched me.

“It’s two dollars fifty a load. Each load’ll need a couple of rounds at least in the dryer.”

I straightened and smiled.

“Thank you, ma’am. I appreciate the help. You’ve been very kind.”

Pulling the door open, I heard her mumble to herself.

“Kids – useless without their mothers doing everything for ‘em.”

My posture stiff, I left the building and headed for home, mourning the loss of warmth the minute the door closed behind me.

~o.O.o~

Back home, I found an old flyer and wrote down what the woman had told me. I sat and thought about how many loads it would take to properly wash everything we had at least once. Blankets, sheets, and towels were a must; I couldn’t dry a blanket indoors, even with the heater, and towels took days. Then there was our jeans, sweaters, shirts and underwear.

If I guessed at four loads, that brought the cost to around twelve dollars. At least. Plus detergent. If we wanted softener, that was extra.  

Deflated, I sank down in the chair before realising I still wore my coat. The frigid room was a stark contrast to the warm laundromat. Sighing, I switched on the heater, shrugged off my snug coat, and swathed myself in a thick blanket.

That woman had judged me and my situation from the simple fact I wore an almost new coat. What a joke. We were scraping by on Edward’s earnings, bolstered temporarily by the holiday cheer of the local Chicagoan shoppers. We had some canned food on the shelf from the pantry, all of Edward’s earnings having been put towards rent. If he got the flu, I knew he would struggle on regardless, and that wasn’t right. Added to that, he needed more substantial, warmer meals when he was out in such low temperatures all day. A sandwich and a bottle of water weren’t nearly enough now. He needed hot drinks and hot food to warm his insides and give him the energy to fight off illness.

Feeling suddenly weary, I shuffled to the bed and curled up to read, falling instead into a thin sleep.

My dreams were muddled and dark. I heard Edward call me for supper and saw another guy answer his call… one wearing expensive clothes handing over a wallet stuffed with bills. I saw myself collapsing in the street and folks stepping over me to get by while I screamed out his name, all the while watching him smile and blush at another man’s affection.

My head was throbbing when I awoke, hearing a noise.

“Edward?”

My desperation to see him, hold him, consumed me in that moment.

Hearing the noise again, I turned to see a thin branch flailing in the heightened wind, tapping the window on each buffeting bluster.

My head ached like a rotten tooth. Falling asleep had been a bad idea _._ I looked at my watch – almost time for lunch. I crawled out of bed, shivering despite the blanket wrapped around me. Running my eye over the food options, I settled on the stale buns, toasted with a scraping of peanut butter and a mug of coffee to wash it down. While I ate I made the decision to meet Edward at the market. We hadn’t done the simple act of shopping together in so long, and it would be good for Edward to have company on the walk home for a change.

The food eased my groggy head a touch. I cleaned up when I was done, trying not to think too much. My subconscious had other ideas.

_If you can’t provide for him, there’s bound to be someone out there who can and will._

_Edward wouldn’t leave me. He loves me._

_Is that enough when he’s cold and hungry every day?_

_Stop it._

_You’ll become a liability that he has to support. How long before he gets tired of that?_

_Stop it._

_Someone else could offer him so much more…_

_STOP IT._

My hand gripped the basin so hard my knuckles hurt, my eyes clenched against the throbbing in my skull.

These insecurities were coming to the surface because I had quit my job. I had to believe I was worth more than a rough fuck in the back of a station wagon, my body steeled against the discomfort and, more often than I liked to remember, pain. It was the fear of moving on, of potential failure. The fear of disappointing Edward when he was doing so well in his own fledgling endeavours.

The balance of our relationship had shifted when I got sick. The dream had flushed out my terror of losing the one good thing in my life, the one thing I was privileged to have.

Edward.

I drank some water and tried to breathe evenly. Refilling my glass, I took it back to bed and set to reading one of my new books, escaping into a fantasy world for a few hours.

~o.O.o~

When I resurfaced it was getting too dark to read any longer. Checking my watch, I saw it was almost time to head out. Flipping on the light, I headed to the bathroom to freshen up before downing some more water. My stomach gnawing, I pocketed a small baggie of cereal to nibble on the way, the sugar rush giving me a welcome boost of energy.

Outside I saw the Christmas lights twinkling in the distance and knew Edward would be sad when they disappeared. To him, they represented hope and comfort, the very things that he gave me. My feet trod the familiar path to the market and I was surprised to find I had missed this. It had been such a huge part of my everyday life until I got sick. Now it seemed like eons ago that I had been to see the familiar faces that now called Edward a friend and colleague.

I smiled at that thought. Who would’ve ever guessed either of us would find acceptance from our peers? It was proof to me that dogged determination could bring huge rewards and I knew that, despite my own subconscious fears, I could do the same.

The market was winding down, the customers few and far between. The familiar smell of burgers and dogs hung in the air, making me salivate for hot food. How had I resisted that pull every single day? Yet I had, blocking it out as something that was simply unobtainable. I wondered if Edward did the same, or whether he just didn’t smell it anymore.

My eyes searched for him, ears listening out for his voice. I heard chatter and noise and turned to see Edward shifting boxes of produce, cheerful as always despite the fatigue. I didn’t interrupt until he was done, catching his eye and seeing his face light up.

“Hey!”

He ran over to me and enveloped me in a hug that I returned as best I could in my bulky jacket. I saw some people looking, but to my relief, they were smiling, clearly friends of Edward’s.

“I thought we could shop together and you can tell me about your day.”

“Great idea. Let’s find something for supper. I need something before I keel over. One of the dogs stole my sandwich from my coat.”

I was horrified.

“You mean you haven’t eaten all day? You should have rung me – I would’ve brought you something.”

He looked sheepish. “I didn’t think of that. Come on, let’s see what’s on offer tonight.”

A voice behind him caught his attention and he turned.

“Thanks, Eric. Anytime!”

The guy handed him five bucks and he pocketed it. I lowered my voice.

“You’ve been doing heavy work on an empty stomach?”

He nodded. “Thought I’d try and make some extra cash for the laundromat. I never say no to any work. Today I’ve made an extra nine dollars and…” he fished around in his pocket, “twenty-seven cents.”

I could only guess how tired he must be. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the baggie of cereal, still half full.

“Eat this before we do anything else. Come on.”

He tipped the contents into his hand and ate it in two mouthfuls. I knew the sugar would help temporarily, but that it would also kick start his appetite. When he was done, we headed to Tony’s who looked surprised to see us both.

“Good to see you back on your feet, son. What can I get for you?”

We chose some potatoes, an onion, some greens and a couple of small bell peppers. I was determined to get some vitamins into Edward as soon as possible. I nodded to Tony when Edward handed over the money.

“I wanted to thank you, sir. Edward told me about everything you did for us. Thank you. It meant a great deal.”

The gruff man returned my nod and handed me our goods.

I decided to try a stir fry in the new pan. We bought some chopped chicken and a small bottle of vegetable oil which ate the rest of our allocated funds. It would last us a while but meant that we had no money left for bread which was essential for Edward’s breakfast and lunch. I was worrying how we would manage, but Edward didn’t flinch, fishing out his extra earnings and buying us a sliced loaf.

Sliding his arm around my waist, he leaned in close.

“We’ve still most of it left. I’ll try to earn some more tomorrow if I can. Come on – I’m starving.”

A thought struck me.

“If you’d like, I could fry the potatoes now we have some oil. Give ourselves a treat.”

He groaned at the thought and his stomach echoed the sentiment.

~o.O.o~

I prepared the vegetables while I told Edward all about my morning.

“So, you were right. We can have dinner tomorrow at the kitchen which’ll be amazing. I helped Esme with the decorations to say thanks. Hopefully, they’ve gotten the water fixed.”  I focused extra hard on the chopping. “I, uh… I told her I’d quit work too.”

I peered at him under my hair and saw his happy smile blossom.

“You did? I bet she was pleased. I never said what you do, but she kinda, you know… worked it out.” The tips of his ears went red. “I know she worried about you out there and she always asked how you were. This’ll give her some peace of mind.”

 _She worried about me?_ I felt warm inside knowing that two people cared about what happened to me. It was still so new. I set the potatoes on to boil, ready for frying.

“So, after that, I went to the laundromat like we said. You’ll love it there – it’s so warm and smells so good. I wanted to move in. D’you think they’d notice?”

He laughed, the sound glorious to me. I drizzled a little oil into the new pan ready to use once the potatoes had softened.

“It’s going to be expensive, love. I asked a woman there and she told me the prices.” I pointed my knife at the flyer I had written on. “It’s all on there. We take our own detergent – I checked. It’s not included in the cost.”

He read through it. “You reckon four loads? I guess we won’t know until we see how much the machine can hold. This is a lot, but it’ll be worth it. We can still wash our clothes, but to wash _everything_ just this once would be amazing.”

“I can’t argue with you there. The blankets haven’t been washed in I don’t know how long. They’re just too heavy to handle when they’re wet.”

“Exactly. I’ll keep an ear out for any extra shifts at Happy Tails, although they know to always ask if the other walker can’t do it. If she gets sick I might get a bit of extra work, but that sounds so mean.”

“I know, love. I wouldn’t wish anyone sick either. I haven’t checked to see how much detergent is left. We might need more.” The thought dampened my mood. Detergent was expensive which was why Edward made sure to always get some at the pantry.

He wandered to the shelf and took down the bottle, giving it a shake.

“I think we’re good. There’s plenty. We’ll need more afterward though. How about some softener to make everything smell nice? There must be a cheap unbranded one we could buy as a treat just to use at the laundromat.”

I had no idea.

“I’ll have a look in Walmart when I go sort out the phone. Oh! I forgot to tell you about that.”

I explained about the card system and that it would cost ten dollars. He sighed.

“I hoped we could just spend five, but I still think we need to do it. We’ll manage, though. Are you okay to go? It’s quite a bit further than Happy Tails and I couldn’t take the dogs anyway.”

I looked up, surprised.

“Of course I’ll go. There’s no way you’re walking even further than you already do. _And_ on an empty stomach, I might add.” He blushed.

“I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Just you, me, and a hot lunch at the kitchen. Sounds like heaven.”

I put down my knife, wiped my hands, and stepped over to him. Flushed cheeks and soft eyes drew me in, powerless to resist. Who needed Christmas lights when Edward’s eyes sparkled brighter still? Leaning in, I kissed him, long and slow, relishing the hitch in his breathing, the muffled whimper in his throat. Pulling back, I grinned at his dazed expression, the high spots of colour in his cheeks, his reddened lips, and knew I would do anything on this earth to protect him and make him proud of me. Straightening up, I saw him sway a little. I loved that.

The potatoes were soft enough to take off the heat. Sliding the pan onto the hotplate to heat the oil, I strained the potatoes and tipped them onto a plate to slice. When the oil was sizzling, I slid the thin slices into the pan and cooked them until they were crispy on the outside. Emptying the pan again, I cooked the chicken through before adding the peppers, greens, and onion. While I kept the contents moving, I noticed a sly hand reach for the hot potato slices. Turning my head, I met his mock-guilty expression with a wink.

“You could at least offer me one as well.”

Giggling, he held one to my lips and I blew on it before biting a chunk from the delicious treat. Edward finished the slice, groaning his approval and it was just a couple of minutes later that the feast was ready: chicken stir fry topped off with slices of crispy potato. I might not be a master chef, but it tasted like culinary heaven to me. Edward was making his last by nibbling the crispy edges from each piece of potato first before eating the fluffy centre. I took that as a compliment.

Plates scraped clean, we relaxed, our stomachs full and warm. I grinned at Edward.

“Do you think there’ll be cake tomorrow?”

Edward fell back on the bed, giggling.

“You always say that! I’m sure of it. Esme knows we’re coming! Thinking of it, we must remember to return her cake tin.”

I had the urge to go and check the tin in case there was any cake left, even though I knew there wasn’t. Our Christmas food had been so good that I selfishly wanted more. Edward playfully nudged me with his knee.

“Stop thinking about it. I swear you’re drooling!”

“It’s too late! I’m a cake addict! There’s no hope for me!” My hand pressed to my chest in dramatic fashion before Edward pulled me back onto the blankets, laughter claiming us both.

It felt good.

~o.O.o~

Much later that night when usually we’d be fast asleep, Edward was wide awake.

“Come on. Let’s go for a walk. The wind’s dropped and it’s not long ‘til midnight.”

He jumped up from the bed, pulling me by the hand. His excitement was infectious. We pulled on our coats and scarves, clambering into our boots. I could feel his anticipation and it spurred me on. He had to be tired after his hard day, but our supper had revitalised him. I had also learned not to argue with him when his mind was made up.

It was fifteen minutes to midnight when we stepped out into the icy darkness. Reaching for my hand, Edward held me close while we took a slow, careful walk towards the brightly lit buildings in the next street over. My yawns were hidden by my scarf, yet Edward still noticed. He slid an arm around my waist and pulled me into him for a moment. My head slumped onto his shoulder and I felt him press a kiss to my forehead.

Dragging myself upright, we continued our slow walk among the Christmas lights, admiring them for the last time before they began to disappear with the arrival of the New Year. We headed in the general direction of the bars, guessing they might put on a show. Stumbling over the uneven ice, we could hear the crowds and the music at who knew how many parties. I couldn’t imagine being alone again now. This was my first New Year with someone special, someone important in my life to share it with and a part of me wished we were out there celebrating on Navy Pier, or overlooking Lake Michigan with the majority of Chicago. Then again, our New Year was more intimate, more special to us just by being together to experience it.

Hearing the voices get louder, Edward checked his watch just as the revellers began counting down.

“…eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…. _Happy New Year!!_ ”

Drunken singing filled the air, Auld Lang Syne ringing in a fresh New Year, filled with hope and ambition. I didn’t know the words to join in, but we swayed together, finding each other in a kiss of celebration on the empty street.

Then the skies were full of colour and noise. Like entranced children, we watched in awe until the finale faded, the sky bereft and filled only with smoky cloud, before turning for home.

Exhausted, we were asleep before the mattress had a chance to grow warm beneath us.

~o.O.o~


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for all the readers who messaged me for a Christmas update. I hope it doesn’t disappoint!  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance

**Chapter 12**

**Jasper’s POV**

The following morning we rejoiced in languor, having no need to rise early.

“Morning beautiful.”

I nudged his nose in an Eskimo kiss and was rewarded with soft, sleepy eyes followed by a slow smile.

“Morning to you too.”

His lips sought mine with a quiet moan of contentment that sent shivers flowing down my body. Breaking apart, I caught my breath.

“So – did you enjoy the fireworks last night?”

He beamed.

“Yeah. It was worth staying awake for. Plus I got to make my New Year’s wish at midnight which will hopefully come true.”

His arm slid across my chest and pulled me in for a long hug. I snuggled into him.

“I didn’t know about wishing. I hope it was for something good, like the food pantries being overloaded with donations so we get double.” I chuckled then looked up, seeing his thoughtful expression.

“No, it wasn’t that. I’m not going to tell you or it won’t come true. But I will tell you this: last year’s came true so I’m feeling pretty good about it.”

I bobbed my head. “Well then, okay. I’ll trust your excellent judgement. Out of interest, what would your wish have been if it wasn’t restricted by money, geography, or social status?”

He was quiet long enough for me to look back up. Eyes downcast, his voice cracked with unexpected emotion that made my heart ache.

“That people like us could be accepted and treated like regular people. Men can love men and get married now, yet so many still say it’s wrong and that we’re bad people. I wish I could make them see that we love, worry and get scared just like they do. We aren’t special, we’re ordinary, trying to live out ordinary lives.” He looked down at me, eyes red-rimmed and wide, his soul bared. “Those people at the kitchen who threw me out would’ve let me – _us_ \- starve to death on the street rather than hand over a slice of bread. I’ll never understand that mentality of looking the other way and ignoring what’s happening right in front of them. I hate being seen as ‘different’. I hate being noticed for all the wrong reasons when all I’ve ever wanted is to blend in.”

I’d never heard him talk like this, so open and raw. It had clearly been on his mind for a while but he didn’t like to burden me with his thoughts, even though I encouraged him to. His hand cupped my cheek, and my chest constricted.

“I love you, Jasper. I won’t ever apologise to anyone for that. I just get scared sometimes. With everything we deal with on a day to day basis, having the weight of other people’s judgement on my shoulders just feels too much to bear when I’m already tired.”

I thought about that while I did my best to kiss away the pain that ate at his soul. Pain he didn’t deserve to bear. I nudged my nose alongside his, my words low in the early morning quiet.

“I love you too. I wish we could throw off the burden of judgement like an old blanket and just be ourselves. I guess now I deal with it by imagining us winning. We’ll best them and their ignorant attitudes just by living out our lives in comfort and safety. If they want to live their lives bitter and angry because we offend them so much then I hope their hatred will poison them. I can’t imagine how the world would be if those people controlled it. Thankfully they don’t. We have friends who don’t think like that, and who don’t seem interested in our private life which is as it should be. It’s nobody’s business; they should mind their own. I certainly have no interest in it.”

I buried my fingers in his hair, letting the strands run through them, my nails grazing his scalp on each pass. His eyes unfocused for a moment, consumed by sensation. When he met my gaze again he nodded.

“I’m sorry I never said anything before. I didn’t want to seem weak. I’ve gotten stronger and used to fighting for what I want, it’s just sometimes people make it so hard. What’s worse, they seem to believe it’s the right thing to do.”

I knew that feeling all too well. I sighed.

“It’s why I have to be so careful. People can’t know what I did to pay the rent. If it came out I’d be ostracised. They would assume that as a gay man I must secretly want to do it, derive sordid pleasure from it even. Maybe if I were a straight man ‘forced’ to associate with men out of necessity it would be deemed more acceptable?” I laughed, no humour in the sound. “Of course not. To them, there’s no hope for someone like me. In their eyes, by making the choice to sell my body I became some perverted, immoral creature that deserves to burn.”

Edward’s eyebrows almost met, his forehead wrinkled in anguish.

“That’s not you, though. It never was. You’ll see - soon you’ll be in a socially acceptable and respectable job that you won’t have to hide in conversation. Then everyone will see the real you, the wonderful man you are, not the mask you wore before.”

He was so perceptive. True, it would be a while before I could discard the false face I presented on a daily basis working the street, but that day was creeping ever closer.

I hoped this year would be kind to us. I had no right to ask for more, content to have only what we could create for ourselves. I hopped out of bed long enough to make dry toast and coffee, saving the peanut butter and honey for when Edward returned to work. Today we would get hot, nutritious food and a chance to spend time in a warm environment. That alone was to be celebrated.

Until then, we weren’t moving from our snug bed.

~o.O.o~

The kitchen was warm and welcoming, full of people and chatter. The streamers swayed and bobbed each time the doors opened and closed, sending bright flashes around the room.

It occurred to me that another of the many things Edward had sacrificed for me was the chance to sit here for a while and eat his meal in warmth and comfort. Instead, he had collected our food and headed straight back out into the chilled air to bring it home and be with me in our cold, cheerless room. Changing the past was an impossibility, yet a part of me wished he could’ve had this place back when he was frightened and all alone on the streets. A place of safety and comfort for an hour or two each week might have helped protect him. The staff here knew their regulars, and I wondered if they grew concerned if people didn’t show. It could’ve made all the difference to Edward to have someone in the world who cared back then.

I realised that Edward was watching me, his head tilted.

“Where d’you go?”

I smiled. “Just lost in my thoughts. Let’s join the line.”

He grinned. “Let’s.”

Lunch was chicken stew, with lemon bars for dessert. Esme sent big smiles our way and dropped two wrapped PB & J sandwiches on our trays for supper. I decided I would give mine to Edward for work the next day. He needed the energy more than I did. The stew was thick and hearty and I could feel it warming my insides. We cleaned our plates with some fresh bread, not wanting to waste a scrap. Dessert was amazing, both of us sucking every last trace of sweetness from our fingers, big smiles on our faces.

~o.O.o~

“No, Jas. We share everything.”

It was supper time. His jaw set, my boy was obstinately refusing to go along with my plan. I took his hand.

“You need your strength. Just let me look after you, okay?”

“No. It’s not right.” His eyes flashed, but I could read him better than he realised. I kept hold of his hand.

“Be honest with me. How have you been managing? A whole day’s physical work on just one piece of toast and a sandwich?”

He looked down, his fanned lashes shadowing his pale cheeks. “I’m okay. I can manage. I want to do as much as I can.”

“I know you do. You’ve kept us afloat when I was useless, but I need you to look after yourself now, and that means more food.” I wanted him to look at me, but he wouldn’t.

_Stubborn._

“I won’t take more than my share.”

His voice was low, his shoulders hunched.

I sucked in a deep breath.

“When I came to meet you and you hadn’t eaten all day… that can’t happen again, love. You need regular fuel to be lifting and carrying. I’m scared you’ll pass out and get hurt.”

He tilted his head and my heart sank when I saw the bleakness in his eyes. I waited.

“I didn’t want to worry you. I did get a little woozy. I went outside and sat down for a while so no one noticed. I didn’t want to buy anything to eat until after clean-up in case there wasn’t enough for our meal. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Feeling a wave of despair washing over me, I reached for him. He slumped into my arms and I held him close.

“Promise me you won’t hide anything else from me?” My hand rubbed his shoulder. “I’ll be worrying about you all the time. I won’t want you to let you out of my sight.”

His smile was weak but it was there.

“I promise. If it happens again I’ll buy a piece of fruit from Tony.”

“And you’ll take the extra sandwich? The protein and sugar in it will keep you going. I’m more than happy with a bit of toast and honey.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead with a smile. “Of course, if it was a cheese sandwich you wouldn’t get a look in.”

He snuffled a laugh then, the tension broken.

“I wouldn’t take a cheese one from you, even if you held a gun to my head.”

“Sounds like we have a deal. Now, eat your supper and I’ll make some coffee. Okay?”

He looked at me with wide, grateful eyes and my heart skipped a beat the way it always did when he was close. Our lips met in a long, slow kiss, my hands cupping his face. His sharp inhalation betrayed his own need when my tongue reached for his. Emboldened, he met the kiss with equal fervour and it was left to me to end it before it escalated. He looked hypnotised, gazing at me, his lips still parted. I pressed one last chaste kiss to them before setting his supper in front of him and making sure he ate.

~o.O.o~

Having won the inevitable argument with Edward over supper, I made sure he had two sandwiches to take for his lunch the next morning. I couldn’t cope with worrying whether or not he was getting anything to eat.

I had a plan for the day too. Having gone over our finances, such as they were, I had five dollars and some loose change in my pocket to go out and find us some generic brand fabric softener for our laundromat trip. There wasn’t enough for the phone credit too, but Edward reasoned that we’d be able to do that in a couple of weeks’ time if he kept taking extra work. I wanted to do my bit so I decided to walk and save the bus fare. After all, I had all day and no need to rush. The loose change I carried was at Edward’s insistence in case I needed to get a ride home. I hoped to prove him wrong because I wanted to be strong enough to get back out in the world.

It was a thirty-minute walk to the nearest shops that carried laundry items. I checked in three different stores before finding a bottle for under three dollars that didn’t smell flowery and sickly sweet. The amount of choice was dizzying and for once I was grateful I was limited on budget. I couldn’t imagine why folks would pay more than double for something that smelled the same as the bottle I held. Waiting in line, I glanced around and saw the phone credit cards we were hoping to get displayed at the checkout. Closer inspection confirmed Esme’s guess – the number to call was printed on the back of the packaging. They had some of the ten dollar cards and I made a mental note to come back when we had available funds.

On the walk home, carrying my purchase in a sturdy plastic bag, I passed the pizza restaurant where we had had our first official date a little over a week ago. The smile on my face grew so wide that it hurt at the memory. It seemed crazy how far we’d come since that night.

I passed the road that led to the clinic, a walk I hoped would never again be a necessary and regular part of my life.

Almost home, I detoured to check the opening hours to the laundromat, having forgotten to look before with so much other information to take on board. Late opening hours meant we could go out after supper and spend time someplace warm on such a cold night.

Later, after some lunch and a rest, I found the large bag from Goodwill and set about sorting out our clothing and packing everything into the two bags we had. I stripped the bed linen and folded it, best I could, adding it to the bag along with our towels. Thinking for a moment, I unpacked it all, pulling out a clean outfit for both of us to wear so that today’s clothes could be added to the wash pile.

I reasoned that we could carry the blankets. I almost put our other clean sheet onto the bed when I realised that we could sleep in freshly laundered sheets tonight instead.

Everything neatly bagged, I made another drink and wrapped myself in a blanket to read until Edward came home.

~o.O.o~

 

Edward stumbled in, knocking ice from his boots. Pulling off his gloves with his teeth, he set down the meagre bag of food for our supper. I jumped to my feet and opened it to see what was on offer for tonight. He looked a little down and I wondered why.

“I’m sorry, but there wasn’t any meat we could afford tonight. Instead, I got two potatoes, some eggs, and an onion. I thought we could have a stab at making a Spanish omelette in the frying pan. We’ve got some oil. What do you think?”

I brightened.

“I think that’s a great idea. Let’s boil some water and get the potatoes on to cook. I haven’t had eggs in forever. This could be really good!”

He looked hopeful then, still uncertain even after supporting us for so long. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his cold nose.

“You’re so clever. So how about we eat, then head to the laundromat? I’ve laid out some clean clothes for you to change into. I’ve already changed, ready to go. Everything’s packed to take.”

He looked down at the bags. “I never realised we had so much! It’s a good thing we wash as we go because we’d never get all this dry.”

“I’ve tucked the detergent and softener into the big bag there so we don’t forget to take it.”

He wriggled out of his coat and began to change clothes, staying close to the heater. I peeled potatoes and filled the kettle, intent on getting some hot food into us as soon as possible. I glanced at him once he was dressed and cocooned in a blanket.

“Your cold sounds better today. I thought you’d be streaming by now.”

He sniffed experimentally. “I think it was just because it’s cold at night. Hopefully, I won’t get sick. Can’t afford to be sick at the moment.”

_No arguing with that._

It wasn’t long before I was adding the beaten eggs to the sliced potatoes and onions in the pan. The scent in the room was making my mouth water. Edward loitered by my elbow, so close that his blanket brushed my arm each time I shook the pan. When it was ready, I halved the omelette and tipped it onto plates. One bite confirmed that it was delicious. We didn’t hang around – it was eaten where we stood, the pair of us starving.

~o.O.o~

A light dusting of snow had fallen while we were inside and the sky looked laden.

We each carried a bag of laundry and a blanket, excited in a giddy, childlike way about doing something new together. In the dreary winter darkness, the lights shining from the laundromat were a beacon. Shuffling our loads, Edward opened the door and wedged a foot in it so I could go first. Heat laced with the delicate perfume of warm detergent assailed our nostrils before prickling welcomingly at our skin. Placing our bags down on a seat, I shucked my coat. Edward followed suit, looking around.

The place was empty, for which I was grateful. This way we got to sort our clothes without an audience. Both of us were private people and the thought of being judged for our old and worn possessions would be mortifying.

I opened a machine and looked inside, turning to Edward.

“Let’s do this.” I dragged over my bag of clothes and began to drop handfuls of underwear, socks and tee shirts into the drum. Edward began loading more machines with blankets and towels, remembering what the woman had said about a hotter wash for towels. With the bed linen and all our pairs of jeans also ready to go, we took turns with the detergent, hoping it was the right amount, and checking the settings to be certain. Our coins were piled up on each machine and, one by one, they whirred into life. Edward set the empty, sagging bags down on the floor and we sat down to relax on the seats across from the machines.

For a few minutes, we just sat, not needing to talk. It wasn’t long before the warmth, the fresh, comforting aroma, and the soporific sounds of the water had Edward’s head nodding against my shoulder. I smiled and put my arm around him to prevent his head lolling back. Our hats were in the wash too, and I took pleasure in nuzzling his hair, listening to his snuffly breathing.

My thoughts wandered, my mind relaxed and at peace for the first time since our night at Esme’s. Time lost all meaning while I drifted, lost in a dreamlike trance. The buzzers went off at almost the same time, waking Edward and dragging me back to the present. He scrubbed his eyes, and I squeezed his shoulder before getting up to add the fabric softener to each machine.

“It’s so warm in here. You were right – it’d be great to move in. How sneaky would we need to be?” His quiet chuckle made me smile.

“Maybe we could get away with it if we made all the customers toast and coffee every morning?”

“But how will we get the bed in?”

I burst out laughing then and he joined in. It felt really good.

When the machines were done, we unloaded the glorious smelling laundry into a line of dryers. We made sure to get the bed linen and blankets completely dry, unsure if our money would hold out to get everything else finished too. The blankets came out warm and soft and wonderful, and I knew we’d sleep well tonight. Working together, we soon had two bags of clean items and two fluffed and now very bulky blankets.

I looked around and searched under the chairs, finally finding an old plastic bag with broken handles stuffed in the trash. We packed our blankets in it, making them easier to carry and keep dry out of the weather. On the wall by the door, there was a noticeboard littered with flyers and I stopped to glance over them on our way out. My eyes fixed on an ad for free haircuts by apprentice stylists. The flyer said they needed models urgently. I nudged Edward and he read it too, his face lighting up.

“You should go, Jas. You want to be smart for your new job. Don’t let them cut it all off, though – I like your curls.”

I loved his optimism.

“If they tried, I’d walk out. We should both go – get ourselves smartened up if we can.”

He nodded. “Deal.” He took the sheet from the board. “Let’s put us first. The more people who see this, the fewer models they’ll need.” He pocketed the folded piece of paper. “This is ours.”

Beaming, we headed out into a swirling white wasteland. The walk home seemed far longer than it should have.

All we did once we got inside was make up our bed and climb into it, enveloped in soft, vanilla-scented comfort. Edward took a deep breath, snuggling into me.

“This smells so good.”

“It does. Most of the bottles smelled so sickly sweet and flowery, and all I could think was what if the dogs didn’t recognise your scent?”

He chuckled, his body shaking.

“This is great. We need to make that a regular thing, even if it’s just to take the bedding. So cosy in there. And it’s less work for you.”

I hummed in agreement.

“I like that idea. It can be our treat. Say, did you feel the towels? They’re so much better! Not hard and rough at all. I never knew that using a dryer made such a difference.”

“Me either. Well done you on remembering what to do. Those machines are complicated when you don’t know how to use them.”

A wry smile twisted my lips.

“I guess most things are difficult until you know how, but at least it’s something else we can add to our list of accomplishments.”

While we were snuggled up, talking and being close, we forgot that most folk were still going about their evenings at home. To us, 7 pm felt late. With the days so short and cold we routinely went to bed far earlier than most. It saved us money on the heating costs, only needing the boil the kettle to fill the hot water bottles.

The ringing phone made us both jump, the urgency of the sound spurring me into action. I swung my legs out of bed and lunged for the phone on the counter, worried that something was wrong.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is that Jasper?”

My breath caught in my throat.

“Yeah, this is Jasper.”

“Hey - it’s Emmett McCarty, from Goodwill? Sorry to call you during your evening, but I couldn’t reach you earlier.”

_We left the phone here. The one time we didn’t pick it up._

“Hi, Mr. McCarty.”

“I’m calling about the position.”

I closed my eyes and waited for the rejection that was surely coming. I tried to sound casual, and not like my head was swimming through lack of oxygen.

“Uh huh?”

“It’s good news, Jasper. We want you to start Thursday. Can you be at the store for 10 am? Ask for me at the desk and I’ll get you sorted out with a time card and your working pattern.”

“I-I...” I sucked down a lungful of air. “I’ll be there. And thank you. So much.”

“Congratulations, Jasper. I look forward to having you on the team.”

He sounded genuinely pleased. The line clicked when he hung up and I stared at the phone for a long moment before pressing the end call button.

_I did it._

_I’m not useless._

_I DID IT._

Struggling not to hyperventilate, I steadied myself while the realisation washed through me, happiness re-inflating my wizened self-belief, allowing a bubble of pride and wonder to take root in my soul.

My smile almost hurt my face when Edward pounced on me and pulled me into onto the bed in a tight hug, overcome with joy.

“You _did_ it! I knew you would! This is so amazing! What a way to start the New Year! Everything’s going to be okay, Jas. I just feel it.”

In that moment I could truly believe that anything was possible.

~o.O.o~

“I’m sorry.”

His voice trembled and my heart clenched. We’d been so happy after the phone call, but now he was fearful again.

“Why are you sorry, love? You don’t ever have to apologise to me for something so beautiful. There’s nothing I love more than making you happy. And I want to do that as often as you let me.”

I nudged his nose with a smile and received a wobbly one in return. His erection was the result of some heavy celebratory kissing, my hands sweeping under his shirt to tease and stroke his chest and stomach. Now that the gates to pleasure had been opened, it was no surprise to me that his body was eager to respond. Evidently, to Edward it was still somewhat of a shock.

He dropped his head to hide his face from me. His words were muffled.

“Does it happen a lot to you?” He knew that I’d not gotten aroused with clients, but had never asked me point blank before.

“More and more. Pretty much anytime I get to kiss you.”

He looked up then, confusion clouding his face.

“But you don’t… deal with it?”

“No – I choose to stay here in the warm with you rather than sneaking off to our freezing cold toilet to deal with it. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s my choice.”

He watched me for the longest time, and I waited for him to marshal his thoughts. Finally, he found the courage to ask what was really bothering him.

“Are you… right now?”

“Am I hard?” He couldn’t tell, our lower bodies a small distance apart while we talked it out.

He blushed scarlet before nodding.

“Yes. I just didn’t want to scare you.” I could feel his indecision, his mind warring with itself.

“You-you say it’s beautiful. I don’t understand. How can it be?”

I kissed him, soft and sweet, a hummingbird seeking nectar. His breathing hitched when the tip of my tongue reached for his. When I pulled back, his eyes were unfocused and glassy.

“Your body responds to me and that’s beautiful. Don’t you think so? That your body shows me that you love me? And mine shows you?”

He turned his flushed face away for a long moment, brow furrowed, a shadowed crease between his eyebrows. I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers and watched his lashes flutter. When he looked at me again, I saw a spark of bewilderment in his tight eyes.

“They told us it was dirty. At the Home, if boys touched themselves or made…messes… in their beds, they were punished. I didn’t understand what was going on at the time when they told me not to _abuse_ myself.” He swallowed, a thick sound in the quiet space. “No one ever called it beautiful. No one ever told me it could be beautiful.”

And there it was. He had grown up being told his own body was dirty and distasteful. Puberty and adolescence must have been hell with all the hormones surging through his young body and no healthy outlet. And then he meets a cheap street hustler who offers up his body for money, and despite everything he’s been told, he looks beyond the label and sees the man. Was I the right person to explain this to him? What right did I have to sully him further after all he’d been through?

Oh, but the way he looked at me - like I polished the moon and made it shine just for him.

The trust he had in me was staggering.

“Sweetheart, are you telling me that, before what happened between us, you were a virgin in every sense of the word?”

“Yes.”

I closed my eyes, summoning my strength, anticipating the worst possible outcome.

“Are you sorry that you let me touch you?”

Shock widened his eyes. He looked mortified.

“No! No! I asked you to do that because I wanted you to. You were so gentle, and I felt so safe. How could I ever be sorry?” His hands clasped my forearms, high spots of colour in his cheeks. “I was scared and you made it better. I’m glad my first time was with you.”

“Oh, love. I had no idea. I didn’t know… I thought, really thought, it was just the first time since the attack. Your first time should be special.”

His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me in tight, and I felt his firm flesh pressed against my belly. His face was tucked into my neck, his breath warm against my ear.

“It was more than special, Jasper. It was wonderful. I’ve never felt so protected and… loved.”

My fingers carded his hair, trying not to think about his hard body against my own and the way my own body jumped and throbbed. The way it begged. His soft gasp against my ear sent signals coursing through my nerve endings.

“Jasper? I feel you.” I lay immobile, letting him decide the next move. His breathing quickened, his body pressing tighter against mine, adding delicious pressure to an already inflamed situation. “Do you… do you want to deal with it?”

Struggling to maintain control at such welcome warmth and friction, I answered honestly.

“I don’t think I have a choice tonight. I’m pretty close already.” I couldn’t and wouldn’t ask him to touch me. My only hope was that he asked me to help him again and we could experience that pleasure together.

His face was conflicted, still so unsure, but his erection was urgent and I could sense he needed relief.

“I have an idea. If you aren’t comfortable then you say and we stop.”

He gave a tiny nod, and I shimmied out of my underwear, helping him out of his own. Back in his arms, I shifted my hips until our bodies aligned, able to slide against each other. His mouth dropped open at the feel of my flesh touching his, stroking against the swollen head of his own. It took a moment until his own hips began to buck, just a little to begin with, his face contorting with desire. I knew this would be quick, having denied myself for so long. I felt the flush rise up my chest, heat coursing through my veins. His darkened gaze watched me and my reaction to each jerky movement, each kiss of our bodies’ swollen crowns, and the exquisite agony of sensation.

I kissed him then, desperate and heated, our hot breath blasting each other’s faces when we broke apart. My hands were still around his waist, no lower, whereas his had wrapped around my neck when our kisses had grown deeper and more passionate. I whimpered against his lips, my face a rictus of overwhelming pleasure before I lost control and came between our stomachs, my head reeling, body spasming in prolonged pleasure. Edward rutted his body against my over-sensitised flesh, a ragged gasp ripped from his chest before he too reached the dizzy heights of pleasure, his body jerking, covering us in warm fluid.

This time there were no tears, only embarrassed joy, and bashful smiles. I moved carefully to reach our washcloths on the edge of the tub, cleaning us both down before the heat of exertion subsided. The cold air circled, looking for a way under the covers to penetrate our bones.

That night we slept bare from the waist down, allowing our bodies to become familiar with the touch of the other’s skin, removing the fear of the unknown. When I woke, Edward’s warm legs were tangled with mine and nothing had ever felt so right.

~o.O.o~


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll be happy to know that the next chapter is finished and will follow in a few days' time.  
> I hope it makes up in some small way for the delay and the lack of a Valentine's Day update. 
> 
> Thank you as always for the lovely reviews and messages. 
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

**Chapter 13**

**Jasper’s POV**

We had one last day to spend together before I started my new job.

I needed a little distraction from the nerves that were starting to bite in the depths of my stomach, and a day together was the best way I could keep them under control.

With the promise of an additional modest income forthcoming, we decided to celebrate and buy some hot food as a special treat.

But first, a haircut. I wanted to make a good first impression, but deep down I wanted to be the best I could be. My insecurities and fears would be accompanying me, no matter what, but I couldn’t bear to have my new co-workers take one look and write me off as a no hoper. I couldn’t tell Edward that. He knew I was jittery, but he would not tolerate my self-pity when his belief in me was rock solid.

The morning was bright and breath-stealing, the watery winter sun offering no warmth. We took our time, walking and talking, wandering the streets until we found the Hair Academy listed on the flyer from the laundromat. We had gone over it together, double checking times and dates before setting out that morning; we didn’t want to make the long walk only to be turned away. We had no phone credit and so weren’t able to call ahead first, relying on hope and luck that they could use us. It struck me that they most likely saw a lot of volunteers down on their luck unless some working people objected to paying when they could afford to. We looked at each for support before pushing open the door and stepping inside. A suited receptionist in teetering heels greeted us with a polite smile, and we showed the flyer. She nodded and asked us to wait, opening a smoked glass door and click-clacking out of the room.

A few minutes later, a well-groomed man appeared. After a brief introduction, he led us through and showed us where to hang our outdoor clothes. We could hear muted chatter and the sound of dryers. Once through the salon doors, we were assailed by a wave of heat and scented hair products. We were shown to adjacent empty chairs and told to wait. Looking at myself in the brightly lit mirror was daunting. I saw just how messy my hair had gotten, the pallid colour of my skin from the long period of sickness and bedrest. I watched Edward touch his hair where it curled at his neck and was struck by a rush of fondness, remembering the nights I had played with those curls while I soothed him and held him close.

A young guy stepped up to my chair, smiled at me in the mirror and began to assess my hair.

“Hi, I’m Greg. I’m a trainee. What can I do for you today?”

“I, uhm.” I cleared my throat. Edward looked over.  “I have a new job and I wanted to get smartened up. I’ve been cutting it myself for some time now, making do, you know?”

The guy nodded.

“So show me what length you want and we’ll start there.”

Edward leaned over, a shy smile curving his lips.

“Not too short. I love your curls.” His hand reached out and squeezed mine. Until that point, I hadn’t been aware of my white knuckles on the arm of the chair. I watched a happy glow stain my cheeks, my eyes shining. Holding my hand to my neck, I indicated where I liked my hair to sit and nodded to the stylist. His fingers fluffed and straightened the strands to judge the length.

“How about a little dash of colour? Not too much, just to give it a little depth. I could weave some honey blond through it, make you look like you just came back from two weeks in Bali.” He smiled, tilting his head.

Apprehensive, I looked to Edward who nodded in encouragement.

My throat was dry. “Okay. Let’s do that.”

Greg set to work, mixing a bowl of what I assumed was dye. In the meantime, a young girl with a big smile approached Edward.

“Hi, I’m Amy. I’m a trainee stylist. You have beautiful hair! Are you looking for something specific today?”

Edward looked down for a second before meeting her enthusiastic smile with a small one of his own. His eyes slid away to meet mine in the mirror.

“I just need it neatened up. It hasn’t been cut in over a year and I prefer it shorter.” His hands fluttered at his neck and along the sides of his head. Amy looked a little disappointed to me, perhaps hoping for a complete restyle, but she bounced back, her smile fixed into place.

“Okay then, let’s get started! Let’s get you washed first. It gives a cleaner, sharper cut.” She indicated that he was to stand and follow her to a row of basins. I heard the sound of running water.

“Okay, we’re ready here.” Greg set down the bowl of mixture on the trolley to my right alongside some foil strips and began to comb through my hair. I could see him concentrating, sectioning it off and checking before he began to paint on the colour. It smelled really bad. Greg was methodical, painting and encasing each section in folded foil. This was going to be slow. I didn’t know how people coped with this on a regular basis. I wished I’d brought a book.

With my head forward, Greg working on the back sections of my hair, I couldn’t see or hear Edward. I felt oddly jealous that someone else was washing his hair. I loved to do that. It seemed almost too intimate an act to share with a stranger; I wanted to be the only one who could tease those beautiful moans from his throat.

Finally, I was done and Edward was sat back next to me, towel around his shoulders, looking for all the world as if he’d rather be anywhere but there in that moment. He looked vulnerable, and I saw straight away that I had been wrong - he hadn’t derived a moment’s pleasure from the process. The moment I could look up again I caught his eye and grinned, watching him relax back into the chair. While his wet hair was being combed through he continued to gaze at me, grounding himself in familiarity and security.

Time seemed fluid when Edward was next to me; I couldn’t look away. He sat back, relaxed at last and a little sleepy while Amy worked on his hair with deft hands. A new Edward emerged, the soft messy bed-hair shorn away. Little bronze curls lay on the tiled floor, forlorn and discarded, and my heart ached with loss.

All dry, the cut complete, Amy brushed his shoulders and waited for her trainer to assess her work. He approved of the smart new look, Edward looking bashful. The guy asked him if he was satisfied and Edward gave a confident affirmative. He smiled at me in the mirror and silently asked for my approval. I could do no more than gaze at him in awe. His slow blink told me he understood.

Amy had fetched a broom and was about to sweep away the hair when I stopped her. Edward looked puzzled until I stood up from my chair and knelt to retrieve a curl, tucking it into a pocket in my wallet. I’m sure it looked weird to everyone else, but I couldn’t let every curl go. Too many memories. I sat back down and looked at the timer in front of me, sighing.

I was becoming fidgety, my head itched, and I wanted this process done. At long last, the timer rang. I was taken to the basins and I tried to relax with Greg’s hands working my wet hair. They didn’t have Edward’s sensual touch and I found myself willing it to be over. When I was back in my seat and could see Edward again, I knew that the worst was over. After the cutting was done and my hair was dried, I saw a new man looking back at me. Sun-kissed hair made me look fresh-faced and rested, the length brushing my chin and still long enough for me to sweep back and tie if need be. I gave my approval to Greg and the trainer guy and we stood to leave, giving our grateful thanks. The work was free after all, and they had done an excellent job.

It might have been my imagination, but I thought we got appreciative looks on our walk back. We held our heads high and enjoyed the feeling of belonging, of being part of the beautiful people, groomed to perfection. The effect might’ve been spoiled on occasion when we found something funny and got the giggles, but that was the joy of being with Edward. The world felt a lighter, brighter place with him by my side.

Stopping off at a pizza joint, we ordered a slice each and a salad to share. We took our time at the self-service salad bar, stacking as much as we could into the little bowl until it was threatening to spill over. We discovered new flavours: the sweetness of baby tomatoes, the tart taste of sliced green apples mixed with rich red grapes.

We didn’t waste a scrap.

~o.O.o~

Back home, we both stepped into the bathroom to look at ourselves properly in the water-spotted mirror. It was remarkable. We were almost unrecognisable, our dishevelled appearances transformed into tailored, coiffed works of art.

Overwhelmed, I shook my head, saying the first words that danced through my mind.

“Wow - if we were in suits I could see us in fancy wedding pictures, holding flutes of champagne. Somewhere really flash. Maybe Esme and Carlisle’s one day. We look amazing. I’ve never looked this smart. Shame about the dark circles under my …” I tailed off, seeing Edward’s expression in the mirror. His pupils were dilated, bottom lip trapped between his teeth, an unmistakable hitch in his breathing.

I met his gaze in the mirror before turning to him, the back of my forefinger glancing under his jaw. His face pinked; embarrassment or arousal? I wasn’t sure until I realised he hadn’t dropped his eyes.

“Do you like that idea? Us all dressed up, having our picture taken and looking like a million dollars?”

He watched me, waiting in silence. My eyes narrowed a fraction before widening in understanding. My voice sounded rough to my own ears, unsure of the reaction I was going to get.

“Or is it the idea of marriage some day?”

He gasped, his breathing ragged.

_Is this happening?_

“Marriage… to me?” He was shaking now, welded to the spot, unable to speak, gasping like a horse after a winning run. I swallowed, the sound thick in the silence. My words dropped to a whisper.

“Would you marry me, Edward?”

Tears pooled and he blinked hard, nodding, lips pressed tight. I caught the tears when they fell, brushing them away with my thumbs.

“Is that a yes?”

The words tumbled out between hitching sobs.

“Yes… yes… yes! I never want to be anywhere else, with anybody else. Just you. Yes, I want to marry you, Jasper. I want to tell the world that you’re my husband.”

I pulled him into my arms and he buried his face into my neck, soft sniffles reverberating against my skin. The day had turned so fast I felt dizzy, the future holding the promise of even greater things than it had that morning.

The promise of love and commitment and forever.

_A husband._

My mind was reeling at the thought of one day calling him my husband. The very idea of Jasper Whitlock, a cheap hustler with no prospects just a short time ago having a husband seemed ludicrous.

“So I guess we just got engaged.” A snuffled laugh escaped me at the thought of us getting engaged standing next to the toilet. “I always thought that if that ever happened it would be somewhere all romantic and candlelit.”

“I don’t care about that. It was perfect.” He lifted his head from my shoulder, and all I could see were wet eyelashes above shiny eyes filled with wonder. He leaned in for a long kiss that turned my thoughts into white noise.

Everything was Edward and that was all I needed. 

~o.O.o~

I woke to a new day, my stomach churning with nerves. Looking at Edward, I couldn’t hold back the rush of love that enveloped me, remembering the change in our relationship status. My smile hurt my cheeks at the memory.

It had rained all of the previous night, just a few obstinate clumps of solid ice remaining in sheltered corners. The danger now came in the form of gigantic puddles and careless drivers soaking unwary pedestrians. Edward sent me off on my first day with bus fare, a sandwich in my pocket, and a big kiss for luck. The bus journey gave me time to calm my fears, but all too soon I was at my stop, the store looming large ahead of me.

With a deep, steadying breath, I pushed open the door.

~o.O.o~

Emmett completed the formalities and introduced me to the staff I would share most of my shifts with. There were a lot and I wasn’t used to having names to remember. They’d never come into the equation in my old line of work. I concentrated on the three that would be training me and decided to take it from there.

I had a name badge on my chest that almost quivered from the thumping of my heart when I first set foot on the sales floor as a real employee.

Ty told me a little about himself while he showed me the basics. He was tall, hair cropped very short and shaved at the sides. A little gruff, but otherwise he seemed to be a decent guy. I read between the lines that he had had a fondness for illegal substances in the past. He alluded to rehab, and by all accounts, the program seemed to have stuck. When the conversation stalled, I realised he wanted a little information about me in return. I kept it casual. No, I hadn’t been in any trouble with the law. I’d found myself in a downward spiral that I couldn’t escape from and had no one to turn to. I needed to support myself and get back in control. Ty nodded and left it at that. I guessed that with so many employees the law of averages meant that a few had less than pristine backgrounds.

Elise was my shift manager. If I was clay to be moulded, she was granite. She eyed me with a jaded expression, another batch of problems handed over for her to sort out and reform into a useful member of the team. She had no way of knowing that I read her easily, my years of practice peeling away the layers of her hardened exterior. She didn’t dislike me; she didn’t know me. She had had problems with staff in the past, problems that may have left marks. It was a short skip and jump to assuming everyone new on staff was a potential problem until proven otherwise. I had approached new customers in much the same way. Unbeknown to her, we were on the same wavelength.

Ashleigh was cheery, greeting me with a big, genuine smile. She was one of the experienced staff who worked on the cash register. When we got a moment to speak, she told me that she’d worked there for three years and loved it, hoping I’d settle in and love it too.

I worried about fitting in, about being part of a team when I’d always been a team of one. I felt the weight of lying by omission with every conversation I had, turning it around to something else. The downside to that was I didn’t have a TV or radio, so any and all pop culture references were lost on me. They thought me weird, that much I could see in their bemused expressions, but didn’t shut me out. They made me coffee on breaks and made sure I got my share of the snacks that either Emmett or staff provided. I tried to not overreact when I took my first bite of a jelly doughnut. I failed. Ashleigh laughed and offered me another. I hesitated, not wanting to take more than my share, but she said I could have hers. I smiled, thanking her, and took another, wrapping it in a napkin and setting it aside.

“For my partner.”

She looked at me, curious. “Why not just enjoy it while it’s fresh?”

I smiled, knowing then that she didn’t have a relationship like mine.

“We share everything, that’s all.”

That wasn’t about to change.

~o.O.o~

After my first shift ended, my head whirling and buzzing with new terminology and tasks, I went home and sat watching Edward prepare supper, telling him all about my day. He let me talk, encouraged me to keep talking, to tell him all about it, the people, the feeling of being part of a group and doing something that made _me_ feel good. It wasn’t until he served up a supper of stew and vegetables that I noticed the amount of food on the plate.

“This doesn’t look right.”

I looked over at his plate, seeing a similar amount. He wiggled his eyebrows at me, took a bite of meat and chewed. I waited for an explanation.

“I went to the kitchen today. Some company had donated a whole shipment of damaged cans that were almost on their use-by date. They didn’t put a limit on how many you took as they wouldn’t keep. First come first served. I figured we could indulge tonight and have a can each. Give us an energy boost. We have more for tomorrow. We could have rice with it.”

I hummed my approval, digging in. A full stomach after my first few tiring hours of proper work was the perfect way to end the day.

Edward, of course, insisted on me having a bite of his jelly doughnut despite my protestations, giggling and waving it in front of my face until I caved.

I, in turn, helped him clean all the powdered sugar from his lips with a long, sweet kiss.

~o.O.o~

Days passed, and I learned how to keep the racks tidy and full, what the coloured tags meant on each item, how to record when an item came in and how to rotate stock to keep it fresh and interesting to the customer. While this work might seem mundane to some, it allowed me to focus on simple tasks and do them well. When a customer first approached me for assistance, I was a little shy but willing to help, enjoying the interaction.

All the time I felt Elise’s eyes on me, measuring my worth, monitoring my effectiveness. Waiting for me to drop the ball. I tried to ignore it and contented myself with being thorough and efficient. After all, I only worked fifteen hours a week which didn’t give me a great deal of time to impress. I just focused on doing as I was taught and assisting others wherever I could. Each shift got a little easier, my frail self-belief growing stronger, a flower unfurling under the sun’s benevolent gaze.

The best thing about being on stock control was that I got to check out the items before they hit the racks and get a feel for anything useful. I resolved to talk to Edward before spending any money - rent came first, of course – but being surrounded by goods that could make our lives more comfortable was exciting.

I had to open a bank account for my wages. This involved getting an ID card after Emmett told me what was needed to set it all up. Dealing with authority was unnerving and that was before I even set foot in a bank for the first time. I’m sure that most people didn’t think anything of it, but knowing my money would go via a third party before I could get my hands on it took some getting used to. Edward was still paid in cash, being a casual worker, so at least we had cash in hand ready for rent and food. I would then take out my wages in full and we would carry on as usual. We both knew that having any kind of savings were a long way off for us.

Something we had already agreed on was for me to buy phone credit once I got my first paycheck, and I headed to the store on my way home the very next day. I felt a real sense of security for the first time, knowing we now had the means to contact the outside word if an urgent need arose.

It was on my next shift during a sports and leisurewear restock that I discovered several pairs of soft sweat pants. I checked sizes and leg length, selecting two pairs in grey and navy blue that were in good condition. Edward and I had nothing to wear but jeans, and it was a relief to take them off at night to go to bed. The soft fleece would be warm and comfortable and could be slept in if need be.  Remembering what I had been told at the start, I took them off the sale floor and hung them in the break room to pay for when my shift ended.

Later that afternoon, Ashleigh ran them through the register and reminded me of the staff discount. My smile widened and she grinned back, handing them to me in a plastic bag. The cost was so low that the discount was minimal, yet I celebrated inside. To us, saving a few cents meant the difference between dry and wet clothes.

It’d been Edward’s idea, of course. Since we couldn’t afford to use the laundromat often, we still hand washed everything, but each week we took the wet towels and bed sheets to the laundromat to be fluffed in a dryer. We planned to wash everything in a machine at least once a month to get everything really clean if we had the cash, but in the meantime at least it meant that we got to spend time together in the warm. All for the bargain price of fifty cents, on average.

That afternoon I sat on the bus, bag in hand, and thought about Edward. More specifically, about spending the rest of my life with Edward. I looked at my empty left hand and imagined how a ring might look there. Nothing flashy, just a modest band that told the world I was happy and loved. In my mind I saw it shine, felt the warmth of what it represented, and knew in my heart I had to find a way to put a ring on Edward’s finger. It wouldn’t mean we loved each other more because of it – I doubt we could – it just seemed proper, and for once I wanted to do something right.

Arriving home first, I began to prepare the vegetables left from the previous day and continued to think until I heard him at the door. He kissed my cheek with cold lips before handing me the bag of food for supper. A quick look showed me a carton of eggs and some thin rashers of bacon. I grinned. A fry up was the order of the day.

The evenings after my shifts meant I now had stories and anecdotes to share with Edward, giving us a chance to both share our days while we cooked. The smell of frying bacon made both our stomachs growl, and I added sliced potato to the pan to absorb that lovely flavour. I added a couple of eggs each and then we sat down to a plateful of nourishment that tasted amazing.

Once we were finished, I handed him the bag from the store. I loved watching his face light up when he got something new, and in seconds he had the contents in his lap, holding them up approvingly. The real giveaway was when he unbuckled his jeans, wriggled free and climbed into a pair of soft fleecy pants, a huge smile of happiness creasing his face. Following his lead, I did the same and the feeling of warm fabric encasing my legs instead of cold denim was a revelation. We curled up together, our full stomachs no longer compressed by the usual belt buckles and zips, and sighed with contentment.

~o.O.o~

My training was coming along well and when Emmett called me over one morning a couple of weeks later, I wasn’t unduly anxious.

“Ashleigh’s going to train you up on the register today. Then she’ll supervise you while you find your feet. Sound good, Jasper?”

My eyes widened. “Yes, sir!”

“Glad to hear it. Elise says she has no complaints with your work. That’s high praise from Elise.” He beamed in that reassuring way of his. No wonder the staff all had such respect for him. A tough but fair attitude with a heart of gold from what I could make out.

I met Ashleigh while I stashed my coat in the break room. She looked bright and ready for the day.

“Morning! Ready to get started? You’ll soon get the hang of this, but don’t panic if you get in a muddle. I’ll be with you. Okay?”

I swallowed. Now I felt nervous.

“Okay. So first up, you need a code to use the register. That way they can track who dealt with each purchase. It’s why we can’t process our own purchases.”

I remembered that from my interview. I nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Emmett’s given me your code. Let’s go get you logged in!”

I followed her out to the shop floor, her dark, corkscrew curls bouncing with each step. Even her hair had an upbeat personality. I smiled. Standing behind the register, I looked at it properly for the first time and saw a lot of coloured buttons with codes on.

“It’s pretty straightforward.” She looked at me with a half-smile. “Okay, maybe not initially for you. I forget you haven’t used one before. You learn fast though so I reckon you’ll be fine.” She pressed a button and the display asked for a code.

“See here?” I nodded. “This is your employee code.” She punched in three numbers written on a slip of paper. The display changed and I saw my name appear. I gaped, and Ashleigh laughed at my face. “You’re official now.” She handed me the paper with the number, and I tucked it into my pocket.

“Let’s get started.” She pointed to the blue button marked CL. “That’s for clothing. The red one, that’s kitchenware, that’s books…” She pointed out all the marked buttons, and I tried to memorise them all. She demonstrated a dummy transaction, walking me through the process. I breathed out long and slow, calming my nerves. A customer approached with a dress over her arm.

Ashleigh looked at me, raising her eyebrows. “Come on, cowboy. Let’s give it a try.”

I greeted the customer and began a painfully slow transaction that involved hitting the wrong buttons more than once and having to be rescued. When the register opened, I was at least able to deal with the payment efficiently before bagging the dress and apologising to the customer for my ineptitude, explaining that I was new. She shrugged, taking the bag and walking off without a word. I looked at Ashleigh.

“You did the right thing and you were polite. Don’t worry. With one transaction under your belt, you’ll be more confident on the next one.”

She was right. Over the course of two hours, I made clumsy progress on the register but kept up my cheerful demeanour. By the time I learned how to sign myself out I felt drained from intense concentration, but proud.

~o.O.o~

Later that evening, I tried to explain how I felt to Edward. He played with my hair, my head in his lap, while I made sense of it all.

“It’s like, legitimate contact with the public. I’m not skulking in the shadows, hiding from plain sight. Just seeing the same people each day feels really good, you know?”

He murmured agreement, the feeling of his fingers making my speech slow and dopey.  He knew how I felt because he’d been there too. We were used to being invisible, too poor to matter to most, and now we held positions of respectability and trust. I wanted to wear that badge of honour with pride. I looked up at his smiling face, so fond, and knew that we were on our way.

I rolled over and pulled him close.

We were in love and engaged to be married.

Life was beautiful.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To each and every one of you, especially those that left such lovely reviews and messages, I say thank you for sticking with me and with this story.  
> The next chapter is well underway. No promises, but I’ll try for next week.  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> ~o.O.o~

**Chapter 14**

**Jasper’s POV**

Working the late shift in February meant a long walk home in sub-zero temperatures. Edward flat-out forbade it, insisting I take the bus home to protect my health. I knew better than to argue, but I didn’t want to let on that if I couldn’t make it outside quick smart when my shift ended I could have a long wait for the next bus. I didn’t want to worry Edward, so I layered warm clothes to stave off the chill and left it at that.

He still worried, though, I knew he did, but keeping warm was the best thing I could do with no other solution to the travel issue. I was just happy to have a fiancé who cared, and a chest that was so much stronger since the second round of treatment.

The one thing I wanted, the one thing I kept searching the stock for every day, was a new coat for Edward. He needed to tuck his scarf inside his sweater and down across his collar bones to prevent the cold burning through to his chest where the coat sagged low. Although he had increased muscle from working at the market, he would always have a narrow, compact frame and needed a good jacket like mine that zipped right up to the chin. He had tried mine on before, and I reckoned if I could find something similar it would work.

Maybe lightning would strike twice. I could only hope.

~o.O.o~

The afternoon was flying by. I had gotten the hang of the cash register and was ringing up purchases whilst chatting to customers about their day. I had soon discovered that some folk liked a little back and forth while they waited and I was happy to oblige. Handing the lady her change, I thanked her and prepared to start ringing through the next stack of items when a voice sent me into a tailspin, my pulse racing.

“Working two jobs now, huh?”

_(Hey, Blondie, you’re just what I need today)_

I glanced up, desperate to remain impassive, but inside a surge of adrenalin burned through my system.

“No, just the one.”

The guy’s face was shrewd, aware of the people around us who could hear the exchange. He looked eerily confident.

I felt a sickly cold sweat prickle along my back.

“The money must be good here then.”

_(This is gonna be hard and fast, so brace yourself, boy. I ain’t in any mood to be gentle)_

I didn’t answer. My hands reached for his items, fumbling and awkward, aware that I had frozen. My carefree smile and easy chatter had died. Stomach acid burned my chest. The sounds in the store had faded away, leaving the two of us in a silent bubble. I looked up at his face again.

“That’s eleven dollars, sir.” He paused before holding out the cash to me. I took the bills and counted out his change, pushing it across the counter. His calculating eyes never stopped watching, watching. He scrunched up the bag handles in one fist, pausing.

I just wanted him gone.

With a knowing smile, he turned and left. Just like that, the sounds of the store swam back into my ears. I felt lightheaded, not realising I’d held my breath until he turned away. Forcing myself to concentrate, I carried on serving, finding my, albeit now rather forced, smile again for the next in line.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Elise frowning.

~o.O.o~

Ashleigh covered the register while I headed to the break room and poured myself a cup of coffee. My hands were still a little shaky from the encounter, and I berated myself. I had always known it was a possibility, someone from my past cropping up in my new life. It was just that out of all my old customers, there were plenty who would never have said a word, would have ducked their head, been polite, and left, not wanting our liaisons to ever be discovered.

I respected that attitude. Our transactions were illegal, and more often than not a betrayal of trust in a marriage.

When I felt calmer, I made my way back out to the shop floor. I wasn’t sure if it was just paranoia, but a couple of colleagues looked down when I glanced over at them, and there were the whispers that stopped dead when I was close by. Perhaps they were just talking about work, but a part of me knew that wasn’t the case and I felt uncomfortable at being the subject of gossip.

Once we were closed for the night, I grabbed my coat and headed for the door, feeling the weight of eyes on my retreating back.

“Jasper?”

It was Emmett.

I turned, and he cocked his head towards his office. Once inside, Emmett closed the door.

“We need to have a talk, Jasper. Elise came to see me. What happened out there earlier?”

I swallowed.

“I’m sorry, sir. One of my former… associates… came in and decided to challenge me. He was clearly trying to find out if I was still working. I told him I had just the one job now.”  I looked at Emmett, hoping he understood how difficult this was for me. “I’m so sorry. I just froze for a minute. I think some of the others noticed. He took me by surprise and I wasn’t sure how to react.”

Emmett nodded. “I get that it must’ve been difficult. The staff here don’t know anything about you and I’m afraid a couple of witnesses may have jumped to their own conclusions.”

I wilted.

“So they think… what? That he’s my dealer?” My head sagged.

“Don’t worry. I called them both in earlier this afternoon and shut this down before it had a chance to spread. They’ve been here long enough to realise that idle gossip about their fellow workers isn’t right or fair when most here are trying to make new starts themselves. It’s easy for people to judge, and I reminded them how they felt back when they were new.”

I nodded, feeling crushed. I’d hoped to get along with everyone as best I could, not become the subject of gossip and speculation. What if one of them guessed the truth? Several of them had been in trouble with the law, but I hadn’t and I wanted it to stay that way. If word got out, Edward and I would have no choice but to relocate to escape the inevitable misery and judgement. We’d both struggle to find new jobs. My stomach lurched at the thought of us starting over with nothing. I couldn’t bear to go backwards – not now.

Emmett read me easily.

“Keep your head up and don’t rise to any provocation. This will pass once you’ve bedded in. You’re a good worker, Jasper, and Elise speaks well of you. Keep it up.”

He walked over to the office door and showed me out. I nodded my thanks and headed for the staff exit, my heart heavy.

~o.O.o~

The staff parking lot was almost empty now, only Elise’s and Emmett’s cars in their usual spots. I heard the door open behind me, their cheerful voices shouting goodnight to each other. Elise’s small car rattled to life, her lights illuminating the path ahead of me until she drove past and plunged me back into the gloom.

The next bus wasn’t for some time. I pulled up my collar and contemplated braving Edward’s ban and walking home via the market. I could meet him rather than hang about in the bitter wind for what could be an hour or more. Right on cue, the wind howled between the buildings. Tightening my scarf, I sighed. Setting off towards the stop to sit and wait, I stepped into the alley between Goodwill’s parking lot and the loading bay for the fast food joints just down the street.

Then I heard it.

The scuff of boots in the dark ahead of me.

And a familiar voice.

“So, Blondie – decided you’re too good for the likes of me now, huh?”

My breath came hard, my chest tight with shock.

“I think you need reminding of your place.” I heard the hiss of a cigarette before the butt was ground under a boot, the exhaled smoke coiling into the darkness.

I could make out the shape of the guy blocking my way out, his hand reaching into his pocket.

“I got sixty bucks here that says I get to screw your tight ass, no questions asked, and you’re going to take my money. Agreed?”

I knew I should tell him to get out, that I wasn’t that person anymore, that I didn’t need his money. I wanted to swear at him for daring to approach me here where we could be overheard and spotted. The truth was I wasn’t in the headspace needed to cope with the job. I wasn’t Blondie. Here, I was Jasper – Goodwill employee, dressed for warmth and decency, not illegal backstreet sex.

My voice held an edge of fear. I lost any leverage I might have had in that moment.

“I’ve got regular work now and I don’t do that anymore. Please just let me pass. There are others that can cater to your needs.”

As Blondie, I was equipped to cope with this, whereas now I was holding it together in the face of real danger. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to burn that bridge, to tell him to get the fuck out of my face. I still had a very real fear deep down that someday I might need his money because losers like Blondie couldn’t really change for the better.

His voice was mocking.

“You’re _refusing_ me? What, my cash isn’t good enough now? Think you’re better than the likes of me?” I could feel his anger rising and choked back my fear when he lunged toward me.

“Let me tell you something, kid. You’re nothing - just a hustler - and that’s all you’ll ever be. Don’t fool yourself that you can change. You’ll be back, and the money on offer will be less than this. Then you’ll regret refusing my generosity.”

He waved the bills in his fist and I tried not to flinch, to show weakness, but my heart was pounding, iron bars squeezing my lungs.

“Maybe that’s true, and I’m grateful for every dollar I’ve earned, but I’m making changes in my life. Now, I need to get home.”

He scoffed.

“Changes! You’re nothing but a tight piece of ass. You should be on your knees right now showing your appreciation.”

 _Enough_. I made to pass him, my head held high, hoping my feigned confidence would make him back off.

Wrong.

His hand grabbed my arm, pulling me off balance and slamming my face into the brick wall. He body pinned me in place, one hand scrabbling for the bottom of my coat, yanking it up so he could reach around. I struggled, trying to stop the fingers that tugged at my belt, the buckle loosening with a sharp pull. In that moment, I saw Edward in my mind, terrified and alone at the hands of his rapists, and knew with crystal clarity that the same was about to happen to me. Fighting to breathe, I wrenched my arm free and forced my elbow back as hard as I could, trying to twist around and gain some leverage to escape. A rough hand grabbed my throat a second before a knee found my solar plexus twice with blunt, practised force. I collapsed, fighting for air.

Dragging me upright, my body compliant as a rag doll, he ran his hand down until he found the button fastening to my jeans, tugging them down in a bunch with my underwear until they were wadded around my thighs. My breathing noisy, I tightened every muscle in my body, determined to make this as difficult for him as possible, but then he breathed in my ear.

“The tighter you make it, the more I like it. Plus, no lube.”

The fight left me then. I’d lost. This was going to happen and it was going to fucking hurt. I knew then for absolute certain that if this ever came out, no one would believe me either. A prostitute crying rape? What a joke.

Then came the words that pierced my brain like railroad spikes.

“No condom this time; I’m going bareback. This’ll be fucking spectacular.”

I jerked my head back and forth, frantic and desperate.

“No, no, please don’t…. _please_ …”

“Oh yeah! I’m calling the shots this time, kid. No charge, and no condom. ‘Bout time I got a freebie.”

_I’m so sorry, Edward. I promised you I’d never take that risk._

His hands gripped my hips, fingers digging into my skin for a moment before I heard his zipper. My legs were immobilised by my own clothing.

“ _Stop!_ Please don’t do this…” My chest felt ragged and raw. _“Stop!”_

He was so much stronger than me and I wondered how I’d ever managed to control him and others like him for so long. Everything I had done had led to this. I was powerless and had no one else to blame but myself.

With no warning, he forced two thick fingers inside me and I screamed in pain. He grunted, his free hand finding my throat and squeezing my windpipe. With my chest already tight, my lungs all but empty, spots blossomed behind my lids. Real terror consumed me in that moment and I wondered if he planned on more than rape. He pulled his fingers out of my ass and wedged himself between my legs, holding them apart with his knees as far as my clothes would allow, his hands gripping my ass cheeks. Gasping air into my bruised throat, dizzy and disoriented, I tried to zone out, to escape to a place where I couldn’t feel anything. I tried to become Blondie again, tried to pretend to make it alright, tried so hard that the world spun, but I couldn’t.

I was choking on my own fear.

“Get the fuck away from him, right now!”

The voice rang out in the darkness, footsteps thundering down the alley and suddenly there was Emmett, bearing down on us, a torch shining straight at my attacker. The guy stumbled back and I heard him curse under his breath and fumble with his clothing.

“What’s your problem, dude? We’re just having a bit of business here. Nothing for you to be concerned with.”

I struggled to pull up my jeans, my stomach protesting, until I was decent. It was then that I slid to the ground, my vision swimming. I heard swearing and the dull crack of breaking bone. The guy stumbled back, pawing at his nose.

Emmett loomed over him.

“If your wife asks you what happened, you tell her you were trying to buy sex on the street with a young guy. I’m sure she’ll be understanding while she packs her bags. Now get the _fuck_ out of here. I ever see you again and I tell the cops that I caught you assaulting and raping this man. I’m sure your friends, your _employer_ , will be interested to know what you do in your spare time.”

He was snarling. The guy didn’t argue. I could see that Emmett towered over him by a good six inches even if he couldn’t, the light blinding him. Emmett was easily able to back up his threats. The guy ran. I wanted to cry with relief.

Emmett knelt down to check me over, whispering in case the guy lurked within earshot.

“Jasper? It’s Emmett. Can you hear me? Are you okay? Do you know where you are?”

I mumbled in the affirmative and he cursed with relief.

“Thank fuck for that. Can you stand?”

Shock was setting in and I felt myself drifting and falling.

“Jasper? Jasper! Stay with me! Come on – let’s get you to a hospital.”

“Noooo…” My words were slurring, but I knew that hospital couldn’t happen. “Edward…”

Emmett picked me up and carried me towards his car.

“I’ll get you to him. Where is he?”

I managed to mumble the address before everything went black.

~o.O.o~

When I came to, we were parked outside our building. I lay on the back seat, feeling sick, the dull pain in my abdomen reminding me of the beating I’d taken. I coughed and groaned, my hands trying to hold my body together somehow.

“You’re back.” Emmett sounded deeply concerned. “You’ve been unconscious for several minutes. Please let me take you to the hospital once Edward gets here. You could be concussed. We don’t have to get the police involved. I can tell the doctor you were jumped on the way home and I found you. A police report would have nothing to go on.”

I knew he was right, but the fear of going to a hospital, the cost alone… I thought about asking Emmett to take us to the doctor I had seen before for pleurisy. At least they wouldn’t charge and no one would find out. The whole episode had happened so fast. I’d never thought it would happen to me because men like him were regulars, and I knew what they liked and how they liked it. I knew there was no respect, but I had thought there was a mutual understanding. I was so fucking naïve. Now I was frightened, plain and simple. Frightened of what waited for me in the dark.

Emmett looked up, seeing movement outside. “Is that Edward over there in the long coat and hat?”

I pushed myself up onto an elbow, groaning, and nodded, feeling a wave of relief that he was here.

Emmett waited until Edward was almost at the car before opening the door and calling out.

“Edward? Hi – I’m Emmett. I’m Jasper’s boss?”

I heard his hesitant response.

“Uhh hi. Did you give him a lift or something?”

Emmett lowered his voice. “You better get in and we can talk privately. Plus it’s a helluva lot warmer in here.”

I called out to reassure him, the words raspy through my bruised airways.

“Edward? Edward, it’s okay. I’m in the back. I don’t feel so good.”

“Jasper?” I heard his panic then, his face peering in at the window before he tugged open the door to reach me. He ripped off his gloves and stuffed them in his pockets before tenderly touching my face. “What’s wrong with your voice? You’re bruised. Why are you hurt? What happened? Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?”

I took a hitching breath and his face contorted with concern at my obvious discomfort.

“A former customer of mine came to the store today. He took exception to me finding new employment.” I tried to smile, wanting to hide the worst of it.

In the dim light of the car, I saw Edward’s eyes widen. “He beat you up? Where? How?”

I swallowed. “He waited in the dark for me to leave and confronted me in the alley behind Goodwill. He didn’t like my refusal and kicked me in the stomach.”

Edward sucked in a breath. “How did your face get scraped? What aren’t you telling me?”

I looked at Emmett who returned my gaze without comment. I hated airing my past in front of my employer like this, but after what he had witnessed, I guess there was little left to hide. I wanted Edward’s comforting arms around me to make it all go away.

“He… he offered me money, the usual amount. I said no. He got really mad at that. He said... he said I was nothing more than a worthless hustler and I should be grateful. He threw me against the wall. He said he wasn’t taking no for an answer and it was going to be a freebie because he’d earned it.”

I could feel Edward shaking, his increased breathing a sure sign of his rising panic. I held his hands.

“I tried to fight him off but he kicked me in the stomach and grabbed my throat.” Edward whimpered then, and I hated causing him more pain. ”He shoved me up against the bricks and told me that if I tried to deny him it would just make it better for him. He would hurt me and enjoy it. He said…” I didn’t want to tell him, but I knew I had to. “He said he was going bareback. I freaked out. I mean, there’s no going back after that – it can’t be undone. Then he pinned me to the wall and… and pulled down my pants…”

Edward sat back, shaking his head, silently mouthing _‘no, no, no’_. I squeezed his hands tight.

“Please, love. It’s okay, it’s okay. He hurt me, but, thanks to Emmett, he didn’t…”

Edward sobbed and dragged me into his arms. His muffled words against my neck exposed his true fear.

“Swear to me he didn’t rape you. Swear he didn’t…”

“He didn’t, I swear. I think Emmett broke his nose which kinda changed his mind about it. Well, that and the colourful threats helped.”

Wiping his eyes on his sleeve like a young child, he gazed at Emmett with gratitude written all over his face.

“You rescued him? Thank you. Thank you so much. Saying it doesn’t seem enough somehow. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Emmett shook his head, holding up his unblemished hand.

“I’m fine. I’m just sorry I didn’t get there sooner. I kept Jasper back after closing and so I’m responsible for him being out there after everyone else had gone. But if you really want to thank me, persuade him to come to the hospital for a check-up in case those kicks did any internal damage. He passed out and I’m guessing he has a concussion.” He looked at me then, barely controlling the pain with each slight movement. “I may have to insist, Jasper. You’re in pain. Your insurance will cover the cost. Trust me.”

Emmett's intense face made me look away, a scolded puppy under its master’s gaze.

“I-I don’t want to talk to the police. I just want to let it go and move past it.”

I saw Edward’s worried eyes, wet and filled with fear and memories he wanted to forget. I wanted that for him too and dragging this out would only make it harder for him. His attackers were never caught because no one had believed him. The incident had never been reported. The doctors had believed he was a hustler who went with the wrong john and deserved what he got.

Reaching forward, wincing in discomfort, I pulled Edward into my arms and held him, uncaring right then if it might make Emmett uncomfortable. All that mattered in that moment was holding Edward together when he was in danger of falling apart. His arms wrapped around me, a warm cocoon away from the world.

Pulling back a fraction, I looked into his soul for a long moment, before turning to Emmett.

My voice was rough. “Okay. Let’s go to the hospital.” I leant in to press a soft kiss to Edward’s lips and he sagged in relief.

“Finally, he sees sense.” Emmett shook his head and started the engine.

Tucked into Edward's side, I closed my eyes.

~o.O.o~

The hospital was bright and harsh. Every part of me wanted to run, to go somewhere less conspicuous where the conclusions they jumped to just by looking at me were most likely the right ones.

Here, despite support from Edward and Emmett, I would have to lie to keep my past dead and buried. The terror of being arrested for prostitution kept me on a knife edge of panic that escalated every minute we waited. I wanted to hold Edward’s hand and never let go, but fear of a backlash from other patients had me keeping my hands to myself. Edward kept his arm around my shoulders to support me while I struggled not to tense my sore stomach muscles.

Edward filled in the forms again, the key difference this time being my official, reputable employment. Emmett explained the medical insurance and together we completed the whole wretched thing. A harassed-looking nurse called me through and Edward came with me. I looked around and signalled to Emmett to come too and he followed without argument.

The doctor checked my head and confirmed no concussion, prescribing analgesics and rest. My stomach was tender and dark, ugly bruising had begun to form. Despite my hissed intake of breath at each touch, tests revealed I was lucky not to have incurred any internal injuries. The relief was huge. My throat would be sore for a while until the bruising subsided.

Questions were asked about my condition and the obvious attack injuries. Emmett explained that I was on the verge of losing consciousness when he found me in the alley and brought me in. No, there was no way he could have seen the perpetrator in the darkness. Yes, they had tried to steal my wallet but had run off when he arrived. No, there was no evidence to suggest the identity of the attacker other than he was male. Yes, it was a dreadful thing to have happened. No, we hadn’t reported it to the police because as we had said, there was nothing to tell them. Perhaps outside lights should be installed in the alley? Emmett agreed that this was overdue and confirmed he would make the suggestion to his superiors.

Hours later, once we were back in the comfort of Emmett’s car away from prying eyes and flapping ears, we all relaxed.

“Jasper, you’re to stay home until the light headedness and stomach pain passes. Keep sipping water for your throat. I’ll check in with you in a couple of days to see how you’re doing. Now,” he checked that Edward had the small packet of pills, “make sure you rest and take your meds. Agreed?”

I nodded, sleepy again now that I was in a warm, dark and comfortable place.

“Don’t worry, Emmett – I’ll take good care of him. We can’t thank you enough for your kindness.” Edward was struggling to find a way to convey the gratitude we both felt in that moment. I found my voice to make the apology I knew was due.

“Emmett, I’m so sorry for what you witnessed. My former ‘career _’_ is not something I share with folks as you know. To see what you did, I can’t begin to tell you how embarrassed and ashamed I feel. I don’t mean I’m ashamed of how I kept myself fed, but how it must’ve looked to you… I’m so sorry.”

Emmett looked astounded.

“You’re actually apologising to me because I found you being attacked and screaming for help? Jasper, if I had stumbled upon you tonight during one of your consensual ‘business transactions’, I would’ve been appalled, yes, but because I know it would’ve meant you had _no other choice_. I told you at your interview that I don’t how you did that for so long and stayed so strong. I knew from your posture back then that you hated it, but it was the only way you had to make ends meet. Am I making sense?”

I nodded.

“I hated what I did, but it was better, to me at least, to sell myself rather than steal. Neither is legal, but it helped me sleep at night.”

Edward’s face was nestled in my neck and I knew he understood.

“And I’m glad you’re okay about Edward and me. Not everyone is so understanding, as I’m sure you appreciate.”

He smiled. “Hey – you love who you love. It chooses you, and I have to say that you guys look very happy together. Wish I could find a girl to look at me the way you two look at each other.”

He sounded a little down. I frowned.

“I thought you had a girlfriend – there was a picture on your desk, I remember. You and a beautiful blonde woman?”

His face brightened. “You saw that? That’s my sister, well half-sister. She’s a mechanic and owns her own business. I love cars too, so we tend to get pretty dirty when we’re working on a project together.”

“Hale Autos.” I smiled. “I get it now.”

Emmett beamed.

Edward's forehead wrinkled in thought. He lifted his head.

“This might sound odd, but it’s been bugging me. Do you have a dog? I’m sure I’ve seen you at Happy Tails. I could be wrong, I mean I’m not usually around when owners come to collect them at the end of the day.”

His eyes lit up then.

“You work there? You must be one of Buster’s walkers! I hope he doesn’t give you any trouble. He’s a good boy on the lead with me.”

Edward smiled, his whole face softening. “Buster’s so much fun – full of energy and always ready to go! I try and wear him out – he usually has a drink and falls asleep when we get back. How long have you had him?”

“I found him in a shelter a little over a year ago. Love at first sight – he knew a sucker when he saw one! I needed a companion and he’s such a happy little soul. He didn’t even need much training. No idea why someone gave him up, but it was a good thing for me. He seems to really like it there while I’m at work.”

Edward nodded. “He does. Alice has all the small dogs out to play together inside when it’s really wet out. It’s canine chaos! All you can hear are barks, panting and laughter.”

Emmett blushed at the name, and I looked at Edward to see if he’d noticed. He raised an eyebrow at me. He then pushed it a little more.

“Alice loves the little dogs the most. She really likes playtime with them. I can’t imagine why that girl is single – she’s awesome, gorgeous and an animal lover. Straight men in Chicago must be blind. I’d love to see her happy. Maybe this year will bring her better luck. Don’t tell her I said that though – she’d be so embarrassed if she knew I was talking about her.”

Watching Emmett blush harder and duck his head told us that the message had been received and understood.

When Emmett drove away, Edward helped me inside.

“What Emmett doesn’t know is Alice talks about him. I didn’t know who he was until today. She tries to be subtle, but she gets really nervous when he’s due to come and pick up Buster. Massive crush going on there and I think it’s mutual, don’t you?”

I snuggled into him.

“I think you’re the best cupid ever. Two people might just get to be as happy as we are because of you.”

“If they’re really, really lucky.” He held me close and I knew I was home.

~o.O.o~

After eating our simple meal, we lay in bed, Edward glued to my side. He watched me, sensing something was going on. In light of what had happened today, I felt it was time he heard something important, something I’d never told anyone before. I took a deep breath.

“I need to explain something. I didn’t want to tell you before because… well, you weren’t in the right place to hear it then. I wanted to protect you from the worst of it. Tonight has shown me that I need to be completely open with you. Tonight wasn’t the first time I was almost…”

I stroked his face, seeing fear flower in his too-wide eyes.

“Out there, I learned to be always in control. Take the money, give the service and leave.” I sighed. “But it wasn’t always like that.”

I gazed at his wan face and I knew I couldn’t hide it from him any longer. This was full disclosure and I was scared. I swallowed hard.

“When I was just starting out in the job I didn’t know the rules of safety, the simple things like getting the money upfront. I was self-taught and I didn’t always get it right.” I closed my eyes for a second. “So, one day this good-looking guy comes by and asks if I’d go to his hotel room with him rather than be cramped in his car. I was so happy at the prospect of using a bed for once that I said yes without a second thought and got in his car.” My fingers raked my hair, the recollection still bringing a degree of anxiety to the fore.

Edward stayed silent, but his fingers were clutching at my chest in a nervous motion.

“Turns out, he had a room at a small motel, nothing fancy. He unlocked the door and ushered me in first which I thought was polite. When the door slammed and locked behind me it was too late.”

I paused, Edward’s nails digging into my shirt. His face was waxy.

“Other guys came out of the dark, and then a light blinded me. Hands gripped me while they talked about how to position me in the harness. It took me a moment to understand.”

Edward was shaking his head, trembling all over. I stroked his hair with a soft rhythmic touch while I told the rest of the story.

“I saw in that moment that I was to be a party favour, passed around and used by everyone in the room. They never intended to pay me or let me call the shots. The guy in the car had recognised my inexperience and capitalised on it. They all knew I was too dumb to have seen this coming. There was no way I was gonna submit to a gang bang, so I bit the hand holding my shoulders and kicked the knee of the guy reaching to grab me. In the struggle, I managed to wriggle free and locked myself in the bathroom. I smashed the window and ran for my life. I have that scar on my shoulder from the glass.”

“But you went back out there? Knowing they could come back for you? To hurt you?” He was incredulous.

“I had to make rent. I got wise real quick after that night. It was either get it done behind the wall or nearby in their cars. I made them take the keys out of the ignition first and throw them on the dash. A lot of clients were aware of this already, a safety precaution for the hustler, and went along with it without argument. If anyone refused or acted up about it, I simply got out of the car. I kept myself safe as best I could. Regulars were the best way. No arguments, they knew the score. I thought I was protecting myself. I rarely took passing trade after that night, only familiar faces.” I smiled sadly. “Unless I got really hungry.”

My finger traced his jaw. “You know how that goes. I learned to cope without food for a couple of days at a time until a regular came looking for me, but any longer and I had to rely on my gut instincts to pick someone safe.”

I ducked my head until his face was next to mine, loving how his lashes fluttered when he looked down at my lips. I ached to kiss him. My voice dropped to a whisper.

“It never occurred to me that one day I’d get out of the game and that others might not like that decision. I’m sorry, love. Sorry that tonight brought so many bad memories. It just proved that I was living in dreamland to think something like this wouldn’t happen. I hoped I could just walk away and leave that life behind without consequences. I should’ve known. Life just isn’t that kind.” A choked laugh scraped its way out of my aching throat.

Edward’s throat bobbed and I felt his warm breath mingling with mine.

“Don’t. Don’t apologise like you did something wrong. Jasper, this wasn’t your fault. That guy made the choice to hurt you. Because we’re invisible to some people, something they’d rather not see, it might seem like we deserve nothing better - but that’s so wrong. Today you stood your ground and said no. I am so proud of you for that. It’s like you finally believe that you’re worth so much more than that old life. Now you have respect and dignity, and a regular paycheck. You are becoming who you want to be – who you should be.”

His voice was low and painfully sincere. I felt the burn of my unshed tears and blinked them back before kissing him at last.

~o.O.o~

That night, his nightmares returned in full force. I woke to cries and struggling, unable to stop him before he jerked upright and punched the wall, waking himself with a sudden scream of pain.

His gasps and cries quieted, but his eyes were too wide, darting around the room in obvious distress. I struggled to push myself up, my bruised stomach complaining. Ignoring it with a wince, I took his hands, checking him over for damage.

“Was it the same dream?” Satisfied that nothing appeared broken, his skin was intact and he could move all his fingers, I pulled him to me and wrapped us both in the blankets. “You never hit out like that before.”

I felt him relax a fraction, huddling into me.

“I’m sorry, I-I…” He shook his head, turning and snuggling deeper into the safety of my welcoming arms. I held him close, my face in his hair.

“If I had to guess? I think this one was 50/50 you fighting to defend yourself and you protecting me.”

He nodded, a deep furrow between his brows. “It was like I was watching the guys who attacked me do the same thing to you. They were laughing and I wanted to kill them. I wanted to rip them away from you and hurt them so they never looked at either of us again without remembering that beating. I’ve never felt so angry and so afraid at the same time before.”

I pressed kisses to his hair.

“Here’s hoping that this will be an end to the bad dreams. You stood up to them – that’s huge. You definitely punched one of them.”

He winced.

“My hand’s gonna hurt tomorrow.” Tilting his head to look up at me, he frowned. “Emmett said he heard you scream and that made him come running. Were you screaming for help, or…?”

I let out a noisy breath, remembering.

“No. He was hurting me. The threat of what he planned to do… I didn’t know whether I would’ve submit if he’d had a condom. It would’ve been easier and less traumatic to go through with it and escape in one piece. But without a condom, I knew I couldn’t let him do that. He almost won, though. I wasn’t thinking like a hustler, see. I wasn’t in control. I was thinking like any other person would when being threatened. I was afraid. No lube, no prep, no condom… when he pushed his fingers in, all I felt was shock and pain.”

Edward’s traumatised face shattered my heart. I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, rubbing little circles on his back with my thumb.

“Sweetheart, I’m okay. All checked out. It wouldn’t surprise me if Emmett doesn’t find some excuse to hand out rape alarms to all staff in the next couple of days. He was amazing tonight. He was only still there because he went back to the office after our talk. If he’d gone home at the same time as Elise, this could’ve been so much worse. I guess in one way at least I was lucky tonight.”

Edward frowned, his body coiling tighter against perceived threat.

“I think an alarm is a good idea. If Emmett doesn’t hand them out I think you should still get one. Will he tell the others you were attacked? I mean, we didn’t talk to the police so hopefully, no one will know.”

I thought about that.

“He promised that no one would know about my past, so I’m guessing if he had to he’d tell them I was mugged. The bruises on my throat will be hard to explain away. Guess I’ll find out when I go back. So glad I wasn’t seen by Elise or one of the others. They saw me serving him in the store and misread my body language. A couple of them thought he was my dealer.” I snorted out a wry laugh. “Better than the alternative, I guess.”

“But that’s horrible. Don’t they like you? I can’t imagine anyone not liking you.” He yawned, his words starting to slow now that the adrenalin had burned itself out.

I smiled in the dark, stroking his hair. “You’re biased, sweetheart.”

“Maybe. But I love you and I get to marry you someday.”

“Yes, you do. And I love you too.”

There was a long pause, but then he spoke.

“Jas, what if this happens again and Emmett’s not around? Our luck’s running pretty thin and I'm scared. Could we offer to pay Emmett to run you home on late days? Then you wouldn’t have to hang around on your own waiting for the bus.” He sighed. “I don’t want it to look like you’re sucking up to the boss or anything, but I want you safe.”

He snuffled, hovering on the cusp of sleep.

My fingers twitched along the mattress until I found his beanie, adjusting it until it reached the tips of his ears.

“Maybe. We’ll see. Get some sleep now.”

Exhausted, I fought sleep, afraid of the dark for the first time in my memory.

It wasn’t until I felt Edward’s breathing even out that I too surrendered.

~o.O.o~


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note to say that I am not a counsellor, nor have I spoken to one, professionally or otherwise.   
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
>  ~o.O.o~

**Chapter 15**

**Jasper’s POV**

Lying awake in the darkness, I wished I could conjure a light to chase away the shadows. I wasn’t entirely sure if they were in the room with me or squatting in the darkest corners of my bleary mind.

My throat ached. Sliding out of bed, I braved the dark and filled a glass with water, swallowing it in painful gulps before skittering back to the safety of the bed and a peaceful, sleeping Edward. I slid under the blankets, seeking his warmth and proximity. I buried my face in his chest, feeling him shift in sleep, an arm sliding over to enfold me. I closed my eyes and tried to forget.

~o.O.o~

Light slunk, apologetic and frail, through the window, adding to the malaise that gripped me tightly. I lifted my head, hearing Edward snuffle, his eyes cracking open. He smiled and my world brightened.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded, relieved that night was over. I needed his company more than I ever had before. Morning’s arrival had chased away my fear, but I felt the danger that lurked in every dark corner out of reach of the sun’s cleansing rays.

“Are you lying?” He raised his eyebrows, not buying it for a moment.

I huffed in defeat.

“All this time, all those bad dreams, yet you never once asked to sleep with the light on. Not once.” I shook my head. “My mind was in overdrive all night, thinking I saw shadows. I’m not used to feeling so jumpy. So… freaked.” I half laughed, the sound hollow.

His arms reached for me, pulling me into his chest so he could cradle me close, my head nestled under his chin. He tugged off my beanie, freeing my curls.

“I didn’t need a nightlight once I had you. You keep me safe from the monsters.” He flexed his fingers. “Well, almost.”

“How’s your hand?”

“Aches a bit.”

I took his hand and kissed his knuckles, lacing my fingers with his. “They’re bruised. You probably dented the wall.”

I could feel his smile against my hair. “Don’t tell the landlord.”

I grinned.

“He doesn’t even know about you, so I don’t plan on mentioning the wall. It’s so dark in here that he wouldn’t notice anyway, not without walking right up to it. Besides, if we put a frame around it, we could call it art.”

He laughed and I followed suit until my stomach muscles screamed, killing the moment. Edward’s arms cradled me to him, his heat seeping into my aching body. I felt safe and protected, his hand stroking my back.

“Relax. It’s time for me to return the favour and keep you safe now.”

I felt his lips press against the top of my head.

_Return the favour?_ He’d nursed me tirelessly for weeks. I could’ve died without him _._

My hand burrowed up under his shirt, needing to feel his skin, to make that visceral contact. He felt like home and holding him skin to skin grounded me.

“I should make breakfast, get you a drink to take your meds.” He sounded breathless and distracted, his fingers playing with my hair. I snuggled closer still.

“Not yet. Stay here with me?” I tried not to sound needy but, truth was, my body felt more relaxed than it had all night long. He didn’t argue, simply tugging the blankets around us to keep out the draught. I drifted into a dreamless sleep, feeling the reassurance of his thudding heart.

I slept for a couple of hours, feeling guilty when I woke for holding Edward hostage when he probably needed the bathroom. Seeing his smile, feeling the gentle caress of his fingers across the back of my neck, I felt mentally stronger. I shifted myself away from him and he slid across the mattress to scuttle out to the bathroom. I wrapped myself in the warm blanket and got up to fill the kettle before realising I couldn’t lift it without the risk of dropping it on the floor. Edward returned and gave me a chastising look, filling it for me.

“Bathroom then back to bed for you. You won’t heal if you overexert yourself. Emmett told you to rest so do as you’re told. Okay?” He tried to sound stern, but he just sounded worried.

My mouth quirked in a half-smile and I turned towards the icebox, the blanket flapping around my shoulders.

When I returned, Edward had made coffee and cereal. He looked at the bed and I took the hint. I climbed back into the warm sheets and took the bowl of cereal he held, eating a couple of mouthfuls before he handed me my pills and coffee, holding the bowl for me. When I was done, he grabbed my book from the floor and joined me back in the one place we were safe.

I lay back against him and listened while he read to me.

For that one day, no one could hurt us.  

~o.O.o~

Edward left for his shift at the market, and I tried to get comfortable on my own. Arranging pillows meant twisting around, something that I regretted in an instant. Taking slow breaths to control the pain, I bunched up the covers and pulled them up to my chin. Tomorrow was lunch day at the kitchen and I wondered if I should go. It was fortunate that so far my shifts were on the same days each week and hadn’t impacted on our weekly meals. It would be rough if I had to miss one now because of this. We weren’t in the clear financially, not by a long stretch; every cent mattered. I just had a feeling that Esme would see straight through me, what with how slow and careful I was being when I moved, the marks on my neck and my husky voice. She would know that something was wrong and I didn’t want to worry her.

_I should go, keep my scarf on and act normal_. _Eat and keep my strength up._

Edward would deflect any questions with his beautiful smile. Talking about what happened to me would only make it harder for him to keep his own ordeal from her. He had nervous tells when he tried to hide something and I didn’t know if Esme had worked them out. I wasn’t going to risk that.

Mind made up, my fingers slid along the blanket until they found my book. I found myself hearing Edward’s voice while I read. I liked that.

~o.O.o~

Emmett was satisfied I was in good enough shape to return to work. I’d missed two shifts that week and, having had the weekend tacked on, I was feeling stronger. 

My stomach was improving and so long as I didn’t try and lift anything heavy, I could hide it from onlookers. The fingertip bruises on my throat stood out, livid against the stark canvas of my skin. There was going to be no way of hiding them without my scarf.

I looked around to find Edward rummaging through our clean clothes.

“Try this green shirt, Jas. It comes up a little higher at the neck. Your hair will hide a bit too. Perhaps they’ll think they’re hickeys?” He tilted his head, a shy smile curving his cheeks.

I loved his endless optimism.

As it turned out, it took all of five minutes for my hopes to be dashed. Hanging up my jacket, I heard Ashleigh’s sharp inhale. When I looked at her, she blushed.

“Sorry, Jasper. I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just… no, I don’t want to know. It’s none of my business. Sorry.” She turned away, then back again, anxious. “Emmett said he changed your shifts - you’re only to have mornings. Is everything okay? He doesn’t usually do that. We swap the occasional shift if need be, but…”

Elise walked in and threw her a sharp look.

“Let’s not hold Jasper up, Ashleigh. He doesn’t want to be late.”

When it was just the two of us, she paused before speaking, a steel edge to her voice.

“I understand there was an incident of some kind outside after closing. Emmett has informed me he’s switching your shifts to mornings only for a while so as not to cause you additional stress. While I sympathise, this is most unconventional and some staff may not be happy about the extra afternoons they’ve been allocated. I trust these changes will be short term?”

I swallowed hard and nodded, seeing her glance at my throat, her lips thinning a fraction.

“Yes, Elise. Thank you.”

_Oh boy._ It was going to be a long shift.

I avoided eye contact and small talk with everyone that morning, thankful I wasn’t on the register. I kept moving, minimising lifting by transferring stock item by item, rail to rail. It was slow, but I worked without stopping, refusing to allow anyone to accuse me of slacking off.

By the time my shift was over I ached so bad I just wanted to wrap my arms around myself and rock. I made my way to the empty break room and checking no one else was coming, I allowed myself a moment of weakness, leaning against the wall, the last of my reserves ebbing away. Pushing myself back to my feet, I reached a tentative hand for my coat, wincing with the effort it took to shrug it on. My sleeve snagged a plastic display stand on the counter which collapsed with a loud clatter, leaflets skidding across the Formica surface. With a groan, I gathered them into a heap, glancing at the top one.

I stilled.

It gave details of a free walk-in counselling centre, not too far from here.

_Thanks, Emmett._

Looking over my shoulder, I folded the leaflet, stowing it in my pocket before heading home.

~o.O.o~

“What do you think? Should we go?”

Edward was silent, reading the leaflet. He looked up when he was done, his shaky voice betraying his anxiety.

“Would I have to go in on my own? I don’t know if I can talk to a stranger.”

“I’ll be there if it’s allowed. We’ll see how we feel about it when we get there. I think it might be good for us, but if we don’t like the counsellor we’ll leave.”

His throat bobbed. “Promise?” He looked to me for reassurance, and I nodded.

“I swear. You feel uncomfortable - we walk. I think it’d do us good to get some help, you know? Free ourselves from the demons of our pasts.” My fingers twisted, my own anxiety leaking out. “But, Edward…” I shook my head. “Edward, you don’t have to. You know that, right? You don’t have to. Me… I think I need to. I never thought something could make me feel so helpless, so afraid. I thought I was strong. So stupid.”

My head drooped, tiredness from the day engulfing me. I felt Edward’s arms slide around me and, exhausted, I let myself fall into them, succumbing to the sleep my body craved.

~o.O.o~

We walked together to the appointment, both nervous and unsure. We had discussed it at length, wondering if talking to a professional could help us with our traumas. We had been completely honest with each other, and I hoped that Edward could consign his nightmares to the past after ‘defending’ me in his sleep.

The counsellor was a serious-faced woman, and I worried that Edward would clam up in the face of her stark demeanour. Her voice, however, was soft. She wanted to talk to us individually first and then as a couple. We agreed and Edward went first, looking back at me as the door closed. I fidgeted, both with impatience and trepidation, wondering how he was faring, fighting every protective urge I had to not barge in there to be with him.

The clock ticked. I studied my hands, the carpet, the ficus in the corner of the waiting room. I could feel the receptionist’s eyes watching my every move although when I glanced over she was focused on her computer screen, her fingers tapping at the keyboard. I poured a cup of water from the cooler and sipped it for something to do.

When the door finally reopened, Edward appeared, very pale and a little shaky, but holding his head up. I met his eyes and mouthed ‘Okay?’

He nodded, silent. Then it was my turn. With leaden feet, I made my way to the chair and sat, feeling exposed and horribly vulnerable.

The counsellor asked her questions and I answered honestly. She focused heavily on my relationship with Edward, asking if I believed I had some control over Edward, that he was emotionally reliant on me. I told her how he had supported me when I was sick, how he had found work to pay the rent when I couldn’t. I choked back tears when she asked if I felt I was holding Edward back, stopping him from becoming more than he was. All I could honestly say was that he was free to leave if that was what he wanted to do. His life was his own.

What I didn’t say was that it would shatter my heart.

She took notes when I talked, leaving quiet pauses that I struggled not to fill. The fact that we were engaged to be married at such a young age seemed to flag that we were perhaps too heavily invested in each other for our happiness and security, which could be seen as unhealthy. I tried to understand her probing line of questioning, knowing it was for my own good, to help winkle out the very things that haunted me, but towards the end of the session I was feeling more than a little sick and I wondered if she had taken this tack with Edward.

For my part, I explained how I escaped being molested after essentially being kidnapped by a group of men in a motel room. I needed to get it out of my head having never been able to tell a soul until Edward. I was vague about the fact I was a hustler, explaining only that I had been homeless and broke and grown men took advantage of my desperation. I couldn’t deny in my own mind that in the beginning, it felt like I was being paid so men could abuse me. It took longer for me to take control and do those things on my terms. Same result, but with a stronger, more resilient mindset.

Lastly, I told her about being attacked only a few days prior, and how helpless that had made me feel, how I was struggling to sleep, fearful of being alone in the dark. She asked me if I felt I deserved to be attacked, that I had courted it in some way. Did I now feel ‘equal’ to Edward by having also undergone something so traumatic? I knew my face must’ve registered shock and anger at that. I held myself in check and told her that what Edward had suffered was so much worse, that I had gotten away lightly in comparison. My ordeal would leave no scars, no permanent damage other than sleepless nights, whereas he could suffer psychological wounds for the rest of his life.

She watched me for a long moment, writing more in her notebook before nodding in apparent satisfaction.

With that, she walked to the door and called Edward back into the room.

I saw his pinched face relax a fraction when our eyes met, taking the seat next to me and unashamedly taking my hand, squeezing it. It seemed to me that Edward grew stronger and more confident with my hand in his. It transpired that there were things Edward hadn’t been comfortable talking about alone, and so the counsellor asked him again once we were seated together.

He surprised me with a confession that seemed so obvious once I heard it that I couldn’t understand why it hadn’t occurred to me before. After all, I’d known he was innocent before the attack. He told her that the thought of touching himself felt wrong, that he liked it to be something he only did with me. I knew admitting it was difficult because, looking down, I saw the white of his knuckles, his empty hand fisted under the desk. What with the guilt that had been heaped upon him around sex in his upbringing and then the resulting trauma of the rape, he didn’t feel sexual urges when alone. His mind and body simply didn’t understand that such a thing was possible, commonplace.

Every word was uttered in a low voice, his eyes closed, a fight between his conscience and his rational mind. I was so proud of him for finding the words, for letting light in on such a dark, cloistered part of himself. In time I hoped he would learn to accept himself just as he was because he was enough.

~o.O.o~

That night, Edward got frustrated with himself.

“Why can’t I just do it? Why can’t I just let it all go and just have sex like a normal person? I’m just so…so… _damaged_ , and I hate it. I really, really hate being like this.” He slammed his fists onto the mattress, then wiped his eyes with an angry motion. “I can’t live my life being broken. I can’t expect you to always fix me. I want us to move forward, to have a proper adult relationship. You deserve a partner who isn’t afraid.”

He turned to face me.

“If I asked you right now to have sex with me, would you do it?”

I was horrified but tried to hide it.

“No, I wouldn’t.” He recoiled, stung by rejection, my words hurting him more than I ever meant to.

“You don’t want me.”

My head reeled.

“Sweetheart, no, that’s not it. That’s really not it.” My fingers locked in my hair. “Sex can be so incredibly intimate with the right person. It isn’t something you just get out of the way. It could hurt you physically and mentally if you weren’t ready, and I can’t do that. I can’t hurt you, not after everything that’s happened to both of us. Please don’t ask me to.”

“But you do want to? Some day? You do… _want_ me?”

_Oh, Edward, you know I do._

“Very much. If and when that day comes, it will be because we both feel ready. Not before.”

“But _you’re_ ready? Now?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I am. Making love is so different to the meaningless sex I’m used to. I know the mechanics, but I’ll need to get my head around it every bit as much as you when the time comes. But I do know that we’ll be equal partners. It’ll be a proper first time for both of us with a loving partner and that’s how it should be.”

“You’re scared too?” His voice was so small and he was too far away from me.

“Really scared. We’ve still got a way to go, but we’ve come a long way already.”

He shuffled closer, back into the comfort of my arms.

“I want…I want you to see me…I mean, next time we…” He squeezed his eyes shut, a sure sign he was struggling.

I sucked in a breath. This was a big step for him. My fingers drifted down his jawline.

“If you’re ready to show me. And if you’re not, that’s okay too. There’s no rules and no time limits.”

His fingers played with my shirt, his face flushed with embarrassment.

“I want to be ready. I want to be able to touch you and not feel like it’s shameful.”

My fingers toyed with his hair, knowing that the motion soothed him. I felt low.

“Those people who brought you up really would’ve hated me, wouldn’t they? I would’ve been the enemy to them. The dirty boy who sold his body to men.”

His wet eyes were luminous.

“Then they would’ve been wrong. They have no idea what it’s like to be desperate. They close their eyes to people eating out of dumpsters and trash cans because they want to. I swear they think it's some weird personal choice.”

I held him tighter. His voice wobbled like a child’s, lost and frightened.

“When I left, they just wished me luck and closed the door, leaving me standing there with a few dollars in my pocket and a change of clothes in a bag. There was another kid in my bed that night. I remember walking around, looking for any ‘help wanted’ signs. I thought I’d find something quickly so I could rent a room. I didn’t though. My money didn’t last long and then everything went downhill really fast.”

I just held him, letting him purge. The session today had shaken a lot of memories loose for both of us.

“When I met you, I’d been on my own for about five months. I don’t remember the exact date when I left. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. People ignored me because I was dirty, so I started to hide away during the main part of the day. That way I didn’t have to see the looks on their faces or the way they avoided me. I remember I hadn’t spoken to anyone for some time when I met you. It felt weird to hear my voice again. I’d forgotten that until today.”

I smiled.

“I remember. Your voice was almost rusty. I could hardly get two words out of you. I understand it though. Self-preservation is a powerful force and rightly so.”

He went quiet and I just waited. Then he spoke, tentative and unsure.

“Did the counsellor ask you about your work?”

I sighed. “She did. I tried not to outright say it. I told her about when I was younger, and the guys at the motel. Whether she thought I was just a naïve kid, I don’t know. She was concerned about us though.”

His head whipped round to look at me, pulling away.

“Why? What’s wrong with us?”

He looked bewildered and I despised myself for causing him pain.

“She thought that our histories made us co-dependent. That our relationship might be emotionally destructive. She was concerned that by being with me you were supporting my dangerous lifestyle despite the emotional detriment to you. I have to admit that, when she said that, the thought of me having been a negative influence on you made me feel horrible.”

Edward’s face dropped, his trembling fingers plucking at the blanket.

“What do you mean? She thinks we hurt each other? That we shouldn’t be together?” His voice cracked. He wouldn’t look at me and in that moment I needed him to. “Is it wrong that I love you?”

My eyes burned. _How could loving him ever be wrong?_

“She suggested that maybe you became attached to me because you saw me as your rescuer, or possibly that we cling to each other because we’re no good alone, that we can’t function apart. I know in my heart that neither is true. We each lived alone through the worst part of our lives. We made each other better.” I shook my head. “No. We _make_ each other better. We encourage and support each other. I rescued you, but you rescued me in return, from a hopeless, loveless life with no future.”

I struggled over what I needed to say, the words hurting my throat. “I want you to know that I’d never hold you back in any way. I don’t own you. I’d let you go if I thought that was what you wanted.”

His head shot up, brow furrowed in a shocking flash of anger.

“Let me go?”

I caught my breath in surprise, desperate to make him understand.

“If you ever wanted me too, yeah. You have to know that I’d never try and make you stay if you wanted out. I love you too much.”

He slumped, his fire doused in a second. I leant in, my voice low. Cupping his face, I felt the heat of his flushed cheek against my hand. I relaxed when he didn’t pull away.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. She said that after having met both of us that she could see that wasn’t the case. We have our own lives, our own independence. I explained how you took charge of the bills and the groceries while I couldn’t. How we were a team. I told her the reason you worked so hard was because I couldn’t work when I was sick, but now I was working a new job.” I half smiled. “She asked if we’d be working together. I said no – we’d be a bus ride apart at least. That seemed to be the right answer. She didn’t mention it again anyway.”

He met my gaze, but I saw anxiety and confusion clouding his face.

“I don’t understand how anyone could think that caring for you was unhealthy. That’s what partners _do,_ isn’t it? Look after one another? In sickness and in health?”

“Ideally, yeah. I guess our shared histories of abuse raised a red flag initially, but the fact that we strive to better ourselves, to support each other to make our lives better seemed to satisfy her.” I paused. “She asked me about our sex life. I know you didn’t want to talk about that. What _did_ she ask you?”

His fingers twisted the blanket into fierce knots, his face reddening, embarrassed and awkward.

“I didn’t want to talk about it without you. I just told her that we were taking things really slow. Is that why she asked? To see if you were… were forcing yourself on me? If maybe you were using what happened to me as…as… some sort of leverage to get me to agree?”

My stomach lurched at the thought. I’d throw myself under the ‘L’ before I ever put pressure on him. If when it came down to it he never wanted to experience full intimacy with me then I would accept it without question. He’d earned that right.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” I reached out and he shuffled across the bed into my embrace. “But what I _do_ know is that I want to be with you for a long time and I won’t do anything that jeopardises that. No coercion. No agenda. Not ever.”

He snuggled into my arms, getting as close as he could. Tilting his head, he touched his lips to mine in a kiss that made my heart skip.

“I love you, Jasper. No one can ever take that away from me.”

“Let ‘em try.” I kissed him back in a grand, defiant gesture, basking in his happy smile.

After today, we were most assuredly on the same page and stronger than ever.

~o.O.o~


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

**~o.O.o~**

**Chapter 16**

**Jasper’s POV**

It seemed to me that life got a little brighter after our first session with the counsellor.

Edward still didn’t want to go alone, choosing only to go with me. He talked a little more, sharing what he felt comfortable with, and together we began to forgive ourselves for what we had endured. It could be said that the events of our pasts were stepping stones, bringing us together. However, we preferred to think that we met _despite_ the circumstances, rather than because of them.

My injuries were healing and I had managed to downplay them at work, relieved that the yellowing bruises on my neck were fading more and more each day. In the meantime, a warm scarf hid them in polite company. Despite Emmett’s concern, I asked for my regular shifts back once I felt strong enough to cope. I wanted to move forward, to carry on as before and not take advantage of a situation that I could not and would not discuss with Elise.

Emmett agreed although I sensed the reluctance behind it. After the incident, he had wasted no time in getting outside lights fitted to the building, and I felt a little safer leaving after dark. However, it was no lie to say that I didn’t linger, hastening my way between the buildings until I was standing on the well-lit street in full view of passers-by.

Late one afternoon I was hanging clothes in the menswear section, ensuring everything was in size order. My hand reached out to the rail for the next item and grasped an item that a quick glance proved to be a padded winter jacket. I took a closer look and saw it was in good condition, clean, and an attractive shade of sea green. I took it off the rack and slipped out to the break room. Once inside, I shrugged it on and fastened it up, seeing it was a little long for me but perfect for Edward. It felt much the same as my own, warm and with a high zipped collar, much lighter to wear than his own coat and well insulated for a Chicagoan winter.

Decision made, I hung it with my own jacket, only realising when I was back at the rails that I hadn’t even glanced at the price tag.

It was meant for Edward and there was no way he wasn’t going to have it.

~o.O.o~

Walking home with a bulky bag should’ve slowed me down. Instead, I was fuelled by the thought of Edward in a smart, well-fitting coat that wouldn’t single him out straight away as poor. We were beginning to understand that a first impression was important and we wanted to be a part of the world after so long sidelined to the shadows.

Edward’s eyes widened when he saw the carrier bag, knowing it was something from the store. I lacked any kind of poker face, a beam spreading from ear to ear. I held it out to him, watching him delve inside, the bag fluttering to the floor once his hands were full of fabric. His excited fingers fumbled before they managed to fasten the zipper, patting down the warm fabric, exploring the pockets and adjusting the collar.

Then he pounced on me, face shining with happiness, pulling me into a tight hug and thanking me over and over.

His smile was all the thanks I ever needed.

~o.O.o~

The first time he showed himself to me his face was the colour of the setting sun, overwhelmed with embarrassment, tight yet determined. To try to ease the situation I was also naked under the covers, giving him the opportunity to look and touch if he chose to.

It was _always_ his choice.

We had been kissing, bodies pressed together, lost in the fog of desire that engulfed us. Now that his initial terror had been overcome he was growing in confidence, initiating the kisses that burned through me like flash lightning. I was his, letting him lead wherever he wanted to go. Lips trailed down my throat, my head thrown back against the pillow before my breath was stolen with another searing kiss that excited my body and obliterated all semblance of reality beyond his tender touch.

When he pulled away, I knew this was it.

His confidence guttered, hands gripping the covers so tight that the blood left his knuckles. I smoothed my fingers over his hands and waited until with a deep breath he found the strength to lower the covers just enough to expose his body to my gaze. Despite my desire, I wasn’t prepared because aroused, he was a vision. My hand had held him under cover of darkness, had pleasured and caressed him, but to see him revealed was to see a fine painting.

I looked up and saw his crumpled face turned away. He was afraid of being reprimanded, of being a dirty, wicked child. All I wanted in that moment was to kiss him and reassure him that he was so beautiful, so perfect to me.

I touched his jaw and he turned his head. I needed him present, not lost in shame. His eyes were tight, fear dulling the light within.

“Sweetheart, you’re more beautiful than I ever imagined.” He pressed his lips together until they were white, struggling to hold his nerve. “If you want to look at me, you can. You don’t have to.”

His breathing caught, clearly torn between shame and curiosity. Unable to find his voice, he gave me the tiniest nod. I lowered the covers, exposing my erection, feeling his eyes on me, seeing another boy aroused for the very first time. Our bodies were similar in length, Edward a little thicker in girth perhaps. One thing was clear: our bodies were very happy to see each other, my own throbbing at the feel of his gaze.

I didn’t ask him to touch me. He would do that when he felt confident enough to take that step. Right now, all I wanted to do was give him all the pleasure he deserved.

I pulled the covers back over us, cloaking our desire once again. Edward was tense, his eyebrows tight knit. I hated that he felt that way.

“Sweetheart, would you like me to make you feel good?”

He nodded, more than a hint of desperation in his face. His dry throat clicked. I took a breath.

“Now that I’ve seen how stunning you look, is it okay if I go under the covers? There’s something I’d like to show you.”

He looked a little confused but didn’t say no. I wriggled down the bed, holding up the covers just enough so I could see his face. When his erection was in front of my face, I pressed my lips to the shaft before running my tongue in a wet stripe up the length of him to the swollen tip. His breathing was already irregular, and I had no doubt his heart was racing. I explored his shape with my tongue before taking the tip between my lips, hearing a stuttering whine leave Edward’s mouth. My tongue danced and fluttered, my hand gripping his shaft while I sucked him, keeping him wet, my hand pumping in conjunction with my mouth’s movements.

His hips were weaving and bucking, and I stole a glance up at him. He was lost in sensation, his brow creased, mouth open, whimpers of pleasure filling the air. I sank down, opening my throat to him, feeling his back arch with the unfamiliar sensation. His gaze locked with mine and in that moment he came hard, filling my mouth and throat, a desperate wail torn from his chest. I swallowed, cleaning him with my tongue, letting his body twitch and settle back into slumber.

Sleepy eyes watched me climb up the bed. I didn’t kiss him, unsure of how he would react.

“If it’s okay, I need to come too.” I felt a little shy admitting it, despite my body’s obvious excitement.

He nodded, but before I could take myself in hand, he pushed down the covers and reached for me, tentative but decided. His breath caught, the sound loud in the sudden silence, his fingers twitching. I held my breath when I felt his virgin touch, so inexperienced and gentle on my heated flesh. My body shuddered, chest hitching, watching and feeling his questing fingers trace the shape and length of me. I could see his disbelief at the boldness of his own actions.

Watching Edward come undone while I tasted him had been more than I could stand, and little stimulation was needed to me to reach my peak. He wrapped his fingers around me and pumped his fist a few times, emulating how I had pleasured him. With a cry of joy I came, excited beyond belief at the sight of his fingers on my flesh.

After cleaning up I got comfortable again, my body sated. Edward lay watching me, a questioning expression on his face. He swallowed.

“What you did… is that what you did with _them_? The… others?”

I shook my head.

“No. It really isn’t. What I did with… _for…_ them was give them what they wanted. They called the shots. I just got it done.”

“But-”

“No, sweetheart, no ‘but’. There was no feeling, no emotional connection, just revulsion most of the time. I blocked it out, kept it locked away in my head.”

There was still something troubling him. I tried again.

“Sex for money was a means to an end. Mechanical. It’s not like that with you.” I took his hand and laced our fingers. “With you, I didn’t want it to end.”

There was a pause. I knew to be patient. He looked at me, the light of hope shining in his eyes.

“So, it’s better? With me?”

I relaxed, understanding his worries at last.

“There’s no comparison. Have you been worrying about this? Thinking I’m judging you?”

He reddened but shook his head.

“Not really. I guess I just needed to be sure, you know? I mean, you didn’t kiss me after and my head said it was because it reminded you of business…” His brow scrunched.

I leaned in and touched my lips to his, hearing his reassuring inhale before he kissed me back.

“I didn’t kiss you because I didn’t want to freak you out. I worried you might find it disgusting after what I’d just done.”

Relief flooded his face and he huffed in amusement.

“I always want to kiss you, Jas.”

I grinned.

“That’s good to know.”

We snuggled together and I tucked the blankets around us. Edward slipped into sleep, his cheek resting against my upper arm, his arm thrown loosely across my body. I smiled. He made me feel fiercely protective, and I liked it, that feeling of pride that he was mine and I was his.

I marvelled at this beautiful boy who surprised me every single day. My fingers stroked his hair, loving that his tense, furrowed brow was now smooth and unblemished in peaceful slumber.

~o.O.o~

Our lives carried on with no discernible changes, good or otherwise.

We ate at the kitchen each week, always together and always happy to see Esme’s smiling face in welcome. Edward met up with her at the market when he was free, enjoying the chance to catch up and also play ball with Rosie who was always ecstatic to see her friend.

My strength returned and I was once again the capable employee I had been before. I served customers on the register without flinching, making easy chit chat while I kept the queue moving. I did my best to blend in, to stay off of Elise’s radar.

I was finishing up my only weekly morning shift when Emmett came onto the shop floor looking for me.

“Hey, Jasper. Come and see me before you leave? I just want a quick word.”

The old me would’ve feared the worst, expecting the world to come crashing down around me, but I knew I hadn’t done anything to warrant a complaint. I was always on time and never slacked off. In fact, there was even the rare occasion I got to cover a spare shift, welcoming the extra income.

Knocking on the office door, I heard a ‘Come in’ and let myself in. Emmett lounged back in his desk chair, a half finished mug of coffee in front of him, his computer keyboard pushed off to the side. The usual heap of paperwork sat in a haphazard pile in his to-do tray.

“Hey, Jasper. Take a seat.”

I sat down.

‘I’ve been reviewing the rosters as we have a couple of staff leaving us shortly. The upshot of this is that there will be extra shifts available on a permanent basis. How would you feel about that?”

I gaped for a moment before nodding, desperate to not miss out.

“That would be amazing, Emmett. Just tell me when.”

Emmett grinned. “I thought you’d be pleased. Not everyone wants to change their current arrangements – they fit around childcare and other commitments – but I reckoned that you and Edward could use the extra to make life easier.”

_He’s such a good guy._

“You’re not wrong. Thank you so much! Working here, it gives me a real sense of purpose, you know? So, does this mean I’ll be here every day?”

He showed me my revised shift pattern and I saw that I’d have five shifts per week rather than three. The really great news being that the new shifts were all mornings, meaning three out of the five would be in daylight all through the year. I was to start in a week’s time.

_Edward will be so happy._

Emmett wasn’t done.

“I remember you saying you didn’t know anything about computers. There’s a beginner’s course starting soon at the Learning Annexe down the street. If you’d be interested, I could sign you up. The company will pay as part of your development. It fits with your shifts, one afternoon a week. How about it?”

I stammered and stuttered before finding my tongue.

“That‘d be so good! Can I really learn about the internet and stuff? Wow!”

He chuckled, the sound deep and reassuring.

“Yup – the internet and stuff is all waiting for you! I’ll let you know when the first session is. I’m proud of you, Jasper. You work hard and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Now get yourself off home. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

All the way home I had a smile that wouldn’t quit.

~o.O.o~

Between us, we worked out that my extra shifts meant that I could now cover the rent entirely with a little left to spare, leaving Edward’s earnings for food and essentials. Although we didn’t fully understand things like Federal Taxes, we were able to see the difference an extra ten hours per week were going to make.

It meant that we wouldn’t need to panic if Edward didn’t make any tips at the market, or when Happy Tails didn’t need him for a shift during the holidays.

It meant that with the ongoing help of the community kitchen there’d be no more skipping meals and filling up on water. We’d still be able to eat fresh food even on bad days. I would make Edward take a little money with him each day in case he lost his lunch again.

It meant more trips to the cosy laundromat and less wet clothes hanging around for days, refusing to dry without the heater and adding to the damp, frigid air in our cheerless little room.

It meant less worry, which could only be a good thing.

Edward was so proud of me when I told him that I thought he’d burst. He made us a feast from our canned goods with fresh potato and veggies and together we ate, sharing smiles. For dessert, we had a sweet confection I’d gotten at work. There’d been a birthday and Emmett had ordered in a box of fancy frosted cupcakes. The bag was a little squashed from the trip in my pocket, but the contents were still delicious and we scraped the frosting from the paper with our fingers, feeding it to each other.

Things got rather heated and for once we ignored the dishes and went straight to bed to celebrate some more.

~o.O.o~

The weather worsened. February was making its presence felt with cantankerous winds that cut straight through the body rather than going around.

Work was going well, the new shifts filling my days and sparing me endless empty, barren hours at home without Edward. 

My first computer lesson was both terrifying and exhilarating. Most of the class were older than me, seniors looking to connect with their grandchildren living far away, whereas I was learning how to type, write letters, create basic spreadsheets for our finances, and surf the net. The internet was by far my favourite part, discovering the enormity of the online world and its potential to make our lives better.

I soon learned it also brought disillusionment.

Becoming more confident with using a keyboard, I found myself using the free time at the end of each session to search through apartment rental sites. I hoped to find us a nicer place to rent, or at least potential places to investigate. The prices shocked me. We had naively believed we earned enough to rent somewhere with a couple of rooms and a bathroom, but the reality was we were already in the only place we could afford - a damp, draughty, unheated single room.

Trapped like rats in a storm drain.

At least it had a roof and a lock on the door.

Small mercies.

~o.O.o~

It was hard to sleep with the wind howling, rain slamming into the window like the hands of crazed fans beating on a decoy limo.

Edward was deeply asleep, barely visible with his beanie down over his ears, blankets pulled up to his nose. I was glad he was getting some rest – he’d worked damn hard that week. Tomorrow was Sunday, meaning we both had the day at home. Any sleep lost could be recouped when the wind died down.

The weather raged on and I admitted defeat. I slid out of bed, careful not to wake Edward, and poured a glass of water. The draught from under the door cut me off at the ankles, and I tried to imagine rugs under my socked feet, thick carpets that enveloped my toes and cradled them in warmth. Shivering, I pulled my blanket tighter around my shoulders. Swallowing the last of my water, I made a necessary trip to the bathroom and then back to the only source of heat in the room.

Crawling back under the covers, I heard Edward mumble in his sleep, his body gravitating towards mine. I welcomed his body heat and sank into the embrace to try and find the sleep that eluded me.

The wind direction had changed. Twigs battered the window, the nightmarish sound of claws tapping in the darkness to come in. I couldn’t see anything, but I could imagine them flailing in the gale, unfettered by gravity.

The roar of the wind increased and my body curled tight, my head almost under the covers to muffle the incessant sound.

Then the world all went to hell.

There was an ear splitting crash and the wind howled through the smashed window. I could hear the creaky flailing of a broken branch trapped partway through the splintered wooden frame. Rain blasted in, soaking the covers while I shrank beneath them.

Edward woke with a start, believing us to be under attack. Bolt upright and in the grip of a waking nightmare, he tried to escape, getting tangled in the bedcovers in his panic. It all happened so fast. Helpless, I watched him overbalance, his feet caught. Reaching for him, I saw him try to save himself too late, falling back, his head hitting the bed frame with a dull crack before I could do anything to stop it.

He tumbled off the bed onto the hard floor.

He was too still.

My lungs were frozen, adrenalin screaming through my oxygen-starved body.

Then I broke free, gasping for air, scrambling down to the floor by his side in a second. I needed him to look at me, to give me some sign he was okay.

Nothing.

Gripping, wrenching terror clawed at my heart, my mind numb with shock.

And then.

“ _Edward!_ Talk to me! Edward, please… _please_ … come on!”

My hand found his hair, wet in the darkness, cradling his head in my lap while my mind unfroze and began to panic in earnest. Trying to corral my fear into a quiet corner of my terrified brain, I lay Edward’s head down on a towel, wiped the blood off my hands and reached for the phone, tears scalding my cheeks.

~o.O.o~

Ten minutes felt like five hours until there was a welcome knock at the door.

“It’s open!”

By the dim light of our one lightbulb, I saw Esme hurry over to where we were huddled on the floor. To my surprise and immense relief, she was not alone. Dr Cullen closed the door and hastened to where Edward lay, his head in my lap. He hadn’t awoken. The room was so very cold, the bitter wind and rain blowing in, that I had pulled the covers from the bed and covered us both on the floor, having shaken off the worst of the glass shards.

Dr Cullen knelt and examined him. With Edward still unconscious, he rang for an ambulance, insistent he be checked out properly as a precaution. He explained to me that scalp injuries bled a lot and looked worse than they often were, but that stitches might well be needed.

While we waited for them to arrive, Dr Cullen ran to his car and brought in a tarp and tools.  Marshalling me into action while Esme sat with Edward, he wasted no time in nailing the tarp to the window frame, holding back the worst of the weather. Once it was in place, Esme suggested I move everything away from the window and pack up all of mine and Edward’s clothes and essentials into a bag. After moving the bed across the room with Dr Cullen’s help, the loud scraping almost obscured by the sound of the storm, I reached beneath the mattress and gathered the money stored there, zipping it into my coat pockets. Everything else I put up on the far end of the shelf to keep dry and just hoped it was all there when we came back.

Esme watched me, her fear for Edward plain to see.

“I’m not leaving you here. You boys are coming to stay with me until this place is all fixed up. We can ring your landlord in the morning, sweetheart. We’ll get this sorted out, don’t you worry.”

It was an offer I couldn’t refuse. I’d sleep in a ditch if it meant he was safe.

All I could see was my whole world lying motionless on the floor.

~o.O.o~

Edward regained consciousness before the ambulance arrived. Although groggy, he knew his name, what day it was, and who was President. Dr Cullen still wanted him to go to the hospital, and when Edward refused, I reminded him how he felt when it was me with the injury. Dizzy with pain, he agreed, allowing himself to be helped into the ambulance that was to take him and Dr Cullen to the hospital. Esme wasted no time in grabbing the car keys and the two of us followed them to the ER in the doctor’s car.

Once again I felt the fear grip me when I was surrounded by the noise, the bright lights, and the pandemonium every time an ambulance crew wheeled in a new patient. Only this time it was my boy surrounded by doctors, leaving me in the waiting area to stew and panic. Esme grasped my wrists.

“He’s in good hands, Jasper. Carlisle will be with him the whole time. He’s a good man.”

I looked at her caring face and saw the trust she held in Dr Cullen. If she believed in him then so would I. After all, he’d never let Edward or me down before, not that she knew about that.

An hour crawled by, people screaming and crying all around me. Esme kept hold of me, keeping me from running through the building to find him, to be with him.

_He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay._

I stared at our clasped hands, mine within Esme’s. I gave a watery snuffle.

“We’re getting married. Did he tell you that? We don’t know when it’ll be, or even if it’ll still be possible by the time we can afford it, but we are. Getting married. We really are. Somehow.”

I felt my eyes burn, my words starting to wobble.

“He’s so much stronger than me. So much braver. I love him so much. I just wanted to protect him and I failed. He got hurt because I couldn’t find us a better place to live, somewhere safe…”

Then the tears took hold and I sobbed, feeling Esme’s arms pull me in, holding me tight, keeping me safe while my fragile world bobbed like a cork in a hurricane, unable to find safe ground.

“Stop that talk right now. You didn’t do this. You couldn’t have prevented it. The window breaking was bad luck and we’ll get it fixed. Edward’s in the best place and he’s awake so that’s half the battle won straight away. He won’t blame you, you know that. He loves you, you silly goose.”

I was so tired now that the adrenalin had burned itself out. Esme was still hugging me when Dr Cullen reappeared, a tired smile on his handsome face. Esme nudged me and I sat up.

“He’s okay, Jasper. No serious damage done. I don’t need to tell you that he’s been very lucky. He’s got stitches and a monster of a headache, but he’s going to be just fine.”

In that moment I wanted to fling myself at him in gratitude.

“Thank you, Doctor. Thank you a thousand times over for coming tonight. Both of you.” I squeezed Esme’s hand. “Can we see him now?” I saw Esme smile at the ‘we’.

My boy looked pale and tired, dark circles under his eyes and drying blood in his hair despite the nurses’ attentions. Dr Cullen showed me the stitches and explained how to bathe them until they needed to come out.

Esme promised to bring him back to the hospital straight away if his pain worsened or he passed out again before heading off to fill the prescription for painkillers at the pharmacy. Edward and I were still dazed, ripped from sleep into a world of chaos and pain. We stood holding each other up in the cubicle, both swaying a little, wondering how it was possible for our tiny world to shrink even further.

All I could think about was how long until the window was repaired? Would our furniture be okay? The mattress was old, but a new one was unthinkable, the funds simply not there. How long before it dried out enough for us to return home? Would the landlord acknowledge how much work needed to be done to the place or would he just replace the glass and ignore the rest? If it flooded, would it even be habitable afterwards, with the damp that was already there?

That room had been my home for two years, and Edward’s for half that. This was all we had. Losing it was a huge step backwards, and finding another place that was both affordable _and_ would take two young men as tenants was going to be very hard. Certainly, the landlord might well throw us out when he heard that there had been two of us living there under his nose – especially two men. He’d certainly increase the rent, and likely offer no improvement to our living conditions.

Esme planned to call Tanya and let her know that Edward couldn’t come to work for a couple of days at least. I could notify the market and perhaps cover his shift for him to ensure he didn’t lose his regular work there.

We climbed into the back of Dr Cullen’s car and I held Edward to me for the ride to the sanctuary that was Esme’s house.

It was as I remembered. Rosie met us at the door, Esme leading her away lest her happy, bouncy greeting knocked Edward over in his disoriented state. He protested, and so while Esme made up the spare room, she let Rosie in to see us and say hello while Edward rested on the sofa. Rosie whined when he didn’t get up to hug her, seeming to sense something wasn’t right, and before I knew what was happening she jumped onto the sofa to lay with him, her tail thumping when he stroked her side with a whispered hello.

Esme came in to see what was going on. She stopped in the doorway, glancing at me.

“I’d scold her, but she loves him and can tell something’s wrong.”

Rosie was whimpering, looking at Edward. Esme tilted her head.

“I think she’s telling him she’s worried.”

The corner of my mouth quirked.

“She’s not alone there.”

She and I exchanged tired smiles before she turned away to finish making up our room. Carlisle appeared from the kitchen with a bowl of water and a washcloth and cleaned the blood from Edward’s stitches and his hair. He then handed him some pills to take, fetching him a glass of water. Esme appeared when he was done.

“All ready for you. Oh, and don’t worry about getting blood on the pillow. I’ve put some old covers on there.  Just get some rest, the pair of you. Sleep as long as you need. I’ll call Tanya in the morning.”

So tired now, I stumbled forward and hugged her, feeling her press a kiss to my temple.

“Thank you.” The words weren’t enough. I turned. “And thank you so much, Doctor. I was so scared back there.”

He smiled. “You’re welcome, Jasper. Now get some sleep, both of you. Doctor’s orders.”

I helped Edward to his feet, leaving behind a concerned Rosie, and together we staggered to our warm room. I helped him undress before I shrugged out of my own clothes and sank down onto the comfy mattress, beneath the fluffy duvet.

After our traumatic night, sleep was swift to claim us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For readers of All I Want to Hear, I can reassure you that it has not been abandoned. I am working through some issues that will allow me to post an update very soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> ~o.O.o~

 

**Chapter 17**

**Jasper’s POV**

My dreams were dark, filthy, clawed hands that snatched at the air above my face, jagged-nailed and menacing.

I fought my way to the surface, towards the light and safety that consciousness offered, my mind twisting and contorting in an effort to break free.

With a hard gasp, my eyes snapped open, trying to make sense of where I was and why. Feeling Edward mumble in protest, I relaxed back onto the mattress, recognising the room around me in the early morning light. Squinting at my watch, I saw I’d been asleep barely two hours. I focused on the feel of Edward’s arm across my body and the sound of his breathing, the warmth and comfort they afforded me, and my eyes drifted closed with neither force nor intention.

~o.O.o~

I could smell coffee.

I stretched, the muscles in my legs tight from the curled position I’d adopted in sleep. Gazing down at Edward, I looked him over as only a lover could, examining every inch I could see for bruising or injury. It wasn’t that I doubted the doctors’ work, I just needed to feel sure that nothing had been missed. To my untrained eye he looked just as he had when we got home from the hospital – pale but with no obvious bumps or swelling. There was a small amount of dried blood on the pillow, but nothing fresh. I relaxed then. He was still deeply asleep which was probably for the best after his trauma.

Sliding my legs out from under the duvet, I fished out my sweatpants from one of our bags along with the blue sweater, dressing in haste to get to the bathroom.

I did the necessary, deciding to shower once Edward was awake in case he needed help. Padding in socked feet to the kitchen, I squinted in the bright morning light, seeing Esme perched on the sofa sipping her coffee, Rosie by her feet. She smiled when she saw me, setting down her mug.

“Morning, sweetheart. Coffee’s on. Come and grab some and we’ll talk breakfast.”

I followed her, obedient as Rosie, still somewhat shell-shocked by our abrupt change in circumstances. This wasn’t like Christmas; we wouldn’t be going home today. Standing in Esme’s cosy kitchen I felt helpless, wondering what came next in the ever decreasing circle of our simple lives. She handed me a mug of fragrant coffee and I took a sip.

“Now, I don’t have a great deal in until I go shopping today, but I could run to some eggs and bacon with toast? How does that sound? Or maybe pancakes?”

I took a mouthful of hot coffee. She waited while I struggled to answer.

“I uhh… I don’t know if I should. At least not until Edward is awake. I mean, it doesn’t feel right…”

She put her hands on my shoulders in a reassuring squeeze.

“I think you should eat, sweetheart. Shock does nasty things to a body. Let’s get some fuel into you. Edward will have his when he wakes if he feels up to it. He may well sleep for a while yet. Carlisle said to say he will be round later to check him over to put your mind at rest. He’s got you all figured out, I’d say.”

I felt the blood heat my cheeks. At that moment I really needed a mom to tell me everything would be okay. Little wonder that Edward adored Esme, she had supported him when he needed someone to lean on. I swallowed, willing my voice not to wobble and give me away.

“Bacon sounds really good, thank you.”

She sent me off to sit and drink my coffee while she cooked, humming to herself. I reached down and scratched Rosie’s ears, watching her eyes close, tail thumping on the carpet. Setting my empty mug down on the small table, I slipped through to the bedroom to check on Edward. Seeing him sleeping peacefully, I leaned against the doorpost for a moment to just take stock.

We were alive.

We were warm.

We were with friends.

We were safe.

~o.O.o~

I savoured every bite of bacon, chasing the last tiny spot of grease around my lips with my tongue. Esme had also made pancakes, ‘on the off chance I might fancy them’, she said. I discovered the delights of maple syrup melting in warm rivulets onto the plate beneath to be mopped up with a fresh forkful of succulent, fluffy goodness.

I couldn’t wait for Edward to try them too.

Esme looked pleased to see my empty plate, allowing me to wash my own dishes as the smallest of thank yous for the wonderful meal. I headed back to the bedroom, intending to lie down with Edward, but when I crept back into the room my eyes met his and I felt relief flood my body.

“Hey.” His sleep-roughened voice warmed my heart. I crossed the room and knelt on the bed.

“How’s your head this morning?”

“It hurts.” His eyes were dull above dark shadows. He didn’t lift his head - the simple action of turning it a fraction caused a grimace of pain to tighten his eyes. I lay down next to him and cupped his chin, leaning in to brush a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Esme said that Dr Cullen is coming over soon to have a look at you. We’ll get you some more painkillers then. Can I get you some water? It might help a bit with the headache.”

“Please.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

I padded back to the kitchen to half fill a glass of water. Esme saw me.

“Edward’s awake?”

I nodded and she brightened.

“Yeah, but his head’s hurting. Do you know when Dr Cullen’s coming over?”

She stiffened, already reaching for her phone.

“I’ll call him now. Don’t worry.”

I took the water through to the bedroom, walking round to sit by Edward. Sliding my arm around and under him, I supported his head and shoulders while he sipped a little water.

“Thank you.” His raspy voice betrayed his need for more fluids and I encouraged him to take a little more until he had almost emptied the glass. I lowered him back to the pillow, nudging his nose with mine before brushing a kiss to his dry lips.

“You taste sweet.” A small smile broke through the clouds of pain. I grinned.

“Esme made pancakes with syrup. Can’t lie, they were amazing. I can’t wait for you to try some too. Maybe after the doctor has given you some more pain meds, if you’re hungry?”

“Maybe. I think I want to stay here for a bit though.” Exhaustion veiled his beautiful face, his eyes dulled by pain. I kissed him again, staying by his side until he drifted into sleep once more.

I carried the glass out to the kitchen and rinsed it, not knowing what else to do. I had no work today – Esme had called Emmett for me this morning while we slept, also calling Tanya on Edward’s behalf, explaining about the accident. Walking over to the phone, I called Emmett at the store, wanting to speak to him myself and let him know that we were okay. He was relieved and more than a little shocked at what had happened when I filled him in on our domestic emergency. I thanked the fates that I had such a good man for a boss. We agreed that I take a couple of personal days to be with Edward, and I thanked him before hanging up.

Looking around the comfortable room, devoid of life, I was at a loss. At home, I would lay down, read, drink coffee and nap until Edward came home. Here I had a television and a radio at my disposal but I couldn’t bring myself to relax and enjoy them. It simply didn’t feel right.

The answer was simple. With Esme out walking Rosie, I headed to the bedroom to lie down with my boy where I belonged.

I didn’t sleep. Instead, I just lay there with Edward’s warm body against mine, thinking. I needed to speak to the landlord as a matter of urgency. It had to be face to face and it had to be today before our room was rendered completely uninhabitable. I had no idea if the tarp had held during the storm and the idea of our few possessions wrecked by the rain filled me with fear for our future. It would be a massive step backwards to have to start over, scratching together what money we could to replace the few decent items we had. I was just glad I had packed all of our clothes, boots and bottles – our essentials were safe at least.

My mind whirred with questions, but few answers were forthcoming. I knew Esme would not see us out on the street, but in truth, we weren’t her responsibility. Her kind heart meant she wanted to help and we were forever indebted to her for so much already. I had to do something, anything, but in that moment I felt ineffectual and helpless. I hated it. There had been a time when my pride was all I had and, despite everything, it was still a driving force in my life. I wanted to provide for us. I knew we were equals in every way, we had proved that to each other, but the urge to preserve Edward’s precious innocence, the way he looked at the world, hell, the way he looked at _me_ , was overwhelming. I never wanted him to become jaded, to watch his inner light dim when it should always shine bright as a star. In that respect, I wanted to remain his protector for the rest of our days.

He made me a better man.

Part of me knew the feeling was mutual.

I heard the front door open and close, the clatter of Rosie’s claws loud on the kitchen floor when she made her way to her water bowl. Two voices were in quiet conversation and there was a gentle tapping on the bedroom door.

“Jasper? Can I come in?”

I lifted my head, calling out in a low voice.

“Come in, Esme. I’m just watching him sleep.”

The door opened and Esme and Dr Cullen stepped into the room. I pushed myself upright, running my hands through my hair, thankful I had stayed fully clothed.

“Hello, Doctor.” I nodded.

He smiled. “How’s the patient? Esme mentioned he still has a rather nasty headache?”

“Yeah. He’s in pain still. He’s had some water but that’s all.”

Dr Cullen walked around the bed.

“I’m going to need him awake, Jasper. I don’t want to startle him so could you...?”

I nodded again in understanding. I leaned over Edward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, feeling him shift.

“Wake up, love.” I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand. He mumbled, beginning to stir. “Wake up. The doctor’s here.”

Dr Cullen spoke then.

“Hello, Edward. Can you open your eyes for me?”

Edward groaned, his face crumpling when his eyes peeled open.

“Hello, Doctor.” The words were tinder-dry in the quiet room.

“I’m going to check you over and then we’ll see to that headache, okay? Jasper will get you some more water when we’re done. You need to keep hydrated. Once the painkillers start to work I want you to eat some breakfast. It’s important for your recovery.”

He examined Edward’s head, checked his eyes and took his temperature. Satisfied that Edward hadn’t been sick and was able to answer his questions, he wrote out a prescription for painkillers and handed it to Esme along with a box of pills.

“Generic is fine. The prescription shows how many and how often to take them.”

I clambered off the bed and went to the kitchen to refill a glass of water. When I returned I helped him lean forward and encouraged him to drink while Esme popped two of the pills from the blister pack and handed them to Edward. He swallowed them with a gulp of water, wincing at the pain in his head. I lowered him back down to the bed.

“You’ll feel more comfortable soon, Edward. You’re in good hands with Jasper and Esme.” Dr Cullen turned to Esme, his voice low. “You’ll call me if he isn’t feeling any better in a few hours?”

She nodded, looking over at Edward with a fond smile. Dr Cullen clicked his bag closed.

“You’re going to be just fine, Edward. Lots of rest, fluids and good food, understand?”

Edward gave him a small, grateful smile. I stood.

“I’ll walk out with you. Back in a moment, my love.”

I followed Esme and Dr Cullen out to the lounge room.

“I need to talk to our landlord today. I hate to ask, but could either of you drive me back home? I want to make sure our things are okay too.” I looked from one to the other and felt Esme’s hand rest on my back.

“No need to worry, Jasper. I’ll take you this morning and we’ll bring back anything that’s undamaged for safekeeping at the same time.” She turned to Dr Cullen. “Thank you, Carlisle. I’ll see you soon.” Her hand rested on his wrist and I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. I saw Dr Cullen return her smile and I ducked my face, answering his farewell with a nod.

Hurrying back to Edward, I found him trying to sit up.

“Careful, careful. Bathroom?” He nodded and I supported him while he stood, swaying a little until he found his balance. Once he had taken care of the urgent issue I asked him if he wanted to take a shower. He looked unbearably vulnerable, his eyes full of pain. I sat him down on the toilet lid while I switched on the water, shucking my clothes before helping him up into the warm spray. He leaned against the tile, his head away from the water while I bathed him, squeezing soapy water across his neck and shoulders, letting it run down his body. I did my best to wash away the fear and the memory of the night before, finally cradling him to me whilst I cleansed and soothed him, body and soul, under the hot water. His trust in me was absolute; true intimacy had developed between us back when I was sick. In the simple, selfless act of caring for one another, an unshakable trust had been forged.

I needed to kiss him and he knew it, lifting his head to meet my lips. For a moment, standing under the water in Edward’s arms, I felt nothing but peace.

~o.O.o~

Despite not wanting to leave him, I got dressed and met Esme at the door, leaving Edward in bed with Rosie sitting by his side, eager to be close to her friend. If she jumped onto the bed after we left and slept alongside him to provide warmth and security, we certainly wouldn’t scold her for it.

The short drive back home was tense. I didn’t know what to expect when we arrived. I couldn’t have brought Edward even if he was fit and well; I was supposedly living there alone and so it had to be me that did this. When the car pulled up at the kerb I looked up at our window and saw the blue of the tarpaulin. Nothing had been done so far.

The first thing we did was go upstairs to face the landlord. Either he didn’t know about the window or he was ignoring it until someone else paid for it. I’d lived there long enough to know how he operated. I was wary of having Esme with me; she was elegant and refined – everything he wasn’t. I felt bad for tarnishing her in such a way.

I pointed to his door and stepped forward to knock twice. It was rare I had to face him – our usual interaction involved money under the door in an envelope marked with our room number. My heart was thumping, painful and heavy in my chest. Our future depended on the outcome of this meeting and I didn’t want to fuck it up. I heard a noise behind the door and saw movement behind the peephole. Keys rattled in the lock and a bolt was pulled back. The door scraped open to reveal him, dressed in a too-tight brown suit, an inch of frayed collar poking out under his thin hair. His glasses had lenses cloudy with finger marks.

He noticed Esme and his eyes slid all over her. I half expected to see his tongue flicker like a lascivious lizard. He made my skin crawl.

“What do you want?”

“It’s about the storm last night. A tree came through my window. The place is a mess. My friend here took me in for the night, but I wanted to ask when it will be fixed so I can come back?” Being polite almost choked me but I was determined to remain civil.

“Broken? I didn’t hear anything. I’m a light sleeper and I heard no noise that sounded like breaking glass.”

Can you come and check it out, please? I nailed a tarp over it last night but there was heavy rain and everything is wet.”

_And it sure as hell isn’t going to dry out anytime soon without heating._

He looked put out, like we had spoiled an otherwise lovely day, but waved his hand towards the staircase and we headed back down. I unlocked the door, unsure of what we would find.

It was dark and I crossed my fingers and reached for the light switch. No electric shock. That was good. The dim bulb showed the wet wall and floor, the shards of broken glass, and the nailed tarp, rustling in the wind, the edges snapping against the window frame. At least it had held. It was bone-achingly cold.

“Hmmm. Hmmm. Well, I suppose I can call a glazier, although it costs more for an emergency callout. It’s all rather inconvenient. I suppose I can get it repaired in the next couple of days and then you can move back.”

I gaped at him. “Once the glass is replaced it’s going to take time to dry everything out. I can’t sleep here – it’s not habitable like this. My mattress is soaked. Can you provide heaters to get the place dry?”

“Well, they’re very expensive to run as I’m sure you understand, Mr Whitlock.”

“Are you expecting me to pay? For a room I can’t live in?”

“It seems reasonable to me that the cost is shared between the tenant and the landlord.” He ogled Esme, not even trying to hide it, and I fought down my nausea and panic. “Besides, Mr Whitlock, I imagine you would like to be back here as soon as possible. You wouldn’t want to lose regular customers by staying away now, would you? It’ll be harder to pay the rent if you’re not working. Sacrifices must be made on both sides.”

I felt the world tilt and take me with it.

 _He just said that in front of Esme. He just told her that I’m a-_ was- _a prostitute._

I hadn’t known he knew about that but, then again, how else would a boy with no skills make rent if not by selling himself?

Humiliated beyond belief, I couldn’t look at her, didn’t want to see the look in her eyes. I didn’t know what she knew, only that Edward and I had been so careful never to say what I did. Not outright, at least. The sleaze was still talking, this time to Esme.

“I’m not concerned with how my tenants make their money you understand, so long as they pay their rent on time and don’t bring their work home. I try to keep this place respectable.”

His tone oozed fake charm and insincerity. Esme didn’t turn a hair.

“How your tenants make their living is none of your business. Jasper pays his rent on time and does his best to keep the room clean and sanitary which is more than I can say for you!”

She pulled herself up to her full height and stared him down. She was just getting started.

“The room has mould on all the walls from the damp. He is breathing in spores which will seriously affect his health. He recently had a life-threatening health issue due to the cold and the damp, but of course you wouldn’t know about that, nor care by all accounts. The room is always clammy and cold because he only has that two bar electric fire which doesn’t warm the room – it barely heats more than a couple of feet in front of it. It doesn’t even begin to negate the damp. It would take industrial heaters in here to dry this place out.”

He rubbed his hands together. The sound was dry and repellent. His voice took on a wheedling tone.

“Well, I could make improvements… paint the walls… put in more heaters. It would be reflected in the rent because of the extra electricity of course. I can’t be expected to shoulder all the cost.”

“Increase the rent?  What about insurance? Surely repairs are covered? This place needs treating for damp and mould before he can come back here. To charge rent for a room in this state is an abomination.”

He shook his head, pushing up his glasses and puffing out his chest like an affronted pigeon.

“The damage would be classed as an act of God and not covered by the insurance which means I would have to pay. Ergo this is passed on to the tenant. Standard practice.”

“It most certainly is not!”

I felt sick. Paying more money for this place was obscene and yet it was our home. It was all we had that was ours.

“I suggest you take some responsibility for the conditions your tenants live in. It can’t just be this room that’s in this disgusting state. Now, as you brought it up, what about the rent he’s already paid you for this week? I’m guessing your tenants pay in advance?”

“Well, I can carry that forward to when he comes back. We can then discuss the increase…”

Esme jumped in before he could lay it on any thicker. Her voice was clipped and brooked no nonsense.

“He gets his money back. Today. He can pay in advance again when he returns, but until then you repay him. This room cannot be rented out in this condition and I will not permit you to make money from another’s misfortune. I would appreciate it if you would fetch it, please. We'll wait here and pack up his belongings.  He can store them at my house while the repairs are carried out.”

The man was slipperier than a greased pig, determined to not part with his money. He tried to argue, resorting to curses and hand-waving for daring to tell him how to run his establishment. My ears burned with anger. How dare he curse at that lovely lady? She had likely heard much worse in her time helping the homeless, some of whom were never grateful, and she did it all without turning a hair. It was evident that this man posed no challenge to her. I was in awe.

When he scurried out of the room we grabbed the opportunity to recover our electrical goods, mercifully dry thanks to being hidden in the dresser drawers out of sight. I collected our towels, spare sheet, and the few kitchen items we owned, wrapping them up safely. I shook out the bedding to remove any last bits of glass and folded the damp blankets and sheets. I would see if there was a laundromat close to Esme’s where we could get them laundered and dried for storing. That was it – everything we owned had been gathered up and the room was bare, save for the furniture. That had come with the room. The tarp was still up at the window and I made a point of saying that it would be returned to Carlisle as soon as I could retrieve it. Esme brushed it off, saying it wasn’t important and easily replaced. I still intended to return it though. It was on loan.

Looking around the small, dark room, my eyes lingered on the blood stain on the floor, reliving the horror of seeing Edward lying there. Dragging my eyes away, I quickly scanned every inch of the small space, really seeing it for the first time in a long while, empty with no evidence of us being there. Esme was right – it was squalid. A part of me never wanted to return here in the same way that Edward never wanted to see the alley again. Yet the fact remained that this room afforded us shelter and safety – well, it had up until last night anyway. It was the only real home either of us had known for so long.

This room had seen hardship, fear, sickness, and yet… we had fallen in love in this room, made love together, and promised ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives.

The sound of his angry footsteps approached and I tensed for a confrontation. An envelope was screwed up in his hand and I could see our room number on it. It was torn open, no doubt to check I hadn’t swindled him out of his dues. Holding my head high, I held out my hand.

“Thank you, sir. I’ll check in with you next week to see when I can come back.”

He sneered and in that moment I wondered if someone else would be in our room before the day was out. We had no official paperwork, and with all our belongings gone he could do what he liked. And I knew there was always someone desperate enough.

_He’d have to answer to Esme, though._

I had to hope that there was a shred of decency in him somewhere for a trouble-free tenant that had never missed a rent payment. With obvious reluctance, he handed over the envelope and, despite wanting to just leave, I knew I had to check it first.

“I assure you it’s all there, Mr Whitlock.”

It was. Relief flooded through me. I nodded.

“Thank you, sir.”

He huffed and turned, nothing more to add.

Esme had packed all our dried and canned food into the old cardboard box we used as a larder. It was a bit damp, but she carried it with a hand underneath for structural support. I glanced around one last time for any hidden or misplaced items that might have rolled onto the floor and I double checked for any money or loose change under the mattress. There was nothing and, satisfied, I carried our meagre belongings out to Esme’s car noticing that they took up very little space in the trunk. I wondered if she thought I was being weird, bringing a couple of plates and mugs, even the chipped cup from the bath, but everything had a purpose for us. Nothing was superfluous. Our sparkly Christmas card was tucked in too because it made Edward happy and that was good enough reason for me.

Everything would be cleaned and stored beneath the bed in our temporary room until we returned.

Whenever that might be.

~.o.O.o~

Back at Esme’s warm home, I carried everything into the kitchen to sort and wash. I packed our crockery and cutlery into the box along with the food. Our damp linens I intended to hang up in our room to dry until I could get them laundered properly. I was carrying them through the lounge room when Esme found me.

“What _are_ you doing, Jasper?”

I looked up in surprise.

“It’s warm in our room so I thought I could get these dry until I find the nearest laundromat to clean them properly. Is that okay?”

I worried that I had offended her by suggesting hanging blankets in her spare room. She shook her head and smiled, beckoning me to follow her. She led the way to a small room off the kitchen and pointed to a machine.

“Why wait when you can wash them now?”

“I-” I didn’t know what to say. She opened the machine door and held out her hands for the damp linen. I watched her set the dial and open a drawer. Then I remembered. I scooted back through to the kitchen and collected our washing liquid and softener from the box, handing them to Esme. With a look of surprise, she took them and showed me where to put each type in the drawer.

The machine didn’t start automatically – she pressed a button on the front and the door clicked and locked. Then I heard the water.

“Thank you. That’s so kind of you. How do I dry them?”

“Here.” A smaller machine sat nearby and she opened the door to show me a miniature version of the laundromat dryers. I was amazed.

“I hand wash our clothes. We use the laundromat for towels and blankets mainly.”

She stood up and ushered me back into the kitchen.

“There’ll be no need to do any of that while you’re staying here. I think you could both use a break before life goes back to normal. A few days’ rest will work wonders. Now, I’ll show you what setting to use for your clothes, you just tell me when you have washing to do. Okay?”

I nodded, but deep down I fretted. I couldn’t allow myself to get used to this, to being cared for, because it would make the inevitable transition back to reality too stark. The differences in lifestyle would forever taunt me and deep down, I wasn’t sure how I would cope with that.

~o.O.o~


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wonderful reviews and comments on this. Each one means a huge amount to me.  
> Just so you know, their journey isn’t done just yet. There’s more to come before I mark this as Complete.  
> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> ~o.O.o~

**Chapter 18**

**Jasper’s POV**

Walking out of the kitchen, leaving behind the humming of the washer, I padded towards our new room, feeling burdened and not understanding it. Pressure built in my head until I thought it would burst before my vision abruptly blurred and hot tears trickled down my cheeks. Frustrated with myself, I rubbed them away with the heels of my hands, but more fell until I had to slip into our room and close the door in case Esme saw me and thought me an ungrateful creature.

How would I ever explain? What words could I offer in exchange for her overwhelming kindness?

“Jasper? What’s wrong? Tell me, please.”

Edward’s worried voice made the tears fall faster, and I knelt on the bed and crawled to him. His arms enfolded me and I sobbed into his chest, feeling his hands stroking my hair and rubbing my shoulders while tears of frustration and despair soaked into the linen. When my sobs eased to snuffles in the safety of his arms, I felt him press kisses into my hair.

“Talk to me. What’s happened? Was it when you went to get our stuff? Was it all ruined?”

Pushing myself up onto my elbow, I scrubbed at my face, seeing the love and worry in his eyes. I shook my head.

“I’m sorry. Today’s been a lot to take in. It all felt so wrong without you.” I sniffed hard, shuffling into a more comfortable position where I could look at him. “I got all our things. The mattress is soaked, though. I hope it dries out okay. I can’t imagine how we’d get a new one.”

“And?” His head tilted toward me, encouraging me to talk.

“And I saw the place. I mean, _really_ saw it, without any of our own home comforts. Just the room.” I shook my head, wanting to disbelieve it even now. “It’s a mess. Really bad. Everywhere’s wet, although Dr Cullen’s tarp held, but it’s so cold and-and-” My fingers tightened into a claw in utter frustration, “it’s horrendous. How didn’t we see it? The black mould? The damp? I knew we had water stains on the walls, but somehow I just didn’t really see it.” I scraped my hand through my hair.

Edward’s hands were warm and comforting through my shirt.

“We only have the one light bulb and we don’t get a lot of natural light anyway, not with the trees. A lot of the time we probably thought it was shadows.” He was being sweet, trying to assuage my guilt.

“I should’ve noticed though. I feel responsible for us living in that…squalor.”

“Hey, stop that. That’s our home you’re talking about. What did the landlord say? Does he know about me? Are we in trouble now?”

I swallowed hard, seeing his pale, worried frown.

“It’s okay, I don’t think he knows about you, no. I’m sure he would’ve said if he did. Ok, well, Esme took me in the car so I could bring back our things. I didn’t want her to come in because I knew he’d be gross, but you know Esme…”

Edward chuckled. “She won’t be thwarted. Not when she gets an idea in her head. So what happened?”

“I hoped he’d have noticed the tarp, or at least heard the crash, but of course he said he hadn’t. I showed him the damage and that was when Esme intervened.”

“She didn’t?” Edward’s eyes were wide.

“Oh – she did. She ripped into him for the state of the room and told him to get heaters in to dry it out before we moved back.”

“No way! Is he going to do it?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. He said it would up the rent and-”

Edward jerked in shock

“More rent? But we’ll be back to where we were before if he…”

I touched my fingertips to his lips.

“I don’t know what he’ll do, but Esme gave him a piece of her mind when he suggested it. You’d have been so impressed – I barely got a word in. She was amazing. And you know the best thing?”

“What?” His eyes widened a fraction.

“She got us this week’s rent back.”

“You’re kidding! He really paid up?” His mouth was open. I knew how he felt – I was still pinching myself.

“Yup. All of it. We can put it aside until we work out what to do. We need to agree on rent with Esme though. She’s feeding us and…and…”

Edward looked worried. “What?”

“She’s doing our laundry.” My face fell. “I was going to dry our blankets in here and then take them to a laundromat later, but she has a machine and told me to use it whenever we needed to.” I shook my head. “I feel so useless. So _helpless_. We can’t go home and I can’t look after us. I hate that I’m just taking with nothing to give.”

Edward pushed himself up, trying to ignore the pain in his head, but I didn’t miss the wince. He pulled me into him and held me tight. I fought back fresh tears that burned behind my lids.

“So that’s what the tears were about. You feel guilty. I wish I knew why you punish yourself for things you can’t control. You’re not helpless, Jas. You’re so far from helpless. I know it’s hard to let someone step in and take control away from you, from _us_ , but don’t see it as a bad thing. Not here. No one wants to control us or tell us what to do.” He swallowed. “When I’m better and our room’s ready, we’ll go home. Maybe he’ll fix the place up now that Esme’s embarrassed him. It could happen, right?”

I wanted to agree, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility, but it was on the farthest reaches. If the place got cleaned up and the mould treated, he’d make us – well, me – pay for sure. If he priced us out of the room, what then? I was terrified of what would happen to us. We didn’t get good things happen without a kicker. Everything was always overshadowed by worry. A good day could never be taken for granted.

“What if it doesn’t? What if we don’t even have a room anymore?”

He looked confused. I shook my head.

“I mean that he could let someone else have it and there’d be nothing we could do. Me causing a fuss might’ve lost us our home. I’m so stupid.”

He grasped my hands, ducking his head to look at me.

“You. Are. Not. Stupid. The window had to be reported. We couldn’t fix it. And it’s not wrong to want to live someplace clean. Just because we lived on the streets before doesn’t mean we shouldn’t want a better life. We deserve it. We work hard for it. We pay rent on time and we’ve never caused him a minute’s thought.”

A hollow laugh escaped my tight throat.

“He told Esme I was a hustler. He straight up said that my customers would go elsewhere if I wasn’t there. If she didn’t know before, she knows now. He’s scum. And Esme said the mould had made me sick, made my breathing bad. I hadn’t thought of that, but he didn’t care, Edward. If he’d known what happened to you I truly believe he wouldn’t have cared about that either. He didn’t give a shit about any of it. He made out we were lucky to have him as a landlord.”

My mind was reeling, feeling everything spiral out of control. Sensing my growing panic, he grounded me with a kiss and a much-needed hug.

“I care. You how much I love you. You’re my superhero.”

I hiccupped.

“Some superhero.”

“Letting someone help you isn’t weak, Jas. You let me help you when you were sick. Now we both need help and Esme wouldn’t have offered if she didn’t want to. She knows we’re independent.”

I mumbled, my face in his neck. “I know. And I’m so glad you get to recuperate somewhere warm and safe, with a doctor on call if we need him. I guess I just don’t know how to deal with it - it’s like I can’t trust it? Does that make sense? I don’t remember having a mom figure in my life and I don’t know how to feel. I’m scared to get used to it. Scared of finding something wonderful and losing it.”

He pulled back and looked at me for a long second before kissing me again, gentle and slow. My panicked breathing had eased a fraction by the time the kiss broke. His lips brushed against my forehead.

“You’re not alone. I feel like that too. No mom or sisters, just the housemother at the home. No comparison.”

I shook my head, seeing the pain in his tired eyes. I felt intense guilt for adding to it with my own worries.

He smiled, a welcome light in my self-imposed darkness.

“I don’t worry about it though. You know why? Because I don’t believe that we’ll lose Esme from our lives, I truly don’t. I think she’s so special to take two young guys from the wrong side of the tracks into her life and her home. She trusts us and we have to believe that we’re worthy of that trust.”

My eyes clenched shut for a moment, wanting so much to see this as he did, to feel how he felt. I felt so low, my head thumping from the cathartic release of emotion.

“Don’t you ever feel that we take one step forward only to have everything come crashing down on us? How many more knocks can we take? It’s like something wants us to know our place in life.”

He looked so sad then.

“I can’t bear you feeling like this, Jas. Everything changed the day we met and you took me in. The world can throw what it wants at us because we’re meant to be, no matter what tries to separate us.” He smiled, bashful.

I gazed at him, seeing nothing but him and the love I felt when he was close.

“Best day ever. I found my soulmate and looking after you gave me something to fight for. I knew that day that I wanted everything for you, to keep you safe, to make you happy. Always.”

A tinge of pink stained his cheeks at my declaration.

“Now we look after each other. And we accept the help offered when we need it. Agreed? It’s not all on your shoulders, my love.” His palm cupped my face and my burning eyes fluttered closed when his thumb traced my eyebrow in a soothing motion. His words were soft, bending me to their will.

“Get into bed. Lay with me for a while. Then I’m going to take Esme up on her offer of some food. Hopefully, I can manage a little.”

Kicking off my jeans and shucking my sweater, I climbed under the duvet and held him in my arms, letting his unconditional love soothe my jangled mind. His fingers traced my face, drawing circles on my scalp until my eyes drifted closed and we fell asleep in a soporific haze of love and devotion.

We slept for over an hour. When I woke my head was throbbing and I knew I needed a drink of water but didn’t want to move. Edward’s breathing was even and calm, sleeping off his pain. Sliding out of bed, I dressed and headed to the kitchen for water and Edward’s painkillers. He was due for more and I suspected he would need them when he woke again.

Esme was out with Rosie and I felt bad that I hadn’t offered to take her out for her evening walk. I would apologise when she returned. Thinking ahead, I reached for the coffee and switched on the kettle while I filled two glasses with cold water. Taking a sip, I felt my body relax at the feeling of cool water filling my throat. I finished the glass and refilled it, carrying the other to the bedroom. Edward would need to eat and drink something when he woke again; he’d not had anything at all since supper almost twenty-four hours before. I set the glass down and crept back out of the room, leaving him to sleep a while longer.

I sat down at the kitchen table to drink my water, hearing Esme talking to Rosie outside. When she came in I saw her warm smile, tempered with concern. I realised I must look wrecked after my meltdown earlier. She pulled out a chair and sat next to me, waiting for me to speak. When I didn’t, staring into my water, she put a hand on my wrist.

“He’s going to be fine, sweetheart. Carlisle thinks he’ll be feeling much better in a day or so. Try not to worry. I know you will though. The two of you are so alike and there’s nowhere else he’d rather be than with you. He’s told me so. No matter what, his heart is glued to yours. It’s a mystery to me why bad things happen to good people, but I know you’ll both get past this whole unpleasant interlude and move forward.”

 _How did she know the right things to say?_ I swallowed the lump in my throat, my voice cracking.

“Thank you, Esme. You’ve no idea who much that means to hear you say that.”

Sadness was evident behind her smile. I looked up for a moment, trying to hide my reddened eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take Rosie out for you. I was with Edward. His head’s still hurting so he’s stayed in bed like Dr Cullen said. If it’s not too much trouble, could I-you make him a little supper? He needs to eat and I know he’s feeling a little hungrier now.”

She brightened.

“I’d love to make you both something. Let’s see what we have. Come on, help me find just the right thing to tempt his appetite.”

I helped her prepare cheesy potato and corn fritters with scallions and bacon. They smelled so good that my stomach growled, making her laugh. I just knew Edward would go crazy when he got a taste. He adored his food.

When they were ready, I went to help Edward get up and dressed so he could join us at the table. We’d just eat in bed at home, but this wasn’t our home and it wasn’t polite to treat Esme’s like a hotel. He was awake, groggy but feeling strong enough to walk through to the kitchen, wincing at the bright light. Esme noticed and closed the curtains for his comfort before setting our meals down in front of us, a fresh glass of water and two painkillers alongside Edward’s place setting.

I watched him eat, seeing enthusiasm bloom when his appetite took hold. The flavours were wonderful, something I hadn’t tried before but knew I would when we were home again. Despite my own enjoyment, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, just sending silent thanks to the universe that he was on the mend. In a couple of days, I would be back at work and I hated the idea of leaving him if he was still having dizzy spells and nausea. I contemplated asking Emmett for more time off but decided to wait and see.

He scraped his plate clean and took his pills with a big swallow of water before gulping down the rest of the glass. He looked up and saw us watching, smiles on our faces. He had colour in his cheeks and a brightness in his eyes despite the dark smudges beneath. He wiped his mouth with his knuckle and grinned.

“That was so delicious. We should have a go at making those, Jas.”

My heart swelled.

“I watched Esme make them so we’ll definitely be trying them.”

Esme raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, enough of your modesty. It was a joint effort.”

I grinned at her, enjoying her gentle scolding.

“It was so amazing to use a real stove. Room for a pan and a skillet makes it so much faster.” I couldn’t hide my enthusiasm for cooking. Edward’s gentle smile in response was a balm to my soul.

After cleaning up, Edward and I curled up on the sofa and watched some TV. We watched some of a game show where people bid to win expensive items that seemed outrageous to me. Who needed those things? Whose life was made better by having designer shoes or the very latest set of headphones? Why were these things made out to be so important? Even the folks who won money seemed disappointed that it wasn’t the amount they wanted. This staggered me. Free money, given to them with no strings attached, and they weren’t happy? How could that be? It was literally money they didn’t have to earn or scrape together. Edward’s logical thought was that maybe they had to pay a fee to go on the show.

We asked Esme later.

“No, sweetheart. They write in for tickets to the show. Then it’s luck if they’re picked to play.”

I was confused.

“But they look so angry when they don’t win. I don’t understand it. I mean, if it’s luck just to get to play, they must expect not to win? Isn’t it stacked in favour of the show rather than the player?”

She pulled a face. “I don’t know. It looks good if they can give away a lot of money because it’s good promo for the show and the network, but they can’t do that all the time. I guess it’s all about timing. If you get to play and no one’s won for a few shows then perhaps your chance is higher? People still expect to win big though and no one likes disappointment.”

She watched us process this. “Some people always want more. It’s greed. No matter what they have, or how much, they always want more. Whereas some people, happy people, just want _enough_. Enough for their needs, enough to get by and live out their lives in contentment.”

I looked around the room and took in the simple surroundings that seemed so homely and so very Esme. A vase of flowers, nothing ostentatious, comfortable furniture and plain carpeting. She wasn’t a wealthy woman. She wasn’t the type to throw it in anyone’s face either even if she had money, I knew that by now, but she wasn’t rich. She gave her time and her efforts to help others instead and found enrichment therein. I realised that if she won a large sum of money there was every chance a lot of it would go to help others.

~o.O.o~

Edward was feeling stronger after another day at home and so we decided to take a short walk the next morning to get some air. It was just the two of us, wrapped up against the cold, wandering in a circle around the neighbourhood. We didn’t stray far and were soon back, pink-cheeked and bright, having been greeted by Esme’s neighbours. They seemed genuine and friendly people and knew nothing of us to judge. They assumed we were family visiting. I knew Edward loved the idea of being seen as family and we said nothing to allay their thoughts.

I had work the following day and threw myself into it to keep occupied. Emmett asked about Edward and I watched his brow smooth when I told him everything was okay. Edward’s job was heavier work than mine and he needed to be on top form before he returned so he was taking extra time as agreed with the doctor. I went to see the market owner and explained. They seemed understanding and wished him a speedy recovery. His friends had missed him and were relieved to hear he was on the mend. They hadn’t seen either of us since the accident and this had fuelled concern that I was happy to dispel.

I was always overwhelmed when I found out folk worried about us.

Esme called Tanya and I spoke to her, letting her know he would be back in the next couple of days.

Before then, we hoped to move back home.

That night we lay in bed and I knew it had to be done.

“I’ll go back tomorrow to look at the room and see if it’s ready to move back. We can’t risk the room going to someone else.”

“No, you’re right. We should be getting home if we can.” His tone was flat and I wondered if he was in pain.

“We can come back and collect our things in the morning if it is, before I start my shift.”

He was quiet for a minute. “We need to get home so I’m closer to the market. It’s a longer walk from here. A bit farther to Happy Tails too, not that I mind the walk.” He added the last part hastily and I shook my head.

_As if anyone could ever judge him or call him lazy._

~o.O.o~

Edward walked ahead, acting determined and cheerful. I almost believed him, _would_ ’ _ve_ believed him, if we hadn’t lain awake the previous night, huddled together in the dark, unsure of what lay ahead. When the door opened, the first thing that hit me was the stale, clammy air and the lingering odour of paint, proving that the room hadn’t been kept warm despite Esme’s haranguing of our landlord.

I could see the walls had been painted, a fresh coat of beige over the stains and mould. Had he had the mould treated? Or would it just come back again? I didn’t know how that worked, but I didn’t think paint was enough to eradicate it. I swallowed, walking over to the bed, back in its place beneath the newly replaced window frame. I couldn’t hold back the stab of fear at the memory of that night and I fully expected to still hear glass shards crunching under my feet. A furtive glance reassured me that there was no sign of the event other than a stain on the floor from… I veered my mind away from that. I would wait until we were moved back in and then I’d find us a cheap rug at work to cover the… the mark. Maybe more than one to kill some of the chill from under the door. I noticed there wasn’t a draught from the window now, the new frame more effective than the old, likely rotted one.

My hand made contact with the mattress and found it to be dry but cold, mottled with a few dry watermarks. A surreptitious sniff proved it hadn’t been cleaned, the ominous musty smell of damp sticking to my hand.

_Not good._

I’d feared this. I turned to Edward and caught him watching me, worry etched over his beautiful features.

“Is it bad? The bed?” His eyes were hollow. “If we covered it with a blanket under the sheet, would that help?”

I remembered Esme’s words about mould and spores.

“No,” I whispered. “I don’t think that would do any good.”

Esme appeared behind Edward, a box of food in her arms. She stopped, looking from me to Edward, sensing a problem before setting down the box on the counter. She took a sniff of the air and shook her head. I watched her lean over the mattress, recoiling after one sniff. She shook her head, turning to me.

“Help me turn this would you, boys? We were at her side in a moment, helping her flip the mattress. What we saw then made my stomach plummet. It was speckled with black mould, still damp to the touch. Completely unusable.

_Ruined. He flipped it so we wouldn’t notice._

Esme’s pretty face darkened, and I wanted to make this better, reassure her that we’d be alright, we’d find a way to sort this.

_It can’t be hopeless, it can’t. We can make this work._

We could wrap the mattress in plastic – it wouldn’t be warm, but it would be better than the alternative. We had the tarp… would that work for one night? Maybe we could flatten large cardboard cartons from the grocery store and lay them on top. Or maybe we could pad the slatted bedframe with cartons and blankets and towels. It wouldn’t be five-star luxury, but it would keep us out of the freezing draught.

_I’ll find us an old used mattress that doesn’t have mould. People dump stuff all the time. It’ll be okay. If we go out looking after dark…_

Esme was staring at me and I realised that, in my panic, I’d zoned out for a moment.

“Absolutely not, Jasper. Whatever you’re thinking, absolutely not. You are not sleeping on that. Promise me.”

It was like she could read my mind. I knew Edward was steeling himself to move back here, to reclaim our independence. I was only too aware that he was struggling to muster up the enthusiasm inside but determined as always not to show it. He would be strong, stand up for what needed to be done, whereas I knew it was as I’d feared – we’d adapted so easily in a short space of time to being warm and comfortable. My chest was much improved by sleeping in a warm room and Edward was also doing much better now. We’d both got a healthier colour to our skin and, given time, we‘d most likely gain a little weight back too. We were eating well and I loved cooking in Esme’s kitchen, using her stove, not to mention the wonderful unending supply of hot running water.

And now it had to end because reality was knocking and couldn’t be ignored. Time to get back to what we knew.

Edward’s voice was tentative but with a steadfast edge. He took her hands.

“This is nothing. We’ve both endured far worse than this, Esme. We can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for us. It means the world, truly. Now it’s time for us to get back on our feet.”

 _Se_ eing, really seeing the worry and concern she was feeling bolstered me into getting moving. We couldn’t have her feeling guilty for us. We weren’t her problem anymore – she could have her life back now without us in her space. I collected our bedding and kitchen items and placed them on the counter, intent on making the best of our home once again, but the reality was that coming back didn’t offer any real hope.

Esme’s face was forlorn. I’d known she’d worry, especially about Edward, but he’d done his best to reassure her and she knew he wouldn’t lie.

I heard a noise behind us and spun. Too late, I realised our landlord stood in the open doorway. His oily grin showed his satisfaction in having his tenants back in their rat-hole where they belonged. The problem was, he hadn’t known we were tenants – plural - until now.

“Two of you now? Another one working the streets? I guess there must be enough demand out there.” He looked at Esme, who stood shaking with barely contained rage, and backed out of the room. “We’ll speak tomorrow about the rent increase once you’ve settled in. There’ll need to be an adjustment of course to accommodate these new circumstances.” His snuffly voice held a note of undisguised triumph and he shuffled off down the hall and up the stairs to the second floor.

I ran after him.

“What about the mattress? It’s wet and mouldy– can’t you spare us another one? We can’t sleep on that. I’ll get sick again. We both will.”

My voice was plaintive and he paused without turning.

“You’ll have to manage for tonight. I’ll see if one can be found to replace it.  I make no promises, you understand. I might have some old sofa cushions you can use if not.”

With that, he was gone.

I wanted to curl up and sob. One step forward, three back. We would’ve been out on the streets months ago if he’d known about Edward from the start. There’d have been no way we could’ve afforded it back when we had almost no work, but the fact was now he’d be taking a larger chunk of our limited income. He’d no doubt claim it was to cover the cost of the paint job and window and hold it over us for evermore. Maybe I should be grateful that we’d kept it hidden for so long, but right now I wanted to scream into the void:

_Why us? Why now?_

It took more than a little reassurance before Esme left, her lingering glances of concern warming my heart. Once the door closed behind her, the tiny remaining piece of positivity drained from Edward and he sagged against the frame. The smell of paint was strong and I checked to see if it was dry. It seemed so, but with the walls so cold it was hard to be sure. We kept our jackets on and set about fixing up the place so everything was where it should be. Unpacking the boxes took no time at all and within minutes we had put away our linens, switched on the heater, and had the kettle burbling.

I had a thought. I leaned over the bath and checked it for glass shards and splinters. I doubted the workmen would’ve covered it while they made the repairs. Turned out I was right. It was discoloured with sawdust and took me several minutes to swill out until it was clean and safe to use, my hands red and aching from the icy water.

Edward had made coffee and I wrapped my hands around the warm mug, feeling them throb with the sudden heat. Blowing across the surface, I looked over at Edward, sipping his own.

“I thought we could use get some grocery cartons to cover the slats tonight. If that doesn’t work, we’ll spread the tarp on the floor and lay on the boxes for warmth. Tomorrow we go looking for anyone dumping a mattress. I know it’s a long shot, especially as the weather’s so bad, but we might get lucky. Maybe someone will advertise an old one cheap?” I shrugged, trying to impart hope into the statement.

His smile was bleak.

“Let’s hope so.” He sipped. “So what _were_ you thinking when Esme stopped you?”

My lip quirked. “About wrapping the mattress in the tarp and using it anyway. Anything to avoid sleeping on the floor, you know? I really don’t think my chest will like that a whole lot. I just didn’t want to say anything, you know – in front of her. She owes us nothing and we’ve been so lucky to have a few days in comfort.” I reached over and rubbed light circles on his inner wrist. “I’m so relieved to have you back in one piece. I was scared.”

He set down his mug and took mine from me before pulling me into a tight hug. I felt my body seek his warmth through our jackets.

“I know you were.” His warm breath plumed against my cheek. “We’ll be okay, Jas. We’re strong.”

I smiled into his hair. He always knew what to say. I soaked up the feeling of his arms around me until it was time to go. I had work that afternoon and so it was with a heavy heart that I left him there, huddled in front of the heater.

~o.O.o~

After work, I went to the local stores asking for large empty cartons. I didn’t want anyone to know the real reason we needed them and no one asked. With my arms wrapped around the flattened boxes, I staggered home, grateful it wasn’t raining. Edward met me at the door and took some of the load from my arms. We dumped the mattress against the far wall and took a look at our materials. They weren’t made of overly thick card, a couple were sturdier than the rest and so they became the base. Once all the slats were covered, we laid a blanket and sheet on top and gingerly sat down. Not great, but doable.  We covered this with our other sheet and blanket, adding our pillows last, mercifully dry and mould free.

The phone rang and startled us both. It was Esme, asking if she and Rosie could come over.  We agreed, and a few minutes later we heard a knock at the door. When she came in, a delighted Rosie at her heels, she held a folder full of papers.

“Hello, boys. After this morning, I went and did some research. Have either of you heard of the housing program?”

We both shook our heads, confused.  She opened the folder and pulled out some forms.

“It’s a way for low-income families to get housed properly. A way for you to be independent and have a clean and warm place to live. I’ve read all of this,” she indicated the wad of papers, “and the one thing it doesn’t tell me is if you’ll qualify, but I see no problem with trying. If you’re interested, I can help you with the paperwork for the application. It takes time for them to make a decision, I warn you. If you’re successful, you’re then moved to a waiting list. The waiting list can be up to a year.”

I heard the hopeful inhale from Edward. Just the thought of a new place was a bright spot of hope, a new star in our sky.

“We’d like to try, Esme.” Edward squeezed my hand, turning to me. “Another year, max, and we could have a proper home, Jas.”

What he didn’t say was what we were both thinking:

_Another year here._

We could do this.

Esme’s hand brushed Rosie’s ears, the dog at her feet. She seemed distracted. I wondered why.

“Did you know that there’s a bus route that passes the end of my street straight into town? It stops at Goodwill. It stops close by Happy Tails too. Having said that, I go that way a lot with my work so I could drop you off some days.”

We stared, not fully believing what we were hearing. She clutched the folder tight, her knuckles whitening.

“I’d love it if you were to move in with me while we see what happens with the application. I know you’ll want your independence and, who knows, you may find a place you like on your own, given time. The bottom line is, I don’t want you living here anymore.” She lifted her chin, her eyes shiny. “This isn’t charity, or pity before you say anything because I know how you think.” She looked straight at me. “We can agree all the formalities later so you feel in control. I’m proud to know you both. You’re such kind, hardworking young men, and such good company for me and Rosie.” Rosie looked up at the sound of her name and got an extra ear rub. “We love having you around. Would you consider moving back to your room? Will you come home?”

I wanted to sit down. Edward’s hand tightened around mine, wanting to agree, wanting me to do the same but not wanting to go against my wishes. I squeezed his in return, feeling him shake. Looking up, I met her nervous gaze, flickering between us.

“Yes.” My throat was dusty. “Yes. We’d love to.”

Edward’s beam matched hers.

~o.O.o~


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.  
> This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> ~o.O.o~

**Chapter 19**

**Jasper’s POV**

Esme’s muffled sob pierced the sudden moment of silence. Edward jerked his hand free from my grasp and wrapped both arms around her, the pair of them hugging and swaying. I swiped my hand across my eyes in time to be dragged into the hug by Edward, feeling their arms tighten around me in love and reassurance.

Esme’s husky voice whispered in our ears.

“Let’s get you packed up and out of here. You’re better than all this.” We separated, all wiping our eyes then, and set about pulling together our possessions for the last time in what we hoped would be a good long while.

I removed the blankets and linens from the bed, folding them up into a tidy package. My gaze rested on the covered slats, our last desperate act of making do, of pretending to ourselves that everything was fine. I touched the bedhead, scared to believe that this was it, even now. Hope was a dream, something dangled before us to ensure we kept going, kept struggling. We had faith in each other only and would fight until the bitter end to stay together, to hold on to each other.

Walking over to the box of groceries on the counter, I placed the linens on top. Would we have need of the food pantry again in the future? Probably. For now, we could use all the food in the box I held without fear of where the next meal would come from. It would mean that in the immediate future at least, we wouldn’t need to buy spoils; we could eat fresh food as we had done over the holiday period.

Edward had repacked our clothes, towels and linens. Our kitchen equipment was unused since that morning’s return, only the kettle needed to be emptied and repacked. I bent down and unplugged the heater, looking around for anything missed. I looked up and saw our privacy curtain rigged around the bath and I contemplated leaving it, but the truth was I couldn’t afford to leave something that might be useful for us in our next place. Reaching up, I unclipped it and pulled it down, folding it roughly and adding it to the other items.

I gathered up the box, Edward picked up the bags, and we followed Esme out to her car, packing our belongings into the trunk. There was one thing left to do and I motioned to Edward to wait while I trudged upstairs to the landlord’s door. I didn’t want to face him and so I pushed our door key, tucked into an old rent envelope, under the door where he’d find it. We hadn’t paid him any advance rent and so there was nothing to be gained. Our key returned would be message enough.

A part of me felt sorry for the next tenant. The room would be a dry place for them to sleep, but that was all. The struggle to survive was all too real, the loneliness and ever-present terror of not making rent would be their permanent companions. Walking out into the cold, brittle air, I dragged in a deep breath and took a long, last look at our neighbourhood and the alley where I’d worked, where Edward and I had met on that miserable, wet day. My mind recalled him, his too-big coat swamping his thin frame, his hunched, defensive posture borne of fear and self-preservation. I smiled when I remembered his gratitude for a bruised apple and a bottle of fresh water, the way he’d followed me at the promise of more of the same.

A warm hand found mine and our fingers laced. I looked down at them, my future inexorably tied with his, and felt a wave of gratitude for how my world had improved since then. He made the sun shine on a dull day, and his was the only smile I wanted to see when the world was grey with pain. He was burned into me like a hidden truth.

Neither Edward nor Esme spoke, both waiting for me to give them a sign. I could feel myself shaking, standing on the brink of change.

Edward’s words were feather-soft against my ear, for only me to hear before they were stolen and carried away on the breeze to who knows where.

“Jas? It’s okay. It’s okay to trust this. Nothing will wipe away our memories of the past but, in time, maybe we’ll only remember the good things. For me, there’s been a lot of those since I came to live here with you.”

I squeezed his hand and smiled, seeing his earnest expression.

“Let’s go. We don’t live here anymore.”

The short drive was quiet, Edward and I deep in thought. What had happened was a shock, and as such, took time to process. To be offered out of the blue somewhere to live, somewhere safe and warm with good food? This kind of thing didn’t happen, not to people like us. Was this false freedom – the illusion of choice and possibilities but in reality, a prison of another design? Were we giving up our own rules to live under another’s?

Realistically I knew the answer, but that proud part of me would always baulk at letting go of the reins of my own life.

We would find a new home. Maybe the housing application was the answer – a new landlord and an apartment with a proper cooking area, our own toilet facilities and a legitimate lease. Our dreams were modest; there had to be somewhere we could rent that gave us more than we’d had. With our earnings stable now we were a better prospect as tenants. We were clean, quiet and reliable with rent. We just needed a chance and a home on a decent bus route to enable us to continue bettering ourselves.

I was still thinking when the car pulled into the driveway, the engine falling silent. I pulled myself together and climbed out.

_Come on. Make Edward happy._

Once we had everything inside and Rosie was engrossed in her supper, I sat down at the kitchen table to think some more. Esme joined me, followed by Edward. The folder of papers lay on the table and Esme scuffed the tips of her fingers across the outer flap.

“No need to do this tonight. It can wait until you’ve both settled back in. Have you eaten?”

We shook our heads.

“I thought not. I didn’t smell cooking. So, tonight I say we celebrate. How does pizza sound?”

Her infectious smile and Edward’s joyful grin spoke volumes. She pulled open a drawer and fished out a menu, handing it to us.

“Choose whatever you like. If there’s any leftover you can always have pizza for breakfast!”

_Leftover? One pizza and three of us?_

I pored over the menu with Edward and we chose a meat feast. Esme nodded and waited. When we looked blank, she grinned.

“What side orders would you like with that?”

Confused, we looked at each other and back down, running our fingers down the page until we found the list of sides. Mouths watering, we chose loaded fries and cheesy garlic bread. The fries came with cheese, bacon and scallions, and Edward’s eyes lit up when he read that. They sounded amazing. Esme scribbled down what we said and then chose something different for herself when she rang through the order. We looked at each other, immediately guilty that we’d chosen something she didn’t like and so couldn’t share with us. We should’ve asked her – it was wrong of us to just have what we wanted and waste money.

While we waited for someone to deliver our food, we drank coffee and sat, the air thick around us until Edward broke the heavy silence. His throat bobbed with nerves.

“Esme, we want- “ He looked at me before continuing, “we want to talk about rules and what you expect of us as paying guests. We like to be clear in what we owe and how to behave.”

He sounded like he was giving a well-rehearsed speech and I knew then that he’d practiced it in his head on the way here.

Esme listened and nodded with a reassuring smile, letting him finish before answering.

“I understand this is a huge change for you both, and you may feel like you’ve had your independence taken away.  I thought about this a lot today and if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit before today too.” We blinked and said nothing. “I want you to have your personal space and to feel like this is your home. I’ll trust you to keep your room clean and open a window for a few minutes now and then. In exchange, I won’t enter your personal space unless invited in. I’ll show you both how to do your own laundry so you can carry on as usual with your own routine because I understand how important this is to you. I’ve two sets of bed linen for that room that you can use and I’ve different coloured towels for the bathroom so you’ll know which are yours. I’ve already seen that you keep the bathroom clean and tidy.” She beamed. I breathed out, unaware I’d tensed until that moment. She had no need to worry - we would treat her home like a palace.

Edward squeezed my hand under the table. “That all sounds great to us, doesn’t it, Jas?” I nodded, scared that all this would dissipate before my eyes. “That just leaves the subject of payment.” He cleared his throat, gulping loud enough for me to feel his trepidation. “So, we’re used to paying $140 a week plus extra for use of the heater, and-“

Esme’s sharp inhale stopped him in his tracks. We shot worried looks at each other, Edward backpedalling. “We understand if it’s not enough, I mean your home is so lovely, and we can-”

Her face crumpled, her hands fluttering to her eyes. When she lowered them again, I couldn’t understand her expression. Then she spoke.

“He charged you all that? With no hot water or proper heating? That evil…” She covered her mouth with her hand. “I had no idea. I knew you struggled to make ends meet, but-” Her words tailed off.

My heart sank and I felt my face flame with humiliation. How could I have known? Had I done so wrong? Had I been a fool? I’d tried my best, but no one else would rent to me when I was living on the street. That place had been the only one I could find that didn’t ask for references and only one week’s cash up front. He also didn’t care what I did so long as I paid on time. He had no idea how hard I’d worked to scrape together the money; how on the frequent bad weather days I had earned little to nothing, trying to make up the rest on the decent days when my regulars came looking for me. He knew nothing of how often I’d gone a couple of days without food.

I struggled to explain.

“No one else would rent to me when I was only just eighteen with no references. I didn’t have to sign any papers so long as I paid him every week, and he didn’t care how I got the money so long as I came up with it. I-I knew it wasn’t legal, but-”

Edward’s arm was around my waist in a moment. My defender. Esme pushed herself to her feet and in a moment was crouched between us, hands rubbing our shoulders.

“Sweetheart, you’re not to blame here. You did what you had to do to keep yourself safe. That _person_ exploited your situation and convinced you to be grateful. Students pay that sort of money in house-shares and they get the use of a proper bathroom, hot water, kitchen facilities and a warm room to sleep in. He gave you nothing and took your money and it makes me so angry, but not at you. Never at you, sweetheart.”

My throat tightened. “I couldn’t say anything about it in case he threw me out. I just worked and worked until I had the money each week so he’d leave me alone.” I fought back tears of shame, determined not to cry again, but this was sorely tested when she pressed a kiss against my temple, then Edward’s.

She stood and walked round to the kettle, refilling it and switching it on. Turning to face us, she smiled, but I sensed her anxiety.

“I can’t… I _won’t_ take your money from you. It’d make me no better than that thieving…” She paused and gathered herself. Edward looked at me then back to Esme and I sensed his growing anguish.

“We must pay you, Esme. It’s the right thing to do. There has to be a figure we can agree on. After all, we’re using your room and your facilities. That all costs money.”

His worried eyes flashed to me. I nodded in understanding and took a breath.

“Esme, we don’t want to offend you. Please, tell us how much you would accept so we know where we stand.”

I watched her grip the counter behind her while she tried to find the words.

“Like I said, I’ve thought about this for a while. Up to now, all your money has gone on rent and food with little to no money left for anything more. I cannot for the life of me see how you living here can increase my bills by much. I mean, the heat is on in the winter anyway so there’s hot water, the room isn’t being used and you look after yourselves.” She ran her hand through her hair. “I didn’t invite you to live here in order to make money from you. You need the opportunity to get back on your feet, put some money aside for your future, and I’d like to help with that.”

We weren’t getting very far and we needed to know where we stood. To us, it was essential to have everything in black and white. It was how we survived – our bedrock.

“Please, Esme.” Edward’s words were tentative, cajoling.

She took a loud breath, turning to make the coffee. Leaning round, she placed two full cups on the table in front of Edward and me, reaching round to retrieve her own.

“Very well. If you insist on paying I will accept $100 per month to cover the use of your room and your share of the utilities.”

We looked at each other, frowning.

Edward spoke, his voice wobbly.

“But, Esme - that’s only $25 a week for the both of us. No. It’s just wrong.”

She sipped her coffee and set it down, running her finger around the rim of the cup. With a deep sigh, she looked up.

“I’ve made my decision. No arguments. I won’t take more from you than I need. That leaves you money to buy your own food and anything else that you want.” She smiled then. “I did have one idea but it’s okay if you don’t want to. I thought that we could all go shopping in the car each week. That way you wouldn’t have to carry everything home by hand. You decide – I want you to have choices and not to just go along with what I suggest.” She looked at us, a hopeful smile on her lips. “I’d love it if you’d like to share the cooking when we’re all home together. I know how much you enjoy it.” She grinned at me then. “It’d give us a chance to catch up at the end of the day, like a proper family. And at other times when I’m not around you’re free to look after yourselves like you’re used to doing.”

_Family. She called us family._

I was stunned into silence and I looked to see Edward staring at the table, his eyelashes glistening with unshed tears. The immediate concern on Esme’s face when she noticed was how I imagined a mom would look at her child. I tried to distract her attention before he lost control. My voice was rough and unsteady.

“Of course we’d buy all our own cleaning and laundry products and...”

“No, you won’t, Jasper. I have to buy those things anyway and I keep the laundry cupboard stocked. I’m no stranger to the coupon!” She fidgeted. “Until you both came to stay at Christmas that room hadn’t been used. Having you staying in there will cost me nothing.  Any debts you feel you owe can be repaid in walking and minding Rosie when I’m out for the evening and by keeping your room and the bathroom clean and tidy, which I already know you do.”

This was a redundant point – to us, it was second nature. We were used to being in a confined space with limited resources. Esme turned to Edward with a hopeful look in her eyes.

“Edward, sweetheart, is that okay with you? Are you okay with minding Rosie when you’re not at work? You know she adores you.”

A watery grin flowed across his face, helpless in the face of such blatant persuasion.

“Of course I’ll look after her. You know I love her.”

With that, the deal was sealed without any more needing to be said.

We sat in silence, letting our change of circumstances begin to sink in. My mind was racing, thinking about finding ourselves a new place to live, not wanting to take advantage of Esme’s generosity of spirit.

_But she called us family. That means we’re not in the way. We’re not tenants. We’re… wanted._

My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell and we both jumped before realising it was our food. Esme raised her eyebrows at us with a grin before grabbing her purse and heading for the door. We heard the delivery guy greet her and her cheery reply. I heard the word ‘celebration’, and looked to Edward, seeing him flush a little. Seizing the moment, I leaned in and kissed him, unable to resist a moment longer. I felt his immediate response, the sudden hitch in his breathing, the wonderful feeling of home in his kiss. When we heard the door close we parted, a lingering glance betraying a hunger that had nothing to do with supper.

Seeing Edward’s mouth a little open, his eyes locked on my lips, I had to take a deep breath and turn away, hearing Esme approach. She stepped into the kitchen, her arms full of boxes exuding the tantalising aroma of melted cheese. My stomach growled. I took the small boxes from the top of the stack and set them down, waiting for permission to start. She looked bemused and flipped open the larger of the boxes, turning it to face us. We gaped at the sight of eight slices of meat feast pizza for just the two of us, looking up to see her smiling at us in obvious enjoyment. The two smaller boxes held our side orders and couldn’t believe all this was for us. Now I understood what she meant about leftovers. She had a small pizza cut into four pieces and some garlic bread that she took a bite from with obvious enjoyment.

Edward broke free from his trance and we both reached for pizza, needing to taste the source of the maddening, mouth-watering scent. That first bite was heavenly and I realised that we didn’t need to eat it in tiny bites to make it last – we could eat it and enjoy it, knowing there was more if we wanted it. Edward’s hand was in the box of fries so I fished out some garlic bread, my teeth sinking into the crispy, cheesy slice. The flavour was amazing and I handed one to Edward to try. He took it, pushing the fries towards me and I took a bite, my mouth filling with bacon and sour cream.

I shook my head, not able to fully believe how this day had turned out. Next to me, Edward was taking blissful bites of pizza, filling his empty belly. I was so happy he was enjoying food again and could’ve just watched him eat and been content. He saw me watching, a helplessly fond expression on my face, and lowered his eyes a fraction before looking back, a faint blush staining his cheeks. I grinned and took another slice of cheesy heaven from the box.

When we were done, all the boxes were empty. I hadn’t realised how used to portion control we were until someone told us it was okay to eat. Had we appeared greedy to finish all that food? Maybe it wasn’t a lot to some but it was at least double what we usually had. It was hard to break the ingrained habit of holding back, of saving some for later in case the weather turned and I couldn’t work. I gave myself a mental shake.

_Past tense, Jasper. That’s not who you are anymore._

Beside me, Edward burped, momentarily mortified to do so in the presence of a lady. Esme chuckled and we both relaxed.

“I might not have cooked it, but I’ll take that as a compliment, Edward!”

He smiled then, ducking his head, embarrassed but happy. Esme gathered the empty boxes and bagged them for the trash. I pushed back my chair.

“If it’s okay, Esme, I’d like to go and put away our things in our new room.”

She beamed, waving her hand in the direction of the door.

“Yes, of course, off you go. Go unpack properly and settle in.” Her smile was warm.

I reached for Edward’s hand and led him back to our room. Now that it was ours for more than a night, we allowed ourselves to look around with fresh eyes and we saw how wonderful it truly was. Soft rugs either side of the bed, nightstands for our morning coffee and my small stash of beloved books. When we looked closer, we saw that we each had a tiny nightlight with a pull cord. I could read in bed and not disturb Edward.

Now that he was well again, I could appreciate the true luxury of our new surroundings, not to mention the comfort of the bed itself, ensuring we woke without aches and pains.

We had a proper closet and dresser that swallowed up our clothes. Our own laundered sheets and blankets were folded and stored away in clean drawers until we needed them again. Our few kitchen items were boxed and slid back under the bed for safe storage. When we stood and looked around, you still couldn’t tell anyone lived there. We had nothing personal, nothing nonessential, to decorate the room and made it ours. Burrowing back under the bed, I found our Christmas card and stood it on the empty dresser where it caught the light, twinkling its message of friendship and hope.

It was a start. Maybe soon we could add a picture of the two of us. I knew Edward would love that, as would I.

That night there would be no worries about our immediate future. Everything was warm, comfortable and secure in our little world.

When we were done, we made our way back to the lounge to find Esme making something with coloured yarn, the TV on quietly. Edward paused before crouching next to her.

He cleared his throat and I watched him, his closed stance betraying his mounting anxiety, wondering what he was going to say.

“Esme, I wanted to warn you that I sometimes have nightmares. Not too often anymore, not since I started seeing the therapist, but sometimes. Jasper knows how to calm me down, but they can be pretty bad when they happen. I-I just didn’t want you to be worried if you heard me.”

For a moment I wondered if Esme would think this was a ruse to cover up any odd noises she might hear coming from our room at night, but one look at Edward dispelled that. His fingers clutched in discomfort at the arm of the chair, baring a small part of himself that he hid from everyone else. Esme set down her yarn, resting a hand on his tensed fingers, her head tilted in understanding.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I can’t deny I’m relieved that you’re getting help to deal with whatever causes them – I absolutely hate the thought of you suffering. I just want you well and happy. If it happens again and you can’t settle, open your door and call Rosie in. Maybe with both Jasper _and_ Rosie protecting you, you’ll feel relaxed enough to fall back to sleep.” She smiled at me and I returned it, watching Rosie’s ears twitch in her sleep. “And don’t worry about waking me. It’s not something you can control, after all. Hopefully, they’ll fade over time like old scars do. I’m no doctor, but I hope that’s the case.”

I watched his body sag in relief at her acceptance. She didn’t know why he had the nightmares - we’d been careful not to allude to the attacks we’d both endured and we wanted to keep it that way. Our dark pasts were not something to burden her with. We had each other for the bad stuff.

After that, we felt able to relax and watch a little TV, getting used to having background noise after so long hearing nothing but the monotony of gusting wind and rain. I was getting familiar with some current songs after hearing them play at work and found myself humming along to one that was playing during an ad break. Up until now Edward still spent most of his day outdoors and looked up at me with a surprised grin. I stopped, feeling momentarily foolish until I realised that he was impressed with my newfound knowledge.

He was proud of me.

That night, we headed to bed when we were sleepy, not because we were cold. Rosie trotted in to say goodnight once we were washed up and she got her cuddle before we closed the door and snuggled under the covers, cocooned in our own private world.

Edward shuffled close and I felt a jolt of exhilaration at the feel of his warm, bare skin under my fingers. A sigh of contentment rumbled through his chest, warm breath ghosting across my ribs.

“Can I tell you something?”

His voice was low, tentative. My hand stroked his back, not missing a beat.

“Anything.”

“While you were at work today I went for a walk.”

I frowned, confused.

“That’s a good idea – making sure you felt ready to go back to work?”

A heavy sigh vibrated through his body.

“Sort of.” He backtracked. “No, not really.” His fingers were tracing soft circles on my stomach that caused delectable shivers. I forced myself to focus.

“So…?”

“I didn’t want to stay there alone. I didn’t want to say anything but it just didn’t feel like home anymore. It was like you said – I saw it with fresh eyes. I didn’t want to disparage the one place that was ours, but I was pretending… I mean, when we moved back in I was pretending to be happy about it. I didn’t want you to see that I didn’t want to go back. It felt so ungrateful. I just wanted to be strong.”

“I know.”

He looked up, brow creased.

“You knew? I thought I’d hidden it.” He sounded sad and I wasn’t having that, not at all.

“My love, I know you so well now. I saw you put on your brave face, your ‘let’s get this done’ face. You were determined to make a go of it and so was I. We’re used to getting on with things.” I paused. “Although, despite wanting us to get home and back into our familiar way of doing things, I was lying to myself about it and now that I know you were lying to yourself too, well...” I pressed a kiss to his neck. “I guess we both realised we were worth more. Plus, staying here had softened us a bit, I think I’ll always be grateful though, for you having  had somewhere safe to recover and people around you who care.”

He smiled his secret smile, the lop-sided one that made my heart thump.

“It never crossed my mind that she’d do this.” His quiet half-laugh betrayed his emotion. “Never in a million years. Thanks to her, we can save our money for when we get our own new place and be able to buy things for it like… a microwave! And our own TV!”

I grinned.

“I need to think bigger. I was getting excited about being able to buy peanut butter!”

He giggled then and I joined in until our lips found each other’s and we sank into the first of many long-overdue kisses.

~o.O.o~

The next evening, supper eaten and cleared away, we sat down with Esme and tackled the housing forms. Edward filled them out in his neat writing the way he had at the medical centre. It took a long time and Esme helped with all the complicated questions, but eventually, we were done. Our possible future was now in the hands of strangers who only knew what they read about us on a form.

Esme saw our subdued faces and reached for the cake tin, cutting two slices of chocolate cake and sliding them across the table to us on plates painted with small blue flowers.

“Try to remember that, no matter what happens next, taking this first step is an achievement.”

We ate our cake, letting that thought sink in.

She was right, of course. I didn’t know whether it was her wise words or the magic of her incredible chocolate cake, but by the time we’d cleaned our plates we were both feeling far more positive.

~o.O.o~

 


End file.
